14 coisas frustrantes que os traidores dizem quando são confrontados

Ser traído é uma experiência muito dolorosa. As coisas que os traidores dizem quando são confrontados podem tornar a situação ainda mais dolorosa.

There’s nothing worse than feeling betrayed and having your trust broken.

Especially by the ones you love the most. Once that trust is broken it’s hard – and sometimes almost impossible – to fix it.

Unfortunately, many women or men blame themself. They think they’re not good enough or they did something wrong.

A sua confiança é esmagada. Tudo por causa dos seus parceiros traidores e da sua moral questionável. Ninguém devia passar por isto.

Quando se confronta um traidor, ele normalmente recusa-se a assumir a culpa. Até se torna agressivo no seu tom de voz.

Por vezes, tentam, de alguma forma, colocar a culpa em si.

Se foi vítima de um traidor ou se suspeita que o seu parceiro o está a trair, eis algumas das reacções comuns dos traidores quando são chamados à atenção para o seu comportamento vergonhoso.

As respostas dividem-se em diferentes categorias com base na reação inicial.

Things they say to make you feel like you’re the one in the wrong:

1. “Nothing is going on, you’re being paranoid”

Esta pode ser a resposta mais frustrante de um batoteiro.

They try to make you feel crazy and think you’re doing something wrong by confronting them with clear evidence.

They will deny everything. What’s worse, he or she will try to make you feel bad by saying you’re making things up just because you’re not confident in yourself.

So, as well as lying to you, they’re also insulting you.

Conhecem todos os seus pontos fracos e querem fazer com que se sinta vulnerável para poderem desviar o foco para si.

Confronting a cheater can lead to what’s called gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation where someone – in this case a cheater – makes you doubt your own judgment, memory, and perception, often targeting a victim’s low self-esteem.

Recorrendo à negação, à desinformação, à contradição e a outros métodos de manipulação da verdade, fazem com que a vítima pense que o que sabe ser verdade está errado.

Gaslighting is a serious issue that has been recognized by clinical psychologists. It’s commonly used by people who are narcissists.

2. “You don’t trust me!”

Esta é uma forma de gaslighting. O seu ex-companheiro irá ironicamente usar a confiança para o fazer sentir-se mal com uma situação, enquanto quebra claramente a sua confiança.

By making you an accuser, they trick you into thinking you’re the one who’s making things up. Don’t fall for it. It’s a major red flag.

Their goal is to make you feel like you’re being cruel to them and that you are wrong for bringing the topic up.

Someone who doesn’t have anything to hide will talk about things without a problem.

It’s not that uncommon for people to feel like they are being cheated on, especially if they’ve dealt with similar things before.

If your partner is willing to talk about it, it means they are confident about the truth. Trust is something that’s built throughout the relationship.

If it’s lacking in some other areas of life, it’s no surprise a person will feel like something is going on when confronted with evidence or reasonable doubt.

Se não tiverem nada a esconder, manter-se-ão calmos e assegurar-lhe-ão que está tudo bem e não farão uma cena.

3. “Where were tu last night?”

A tentativa de o culpar com contra-ataques é outra forma manipuladora de controlo.

Um marido, uma mulher ou qualquer tipo de parceiro fingirá sentir-se duvidoso e inseguro em relação ao seu comportamento.

They want to trick you into defending yourself. While you’re defending yourself they can manipulate you more easily and change the focus from them onto you.

Isso dá-lhes tempo para inventar qualquer coisa e evitar a situação.

Confronting a cheater can involve many messy feelings and a lot of intensity, so don’t let them make you feel crazy and fall for their lies.

Things they say to diminish the importance of what they’ve done:

4. “It’s not like we had sex or anything.”

Se apanhou o seu parceiro a traí-lo ao ver as suas mensagens de texto ou as actualizações das redes sociais, é quase certo que ele vai negar.

Eles acusam-no de mexer nas suas coisas mesmo que tenham uma aplicação de encontros instalada!

When they’re out of excuses they will try to defend themselves by denying a physical relationship. Even if they didn’t have a physical relationship that doesn’t mean they didn’t cheat.

Emotional cheating can be even worse than just having sex. It means they don’t value you and don’t think you’re enough.

Be aware of the warning signs. If they suddenly pick up their cell phone way more often and have private conversations, there’s a possibility they’re not telling you something.

Your relationship after that won’t be as it was before. Some scenarios are worse than others – for example when they cheat with their co-worker and keep going back to the same job.

