Como deixar de ser codependente de 16 maneiras poderosas

I think we all agree that codependency is never good for a relationship. In fact, most codependent people aren’t even aware of their condition and that unawareness is slowly ruining their relationship.

However, if you think that you or your partner might be dealing with this issue and want to know how to stop being codependent, stay with us because we’ll help you deal with it in a few very simple steps.

Sabe como os escaravelhos podem destruir as nossas plantas? Comem-nas, fazem buracos e danificam completamente as plantas.

It’s the same with codependent behavior in relationships. It harms our relationship every day more and more, until it completely ruins it.

Codependency is definitely NOT a sign of a healthy relationship and it’s NEVER a way to prove or express your love to your partner.

Estes indivíduos codependentes perdem-se totalmente quando estão numa relação e tornam-se definidos pelo seu parceiro.

But the thing is, most of them are actually afraid of maintaining their independence because they think it’ll affect them negatively.

Acredita em mim, nada nem ninguém vale mais do que tu e nunca deves permitir que alguém se torne mais importante do que tu.

Abaixo estão alguns métodos excelentes e eficientes sobre como deixar de ser codependente para todas as pessoas que estão atualmente a lutar com problemas de codependência.

Como deixar de ser co-dependente numa relação

Codependency will weaken the bond between you and your loved one. It may even make the other side start to think about a breakup. That’s why you should put an end to this comportamento tóxico O MAIS RAPIDAMENTE POSSÍVEL.

Respire fundo e aceite os seus problemas

Assim, os primeiros passos para quebrar o ciclo da codependência são reconhecer, aceitar e encontrar a causa raiz do seu comportamento codependente.

In order to do that, you’ll have to go back to the past. Did someone you loved in the past hurt you badly? Do you think that could be a reason why you became so emotionally dependent on your current partner?

Este tipo de comportamento pode também ser causado por abuso de substâncias ou outras dependências ou mesmo devido a alguns problemas de saúde mental.

You’ll probably have a hard time accepting the truth but it must be done if you really want to save your relationship.

Trust me, no matter how much your partner loves you, this kind of behavior simply can’t be tolerated.

And if they don’t honestly love you, they’ll only use it to try to control you and then your relationship will become completely toxic and unhealthy.

A conversa interna é muito importante nestas situações. Primeiro, tem de admitir que tem um problema e só depois poderá tentar encontrar uma forma de o resolver.

Falar direta e honestamente com o seu parceiro

Depois de admitir que tem problemas de codependência, o passo seguinte será falar com o seu parceiro.

Tell them that you’re aware of the fact that your relationship has been becoming unhealthy because of your behavior but that you’re also ready to change.

Sometimes these things happen, especially in long-term relationships. One partner becomes so invested in the other one that they just can’t function properly without them.

If you’ve figured out the cause of your codependence, you can share it with your partner and ask them to help you get rid of it as soon as possible and make your relationship healthy again.

Têm de tentar lidar com isso e superá-lo juntos, porque têm de partilhar tudo numa relação, mesmo os momentos e problemas menos bons.

At the end of the day, the only important thing is that you honestly love each other and that you’re ready to fight for your relationship.

Bring back the word ‘NO’ to your vocabulary

You must learn to say NO when you don’t want to do something or if you aren’t okay with your partner’s opinion.

Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself. It won’t damage your relationship; on the contrary, it’ll only make your partner cherish and appreciate you more.

Being a people pleaser won’t bring you anything good.

Maybe you do it because you’re actually afraid of being rejected, you just want to avoid a fight with someone or you’re just trying to be nice but it’ll only make the people around you use it to control you.

You must prioritize your own needs over anyone else’s. You must work on recognizing your autoestima.

You have to make your own decisions and have your own perspectives on some things and those will probably be different from your partner’s sometimes but it’s perfectly okay.

We’re all individuals with different opinions and views about certain issues.

But believe me, those little differences are exactly what will bring you and your partner closer and it’ll also strengthen the bond between you.

