Só porque ele não te bate, não quer dizer que não seja abusivo

When we love someone, I think it’s easy to close our eyes to the parts of them we don’t like or the parts we know aren’t perfect—the parts which don’t fit with our idea of what we believe them to be.

It’s easy to tell ourselves, ‘He was just having a bad day’, ‘It was my fault’, ‘I was in the wrong.’ Because that’s easier, isn’t it? To punish ourselves, to take their bad behavior and claim it as our own.

It’s easier to be the one in the wrong than to accept that the one person who is meant to protect, love and cherish us, is the one pulling us apart.

Mas uma rapariga adorável, it isn’t your faultnada disso é. Veja, just because he isn’t hitting you, doesn’t mean it isn’t abusive behavior.

If he isn’t listening when you try to speak to him about something which is hurting you or making you uncomfortable, it’s abuse.

If he is getting angry and calling you crazy when you tell him that seeing his flirtatious comments on other girls’ social media photos is upsetting you, it’s abuse.

If he is telling you that the behavior you have seen between him and other females is “All in your head”, that you, “Imagined it”, that you are, “So insecure and jealous,” you can’t trust him, it’s abuse.

Se todas as discussões que já teve acabam por ser culpa sua, se dá por si a pensar se está mesmo louco, se de facto tem problemas profundos e precisa de terapia, se volta sempre a acreditar que causou a discussão e que é a razão pela qual a sua relação se está a desmoronar, está a ser emocionalmente abusado.

Porque nem todas as nódoas negras são físicas, mas doem na mesma medida.

So please listen when I tell you that it’s absolutely okay to be upset if he is disrespecting you and your relationship.

É necessário confrontá-lo se achar que ele está a ser inapropriado com outras mulheres.

You are entitled to speak up when you feel as if you aren’t getting the same amount out of your relationship as you put in. You are allowed to be upset if he likes other girls’ half-naked photos.

You are allowed to ask him about that girl who keeps texting him. You are allowed to talk about the things that make you feel insecure or jealous or out of your depth. It doesn’t make you crazy or irrational or overly-emotional. It doesn’t mean you have ‘serious issues’ or an inability to trust.

It just means you are human, you have feelings, you have experiences, which means that sometimes you feel anxious, sometimes you worry you might lose someone, sometimes you feel like you aren’t good enough.

But that doesn’t mean it’s true. It doesn’t mean you should be silenced.

Porque se alguém nos ama, ama-nos a todos.

Eles amam as partes de nós que têm medo, as partes de nós que questionam e se preocupam e se sentem ansiosas.

Ouvem-nos quando precisamos de falar sobre as coisas, quando precisamos de esclarecimentos, de garantias e de amor.

Dão-nos a oportunidade de falar, de nos sentirmos livres, de nos sentirmos ouvidos. Asseguram sempre que o seu comportamento nunca ultrapassa os limites, agem sempre de forma a fazer-nos sentir amados, seguros, desejados.

Estão sempre prontos a ouvir, a compreender e a apoiar-nos. Dão sempre exatamente o mesmo valor que você.

Porque as relações são uma via de dois sentidos, têm a ver com dar e receber, ouvir e falar.

And any relationship that involves one person shutting another down when they raise a topic which is a little sensitive isn’t a loving one.

A relationship where one person constantly feels unheard, neglected and small isn’t a respectful one.

A relationship where one person is always afraid of opening their mouth, of asking for more, asking for better, asking for what they deserve, isn’t really a relationship at all.

It’s emotional abuse.