Como é que os traidores reagem quando são acusados? (9 maneiras chocantes)

If you doubt your partner’s fidelity and want to confront them about it, the first question you probably have is:

Como é que os traidores reagem quando são acusados? Que tipo de comportamento se pode esperar quando se aborda esta questão sensível?

It’s more than enough that you have seen all the signs of cheating. You’re heartbroken and emotionally devastated by the mere thought that your partner stabbed you in the back like this.

On top of it all, now you must take over the role of a lie detector and do your best to get to the bottom of their reaction. Are they lying to get away with infidelity? Did you really imagine things and they’re telling the truth?

Bem, a boa notícia é que os nossos especialistas em relações lhe darão as respostas a todas estas perguntas, incluindo a mais importante: Como é que os traidores reagem quando são acusados?

Negação

How do cheaters react when confronted? Well, most married men and women’s first impulse is to deny everything.

Não há muito que filosofar sobre isto; eles dir-lhe-ão simplesmente que o seu caso nunca aconteceu e que se trata de falsas acusações.

First and foremost, your cheater can’t be sure how much you know. They’re not even certain whether you’re bluffing or not, so this is always the first card they’ll play.

After all, they have nothing to lose. If they’ve been caught, nothing they can say can fix the situation.

On the other hand, if you’re really bluffing, the worst thing they can do is admit everything. In that scenario, they would be signing their own death sentence.

Therefore, most cheaters think that denial is the only way out of this horrible situation. No matter how strong the evidence you have is, they will try to convince you that they’re the one telling the truth.

For example, if your best friend saw your partner with another man or woman, naturally, you’ll want to talk to your other half about it.

No entanto, em vez de admitirem os seus erros, provavelmente farão o seu melhor para o convencer de que o seu amigo está a mentir.

Everyone who can confirm your story is allegedly manipulating you and they’re all jealous of your idyllic love life. These are all false accusations!

Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Well, it’s a common tactic all adulterers use to brainwash their victims. You see, this technique works in most cases.

Whether you like it or not, after you hear them convincing you, you’ll start doubting something you know is true.

O facto é que quer acreditar neles. Queres que tudo isto não passe de um mal-entendido e queres que tudo não passe de um sonho mau.

On top of that, they’re so persuasive. You can show them proof or bring out witnesses but they will stick to their story.

Believe it or not, there is a subgroup of cheaters who wouldn’t admit to having an affair even if their life depended on it.

You might be the one who caught them red-handed but even that won’t be reason enough for them to come clean.

Jogos de culpabilização

How many times have you heard the infamous sentence, “My significant other accused me of cheating but they pushed me to have an affair,” while talking to an adulterer?

These are the people who can’t or don’t want to accept responsibility for their own actions. Instead, they try to make you, the person they consciously cheated on, feel guilty for their unfaithfulness.

Reading it like this, you notice how absurd this sounds, right? Well, what’s even worse is that this keeps on happening.

De facto, uma das respostas mais comuns à questão de saber como é que os trapaceiros agem quando são acusados é que eles tentam envolver-se no jogo da culpa.

De acordo com os especialistas em relações, esta é uma forma de o adúltero projetar a sua própria culpa na vítima. De repente, a situação inverte-se e o adúltero torna-se o acusador.

Uma das suas primeiras desculpas será o facto de se sentirem emocionalmente negligenciados na relação. Isto afectou a sua saúde emocional e mental e destruiu a sua autoestima.

They weren’t getting enough attention, you weren’t intimate as often as they wished, they feel like you never listen to them, they think you don’t understand them, you were working too much, which left you no time for them…

The list goes on and on. You see, some cheaters really believe in all of these things they’re saying. This is especially true for married women and men.

São elas que normalmente se queixam de que o seu casamento caiu na rotina e que quase se viram obrigadas a procurar alguma excitação noutro lado.

How convenient, isn’t it? It’s easier for them to accept what they’ve done if they make you look like the bad guy of the story.

Neste caso, de repente, ele ou ela acusam-no(a) de tudo o que é mau numa relação. Quando damos por isso, a verdade foi distorcida.

