If you doubt your partner’s fidelity and want to confront them about it, the first question you probably have is:
How do cheaters react when accused? What kind of behavior can you expect when you tackle this sensitive issue?
It’s more than enough that you have seen all the signs of cheating. You’re heartbroken and emotionally devastated by the mere thought that your partner stabbed you in the back like this.
On top of it all, now you must take over the role of a lie detector and do your best to get to the bottom of their reaction. Are they lying to get away with infidelity? Did you really imagine things and they’re telling the truth?
Well, the good news is that our relationship experts will give you the answers to all of these questions, including the most important one: How do cheaters react when accused?
How do cheaters react when confronted? Well, most married men and women’s first impulse is to deny everything.
There is not much philosophizing about this; they will simply tell you that their affair never happened and that these are false accusations.
First and foremost, your cheater can’t be sure how much you know. They’re not even certain whether you’re bluffing or not, so this is always the first card they’ll play.
After all, they have nothing to lose. If they’ve been caught, nothing they can say can fix the situation.
On the other hand, if you’re really bluffing, the worst thing they can do is admit everything. In that scenario, they would be signing their own death sentence.
Therefore, most cheaters think that denial is the only way out of this horrible situation. No matter how strong the evidence you have is, they will try to convince you that they’re the one telling the truth.
For example, if your best friend saw your partner with another man or woman, naturally, you’ll want to talk to your other half about it.
However, instead of admitting their mistakes, they will probably do their best to convince you that your friend is lying.
Everyone who can confirm your story is allegedly manipulating you and they’re all jealous of your idyllic love life. These are all false accusations!
Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Well, it’s a common tactic all adulterers use to brainwash their victims. You see, this technique works in most cases.
Whether you like it or not, after you hear them convincing you, you’ll start doubting something you know is true.
The fact is that you want to believe them. You want for all of this to just be a misunderstanding and you wish to see it as nothing but a bad dream.
On top of that, they’re so persuasive. You can show them proof or bring out witnesses but they will stick to their story.
Believe it or not, there is a subgroup of cheaters who wouldn’t admit to having an affair even if their life depended on it.
You might be the one who caught them red-handed but even that won’t be reason enough for them to come clean.
How many times have you heard the infamous sentence, “My significant other accused me of cheating but they pushed me to have an affair,” while talking to an adulterer?
These are the people who can’t or don’t want to accept responsibility for their own actions. Instead, they try to make you, the person they consciously cheated on, feel guilty for their unfaithfulness.
Reading it like this, you notice how absurd this sounds, right? Well, what’s even worse is that this keeps on happening.
In fact, one of the most common answers to the question of how do cheaters act when accused Is that they will try engaging in the blame game.
According to relationship experts, this is a way in which an adulterer projects their own guilt onto their victim. Suddenly, the tables turn and the adulterer becomes the accuser.
One of their first excuses will be that they felt emotionally neglected in the relationship. This impacted their emotional and mental health and destroyed their self-esteem.
They weren’t getting enough attention, you weren’t intimate as often as they wished, they feel like you never listen to them, they think you don’t understand them, you were working too much, which left you no time for them…
The list goes on and on. You see, some cheaters really believe in all of these things they’re saying. This is especially true for married women and men.
They are the ones who usually complain that their marriage has fallen into a rut and that they were almost forced to look for some excitement from elsewhere.
How convenient, isn’t it? It’s easier for them to accept what they’ve done if they make you look like the bad guy of the story.
In this case, all of the sudden, he or she accuses you of everything bad in a relationship. Before you know it, the truth has been twisted.
Now, you find yourself apologizing for something the cheater did. Apparently, they would never have made such a mistake if you hadn’t made them do it.
Don’t misunderstand me; it’s possible that they really did feel like this. You might have given your entire self but for some people, that’s not enough and they end up feeling neglected, unloved or unwanted.
However, that is no justification for their horrible actions. You see, if your partner wasn’t happy next to you, they could have left you in good time before having an affair.
Please, don’t allow them to make you feel guilty and don’t play along with this blame game. Remember one thing: you’re the victim here and the victim is never to blame!
Cheating was their choice, which they consciously made. Your behavior could never make them do something they didn’t want to do.
Besides, if they noticed your relationship was in trouble, why didn’t they do something to improve it? Why didn’t they talk to you about it in time?
Why didn’t they tell you how they felt before fooling around behind your back? After all, they have no trouble expressing their dissatisfaction now, do they?
According to relationship experts, when people cheat, they will rarely take full responsibility for their actions. Instead of standing behind their mistakes, they try to cover up everything they did.