It’s almost impossible to repair and regain trust.

5. “It was just a one-time thing.”

Apparently monogamy isn’t for everyone. The problem is when they act like it is.

Dizer que a traição foi um caso isolado é o mesmo que dizer que trair a tua confiança e fazer-te sentir inútil é um caso isolado. O dano está feito e recuperação de casos é inevitável. 

You can’t expect to cheat and move on as if nothing happened. If there has been a first time, there will be a second time too.

6. “It didn’t mean anything.”

Of course it means something. It means they’re not capable of having a normal relationship and respecting their partner.

By decreasing the importance of a one-night stand in a committed relationship they’re decreasing the importance of the relationship itself.

Dizendo it didn’t mean anything they can’t minimize the pain. A person cheats knowing how it’s going to affect their partner, they just don’t count on being busted.

7. “It’s not what it looks like.”

The attempt to rationalize and explain their behavior is one of the ways they try to mask their cheating as something that’s not um grande negócio.

It’s cheating. There’s no justifying that.

8. “It was just sex.”

What does that even mean? If sex isn’t that important, why did they have it with someone else in the first place?

Afirmar que o sexo é apenas sexo significa que uma ligação emocional é mais importante.

That doesn’t make sense because cheating is, in fact, an emotional betrayal.

It’s one of the worst things you can do to a person you’re supposedly emotionally connected to.

This response is a way of minimizing the partner’s pain by diminishing the importance of sex.

Clearly, sex is important because otherwise, they wouldn’t have cheated.

It’s known that most people cheat after making an emotional connection with the third person.

It wasn’t just sex. It was betrayal and disrespect.

Coisas que dizem para nos culparem a nós ou a algo ou alguém:

9. “I’m not happy anymore.”

Sometimes when confronting a cheater, they actually admit how they feel about the relationship and that probably means they’re unhappy in it.

Isso inclui admitir os seus verdadeiros sentimentos em relação a si.

Ouvir uma coisa destas é muito doloroso. No entanto, talvez fosse menos doloroso se a pessoa tivesse sido honesta antes de fazer batota.

If they wanted to break up, they should’ve!

Leading the person on is a sign of cowardice. They can’t be honest with themselves so they’re not honest with you either.

The basis for any relationship should be trust and honesty. With many people it seems, that’s not the case.

Numa relação duradoura, pode ser especialmente difícil admitir quando as coisas não estão a funcionar.

You don’t need a relationship expert to tell you that things are off when they’re so obviously off.

That still doesn’t excuse the act of cheating, not at all. Everyone deserves to be respected at all times.

Dizer you’re not happy isn’t going to solve anything.

10. “I did it because we didn’t have enough sex.”

Uma das coisas mais comuns que os traidores referem (sobretudo os homens) é a falta de sexo.

Mas em vez de tentarem comunicar o problema numa relação, decidem que a melhor forma de lidar com o problema é encontrar satisfação noutro lado.

That’s not a valid excuse for cheating. Yes, people have needs, there’s no arguing about that. However, there are things to be done before doing the worst thing you can do.

Porque não falar com o seu parceiro? Que tal abordar o problema e tentar fazer alguma coisa para o resolver? Admitir o problema?

Ir diretamente para a coisa mais dolorosa que pode ser feita não é, definitivamente, a maneira de lidar com isso.

11. “She/he came to me!”

As coisas que o traidor diz quando é confrontado são por vezes muito estúpidas. O que é que interessa quem deu o primeiro passo? Como é que isso justifica as coisas?

They might admit cheating but still insist on saying they’re innocent because another person was the one who started it.

Que desculpa tão pobre! Tentar culpar os outros pela nossa própria culpa é uma verdadeira maldade.

Everybody knows that it takes two people to cheat. One of them doesn’t even have to know about it.

Coisas que dizem quando querem-no de volta depois de o terem traído:

12. “That was a long time ago, things are different now.”

The fact it happened a long time ago and you’ve just found out about it now, doesn’t change this. In fact, it might make it even worse.

Pensar em todas as recordações que aconteceram durante o período em que estava a fazer batota pode deixar uma pessoa doente.

A sensação de não saber nada é quase insuportável. Especialmente porque significa que o seu parceiro o deixou viver uma mentira.

13. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

If they didn’t want to hurt you, they shouldn’t have done it. As simple as that.

Every cheater knows they’re doing something wrong. That’s why saying this doesn’t make sense. It’s just a weak attempt to ask for forgiveness.