Now, you find yourself apologizing for something the cheater did. Apparently, they would never have made such a mistake if you hadn’t made them do it.

Don’t misunderstand me; it’s possible that they really did feel like this. You might have given your entire self but for some people, that’s not enough and they end up feeling neglected, unloved or unwanted.

However, that is no justification for their horrible actions. You see, if your partner wasn’t happy next to you, they could have left you in good time before having an affair.

Please, don’t allow them to make you feel guilty and don’t play along with this blame game. Remember one thing: you’re the victim here and the victim is never to blame!

Cheating was their choice, which they consciously made. Your behavior could never make them do something they didn’t want to do.

Besides, if they noticed your relationship was in trouble, why didn’t they do something to improve it? Why didn’t they talk to you about it in time?

Why didn’t they tell you how they felt before fooling around behind your back? After all, they have no trouble expressing their dissatisfaction now, do they?

Relacionadas: Os traidores sentem falta do seu ex? A verdade revelada

Desculpas vazias

De acordo com os especialistas em relações, quando as pessoas traem, raramente assumem a responsabilidade total pelos seus actos. Em vez de assumirem os seus erros, tentam encobrir tudo o que fizeram.

Foi um caso isolado. (It lasted for a couple of months but I really do hope that you didn’t dig around and find all the details.)

Ela manipulou-me para estar com ela. (Apparently, I’m nothing but an immature boy who can’t make decisions on his own. This mean girl wanted to destroy our relationship and she tricked me into cheating on you.)

Eu estava bêbedo e ainda não faço ideia do que fiz. (Alcohol was just an excuse for me to do something I obviously wanted to do all along. Also, I have no control over my actions when I’m drunk.)

It didn’t mean anything. (But what we have doesn’t mean much either, since I was ready to betray you like this.)

Foi a primeira vez que aconteceu. (It’s been happening for a while now but this is the first time I got caught.)

If you have ever been cheated on, you know that the above lines are the answers to the question of how do cheaters react when accused. You’ve heard at least one of these sentences.

However, if you’re smart enough, you also know what each one of them really means. You see, some cheaters will lie and deny that the affair ever took place.

No entanto, há também aqueles que admitem os seus erros. No entanto, mentem sobre os pormenores. Para ser mais exato, distorcerão a verdade a seu favor.

At first, you’ll think that they’re being honest. They’ve made a mistake and if they wanted to lie, they wouldn’t have admitted doing something as awful as this in the first place.

However, what you don’t see here is that these are nothing but empty excuses. This is a way every cheater justifies themselves for their wrongdoings.

I’m begging you to understand one thing: they cheated on you because they consciously decided to do so. There isn’t any excuse that can annul their sins.

Even if they admit that they are a jerk who is sorry for hurting you, this is also probably a lie. Let’s face it; how come they didn’t think this way about themselves while they were engaged in an affair?

Falsas promessas

All cheaters who ask for a second chance will promise you that they will change. All of a sudden, they’re ready to do whatever it takes to make you happy. This was a moment of weakness and it will never happen again.

Hearing that, you assume that you’re about to live in a fairy tale. This nightmare is far behind you and you don’t have to wonder how to deal with it anymore.

You think that your significant other has finally realized that you’re the one. They won’t be making the same mistake ever again and everything in your relationship will be in perfect order.

Eles enchem-nos de amor, dão-nos toda a sua atenção e, finalmente, tratam-nos como merecemos ser tratados desde o primeiro dia.

De facto, o seu casamento ou relação parece estar melhor do que estava antes de o caso acontecer.

No entanto, isso só dura até o parceiro de traição tem a certeza de ter obtido o vosso perdão.

It takes them a while to get back under your skin, a while to regain your trust and to convince you not to leave them. As soon as they’re certain of their position in your life again, believe me, they’ll go back to their old ways.

The number one promise that people who cheat make is: I won’t do it ever again! However, it’s a proven fact that many repeat their sins from the past, as soon as they get the chance to. Why? Simply because they can.

Every time you forgive your partner for cheating, you’re giving them the green light to keep up with the good work.

You’re sending them a clear message: your behavior is acceptable and I will take you back every time you promise me that you will change.