It was a one-time thing. (It lasted for a couple of months but I really do hope that you didn’t dig around and find all the details.)
She manipulated me into being with her. (Apparently, I’m nothing but an immature boy who can’t make decisions on his own. This mean girl wanted to destroy our relationship and she tricked me into cheating on you.)
I was drunk and still I have no idea what I did. (Alcohol was just an excuse for me to do something I obviously wanted to do all along. Also, I have no control over my actions when I’m drunk.)
It didn’t mean anything. (But what we have doesn’t mean much either, since I was ready to betray you like this.)
It was the first time it happened. (It’s been happening for a while now but this is the first time I got caught.)
If you have ever been cheated on, you know that the above lines are the answers to the question of how do cheaters react when accused. You’ve heard at least one of these sentences.
However, if you’re smart enough, you also know what each one of them really means. You see, some cheaters will lie and deny that the affair ever took place.
Nevertheless, there are also the ones who will admit their wrongdoings. Nevertheless, they will lie about the details. To be precise, they will twist the truth in their favor.
At first, you’ll think that they’re being honest. They’ve made a mistake and if they wanted to lie, they wouldn’t have admitted doing something as awful as this in the first place.
However, what you don’t see here is that these are nothing but empty excuses. This is a way every cheater justifies themselves for their wrongdoings.
I’m begging you to understand one thing: they cheated on you because they consciously decided to do so. There isn’t any excuse that can annul their sins.
Even if they admit that they are a jerk who is sorry for hurting you, this is also probably a lie. Let’s face it; how come they didn’t think this way about themselves while they were engaged in an affair?
All cheaters who ask for a second chance will promise you that they will change. All of a sudden, they’re ready to do whatever it takes to make you happy. This was a moment of weakness and it will never happen again.
Hearing that, you assume that you’re about to live in a fairy tale. This nightmare is far behind you and you don’t have to wonder how to deal with it anymore.
You think that your significant other has finally realized that you’re the one. They won’t be making the same mistake ever again and everything in your relationship will be in perfect order.
They shower you with love, give you their undivided attention and finally treat you the way you deserved to be treated from the first day.
In fact, your marriage or relationship seems to be better than it was before this affair happened.
Nevertheless, this only lasts until the cheating partner is certain that they have gained your forgiveness.
It takes them a while to get back under your skin, a while to regain your trust and to convince you not to leave them. As soon as they’re certain of their position in your life again, believe me, they’ll go back to their old ways.
The number one promise that people who cheat make is: I won’t do it ever again! However, it’s a proven fact that many repeat their sins from the past, as soon as they get the chance to. Why? Simply because they can.
Every time you forgive your partner for cheating, you’re giving them the green light to keep up with the good work.
You’re sending them a clear message: your behavior is acceptable and I will take you back every time you promise me that you will change.
Of course, there are some cheaters who stand behind their words, those who honestly believe everything they say and who learn from their mistakes.
On the other hand, the majority of adulterers are just giving out promises they don’t intend to keep. They’re ready to tell you everything you want to hear, just to make peace with you.
These people will promise you the moon and the stars. However, as soon as the initial crisis is over, they will show you that they’re unable to stay faithful, let alone anything more.
Don’t worry, you’re not the only one who falls for these false promises. You hold on to them, simply because you want to hope that things will be better in the future, despite what your gut feeling might be telling you.
Whatever you end up doing, I’m just begging you one thing: don’t forgive your significant other just because of something they said. Focus on concrete actions instead of empty words.
This might go hand in hand with denial but it’s even worse. Gaslighting is a tactic commonly used by narcissistic people but plain cheaters are also familiar with it.
Basically, the main concept of this technique is to make you look like you’re crazy. When a cheater gaslights you, they’re playing with your mind and they’re making you question your own sanity.
This usually happens when you’re the one who caught your cheating spouse or partner. You don’t have to actually catch them in action but all the signs of cheating are present.
For example, you might have heard your partner talk on the phone with someone. They don’t know that you’re listening so you get to hear the details of the conversation.
Based on everything you hear, this is a romantic convo. It’s pretty obvious that they’re talking to their lover. However, when you confront them about this, they’ll tell you that you didn’t hear things right.
They’ll start convincing you that they weren’t talking on the phone at all or that they were talking to a friend or a co-worker.
Of course, all of their cell phone records get magically deleted so you have no proof of your accusations.
Another common situation is that you find suspicious text messages on their phone. You don’t take screenshots but by the time you confront your partner about them, the texts have already been deleted.
