Solo perché non ti picchia, non significa che non sia violento

When we love someone, I think it’s easy to close our eyes to the parts of them we don’t like or the parts we know aren’t perfect—the parts which don’t fit with our idea of what we believe them to be.

It’s easy to tell ourselves, ‘He was just having a bad day’, ‘It was my fault’, ‘I was in the wrong.’ Because that’s easier, isn’t it? To punish ourselves, to take their bad behavior and claim it as our own.

It’s easier to be the one in the wrong than to accept that the one person who is meant to protect, love and cherish us, is the one pulling us apart.

Ma una ragazza adorabile, it isn’t your fault, nulla di tutto ciò. Vedete, just because he isn’t hitting you, doesn’t mean it isn’t abusive behavior.

If he isn’t listening when you try to speak to him about something which is hurting you or making you uncomfortable, it’s abuse.

If he is getting angry and calling you crazy when you tell him that seeing his flirtatious comments on other girls’ social media photos is upsetting you, it’s abuse.

If he is telling you that the behavior you have seen between him and other females is “All in your head”, that you, “Imagined it”, that you are, “So insecure and jealous,” you can’t trust him, it’s abuse.

Se ogni discussione che avete avuto finisce per essere colpa vostra, se vi chiedete se siete davvero pazzi, se in effetti avete problemi profondi e avete bisogno di una terapia, se tornate sempre a credere di aver causato la discussione e di essere il motivo per cui la vostra relazione sta andando a rotoli, state subendo un abuso emotivo.

Perché non tutti i lividi sono fisici, ma fanno ugualmente male.

So please listen when I tell you that it’s absolutely okay to be upset if he is disrespecting you and your relationship.

È giustificato affrontarlo se si ritiene che si comporti in modo inappropriato con altre donne.

You are entitled to speak up when you feel as if you aren’t getting the same amount out of your relationship as you put in. You are allowed to be upset if he likes other girls’ half-naked photos.

You are allowed to ask him about that girl who keeps texting him. You are allowed to talk about the things that make you feel insecure or jealous or out of your depth. It doesn’t make you crazy or irrational or overly-emotional. It doesn’t mean you have ‘serious issues’ or an inability to trust.

It just means you are human, you have feelings, you have experiences, which means that sometimes you feel anxious, sometimes you worry you might lose someone, sometimes you feel like you aren’t good enough.

But that doesn’t mean it’s true. It doesn’t mean you should be silenced.

Perché se qualcuno vi ama, ama tutti voi.

Amano le parti di voi che hanno paura, le parti di voi che si interrogano, si preoccupano e si sentono ansiose.

Vi ascoltano quando avete bisogno di parlarne, quando avete bisogno di chiarimenti, rassicurazioni e amore.

Vi danno la possibilità di parlare, di sentirvi liberi, di sentirvi ascoltati. Si assicurano sempre che il loro comportamento non oltrepassi mai il limite, agiscono sempre in modo da farvi sentire amati, sicuri, desiderati.

Sono sempre pronti ad ascoltare, a capire, a sostenere. Si impegnano sempre esattamente come voi.

Poiché le relazioni sono una strada a doppio senso, si tratta di dare e ricevere, di ascoltare e parlare.

And any relationship that involves one person shutting another down when they raise a topic which is a little sensitive isn’t a loving one.

A relationship where one person constantly feels unheard, neglected and small isn’t a respectful one.

A relationship where one person is always afraid of opening their mouth, of asking for more, asking for better, asking for what they deserve, isn’t really a relationship at all.

It’s emotional abuse.