Uomo confuso: 8 ragioni per la sua incertezza e come affrontarla

If you’re dealing with a confused man at the moment or if you’ve ever had to deal with such a man full of uncertainty, I want you to know that I totally understand you because I went through the same last year (and not once but multiple times before that).

All of us who have had anything to do with a confused man know the drill very well…

Quando lo si è appena conosciuto, era l'incarnazione di un uomo vero.

Diceva sempre le parole giuste e faceva tutte le cose giuste, cercava di farti sentire speciale, ti mandava messaggi frequenti e parlava anche dei suoi sentimenti.

Torna al periodo in cui era ossessionato da te: CLICCA QUI per imparare come.

Rifiutava persino di uscire con i suoi amici maschi solo per passare del tempo con te, perché stare insieme era stimolante e magico.

E poi BOOM! Proprio quando vi stavate convincendo che eravate sulla strada giusta per sperimentare amore verovi siete ritrovati con un punto interrogativo sopra la testa.

Before, he would do all the right things and behave like a man who was totally ready to fully commit to you and now he’s a changed man (for the worse).

I suoi messaggi sono inesistenti o poco frequenti come prima e non ti dice più nulla di romantico, né tanto meno parla dei suoi sentimenti per te.

He’s constantly busy with other things, or better said, he’s busy making excuses about being busy with other things.

E durante tutto questo, l'unica domanda che avete in mente è: PERCHÉ?

Perché si sarebbe comportato come un vero gentiluomo e l'epitome di un vero uomo all'inizio, per poi ritirarsi e mandare tutto a puttane?

Why would he all of a sudden change his mind and stop making an effort, as if something terrible happened or as if someone warned him that he’s about to enter a minefield called a committed relationship?

Tante domande che ti passano per la testa ma nessuna risposta.

In the hope that you’ll figure out what is really going on in that man’s head, you start contemplating and deciphering all those mixed signals he’s giving you and you come to the following conclusions:

R: Per tutto questo tempo, questo giovane uomo ha fatto finta di niente.

B: He’s seeing someone else

C: He’s about to break up with you

But then you realize that you would know if he had just been pretending all this time because he wouldn’t do it with that level of self-esteem and genuineness, that you would somehow know if he was seeing someone else and that there are no valid reasons for a potential breakup and that everything is in your head.

Dopo aver eliminato la possibilità che sia gay, riformula il tutto in una domanda: Che cazzo sta succedendo?

And, my dear, the right answer is: ‘confused man’ syndrome.

Sempre più uomini soffrono di questa sindrome confusionale per motivi personali o perché una donna ha scatenato il loro ritiro.

When that happens, they become a ‘confused businessman, who doesn’t have time for anything or anyone, whose point of view on relationships has drastically changed and who has no idea what he’s doing.

You accept the fact that you’ve just witnessed the scenes of another (potentially) ‘good man gone confused’ but still, you have no idea what to do or say or where to start from, right?

Ebbene, non c'è da preoccuparsi perché oggi imparerete tutto quello che c'è da sapere sugli uomini confusi, compreso come comportarsi con questi uomini.

So, let’s get started!

UOMO CONFUSO: 8 RAGIONI PER LA SUA INCERTEZZA

C'è sempre una ragione per ogni azione, c'è sempre un perché a tutto ciò che diciamo, facciamo o non facciamo.

Ora, le ragioni per cui un uomo entra in modalità confusione e decide di ritirarsi all'improvviso sono molteplici: ecco un elenco di quelle più comuni che vi aiuteranno a capire meglio cosa sta succedendo nella sua testa:

1. He’s scared of his own feelings

Let’s face it.

When it comes to feelings, men and women are definitely from different planets, meaning that women have the ability to better understand their feelings, whereas the majority of men get easily overwhelmed when it comes to anything related to the word ‘feelings’.

Lo schema è il seguente: Quando avete iniziato a frequentarvi, lui era un gentiluomo, gentile e affascinante, come se tutto fosse perfetto.

And now, after some time, he’s acting totally weird and you have no idea why.

Well, it’s because over time, he has developed feelings for you and now he doesn’t know how to deal with it because he either wasn’t ready for it or didn’t expect it.

If a man is acting confusingly and he suddenly pulls away, in most cases it’s because he’s scared of his own feelings.

He doesn’t understand what is really going on in his head or how to interpret what he’s feeling and that’s why he decides to hide from you in his man cave, where he’ll feel safe for some time.

That’s when you start asking yourself:

How do I deal with a guy who’s acting all enigma style?

This is really hard for every woman because you have this urge to help him and to push him to tell you what’s wrong with him but you should never do that.

Instead, you should just give him some time and space to understand what’s really going on. (Below, you’ll find more tips on how to deal with a confused man).

2. He’s a commitment-phobe

L'uomo confuso e il fobico dell'impegno possono a volte essere visti come una cosa sola, perché la maggior parte degli uomini confusi ha in realtà solo paura dell'impegno.

Che cosa significa?

Immaginate una ciotola con tutti i gusti di gelato del mondo e un uomo che vi sta accanto.

