Loving You Was An Emotional Roller Coaster I Needed To Get Off Of

In all the years I loved you, I can’t recall a single day where I had a peace of mind. A single day where my heart didn’t feel like it was about to jump out of my body and my mind going berserk from the emotional instability that had plagued us.

Em todos os anos em que nos amámos, a estabilidade e a segurança eram as coisas mais distantes do que era estar ligado a ti e ao teu amor.

I often asked myself if that was it for me. If that was what love was supposed to be like, because at the time I really didn’t know any better. All I had were the ideas in my head of a romance that would sweep me off my feet and make me feel like I could fly if I wanted to…

But reality was nothing like that. It was hard. Real life was something completely different and now I can’t help but wonder… was it my youth and inexperience that fooled me into thinking we could actually keep going that way or was I just a sucker for love?

Foste o meu primeiro amor verdadeiro and you will forever be engraved in my memory. You will forever be one of the crucial pieces of the puzzle I needed to feel whole… and as volatile as we were, it was real. We were the real deal.

I remember the beginnings of our love story… I was just a girl with a head full of ideals… who was so adamant she would find her Mr. Right and live her happily ever after, like it was the simplest thing in the world.

You were a rebel who wasn’t exactly in touch with his emotions but you fell for me, faster than you will ever admit, and our lives became intertwined so quickly and so strongly that it took us both by storm.

Nenhum de nós estava preparado para o que viria a seguir.

It didn’t take us long to become completely, utterly addicted to each other. You were like the air I had been missing my whole life and meeting you made me finally breathe.

Eu era como uma droga para ti. Uma droga que desejavas desesperadamente deixar de consumir mas que, quanto mais provavas, mais te atraía e mais viciado te tornavas.

I don’t know if we were aware of it at the time but we spent an upsetting amount of time with each other. I remember waking up and the first thing on my mind was you. If I went a day without you, it physically hurt… and I wasn’t strong enough to take it.

Precisava de estar contigo. Precisava de sentir a tua presença junto a mim para me sentir eu próprio. Tu eras o meu vício, tal como eu era o teu. Não existia eu sem ti e vice-versa.

I finally realized how seriously disturbing this thing we had was becoming… and I finally tried to break away, just for a little bit, to feel if the air without you felt the same.

I needed to know if I was able to be myself without feeling your breath next to mine. I knew that the mad love I felt for you was ruining me on the inside. I didn’t want to escape it… but I knew I needed to.

I know you loved me. I know how much you cared. But what you never realized was how possessive you became. You couldn’t deal with me having a life outside of us. You couldn’t help but accuse me of being unfaithful if I decided to have a few hours to myself.

You loved me… but it was too much. I tried to show you how unstable we were becoming but you wouldn’t listen. You wanted me all to yourself and the thought of me not being there made you act like the man I didn’t realize you were.

Quanto mais o tempo passava, mais me apercebia de como estávamos errados um para o outro.

Era suposto o amor ser tão instável e turbulento? Era normal estarmos tão viciados no nosso parceiro que nos esquecemos do mundo lá fora?

I didn’t know that loving someone could hurt so profoundly. At times, it was the easiest thing in the world… and other times, I felt like my soul was on fire and I was about to explode.

I don’t know why you couldn’t let me find myself before being able to see if we were salvageable. I still don’t know if I was the one to blame, with my foolish hopes and dreams, rushing into it like it was about to disappear into thin air…

Sometimes, I catch myself reminiscing about us. I can’t help but wonder, if we had just been a few years older and a little bit wiser, could we have figured it out?

Would you still be the man who couldn’t bear letting me out of his sight, always firmly holding onto me, making me feel like nothing existed but us… or would you be mature enough to realize that we both needed time to breathe individually, before giving it a real shot?

E seria eu suficientemente esperta para não me lançar numa relação que estava condenada desde o início, simplesmente porque esperava, sem pensar, que o primeiro homem por quem senti esse amor insano viesse a ser o meu O Sr. Certo?

Eu amava-te mesmo mais do que pensava ser possível. Só gostava que nos tivéssemos conhecido numa altura em que ambos estivéssemos mais maduros e mais preparados para lidar com um amor tão abrangente.

I managed to get off this emotional roller coaster but I will never forget about the ride it took me on. It may have been all kinds of wrong… but it was as real as it gets.