É claro que há alguns batoteiros que se mantêm fiéis às suas palavras, aqueles que acreditam honestamente em tudo o que dizem e que aprendem com os seus erros.

On the other hand, the majority of adulterers are just giving out promises they don’t intend to keep. They’re ready to tell you everything you want to hear, just to make peace with you.

These people will promise you the moon and the stars. However, as soon as the initial crisis is over, they will show you that they’re unable to stay faithful, let alone anything more.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one who falls for these false promises. You hold on to them, simply because you want to hope that things will be better in the future, despite what your gut feeling might be telling you.

Whatever you end up doing, I’m just begging you one thing: don’t forgive your significant other just because of something they said. Focus on concrete actions instead of empty words.

Gaslighting

This might go hand in hand with denial but it’s even worse. Gaslighting is a tactic commonly used by narcissistic people but plain cheaters are also familiar with it.

Basically, the main concept of this technique is to make you look like you’re crazy. When a cheater gaslights you, they’re playing with your mind and they’re making you question your own sanity.

This usually happens when you’re the one who caught your cheating spouse or partner. You don’t have to actually catch them in action but all the signs of cheating are present.

For example, you might have heard your partner talk on the phone with someone. They don’t know that you’re listening so you get to hear the details of the conversation.

Based on everything you hear, this is a romantic convo. It’s pretty obvious that they’re talking to their lover. However, when you confront them about this, they’ll tell you that you didn’t hear things right.

They’ll start convincing you that they weren’t talking on the phone at all or that they were talking to a friend or a co-worker.

Claro que todos os registos dos telemóveis são magicamente apagados, pelo que não tem provas das suas acusações.

Another common situation is that you find suspicious text messages on their phone. You don’t take screenshots but by the time you confront your partner about them, the texts have already been deleted.

So, you find yourself in a situation where you’re being convinced that these messages never existed. You were imagining things or you dreamed about reading them.

If something like this happens only once, you’ll second-guess your suspicions. You’ll want to believe them.

It will be easier for you to accept the fact that you’re imagining things than grasp the idea that your loved one is cheating on you.

No entanto, a mesma prática continua. É possível que tenha visto o carro deles do outro lado da cidade por acaso, quando deviam estar a trabalhar.

You may even take pictures as evidence. Nevertheless, they’ll still continue with the gaslighting.
They’ll do everything in their power to persuade you that this wasn’t their car.

Quando sentimos um perfume desconhecido ou encontramos um cabelo que pertence claramente a outra pessoa, eles tentam convencer-nos de que se trata do nosso perfume ou do nosso cabelo.

Basicamente, o que um batoteiro gaslighter faz é pedir-lhe que acredite nele e não nos seus próprios olhos. Por muito louco que isto possa parecer, a verdade é que funciona na maioria dos casos.

However, they won’t stop there. Once again, you’ll be to blame for confronting them about cheating. They will accuse you of making things up, just to pick a fight.

Or they will tell you that you don’t know how to break up so you’re trying to use this imaginary scenario as an excuse to walk out on them.

At the end of the day, you’ll be the one apologizing. Not only that but this will awaken some serious insecurities and trust issues and it will destroy your confidence.

The biggest problem is that you’ll no longer know what the truth is. Did you really imagine this infidelity? Are you being paranoid? Are you overreacting? Or has your partner been playing you all along?

Minimizar a situação

An affair is an affair. It doesn’t matter whether it was a physical or emotional affair. It doesn’t matter whether it lasted a week, if it was a one-time thing or if it lasted a year.

The bottom line is that your partner consciously chose to betray you. They didn’t just cheat on you and they didn’t hurt you only as their romantic partner.

Instead, they backstabbed you. They showed you that they were never trustworthy and that you can’t count on them.

Portanto, a única coisa que importa aqui é a forma como se sente em relação a toda esta situação. O que é importante é a sua dor, a sua desilusão e a sua tristeza.

No entanto, a maioria dos traidores pensa que a melhor maneira de sair desta confusão é minimizar o seu caso. De facto, a maioria deles usará a mesma desculpa de sempre: foi apenas físico.

