Para a rapariga que marcou o seu território, ele é todo teu

Antes de mais. Podes ficar com ele. Sinceramente. Pensei que conseguia lidar com isso. Apenas a sair casualmente. ‘Friends with benefits’ou como lhe queiras chamar. Tinha a certeza de que, desta vez, conseguiria aguentar. When I picked up the phone and called his number, I knew who I was calling and what he would offer. I knew that he would give me the ‘boyfriend experience’ without anything pesky like an attachment or a commitment to go with it. Eu sabia que ele me levaria para o seu mundo e me faria sentir como se pertencesse lá, mas o meu lugar seria, na melhor das hipóteses, precário.

Sentia-me só e a verdade é que gostava dele. I liked hanging out with him, spending time with him. We got along well and we laughed together. I liked him so much in fact that during both our first and second go ‘round I thought it was actually going to turn into something. When I met his daughter I thought, for sure, it was going somewhere, I was excited that she seemed to like me right away, and that he was bringing me into his world.

It didn’t take long after that meeting before he dropped it on me that he just wanted to be friends. He didn’t want to settle down. É que ele era assim. A honestidade. Depois de ter sido enganado e mentido durante anos, era refrescante. De alguma forma, pensei que saber logo à partida que havia outra pessoa era melhor do que ser enganado. I was a fucking moron settling for table scraps. And it would never take long for the reality that I didn’t want to settle for table scraps to bring me back from my delusion.

This last time I wasn’t going to be taken in. I wasn’t going to confuse what was what. I was going to go along, enjoy the ride and not catch any real feelings. And that’s what I did, for a minute. Until we started spending more time together, going out on cute little dates, hanging out with his friends. I stopped asking questions I didn’t want to know the answers to, and I tried to ignore the sick feeling inside my stomach that knew this was just pretending.

Não demorou muito até que me lembrasse daquilo em que me tinha metido. Entrei um dia enquanto ele estava em alta voz com um dos seus rapazes. Esse rapaz ouviu-me e perguntou-me, “Is that Sarah?” Nope. Not Sarah. E esse foi o princípio do fim, pela última vez. Of course I asked, “Who’s Sarah?” and for once his honesty faltered. I knew he must really care about me if he was going so far as to lie. That’s fucked up, right? In any case, he wasn’t committed to me so what could I do?

The next time I walked in and saw your pink slippers, I was like, ‘Whose fucking slippers are these? And why would he leave them for me to see?’ The answer was so obvious, because he didn’t care if I saw them, and he didn’t care how seeing them would make me feel. You would have thought I would have left immediately. I didn’t. I stayed, we chilled.

Fui para casa e sonhei com chinelos cor-de-rosa. Voltei noutro dia e os teus chinelos tinham-se mexido. De certa forma, duvidei que ele as tivesse mudado. Os seus pés devem ter estado neles enquanto andava por aí, sentindo-se em casa, e depois voltou a colocá-los noutro sítio. O seu território estava claramente marcado. Os teus chinelos, à porta, como se pertencessem ali. Como se tu pertencesses ali. E onde é que isso me deixava? Iria eu deixar algum sinal, ou marca, para que soubesses que eu também estava lá? Ia começar uma guerra com os teus chinelos? Vejo os teus chinelos cor-de-rosa e levanto-te o meu roupão roxo? No, not me. I’m going to leave this place and never come back. Os teus chinelos e aquele tipo estão ambos a salvo de mim.

by Tia Grace