So, you find yourself in a situation where you’re being convinced that these messages never existed. You were imagining things or you dreamed about reading them.
If something like this happens only once, you’ll second-guess your suspicions. You’ll want to believe them.
It will be easier for you to accept the fact that you’re imagining things than grasp the idea that your loved one is cheating on you.
Nevertheless, the same practice continues. You might have seen their car on the other side of the city by accident, when they should have been at work.
You may even take pictures as evidence. Nevertheless, they’ll still continue with the gaslighting.
They’ll do everything in their power to persuade you that this wasn’t their car.
When you sense an unfamiliar scent or find a hair that clearly belongs to someone else, they will try convincing you that this is your perfume or your hair.
Basically, what a gaslighter cheater does is ask you to believe them rather than your own eyes. As crazy as this might sound, the truth is that it works in most cases.
However, they won’t stop there. Once again, you’ll be to blame for confronting them about cheating. They will accuse you of making things up, just to pick a fight.
Or they will tell you that you don’t know how to break up so you’re trying to use this imaginary scenario as an excuse to walk out on them.
At the end of the day, you’ll be the one apologizing. Not only that but this will awaken some serious insecurities and trust issues and it will destroy your confidence.
The biggest problem is that you’ll no longer know what the truth is. Did you really imagine this infidelity? Are you being paranoid? Are you overreacting? Or has your partner been playing you all along?
Minimizing the situation
An affair is an affair. It doesn’t matter whether it was a physical or emotional affair. It doesn’t matter whether it lasted a week, if it was a one-time thing or if it lasted a year.
The bottom line is that your partner consciously chose to betray you. They didn’t just cheat on you and they didn’t hurt you only as their romantic partner.
Instead, they backstabbed you. They showed you that they were never trustworthy and that you can’t count on them.
So, the only thing that matters here is the way you feel regarding this entire situation. What is important is your pain, disappointment, and grief.
However, most cheaters think that the best way out of this entire mess is to minimize their affair. In fact, most of them will use the same old excuse: It was just physical.
Apparently, sleeping with someone else without any emotions included should be less painful. It should be something you can forgive with more ease and it shouldn’t bother you that much.
Wouldn’t it be amazing if things could work like that? Well, sadly for you, they don’t.
In fact, the problem with this entire scenario is not that your partner is trying to minimize the situation they’ve gotten you into. After all, it’s in human nature to try and escape a problem.
Also, they are probably putting all of their efforts into staying with you, which doesn’t justify them. They think that you’ll forgive them more easily if you rule out any possible emotions from the equation.
The actual problem is that they’re invalidating your pain by doing all of this. It’s like they’re telling you that you’re making a big fuss out of nothing.
You’re turning this into a bigger deal than it actually is. It wasn’t emotional cheating, it meant nothing, so you shouldn’t be as upset about their affair as you are, right?
Another way of minimizing the infidelity is by saying it was just a one-time thing. Well, what they obviously refuse to grasp is that this hurts anyway.
Yes, it would probably hurt you more knowing that your partner had been sneaking around behind your back for months or even years, without you noticing anything.
However, the mere thought of them kissing someone else, touching them and eventually sleeping with them even if it happened just once is more than enough.
One of the first lies cheaters tell about their affair is connected to its importance. They always try to present it as a one-time thing and something completely irrelevant.
Naturally, they’ll never admit the intensity of the relationship.
They’ll never talk to you about their true feelings, about the time they spent with this person, about the presents they bought them or about the fact that they probably promised to break things off with you.
Instead, they will keep on entangling themselves in their own network of lies.
Of course, their initial goal is to get out of trouble but they never choose the truth as their tactic. Let’s be real here; you shouldn’t be worried about the fact that they’re lying.
Yes, it’s an awful thing to do but they’re just trying to get out of this horrible situation.
What is actually much worse is the fact that they see all of these lies as a way to absolve themselves of their sins.
It’s like their affair is not such a big deal if it only happened once or if they just slept with this person, without going on dates and spending time together.
Some will also lie about the third person’s identity. Naturally, this can only happen if you noticed the red flags that they were cheating but you still haven’t figured out with whom they’ve been doing it.
For example, if your spouse is cheating on you with a co-worker, they will never admit their lover’s identity. They don’t want you to know that they’ll keep bumping into this person even if they end the affair.
However, the most common of all lies told by cheaters is that they will break things off with this person. Sadly, many of them continue seeing their lover; they just become more careful.