Understand that your relationship isn’t the only source of your happiness

Nunca deve permitir que a sua relação romântica ou o seu parceiro se tornem tudo para si ou o façam ansiedade na relação. That’s exactly why most people become codependent on their emotional partner.

Desde que tenha a sua família, amigos, emprego, animais de estimação ou outras coisas que o façam sentir feliz e amado, o seu par romântico nunca deve tornar-se tudo para si.

Também já cometi esse erro uma vez. Antes de me casar, tinha uma relação com um homem que amava de todo o coração. Nessa relação, entreguei-me completamente.

A nossa relação tornou-se o centro do meu universo. Perdi o meu poder e ajudei-o a ter o controlo total sobre mim. No final, aquele homem tornou-se literalmente tudo para mim.

You know why? I lost all of my friends because of it and most of my family members were angry at me. They realized what was happening and tried to warn me so many times but I just didn’t want to listen.

Era como se eu tivesse bloqueado todas as outras pessoas à minha volta e ele fosse a única pessoa no mundo para mim. Oh, como eu estava errada e quantas coisas más isso me trouxe.

Now I’m married to a wonderful man who truly loves and respects me but I promised myself I’d never even say to him that he’s my everything because I learned my lesson so long ago.

Reconstruir o seu sentido de autoestima

Just because your partner makes more money than you or is more successful than you, it doesn’t mean they are worth more than you.

We all have different interests, even when we’re in a relationship with someone, and we’re all good at something. Maybe sometimes you get the feeling that you’re unworthy of being loved but that’s not true. We all are.

Your partner might make you think that way but that only means they’re a toxic person who wants to have control over you.

Don’t allow it because you’re way better than that. Codependent partners mostly become that way because they’re dealing with low self-esteem issues.

É preciso cuidar melhor do seu bem-estar físico e mental. E, de facto, a melhor maneira de aumentar o seu autoestima é ser gentil consigo próprio.

You must know that you’re worthy of love and if your partner wants to make you believe otherwise, then it’s definitely time to cut them out of your life.

Schedule some ‘me time’ more often

Just because you’re in a romantic relationship with someone doesn’t mean that you have to be with that person 24/7, nor that you must do everything together. Sometimes you must step away from everything and everyone.

Ter algum tempo a sós é, de facto, vital para uma relação saudável.
Penso que a maioria dos casais que começam a passar demasiado tempo juntos são os que se separam muito rapidamente.

We’re all unique individuals with different needs and interests.

When you’re dating someone, you must respect those little differences and you shouldn’t make your partner do something they don’t like just because you don’t want to spend a minute without them.

It’s so wrong and it will definitely ruin your relationship. If you like something that your partner doesn’t, take some alone time and dedicate yourself to that activity.

After some time, you’ll probably even run out of things to talk about. Your relationship will be stuck in a routine and it’ll become boring for both of you, which will lead you to end your relationship.

You’ll see once you start spending some time with yourself that you’ll learn to enjoy your ‘me time’.

Also, it’ll give you time to think about your problems and issues and you might even get some answers on how to cope with them.

As suas próprias necessidades também são importantes

Eu percebo que quando amamos alguém, as suas necessidades tornam-se tão importantes como as nossas.

No entanto, a questão é que nunca devem tornar-se mais importantes, porque isso daria ao seu parceiro o poder de o controlar e perder-se-ia completamente nessa relação.

It’s okay that you want to prove to your significant other how much they mean to you by making your needs equal but you should be very careful with this because you might end up prioritizing theirs after all.

Se quer realmente livrar-se desse comportamento codependente, deve definitivamente começar a dar prioridade às suas próprias necessidades, independentemente do quanto ama a outra pessoa.

Being in love with someone is an amazing feeling but do you know what’s even more beautiful than that? Being in love with yourself.

There is nothing wrong with loving yourself and putting your needs first. That’s not selfish, that’s essential for a happy and fulfilling life.

Além disso, passe mais tempo com as pessoas que lhe são próximas

The thing you really, really must understand is that your partner isn’t the only important person in your life.

