Homem confuso: 8 razões para a sua incerteza e como lidar com ela

If you’re dealing with a confused man at the moment or if you’ve ever had to deal with such a man full of uncertainty, I want you to know that I totally understand you because I went through the same last year (and not once but multiple times before that).

All of us who have had anything to do with a confused man know the drill very well…

Quando o conhecemos, ele era a personificação de um homem de verdade.

Ele dizia sempre as palavras certas e fazia todas as coisas certas, esforçava-se por te fazer sentir especial, mandava-te mensagens com frequência e até falava dos seus próprios sentimentos.

Volte ao tempo em que ele estava obcecado por si: CLIQUE AQUI para saber como.

Ele até se recusava a sair com os amigos só para passar tempo contigo, porque estarmos juntos era inspirador e mágico.

E depois BOOM! Quando estava a ficar convencido de que estava no caminho certo para viver amor verdadeiro, deu por si com um ponto de interrogação na cabeça.

Before, he would do all the right things and behave like a man who was totally ready to fully commit to you and now he’s a changed man (for the worse).

As suas mensagens de texto são inexistentes ou pouco frequentes como antes e ele já não lhe diz nada de romântico, muito menos fala dos seus sentimentos por si.

He’s constantly busy with other things, or better said, he’s busy making excuses about being busy with other things.

E, durante todo este processo, a única pergunta que tem em mente é: PORQUÊ?

Porque é que ele se comportaria como um verdadeiro cavalheiro e o epítome de um verdadeiro homem no início, para depois se retirar e estragar tudo?

Why would he all of a sudden change his mind and stop making an effort, as if something terrible happened or as if someone warned him that he’s about to enter a minefield called a committed relationship?

Tantas perguntas a passar pela cabeça e nenhuma resposta.

In the hope that you’ll figure out what is really going on in that man’s head, you start contemplating and deciphering all those mixed signals he’s giving you and you come to the following conclusions:

R: Durante todo este tempo, este jovem estava apenas a fingir sobre tudo

B: He’s seeing someone else

C: He’s about to break up with you

But then you realize that you would know if he had just been pretending all this time because he wouldn’t do it with that level of self-esteem and genuineness, that you would somehow know if he was seeing someone else and that there are no valid reasons for a potential breakup and that everything is in your head.

Depois de eliminar a possibilidade de ele ser homossexual, reformula tudo isto numa única pergunta: Mas que raio se está a passar?

And, my dear, the right answer is: ‘confused man’ syndrome.

São cada vez mais os homens que sofrem desta síndrome confusa por razões pessoais ou porque uma mulher os levou a afastarem-se.

When that happens, they become a ‘confused businessman, who doesn’t have time for anything or anyone, whose point of view on relationships has drastically changed and who has no idea what he’s doing.

You accept the fact that you’ve just witnessed the scenes of another (potentially) ‘good man gone confused’ but still, you have no idea what to do or say or where to start from, right?

Bem, não precisa de se preocupar porque hoje vai aprender tudo o que precisa de saber sobre homens confusos, incluindo como lidar com esses homens.

So, let’s get started!

HOMEM CONFUSO: 8 RAZÕES PARA A SUA INCERTEZA

Há sempre uma razão para cada ação, há sempre um porquê para tudo o que dizemos, fazemos ou deixamos de fazer.

Existem várias razões para um homem entrar em modo de confusão e decidir afastar-se de repente e aqui está uma lista das mais comuns que a ajudarão a compreender melhor o que se passa realmente na cabeça dele:

1. He’s scared of his own feelings

Let’s face it.

When it comes to feelings, men and women are definitely from different planets, meaning that women have the ability to better understand their feelings, whereas the majority of men get easily overwhelmed when it comes to anything related to the word ‘feelings’.

O padrão é o seguinte: Quando começaram a namorar, ele era todo cavalheiro, gentil e encantador, como se tudo fosse perfeito.

And now, after some time, he’s acting totally weird and you have no idea why.

Well, it’s because over time, he has developed feelings for you and now he doesn’t know how to deal with it because he either wasn’t ready for it or didn’t expect it.

If a man is acting confusingly and he suddenly pulls away, in most cases it’s because he’s scared of his own feelings.

He doesn’t understand what is really going on in his head or how to interpret what he’s feeling and that’s why he decides to hide from you in his man cave, where he’ll feel safe for some time.

That’s when you start asking yourself:

How do I deal with a guy who’s acting all enigma style?

This is really hard for every woman because you have this urge to help him and to push him to tell you what’s wrong with him but you should never do that.

Instead, you should just give him some time and space to understand what’s really going on. (Below, you’ll find more tips on how to deal with a confused man).

2. He’s a commitment-phobe

O homem confuso e o homem com medo de compromissos podem, por vezes, ser vistos como uma coisa só, porque a maioria dos homens confusos só tem medo de compromissos.

O que é que isto significa?

Imagine uma taça com todos os sabores de gelado do mundo e um homem que está ao lado deles.