In some cases, they really do walk away from their affair. They feel guilty and they are ready to do whatever it takes to preserve your relationship.
Nevertheless, mostly, they’re just buying time and waiting for the storm to go away. As soon as this happens, they’re back to their old ways.
If you’re asking yourself how do cheaters react when accused, the sad truth is that sometimes, this is the best thing that could happen to them.
You see, some people don’t cheat just because they want some extra-marital or out-of-relationship kind of fun.
Sometimes, an affair happens because they’ve truly fallen in love with someone else. As painful as this realization might be, the fact is that they are not happy next to you. They stopped loving you.
In fact, they might still love you in a way and even still see you as a family member. Nevertheless, they no longer have any romantic feelings toward you. To be honest, they want out of this relationship.
Actually, they want to start a new life together with this person they’re having an affair with. They love them and are ready to leave you this instant.
Now that you know all of this, you are probably wondering why they didn’t break things off a while ago.
Why didn’t they come clean and leave you as soon as they realized they were falling for the other person?
Well, the answer is pretty simple: they’re a coward. They didn’t have the decency to tell you the truth and they didn’t respect you enough not to sneak around behind your back.
So, basically, they prayed for you to catch them. It’s easier for them to be confronted than to admit out of the blue everything they’ve been doing.
All of this is a relief to this kind of person. They don’t want you to forgive them; actually, they sincerely hope that you’ll be the one to do the dirty work, so they don’t have to dump you.
This type won’t ask for your forgiveness. Even if they do, they will tell you that they’re sorry for breaking your heart but they won’t be asking for a second chance.
They won’t make empty excuses, nor will they promise you and swear that they will never do something like this again. They won’t even try minimizing their affair by lying that it never meant anything.
If you’re the one who wants to try and work things out and who is ready to fight for your relationship, they will tell you that breaking up is the only real option.
They see this as their only chance to escape this failed relationship and they plan on using it.
Whatever happens, I’m begging you for one thing: don’t feel sorry for them.
Don’t sympathize with the fact that they didn’t have the strength to reveal to you the truth. The only thing that differentiates this type from any other cheater out there is their lack of courage.
If you hadn’t caught them, they would have continued with this charade for ages.
Another common thing cheaters do when they get caught is repent. At least, they act like they do. Once you get all the evidence of their infidelity and once they have no way out, they admit everything.
They break down in front of you and they start telling you how incredibly sorry they are for making such a mistake.
At first, you are not interested in their explanations. You don’t want to see their face, let alone give them a chance to come back into your life.
However, they don’t accept no for an answer. You see, this is the type of person who won’t leave you alone until you forgive them.
They will literally go after you wherever you go. They are ready to do whatever it takes just so you see how sorry they are for their misbehavior.
They will spend hours and hours on your doorstep, begging you to talk to them. They will appear in all the places you visit, they will call your friends and family and they will stalk you in numerous other ways.
Not only that but they will be surprising you with romantic gestures. You’ll get tons of surprises, love letters, poems and so on.
Nothing will work against their persistence. You can block their number or social media accounts and they will get new ones; you can avoid them for as long as you want but they will find you.
If someone whom you have no feelings for was doing these things, you would see them as red flags. You would consider the person a stalker and a maniac.
However, when the person you still love does all of this, the truth is that you find it adorable and irresistible.
As hurt as you are, you admire their persistence.
You can’t help but feel flattered about the fact that they won’t let you go, even if their life depended on it. After all, it’s clear that they’re sorry.
They regret their decision so much that you consider giving them a second chance.
Look, I won’t lie to you: there is a huge possibility that your cheating partner really does regret it. Maybe he finally realized what he has done.
Maybe they don’t want to lose everything they built with you over a few temporary moments of passion. Maybe they really are sorry and would give everything in their power to go back in time and erase their mistakes.
In this case, it’s up to you whether you’ll forgive them or not. Everyone thinks they know what the right thing to do is but you’re the one making the final call.
On the other hand, you have to be honest with yourself and figure out one thing. Is your cheating spouse or partner sorry for cheating on you? Or are they sorry for getting caught?
You see, there is a huge difference here. It is likely that they would have continued with their behavior if you had never found out.
Besides, their repentance cannot heal your broken heart. It can’t glue its pieces back together and it can’t undo the things that occurred.
To Wrap Up:
Now that you have all the answers to the question of how do cheaters react when accused, you’re ready to confront your adulterer.
However, please gather as much solid evidence as you can before acting on your doubts. This way, they’ll have less chance to play you for a fool.