Há muitas outras pessoas que estão na sua vida porque lhe provaram que o amam e que só querem o melhor para si.

You can’t behave like you and your partner are the only human beings on this planet. There are so many people you have neglected and who truly miss you.

You have become codependent on your loved one and probably forgot your friends and neglected your family. Now, it’s high time to change that.

First of all, you must call your friends and those family members you neglected and tell them you realized that you’ve been unfair and offer them an apology.

Of course, they’ll forgive you and you’ll forget about it immediately. Then you should invite them to your place or ask them to hang out.

The more you hang out with them, the more you’ll stop being codependent on your significant other. They’ll remind you that there is a life for you outside of your relationship.

Deixar de pedir autorização

Why do you have that strange need to ask your partner for permission about everything you do? They aren’t your parent and you’re definitely not a little girl.

You’ve grown up and become an independent person who doesn’t need anyone’s permission to do something she wants.

You must learn to be strong-willed because it’s a quality that every strong woman should have. If you firmly decide to do something, no one should affect your decision or make you change your thinking or intention.

If your partner made you think that you mustn’t do anything without asking them first, it’s time to do one thing without their permission; it’s time to leave that controlling, toxic monster in the past.

Deixar de procurar a validação do seu parceiro

A sua necessidade constante de procurar a aprovação do seu parceiro é definitivamente um sinal de codependência. A única pessoa a quem deve procurar validação é a si próprio.

In order to do that, you’ll have to work on the relationship you have with yourself. You must work on your self-confidence because you wouldn’t be seeing validation from others if your confidence was already high.

None of us is perfect and that means you aren’t either. It’s a fact but that is perfectly okay. You should accept this as soon as possible because that will also greatly improve your self-worth.

If you feel that you need to ask for your partner’s validation all the time, that means you trust them more than you trust yourself and that’s not good.

Remember, you’re the only person you can be sure will never betray you. Again, I’m talking from my own experience. I was completely sure that my ex would never betray me and I trusted him completely.

No entanto, aprendi a minha lição. Quando comecei a procura de validação apenas de mim próprio, a minha vida melhorou muito e senti-me verdadeiramente muito melhor por causa disso.

Mudar o foco para si próprio

It’s time to mudar o foco para si próprio. You need to understand that you must be at the top of your priority list and that place shouldn’t be taken by anyone else except you.

Do you have any passions or interests? Do you have any dreams or goals for the future? Well then, it’s time to start pursuing those.

Talvez haja algo que sempre quiseste fazer ou aprender? Talvez haja um sítio que sempre quis visitar? Então, vá em frente.

Mas o importante é que o faça sozinho, para que possa provar a si próprio e aos outros que consegue fazer as coisas sem o seu parceiro.

Colocar os outros à frente de si próprio deve parar imediatamente. Tentar agradar aos outros deve parar imediatamente. A pessoa mais importante da sua vida deve ser você e só você.

Criar e manter limites saudáveis

This is something that needed to be done at the beginning of your relationship, so you wouldn’t now have these kinds of issues. Setting boundaries is essential if you want to make your relationship good and healthy again.

No entanto, felizmente, as fronteiras também podem ser reconstruídas.

Once you and your partner make some clear boundaries and draw the line about certain things, you both must respect each other’s boundaries and you must never cross those lines.

Estabelecer limites também o ajudará a melhorar a sua autoestima e poderá reduzir o stress e ajudá-lo com problemas de ansiedade ou depressão.

Even when we’re in an emotional relationship, we must maintain our personal space. It’s definitely something that will make you feel more happy and pleased in a relationship.

Não ser capaz de estabelecer limites means that you aren’t confident enough to make such a strong decision.

Fear of rejection and fear of losing someone’s love can also be the reason for an absence of healthy boundaries in your relationship.

Deixar de agradar às pessoas

Acredita em mim, nenhum homem gosta quando uma mulher é uma agradar às pessoas.

Isso significa que tem de se negligenciar a si própria e colocar as necessidades dos outros à frente das suas, e faz tudo isso porque tem uma estranha necessidade de ser apreciada por toda a gente.