Quando um homem está pronto para escolher um sabor, ele pensa no que realmente quer, escolhe sabiamente e aprecia o sabor.

Mas quando um homem não está preparado para escolher um sabor e, por alguma razão, continua a fazê-lo, começa a ter dúvidas e a sentir-se preso por ir para casa com apenas um sabor quando podia ter experimentado muitos mais.

To apply this theory to your situation, just replace the words ‘ice cream flavor’ with women/woman and you’ll get an idea of what I’m trying to say.

When a man is not ready to choose one person, to be with one woman, it means he’s not ready to commit to her.

Now, he might give that one woman a try, to see how things will go but if in the process he notices that he’s still yearning for his freedom and to keep all the other options open, he’ll become confused.

He’ll enter a state of mind where he’ll constantly weigh up all the pros and cons of staying with you and explaining to you that he’s just not ready for commitment or anything serious yet.

Ver também: 4 sinais vermelhos precoces de que ele terá problemas de compromisso

3. He’s scared of getting hurt again

If a man was hurt in past relationships one way or another, chances are that he’ll be scared of getting hurt again in the future.

(It’s important to note that the same thing happens to women as well).

Also, it’s important to understand the trigger of this fear.

When you’re in the process of getting to know each other, a man will be totally chill and open with you because he still doesn’t see any potential red flags of his past pain.

But as things are getting more complicated and as you’re deepening your relationship, he will be more and more scared of getting hurt again.

Why? Because he’ll be scared of how crazy he is about you and of not being able to control any of it.

Isto significa que ele pode seguir os seus sentimentos ou fugir de si, com medo de ser magoado novamente.

But when a man likes you a lot, he certainly can’t decide to run away from you that easily but neither can he follow his feelings.

Então, ele entra num mundo de confusão e decide tirar algum tempo para refletir sobre os seus sentimentos e pensar no que realmente quer, enquanto você entra num mundo de completa loucura, esperando ao lado do seu telefone e rezando a Deus por qualquer indicação do seu paradeiro.

(Estou a perceber perfeitamente esta).

4. You’re pushing him too hard

When a man is acting all weird and sending mixed signals, many women decide to take things into their hands and start pushing their man to commit or tell them what’s really going on.

If you’re guilty of pushing your man too hard, well, that might be the reason (or one of the reasons) why he’s become a confused man.

Obrigar um homem a fazer algo quando ele próprio não está preparado para o fazer é como obrigar um filho a agir como um adulto.

Em ambos os casos, não é possível obter um resultado positivo.

Se continuar a encher o seu homem de amor, palavras românticas e carinho, pensando que isso o vai mudar, devo dizer que não vai.

Isto só o fará sentir-se preso no seu próprio corpo e evocar esses sentimentos de confusão.

The more you’re pushing him and demanding to act certain ways, the more he’ll be ignorant to do so.

Why? Because it’s nature’s law.

When someone is forcing us into something, it’s our natural instinct to refuse to do so but when we have the freedom to choose, we see things more clearly and it’s easier to decide what we really want in a relationship or in life in general.

5. You’re being (too) needy

Similarly to the previous sign, being too needy in a relationship or in the initial stages of a relationship is another reason for the syndrome called ‘confused man’.

O que significa realmente ser (demasiado) carente?

Ser carente significa não ter vida própria, exigir constantemente que o seu parceiro passe todo o tempo livre consigo, não ser capaz de resolver as coisas sozinho, pedir constantemente afeto e garantias ao seu parceiro, etc.

Being needy means being overly demanding, by which you dictate the tempo of your relationship and dictate your partner’s life.

Assim, se um homem sentir que uma mulher está a ser demasiado carente, ficará imediatamente com medo dela e começará a agir de forma confusa.

 

He will start thinking about what a relationship with such a woman will look like in the future and whether he’ll be able to meet all her needs.

If he feels like it’s too much for him and that he’ll never be ready to be with a woman who is acting too needy for his taste, he’ll seriously start considering his other options.

Compreender que se um homem decide comprometer-se totalmente, it means that he wants to make his woman happy but if a man senses that he’ll never be able to do so, he will pull the brakes and think twice before doing anything.

Ver também: 10 Signs You’re A Needy Girlfriend And How To Stop Being One

6. A relação está a avançar demasiado depressa para ele

Mais uma prova de que os homens e as mulheres são de planetas diferentes é a forma como os homens e as mulheres ditam o ritmo de uma relação.

Given that generally, women don’t have problems with understanding their emotions and expressing their feelings, they are usually the ones who decide to initiate things that will quicken the pace of their relationship.

Enquanto uma mulher já organizou o dia do seu casamento na sua cabeça, um homem provavelmente ainda está a pensar se lhe deve dizer aquelas três palavrinhas.

This is because women experience everything intensely and they trust their gut and feelings, whereas men need more time to accept their feelings and the fact that they’re in a relationship.

When a man senses that the relationship is moving too fast, he will, again, get confused and scared of it because he’s not on the same level as his woman.

