Per la ragazza che ha marcato il suo territorio, lui è tutto tuo

Prima di tutto. Puoi averlo. Onestamente. Pensavo di poterlo gestire. Solo per passare un po' di tempo insieme. ‘Friends with benefits’o come lo si voglia chiamare. Ero sicuro che questa volta avrei potuto farcela. When I picked up the phone and called his number, I knew who I was calling and what he would offer. I knew that he would give me the ‘boyfriend experience’ without anything pesky like an attachment or a commitment to go with it. Sapevo che mi avrebbe portato nel suo mondo e mi avrebbe fatto sentire parte di esso, ma il mio posto sarebbe stato precario al massimo.

Mi sentivo sola e la verità era che mi piaceva. I liked hanging out with him, spending time with him. We got along well and we laughed together. I liked him so much in fact that during both our first and second go ‘round I thought it was actually going to turn into something. When I met his daughter I thought, for sure, it was going somewhere, I was excited that she seemed to like me right away, and that he was bringing me into his world.

It didn’t take long after that meeting before he dropped it on me that he just wanted to be friends. He didn’t want to settle down. Vedete, questa era la sua caratteristica. L'onestà. Dopo essere stato tradito e mentito per anni, era rinfrescante. In qualche modo ho pensato che sapere subito che c'era qualcun altro fosse meglio che essere ingannati. I was a fucking moron settling for table scraps. And it would never take long for the reality that I didn’t want to settle for table scraps to bring me back from my delusion.

This last time I wasn’t going to be taken in. I wasn’t going to confuse what was what. I was going to go along, enjoy the ride and not catch any real feelings. And that’s what I did, for a minute. Until we started spending more time together, going out on cute little dates, hanging out with his friends. I stopped asking questions I didn’t want to know the answers to, and I tried to ignore the sick feeling inside my stomach that knew this was just pretending.

Non passò molto tempo prima che mi ricordassi in cosa mi ero cacciata. Un giorno entrai mentre era in vivavoce con uno dei suoi ragazzi. Il ragazzo mi sentì e mi chiese, “Is that Sarah?” Nope. Not Sarah. E quello fu l'inizio della fine, per l'ultima volta. Of course I asked, “Who’s Sarah?” and for once his honesty faltered. I knew he must really care about me if he was going so far as to lie. That’s fucked up, right? In any case, he wasn’t committed to me so what could I do?

The next time I walked in and saw your pink slippers, I was like, ‘Whose fucking slippers are these? And why would he leave them for me to see?’ The answer was so obvious, because he didn’t care if I saw them, and he didn’t care how seeing them would make me feel. You would have thought I would have left immediately. I didn’t. I stayed, we chilled.

Andai a casa e sognai delle pantofole rosa. Tornai un altro giorno e le tue pantofole si erano spostate. In qualche modo ho dubitato che le avesse spostate. I piedi devono averli messi mentre si camminava e ci si sentiva a proprio agio, e poi li si è rimessi da un'altra parte. Il vostro territorio era chiaramente delimitato. Le tue pantofole, sulla porta, come se fossero il tuo posto. Come se tu appartenessi a quel luogo. E io che fine facevo? Avrei lasciato qualche segnale, o marcatore, per farti sapere che c'ero anch'io? Avrei iniziato una guerra con le tue pantofole? Vedo le tue pantofole rosa e ti sollevo il mio accappatoio viola? No, not me. I’m going to leave this place and never come back. Le tue pantofole e quell'uomo sono entrambi al sicuro da me.

by Tia Grace