Amarte Fue Una Montaña Rusa Emocional De La Que Necesitaba Bajar

In all the years I loved you, I can’t recall a single day where I had a peace of mind. A single day where my heart didn’t feel like it was about to jump out of my body and my mind going berserk from the emotional instability that had plagued us.

En todos los años que nos amamos, la estabilidad y la seguridad eran lo más alejado de lo que se sentía al estar atado a ti y a tu amor.

I often asked myself if that was it for me. If that was what love was supposed to be like, because at the time I really didn’t know any better. All I had were the ideas in my head of a romance that would sweep me off my feet and make me feel like I could fly if I wanted to…

But reality was nothing like that. It was hard. Real life was something completely different and now I can’t help but wonder… was it my youth and inexperience that fooled me into thinking we could actually keep going that way or was I just a sucker for love?

Fuiste mi primer amor verdadero and you will forever be engraved in my memory. You will forever be one of the crucial pieces of the puzzle I needed to feel whole… and as volatile as we were, it was real. We were the real deal.

I remember the beginnings of our love story… I was just a girl with a head full of ideals… who was so adamant she would find her Mr. Right and live her happily ever after, like it was the simplest thing in the world.

You were a rebel who wasn’t exactly in touch with his emotions but you fell for me, faster than you will ever admit, and our lives became intertwined so quickly and so strongly that it took us both by storm.

Ninguno de los dos estaba preparado para lo que vino después.

It didn’t take us long to become completely, utterly addicted to each other. You were like the air I had been missing my whole life and meeting you made me finally breathe.

Yo era como una droga para ti. Una droga que deseabas desesperadamente dejar, pero que cuanto más probabas, más te atraía y más adicto te volvías.

I don’t know if we were aware of it at the time but we spent an upsetting amount of time with each other. I remember waking up and the first thing on my mind was you. If I went a day without you, it physically hurt… and I wasn’t strong enough to take it.

Necesitaba estar contigo. Necesitaba sentir tu presencia a mi lado para sentirme yo mismo. Eras mi adicción, tanto como yo era la tuya. No existía yo sin ti y viceversa.

I finally realized how seriously disturbing this thing we had was becoming… and I finally tried to break away, just for a little bit, to feel if the air without you felt the same.

I needed to know if I was able to be myself without feeling your breath next to mine. I knew that the mad love I felt for you was ruining me on the inside. I didn’t want to escape it… but I knew I needed to.

I know you loved me. I know how much you cared. But what you never realized was how possessive you became. You couldn’t deal with me having a life outside of us. You couldn’t help but accuse me of being unfaithful if I decided to have a few hours to myself.

You loved me… but it was too much. I tried to show you how unstable we were becoming but you wouldn’t listen. You wanted me all to yourself and the thought of me not being there made you act like the man I didn’t realize you were.

Cuanto más tiempo pasaba, más me daba cuenta de lo equivocados que estábamos el uno para el otro.

¿Se suponía que el amor debía ser tan inestable y turbulento? ¿Era normal ser tan adicto a tu pareja que te olvidas del mundo exterior?

I didn’t know that loving someone could hurt so profoundly. At times, it was the easiest thing in the world… and other times, I felt like my soul was on fire and I was about to explode.

I don’t know why you couldn’t let me find myself before being able to see if we were salvageable. I still don’t know if I was the one to blame, with my foolish hopes and dreams, rushing into it like it was about to disappear into thin air…

Sometimes, I catch myself reminiscing about us. I can’t help but wonder, if we had just been a few years older and a little bit wiser, could we have figured it out?

Would you still be the man who couldn’t bear letting me out of his sight, always firmly holding onto me, making me feel like nothing existed but us… or would you be mature enough to realize that we both needed time to breathe individually, before giving it a real shot?

Y ¿sería lo suficientemente inteligente como para no lanzarme a una relación que estaba condenada desde el principio, simplemente porque esperaba sin pensar que el primer hombre por el que sentí esa cantidad insana de amor resultaría ser mi Sr. Correcto?

Realmente te quise más de lo que creía posible. Ojalá nos hubiéramos conocido en una época en la que ambos fuéramos más maduros y estuviéramos más preparados para afrontar un amor tan profundo.

I managed to get off this emotional roller coaster but I will never forget about the ride it took me on. It may have been all kinds of wrong… but it was as real as it gets.