Aparentemente, dormir com outra pessoa without any emotions included should be less painful. It should be something you can forgive with more ease and it shouldn’t bother you that much.

Wouldn’t it be amazing if things could work like that? Well, sadly for you, they don’t.

In fact, the problem with this entire scenario is not that your partner is trying to minimize the situation they’ve gotten you into. After all, it’s in human nature to try and escape a problem.

Also, they are probably putting all of their efforts into staying with you, which doesn’t justify them. They think that you’ll forgive them more easily if you rule out any possible emotions from the equation.

The actual problem is that they’re invalidating your pain by doing all of this. It’s like they’re telling you that you’re making a big fuss out of nothing.

You’re turning this into a bigger deal than it actually is. It wasn’t emotional cheating, it meant nothing, so you shouldn’t be as upset about their affair as you are, right?

Outra forma de minimizar a infidelidade é dizer que foi apenas um caso isolado. Bem, o que eles obviamente se recusam a entender é que isso dói de qualquer maneira.

Sim, provavelmente, magoá-lo-ia mais saber que o seu parceiro andou a agir nas suas costas durante meses ou mesmo anos, sem que se apercebesse de nada.

No entanto, o simples facto de pensar que a pessoa beijou outra, que a tocou e que acabou por dormir com ela, mesmo que isso tenha acontecido apenas uma vez, é mais do que suficiente.

Mentir

Uma das primeiras mentiras que os traidores contam sobre o seu caso está relacionada com a sua importância. Tentam sempre apresentá-lo como um caso único e algo completamente irrelevante.

Naturally, they’ll never admit the intensity of the relationship.

They’ll never talk to you about their true feelings, about the time they spent with this person, about the presents they bought them or about the fact that they probably promised to break things off with you.

Em vez disso, continuarão a emaranhar-se na sua própria rede de mentiras.

Of course, their initial goal is to get out of trouble but they never choose the truth as their tactic. Let’s be real here; you shouldn’t be worried about the fact that they’re lying.

Yes, it’s an awful thing to do but they’re just trying to get out of this horrible situation.

O que é realmente muito pior é o facto de vêem todas estas mentiras como uma forma de se absolverem dos seus pecados.

It’s like their affair is not such a big deal if it only happened once or if they just slept with this person, without going on dates and spending time together.

Some will also lie about the third person’s identity. Naturally, this can only happen if you noticed the red flags that they were cheating but you still haven’t figured out with whom they’ve been doing it.

For example, if your spouse is cheating on you with a co-worker, they will never admit their lover’s identity. They don’t want you to know that they’ll keep bumping into this person even if they end the affair.

No entanto, a mais comum de todas as mentiras contadas pelos traidores é a de que vão acabar com a relação com essa pessoa. Infelizmente, muitos deles continuam a ver o seu amante; apenas se tornam mais cuidadosos.

Nalguns casos, a pessoa afasta-se mesmo do seu caso. Sentem-se culpados e estão dispostos a fazer tudo o que for preciso para preservar a vossa relação.

Nevertheless, mostly, they’re just buying time and waiting for the storm to go away. As soon as this happens, they’re back to their old ways.

Separação

If you’re asking yourself how do cheaters react when accused, the sad truth is that sometimes, this is the best thing that could happen to them.

You see, some people don’t cheat just because they want some extra-marital or out-of-relationship kind of fun.

Sometimes, an affair happens because they’ve truly fallen in love with someone else. As painful as this realization might be, the fact is that they are not happy next to you. They stopped loving you.

Na verdade, é possível que ainda o ame de certa forma e até o veja como um membro da família. No entanto, já não tem quaisquer sentimentos românticos em relação a si. Para ser sincero, ele quer sair desta relação.

Actually, they want to start a new life together with this person they’re having an affair with. They love them and are ready to leave you this instant.

Agora que já sabes tudo isto, you are probably wondering why they didn’t break things off a while ago.

Why didn’t they come clean and leave you as soon as they realized they were falling for the other person?

Well, the answer is pretty simple: they’re a coward. They didn’t have the decency to tell you the truth and they didn’t respect you enough not to sneak around behind your back.