7. He doesn’t think he’s good enough for you

Quando um homem ama uma mulher, é natural que queira protegê-la, fazê-la sentir-se especial e a mulher mais feliz do mundo.

But not every man is convinced that he’s capable of doing so and that’s where his suspicion arises.

He starts thinking that he’s not good enough for you and that he will not be able to make you happy in the future.

Given that every man’s biggest accomplishment and the greatest joy is seeing his woman content and blessed, he will think twice before concluding whether he’s eligible to ultimately make you happy.

E durante esse processo, ele comportar-se-á como um homem confuso; não responderá às suas chamadas, ele vai deixar de te enviar mensagens as frequently as before and he will build walls around himself so that you can’t reach him until he himself is ready to welcome you into his world.

8. He doesn’t know what he really wants

E, por vezes, a razão pela qual um homem age de forma confusa é o facto de não fazer ideia do que realmente quer.

This type of man literally wants everything at the same time…

He wants to be in a committed relationship but at the same time, he’s scared of commitment; he wants to show you affection but he doesn’t know how; he wants to make you happy but he’s afraid that he’ll fail at doing so.

He wants everything but at the same time, he wants nothing and that’s the biggest confusion of all.

It’s really hard to deal with such men because all those mixed signals that they’re giving are utterly tiring and draining.

And even if you were to have a conversation with such a man and ask him what the hell he wants from you, he still wouldn’t be able to answer you because he himself has no idea what he wants. Yup.

Ver também: 8 Sinais mistos mais comuns que os homens enviam e o seu significado

COMO LIDAR COM UM HOMEM CONFUSO

Now that we have an insight into possible reasons for a man’s uncertainty in a relationship, it’s time to learn how to deal with such a man and make the best out of the situation.

And this is how you’ll do it:

1. NÃO te passes

O maior e o pior inimigo quando se trata de lidar com um homem confuso é passar-se.

Mas, devido à minha experiência pessoal, compreendo como é difícil manter a sanidade nessas situações.

Quer partir o seu telemóvel em pedaços por ele não lhe ligar ou enviar mensagens, quer contactar os seus amigos em comum e dizer-lhes para questionarem a sua sanidade mental e quer matá-lo com as suas próprias mãos mas, ao mesmo tempo, só quer amá-lo e quer que as coisas sejam como eram.

Freaking out can turn all the above things into reality and you simply mustn’t let that happen.

É preciso manter a sanidade mental para o seu próprio bem e para o bem da sua relação.

2. Em vez de o pressionar, dê-lhe algum espaço e tempo para pensar

No matter the reason for his confusion, there’s only one cure for it and that is giving him some space and time to think about everything.

If you pressure him, you will make things even worse (remember that part about nature’s law?).

Por isso, faça o que fizer, não o pressione de forma alguma e tente concentrar-se noutras coisas da sua vida, como os seus passatempos, o seu trabalho, a sua família ou algo semelhante.

The more you occupy yourself with other things, the less you’ll think about reaching out to him.

3. Escreva os seus pensamentos e sentimentos

Whenever you’re feeling like calling, texting or reaching him in any other way, take a piece of paper and start writing how you feel.

Write down everything you would want to say to him and how you feel about the situation and I can assure you, you’ll get instant relief as if you’ve just said all that to him, face to face.

Escrever os seus pensamentos e sentimentos também é bom para a autorreflexão, uma vez que o ajudará a compreender melhor o que realmente sente em relação às coisas e a aceitá-lo.

4. Seja paciente e deixe-o aproximar-se de si

Em vez de o abordar, deixe que seja ele a enviar-lhe mensagens, a telefonar-lhe ou simplesmente a bater-lhe à porta quando se sentir preparado.

The idea here is to give him some space and time to think about what he really wants and to sort out his feelings and once he’s done with it, he’ll come back as if nothing happened.

And if he doesn’t, then you know you weren’t meant to be, so either way, you win!

5. Entretanto, aproveite a sua vida!

While you’re waiting for him to reach you, don’t forget to enjoy your own life, go out with your friends, enjoy the company of your family and close friends, go for a walk, cuddle with your pet, watch your favorite TV shows and so on.

Em vez de se culpar por tudo o que aconteceu, aproveite a vida ao máximo e espere que ele reconheça a mulher bonita que é, de dentro para fora!

And if you’re meant to be and if he’s the right one for you, he will come to his senses and he will get rid of all the confusion that’s preventing him from taking things to another level!

Sim. Tudo o que precisa de fazer é acreditar que é assim porque é (e aconteceu comigo).

Enquanto eu perdia gradualmente a esperança à espera que ele me contactasse, aconteceu o inesperado.

He told me that he’d had some things to sort out and that was the reason why he had been absent and that he now understood what he really wanted and he was ready to fully commit to me.

I’m sure you’ll get the same answer from your confused man, so all you need to do is just wait, give him some space and time and enjoy your life in the meantime! (Wow, it also rhymes.)

Ver também: Como fazer com que ele se comprometa e queira apenas você