Quando un uomo è pronto a scegliere un sapore, pensa a ciò che vuole veramente, sceglie con saggezza e apprezza il sapore.

Ma quando un uomo non è pronto a scegliere un solo gusto e lo fa comunque per qualche motivo, inizia ad avere dei ripensamenti e a sentirsi in trappola per essere tornato a casa con un solo gusto quando avrebbe potuto provarne molti altri.

To apply this theory to your situation, just replace the words ‘ice cream flavor’ with women/woman and you’ll get an idea of what I’m trying to say.

When a man is not ready to choose one person, to be with one woman, it means he’s not ready to commit to her.

Now, he might give that one woman a try, to see how things will go but if in the process he notices that he’s still yearning for his freedom and to keep all the other options open, he’ll become confused.

He’ll enter a state of mind where he’ll constantly weigh up all the pros and cons of staying with you and explaining to you that he’s just not ready for commitment or anything serious yet.

Vedi anche: 4 primi segnali di pericolo per i suoi problemi di impegno

3. He’s scared of getting hurt again

If a man was hurt in past relationships one way or another, chances are that he’ll be scared of getting hurt again in the future.

(It’s important to note that the same thing happens to women as well).

Also, it’s important to understand the trigger of this fear.

When you’re in the process of getting to know each other, a man will be totally chill and open with you because he still doesn’t see any potential red flags of his past pain.

But as things are getting more complicated and as you’re deepening your relationship, he will be more and more scared of getting hurt again.

Why? Because he’ll be scared of how crazy he is about you and of not being able to control any of it.

Questo significa che può seguire i suoi sentimenti o scappare da voi, per paura di essere ferito di nuovo.

But when a man likes you a lot, he certainly can’t decide to run away from you that easily but neither can he follow his feelings.

Così, lui entra in un mondo di confusione e decide di prendersi un po' di tempo per riflettere sui suoi sentimenti e pensare a ciò che vuole davvero, mentre voi entrate in un mondo di completa follia, aspettando accanto al vostro telefono e pregando Dio per qualsiasi indicazione su dove si trovi.

(Questa volta ti capisco perfettamente).

4. You’re pushing him too hard

When a man is acting all weird and sending mixed signals, many women decide to take things into their hands and start pushing their man to commit or tell them what’s really going on.

If you’re guilty of pushing your man too hard, well, that might be the reason (or one of the reasons) why he’s become a confused man.

Spingere un uomo a fare qualcosa quando non è ancora pronto è come spingere un bambino a comportarsi da adulto.

In entrambi i casi, non è possibile ottenere un risultato positivo.

Se continuate a riempire il vostro uomo di amore, parole romantiche e affetto, pensando che questo lo cambierà, devo dire che non sarà così.

Questo non farà altro che farlo sentire intrappolato nel proprio corpo e rievocare quei sentimenti di confusione.

The more you’re pushing him and demanding to act certain ways, the more he’ll be ignorant to do so.

Why? Because it’s nature’s law.

When someone is forcing us into something, it’s our natural instinct to refuse to do so but when we have the freedom to choose, we see things more clearly and it’s easier to decide what we really want in a relationship or in life in general.

5. You’re being (too) needy

Similarly to the previous sign, being too needy in a relationship or in the initial stages of a relationship is another reason for the syndrome called ‘confused man’.

Cosa significa essere (troppo) bisognosi?

Essere bisognosi significa non avere una vita propria, pretendere costantemente che il partner passi tutto il suo tempo libero con voi, non essere in grado di affrontare le cose da soli, chiedere costantemente affetto e rassicurazioni al partner e così via.

Being needy means being overly demanding, by which you dictate the tempo of your relationship and dictate your partner’s life.

Quindi, se un uomo percepisce che una donna è troppo bisognosa, si spaventa immediatamente e inizia a comportarsi in modo confuso.

 

He will start thinking about what a relationship with such a woman will look like in the future and whether he’ll be able to meet all her needs.

If he feels like it’s too much for him and that he’ll never be ready to be with a woman who is acting too needy for his taste, he’ll seriously start considering his other options.

Capire che se un uomo decide di impegnarsi completamente, it means that he wants to make his woman happy but if a man senses that he’ll never be able to do so, he will pull the brakes and think twice before doing anything.

Vedi anche: 10 Signs You’re A Needy Girlfriend And How To Stop Being One

6. La relazione si muove troppo velocemente per lui

Un'ulteriore prova che uomini e donne provengono da pianeti diversi è il modo in cui gli uomini e le donne dettano il ritmo di una relazione.

Given that generally, women don’t have problems with understanding their emotions and expressing their feelings, they are usually the ones who decide to initiate things that will quicken the pace of their relationship.

Mentre una donna ha già organizzato nella sua testa il giorno delle nozze, un uomo probabilmente sta ancora pensando se dirle quelle tre paroline.

This is because women experience everything intensely and they trust their gut and feelings, whereas men need more time to accept their feelings and the fact that they’re in a relationship.

When a man senses that the relationship is moving too fast, he will, again, get confused and scared of it because he’s not on the same level as his woman.