Então, basically, they prayed for you to catch them. It’s easier for them to be confronted than to admit out of the blue everything they’ve been doing.

All of this is a relief to this kind of person. They don’t want you to forgive them; actually, they sincerely hope that you’ll be the one to do the dirty work, so they don’t have to dump you.

This type won’t ask for your forgiveness. Even if they do, they will tell you that they’re sorry for breaking your heart but they won’t be asking for a second chance.

They won’t make empty excuses, nor will they promise you and swear that they will never do something like this again. They won’t even try minimizing their affair by lying that it never meant anything.

If you’re the one who wants to try and work things out and who is ready to fight for your relationship, they will tell you that breaking up is the only real option.

Consideram que esta é a sua única oportunidade de escapar a esta relação falhada e tencionam aproveitá-la.
Whatever happens, I’m begging you for one thing: don’t feel sorry for them.

Don’t sympathize with the fact that they didn’t have the strength to reveal to you the truth. The only thing that differentiates this type from any other cheater out there is their lack of courage.

If you hadn’t caught them, they would have continued with this charade for ages.

Arrepender-se

Outra coisa comum que os trapaceiros fazem quando são apanhados é arrependerem-se. Pelo menos, agem como se o fizessem. Depois de obterem todas as provas da sua infidelidade e de não terem saída, admitem tudo.

Eles vão-se abaixo à nossa frente e começam a dizer-nos que lamentam imenso ter cometido tal erro.

At first, you are not interested in their explanations. You don’t want to see their face, let alone give them a chance to come back into your life.

However, they don’t accept no for an answer. You see, this is the type of person who won’t leave you alone until you forgive them.

Eles vão literalmente atrás de ti para onde quer que vás. Estão prontos a fazer tudo o que for preciso para que vejas o quanto lamentam o seu mau comportamento.

Passarão horas e horas à sua porta, implorando-lhe que fale com eles. Aparecerão em todos os locais que visitar, telefonarão aos seus amigos e familiares e persegui-lo-ão de inúmeras outras formas.

Not only that but they will be surprising you with romantic gestures. You’ll get tons of surprises, love letters, poems and so on.

Nada funcionará contra a sua persistência. Pode bloquear os seus números ou contas nas redes sociais e eles arranjam outras; pode evitá-los durante o tempo que quiser, mas eles encontram-no.

Se alguém por quem não sente nada estivesse a fazer estas coisas, veria-as como bandeiras vermelhas. Consideraria a pessoa um perseguidor e um maníaco.

No entanto, quando a pessoa que ainda amamos faz tudo isto, a verdade é que o achamos adorável e irresistível.
Por muito magoado que estejas, admiras a sua persistência.

You can’t help but feel flattered about the fact that they won’t let you go, even if their life depended on it. After all, it’s clear that they’re sorry.

Arrependem-se tanto da sua decisão que se considera a hipótese de lhes dar uma segunda oportunidade.

Look, I won’t lie to you: há uma grande possibilidade de o seu parceiro infiel estar realmente arrependido. Talvez ele tenha finalmente percebido o que fez.

Maybe they don’t want to lose everything they built with you over a few temporary moments of passion. Maybe they really are sorry and would give everything in their power to go back in time and erase their mistakes.

In this case, it’s up to you whether you’ll forgive them or not. Everyone thinks they know what the right thing to do is but you’re the one making the final call.

Por outro lado, tem de ser honesto consigo próprio e descobrir uma coisa. O seu cônjuge ou parceiro que o trai está arrependido de o ter traído? Ou está arrependido de ter sido apanhado?

É que há aqui uma grande diferença. É provável que eles continuassem com o seu comportamento se nunca tivesse descoberto.

Besides, their repentance cannot heal your broken heart. It can’t glue its pieces back together and it can’t undo the things that occurred.

Ver também: 30 códigos de mensagens de texto de cônjuges traidores revelados

Para terminar:

Now that you have all the answers to the question of how do cheaters react when accused, you’re ready to confront your adulterer and start the process of recuperação de casos. 

However, please gather as much solid evidence as you can before acting on your doubts. This way, they’ll have less chance to play you for a fool.