It’s a fact that people pleasers are problem daters. They’ll do whatever you want from them but in return, they’ll always want to be in the center of attention.

If you do it because you don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings, it’s not healthy either. There

is always a way to do it in some other way and without hurting anyone’s feelings.

It’s time to start making your own decisions

When you’re in a relação saudávelPara que o processo de decisão seja eficaz, ambos os parceiros devem ser incluídos no processo de decisão.

However, there are some decisions that don’t concern your partner, nor your relationship and those kinds of decisions, you’ll have to make on your own.

Of course, it’s nice to talk to your partner and consult them before you make a decision. That’s how you’ll show them that their opinion matters to you. BUT you should never allow them to make a decision in your name.

That kind of behavior is controlling and that kind of relationship would be toxic. You don’t need it. You’re a smart woman who’s capable of making decisions about her own life.

Remember, there’s a life outside of your relationship!

I think that the best answer to the question ‘how to stop being codependent’ is that you should remind yourself more often that you have a life outside of your relationship and that there are other people in your life who love you too.

Deve colocar o seu parceiro em segundo lugar na sua lista de prioridades, logo a seguir a si próprio, pois fazer dele a única prioridade da sua vida só irá criar uma relação pouco saudável.

You must be each other’s biggest fan and motivation in life and respect each other’s individuality.

Considerar a terapia de casais

Devem também falar sobre terapia de casal. Um profissional irá certamente ajudá-los a ultrapassar estes momentos difíceis da vossa relação.

Have you heard about a program called Co-Dependents Anonymous? It’s some kind of recovery program for people who have codependent tendencies toward another person.

It’s a 12-step program for all couples who want to save their relationship. There, you’ll be able to talk to other people, listen to their issues about codependency in the relationship and share your own.

O que causa uma relação de codependência?

Bem, verdade seja dita, há muitos factores que podem causar um comportamento codependente. No entanto, a maioria dessas causas vem do passado, como um trauma de infância ou o facto de ter sido criado num ambiente tóxico.

Sometimes love makes us blind and we aren’t able to think clearly. We put our partner at the center of our universe and that person becomes everything to us.

We are afraid they might leave us someday and that’s why we became codependent on them, thinking how that’s the way we are going to keep them in our life.

As causas mais frequentes do comportamento codependente são:

Relação tóxica entre pais e filhos

Pais superprotectores

Ser criado por um toxicodependente

Negligência emocional na infância

Parceiro emocional controlador

Estar numa relação abusiva

Baixa autoestima

Definir expectativas irrealistas numa relação

Comportamento manipulador

10 sinais genuínos de codependência

As I already said, unfortunately, many people aren’t even aware of their codependent behavior or they deny it and won’t accept it because they know that it’s toxic and unhealthy.

But instead of staying in that process of denial, they should be trying to overcome it and save their relationship before it’s too late.

Sometimes it’s very difficult to distinguish a codependent person from a person who is just too needy or clingy. However, the signs below can tell when a person has codependent tendencies.

Ver também: 6 sinais óbvios de que você está em um relacionamento codependente e como superá-lo

Uma pessoa crónica que gosta de agradar às pessoas

Uma pessoa com tendências codependentes sente a necessidade de ser o cuidador na relação. Pensa que a melhor forma de provar o seu amor ao parceiro é colocar as necessidades dele à frente das suas.

Essa pessoa não é capaz de dizer NÃO ao seu parceiro. No entanto, o outro lado pode usar isso e tirar todo o seu poder para ter controlo total sobre a sua vida.

Deve respeitar-se a si próprio tanto quanto respeita o seu parceiro. Don’t neglect your own needs just so you can fulfill all of theirs.

Não ser capaz de tomar uma decisão por si próprio

As I already mentioned, it’s important for both sides to participate in decision-making processes but some decisions you have to make on your own.

If you don’t trust yourself or aren’t sure what you should decide, it’s always a good idea to consult the person you trust the most, assuming it’s your partner.