Cometer adultério é uma escolha. Uma escolha que tem consequências. Afecta os sentimentos de outra pessoa e a vida que vivem juntos.

By choosing to do it, despite knowing the consequences, it means they’re choosing to intentionally hurt another person. There’s no third option.

14. “It won’t happen again.”

Even if you choose not to leave your partner, it’s hard to believe cheating won’t happen again. It’s hard to regain trust once after it’s been broken.

A traição não é algo que deva ser varrido para debaixo do tapete. Obriga a pessoa a reexaminar tudo o que sabe sobre o seu parceiro e sobre si própria.

Their self-esteem drops and it’s hard to make things go back to the way they were.

When you’ve seen your future with the person who’s cheating on you, it’s hard to confront them about cheating.

Por vezes, a reação inicial é esquecer tudo e voltar a normal. For some people it’s to unleash their anger and get some kind of revenge on their partner.

As coisas também dependem do parceiro que traiu. Por vezes, a pessoa quer voltar à sua antiga relação.

Sometimes they want to move on and stay with the person they’re cheating with.

In case your partner is asking for forgiveness, it’s up to you.

A lot of people would agree that once a partner has been unfaithful it’s impossible to move on and pretend that nothing happened.

Afecta tremendamente a relação. O ressentimento pode impossibilitar a resolução do problema.

Nem todas as situações são iguais. As coisas que os traidores dizem quando confrontados são diferentes em casos diferentes.

Alguns traidores estão genuinamente arrependidos do que fizeram. É provável que admitam a infidelidade de imediato e peçam perdão.

There’s a difference between admitting adultery and being caught out. However, what they’ve done is completely self-inflicted.

People make mistakes for various reasons. That doesn’t mean we can justify them. As adults, they’re always responsible for their actions.

If a partner acts selfishly when confronted, it’s obvious they’re not feeling any kind of remorse.

That’s when they start committing other types of emotional abuse in addition to cheating.

Despite everything that’s been said, some relationships survive after cheating.

After all, it’s your decision whether you decide to forgive them and no one else is entitled to give their opinion. Do as you wish but keep in mind all that has been said and done.

If you’re interested in saving your relationship or marriage here are some things you can do:

Em primeiro lugar, tem de decidir se é capaz de lhe dar outra oportunidade. Dar-lhes uma oportunidade significa restabelecer a confiança.

When a person cheats it shows they’re maybe not capable of having a healthy relationship at all.

You need to decide if you think it’s possible for them to really change.

Everybody can make a mistake, but it’s the nature of the mistake and their behavior that shows how fatal that mistake is.

If you have the strength to forgive your partner and make amends, maybe it’s worth trying.

Outra coisa que pode fazer é tentar compreender verdadeiramente as razões que levaram o seu parceiro a traí-la.

At first, it may seem like they cheated because you weren’t enough for them, but the truth can be very different.

It is possible they cheated to prove to themself that they’re worthy.

No matter how contradictory it may sound, cheating doesn’t have to be about sex only. Sometimes it’s a reaction to dealing with their own lack of worth.

Uma das coisas que pode fazer é pedir ao seu parceiro que prometa que nunca mais o vai trair.

Peça-lhe que deixe de contactar a terceira pessoa e que se comprometa a melhorar a vossa relação.

If the third person is someone who they see daily due to their job – ask them to change their job.

Para além disso, exija que eles frequentem sessões de aconselhamento relacional consigo.

Be clear about how you feel and set boundaries. Communicate your conditions and if they agree with them, that’s when you can move onto the next step.

Keep talking about the issue even if it’s painful but respect your limits. It’s important to let go of resentment as much as possible.

Fale sobre as consequências se algo semelhante voltar a acontecer.

Declare corajosamente a sua posição. Se acontecer algo semelhante, diga-lhes que vai deixá-los, separar-se ou pedir o divórcio.

Lastly and most importantly, know when to end things once and for all. If your partner doesn’t change despite promises, leave him or her.

There’s nothing you can do but move on. There’s no point in making your life miserable over somebody else’s problem.

No matter how much you love them, they don’t love you enough. For the relationship to work out two people are needed.

Breakups are painful experiences, but sometimes they’re a chance for something new.

There’s only so much we can do if someone doesn’t want to change.

Em vez de esperar pelo seu parceiro, mostre respeito por si próprio, dê a si próprio uma mudança muito necessária e afaste-se.