7. He doesn’t think he’s good enough for you

Quando un uomo ama una donna, gli viene spontaneo volerla proteggere, farla sentire speciale e la donna più felice del mondo.

But not every man is convinced that he’s capable of doing so and that’s where his suspicion arises.

He starts thinking that he’s not good enough for you and that he will not be able to make you happy in the future.

Given that every man’s biggest accomplishment and the greatest joy is seeing his woman content and blessed, he will think twice before concluding whether he’s eligible to ultimately make you happy.

E durante questo processo, si comporterà come un uomo confuso; non risponderà alle vostre chiamate, smetterà di mandarti messaggi as frequently as before and he will build walls around himself so that you can’t reach him until he himself is ready to welcome you into his world.

8. He doesn’t know what he really wants

E a volte, il motivo per cui un uomo si comporta in modo confuso è il fatto che non ha idea di cosa voglia veramente.

This type of man literally wants everything at the same time…

He wants to be in a committed relationship but at the same time, he’s scared of commitment; he wants to show you affection but he doesn’t know how; he wants to make you happy but he’s afraid that he’ll fail at doing so.

He wants everything but at the same time, he wants nothing and that’s the biggest confusion of all.

It’s really hard to deal with such men because all those mixed signals that they’re giving are utterly tiring and draining.

And even if you were to have a conversation with such a man and ask him what the hell he wants from you, he still wouldn’t be able to answer you because he himself has no idea what he wants. Yup.

Vedi anche: 8 segnali misti più comuni inviati dai ragazzi e il loro significato

COME COMPORTARSI CON UN UOMO CONFUSO

Now that we have an insight into possible reasons for a man’s uncertainty in a relationship, it’s time to learn how to deal with such a man and make the best out of the situation.

And this is how you’ll do it:

1. NON dare di matto

Il nemico più grande e peggiore quando si tratta di trattare con un uomo confuso è la paura.

Ma grazie alla mia esperienza personale, capisco quanto sia difficile rimanere sani di mente in queste situazioni.

Vorresti fare a pezzi il tuo cellulare perché non ti chiama e non ti manda messaggi, vorresti contattare i tuoi amici comuni e dire loro di mettere in dubbio la sua sanità mentale e vorresti ucciderlo a mani nude, ma allo stesso tempo vorresti solo amarlo e vorresti che le cose tornassero come prima.

Freaking out can turn all the above things into reality and you simply mustn’t let that happen.

Dovete mantenere la vostra sanità mentale per il vostro bene e per il bene della vostra relazione.

2. Invece di metterlo sotto pressione, dategli spazio e tempo per pensare.

No matter the reason for his confusion, there’s only one cure for it and that is giving him some space and time to think about everything.

If you pressure him, you will make things even worse (remember that part about nature’s law?).

Quindi, qualsiasi cosa facciate, non fategli pressione in alcun modo e cercate di concentrarvi su altre cose della vostra vita, come gli hobby, il lavoro, la famiglia o cose simili.

The more you occupy yourself with other things, the less you’ll think about reaching out to him.

3. Scrivere i propri pensieri e sentimenti

Whenever you’re feeling like calling, texting or reaching him in any other way, take a piece of paper and start writing how you feel.

Write down everything you would want to say to him and how you feel about the situation and I can assure you, you’ll get instant relief as if you’ve just said all that to him, face to face.

Scrivere i propri pensieri e sentimenti è utile anche per l'auto-riflessione, in quanto vi aiuterà a capire meglio come vi sentite realmente e vi aiuterà ad accettarlo.

4. Siate pazienti e lasciate che si avvicini a voi

Invece di avvicinarlo, lasciate che sia lui a mandarvi un messaggio, a chiamarvi o semplicemente a bussare alla vostra porta quando si sente pronto.

The idea here is to give him some space and time to think about what he really wants and to sort out his feelings and once he’s done with it, he’ll come back as if nothing happened.

And if he doesn’t, then you know you weren’t meant to be, so either way, you win!

5. Nel frattempo, godetevi la vita!

While you’re waiting for him to reach you, don’t forget to enjoy your own life, go out with your friends, enjoy the company of your family and close friends, go for a walk, cuddle with your pet, watch your favorite TV shows and so on.

Invece di incolparti per tutto quello che è successo, goditi la vita al massimo e aspetta che lui riconosca che sei una donna bellissima, dentro e fuori!

And if you’re meant to be and if he’s the right one for you, he will come to his senses and he will get rid of all the confusion that’s preventing him from taking things to another level!

Sì. Tutto ciò che dovete fare è credere che sia così, perché è così (e a me è successo).

Mentre stavo perdendo gradualmente le speranze in attesa che mi contattasse, è successo l'imprevisto.

He told me that he’d had some things to sort out and that was the reason why he had been absent and that he now understood what he really wanted and he was ready to fully commit to me.

I’m sure you’ll get the same answer from your confused man, so all you need to do is just wait, give him some space and time and enjoy your life in the meantime! (Wow, it also rhymes.)

Vedi anche: Come convincerlo a impegnarsi e a volere solo te