However, if you ask them to help you with each and every decision you have to make, it will only mean you’re giving them the power to decide for you.

You must learn how to trust yourself more. You’ll make mistakes for sure, just as we all do, but the best thing is that you’ll be able to learn from your mistakes too.

Medo de ser rejeitado

Penso que esta é a razão mais comum pela qual alguém se torna dependente de outra pessoa.

A fear of being abandoned or rejected also comes from low self-esteem. You’re ready to do whatever it takes to keep your partner in your life because you feel like you wouldn’t know how to live without them.

It’s very simple actually. Even if they leave you, you’ll be able to live without them just like you lived before you even met them. Remember that you’re the only constant in your life, all other people may come and go.

Problemas de confiança

Uma pessoa codependente tem normalmente questões de confiança do passado.

Once they find a person they feel they can trust completely, they become totally codependent on them, thinking about how they’ll never be able to find anyone else they can trust.

Começam a idealizar o seu parceiro romântico e colocam-no num pedestal. No entanto, isso pode levar a problemas ainda mais graves que arruinarão completamente a relação.

Evitar estar sozinho

A person who has this kind of behavior doesn’t like to be alone. They want to spend 24/7 with their significant other.

Isso coloca muita pressão sobre o seu parceiro, porque o outro lado provavelmente terá necessidade de algum espaço pessoal.

As much as you hate being alone, you must take some time for yourself sometimes and more importantly, you must respect your partner’s tempo a sós.

Procurar tranquilidade

Isto está relacionado com o medo de ser abandonado e com problemas de autoestima. Sente a necessidade constante de verificar com o seu parceiro se está tudo bem e se ele está feliz na relação.

Even if you doubt your partner’s feelings, you shouldn’t constantly ask them to say how much they love you because that can become very exhausting for both of you.

Procurar garantias de vez em quando é, de facto, uma coisa boa e bastante normal, porque todos nós gostamos de ser lembrados do quanto o nosso parceiro nos ama.

However, if you constantly seek it, it only proves that you are insecure about your partner’s feelings and your relationship.

Problemas com a definição de limites

 

A person with codependent behavior doesn’t know how to set healthy boundaries in their relationship.

They’re actually afraid to even try to do so because they think that the other side won’t like it or that it may damage their relationship, which is a huge mistake.

Medo da intimidade

Most codependent people struggle with intimacy issues and they can’t bond with someone easily because of them.

Quando encontram uma pessoa em quem podem confiar e com quem podem criar laços, tornam-se codependentes e perdem imediatamente a sua autonomia na relação.

Ansiedade ou depressão

Pessoas com alguns problemas de saúde mental como ansiedade ou depressão são propensos a ter tendências codependentes.

They find the comfort they need in their partner and they become absolutely everything to them. They like to isolate themselves from others and that’s why that relationship becomes their safe place.

Negação

People who are in codependent relationships constantly deny that they have a problem. They don’t want to admit it because they are afraid of how it may affect their relationship.

They don’t know how to communicate in a healthy way, which is mostly the main cause of why their relationship has become that way.

You must know that the sooner you admit you have a problem, the sooner you’ll be able to overcome it and save your relationship.

Conclusão

Always have in mind that you’re the only person who can help you with your codependency issues. Your partner, their love and your relationship can all be your motives but only you can cure your codependency.

Há uma linha ténue entre a codependência e o amor verdadeiro! Don’t think that giving too much of yourself into your relationship will make your partner love you more.

No, no. It’ll only make them think that you’re needy and clingy and those aren’t exactly the qualities that men are looking for in women.

Self-care isn’t and must never be selfish. Don’t think that dedicating some time to yourself every day makes you selfish or that it may ruin your relationship. It most definitely won’t.

It’s actually a very efficient way for all of you who really want to know how to stop being codependent in a relationship.

There is still some time left to save your relationship because your codependent behavior will ruin it if you don’t do something and put an end to all of it right now.

Siga os passos simples acima indicados e volte a desfrutar de uma relação saudável.