Ecco come smettere di essere codipendenti in 16 modi potenti
I think we all agree that codependency is never good for a relationship. In fact, most codependent people aren’t even aware of their condition and that unawareness is slowly ruining their relationship.
However, if you think that you or your partner might be dealing with this issue and want to know how to stop being codependent, stay with us because we’ll help you deal with it in a few very simple steps.
Sapete come i coleotteri possono distruggere le nostre piante? Le mangiano, fanno buchi e danneggiano completamente le piante.
It’s the same with codependent behavior in relationships. It harms our relationship every day more and more, until it completely ruins it.
Codependency is definitely NOT a sign of a healthy relationship and it’s NEVER a way to prove or express your love to your partner.
Questi individui codipendenti perdono totalmente se stessi quando sono in una relazione e diventano definiti dal loro partner.
But the thing is, most of them are actually afraid of maintaining their independence because they think it’ll affect them negatively.
Credetemi, niente o nessuno vale più di voi e non dovreste mai permettere a nessuno di diventare più importante di voi.
Di seguito sono riportati alcuni metodi efficaci su come smettere di essere codipendenti per tutte le persone che attualmente stanno lottando con problemi di codipendenza.
Come smettere di essere codipendenti in una relazione
Codependency will weaken the bond between you and your loved one. It may even make the other side start to think about a breakup. That’s why you should put an end to this comportamento tossico IL PRIMA POSSIBILE.
Fate un respiro profondo e accettate i vostri problemi
Quindi, i primi passi per rompere il ciclo della codipendenza consistono nel riconoscere, accettare e trovare la causa principale del vostro comportamento codipendente.
In order to do that, you’ll have to go back to the past. Did someone you loved in the past hurt you badly? Do you think that could be a reason why you became so emotionally dependent on your current partner?
Questo tipo di comportamento può anche essere causato dall'abuso di sostanze, da altre dipendenze o anche da problemi di salute mentale.
You’ll probably have a hard time accepting the truth but it must be done if you really want to save your relationship.
Trust me, no matter how much your partner loves you, this kind of behavior simply can’t be tolerated.
And if they don’t honestly love you, they’ll only use it to try to control you and then your relationship will become completely toxic and unhealthy.
L'autocritica è molto importante in queste situazioni. Bisogna innanzitutto ammettere di avere un problema e solo allora si potrà cercare di trovare un modo per affrontarlo.
Parlare direttamente e onestamente con il partner
Dopo aver ammesso di avere problemi di codipendenza, il passo successivo sarà quello di parlarne con l'altra persona.
Tell them that you’re aware of the fact that your relationship has been becoming unhealthy because of your behavior but that you’re also ready to change.
Sometimes these things happen, especially in long-term relationships. One partner becomes so invested in the other one that they just can’t function properly without them.
If you’ve figured out the cause of your codependence, you can share it with your partner and ask them to help you get rid of it as soon as possible and make your relationship healthy again.
Dovete cercare di affrontarlo e superarlo insieme, perché in una relazione dovete condividere tutto, anche i momenti e i problemi meno belli.
At the end of the day, the only important thing is that you honestly love each other and that you’re ready to fight for your relationship.
Bring back the word ‘NO’ to your vocabulary
You must learn to say NO when you don’t want to do something or if you aren’t okay with your partner’s opinion.
Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself. It won’t damage your relationship; on the contrary, it’ll only make your partner cherish and appreciate you more.
Being a people pleaser won’t bring you anything good.
Maybe you do it because you’re actually afraid of being rejected, you just want to avoid a fight with someone or you’re just trying to be nice but it’ll only make the people around you use it to control you.
You must prioritize your own needs over anyone else’s. You must work on recognizing your autostima.
You have to make your own decisions and have your own perspectives on some things and those will probably be different from your partner’s sometimes but it’s perfectly okay.
We’re all individuals with different opinions and views about certain issues.
But believe me, those little differences are exactly what will bring you and your partner closer and it’ll also strengthen the bond between you.
Understand that your relationship isn’t the only source of your happiness
Non dovreste mai permettere che la vostra relazione sentimentale o il vostro partner diventino il vostro tutto o che vi facciano perdere la testa. ansia da relazione. That’s exactly why most people become codependent on their emotional partner.
Finché avete la vostra famiglia, gli amici, il lavoro, gli animali domestici o altre cose che vi fanno sentire felici e amati, il vostro partner romantico non dovrebbe mai diventare il vostro tutto.
Anch'io ho commesso questo errore una volta. Prima di sposarmi, avevo una relazione con un uomo che amavo con tutto il cuore. In quella relazione mi sono concessa completamente.
La nostra relazione è diventata il centro del mio universo. Persi il mio potere e lo aiutai ad avere il controllo completo su di me. Alla fine quell'uomo è diventato letteralmente tutto per me.
You know why? I lost all of my friends because of it and most of my family members were angry at me. They realized what was happening and tried to warn me so many times but I just didn’t want to listen.
Era come se avessi bloccato tutte le altre persone intorno a me e lui fosse l'unica persona al mondo per me. Quanto mi sbagliavo e quante cose brutte mi ha portato.
Now I’m married to a wonderful man who truly loves and respects me but I promised myself I’d never even say to him that he’s my everything because I learned my lesson so long ago.
Ricostruire il senso di autostima
Just because your partner makes more money than you or is more successful than you, it doesn’t mean they are worth more than you.
We all have different interests, even when we’re in a relationship with someone, and we’re all good at something. Maybe sometimes you get the feeling that you’re unworthy of being loved but that’s not true. We all are.
Your partner might make you think that way but that only means they’re a toxic person who wants to have control over you.
Don’t allow it because you’re way better than that. Codependent partners mostly become that way because they’re dealing with low self-esteem issues.
È necessario prendersi cura del proprio benessere fisico e mentale. E in effetti, il modo migliore per aumentare il autostima è essere gentili con se stessi.
You must know that you’re worthy of love and if your partner wants to make you believe otherwise, then it’s definitely time to cut them out of your life.
Schedule some ‘me time’ more often
Just because you’re in a romantic relationship with someone doesn’t mean that you have to be with that person 24/7, nor that you must do everything together. Sometimes you must step away from everything and everyone.
Avere un po' di tempo da soli è in realtà vitale per una relazione sana.
Credo che la maggior parte delle coppie che iniziano a passare troppo tempo insieme siano quelle che si lasciano molto velocemente.
We’re all unique individuals with different needs and interests.
When you’re dating someone, you must respect those little differences and you shouldn’t make your partner do something they don’t like just because you don’t want to spend a minute without them.
It’s so wrong and it will definitely ruin your relationship. If you like something that your partner doesn’t, take some alone time and dedicate yourself to that activity.
After some time, you’ll probably even run out of things to talk about. Your relationship will be stuck in a routine and it’ll become boring for both of you, which will lead you to end your relationship.
You’ll see once you start spending some time with yourself that you’ll learn to enjoy your ‘me time’.
Also, it’ll give you time to think about your problems and issues and you might even get some answers on how to cope with them.
Anche le vostre esigenze sono importanti
Capisco che quando si ama qualcuno, i suoi bisogni diventano importanti quanto i propri.
Tuttavia, il fatto è che non dovrebbero mai diventare più importanti, perché darebbero al vostro partner il potere di controllarvi e voi perdereste completamente voi stessi in quella relazione.
It’s okay that you want to prove to your significant other how much they mean to you by making your needs equal but you should be very careful with this because you might end up prioritizing theirs after all.
Se volete davvero liberarvi di questo comportamento di codipendenza, dovete assolutamente iniziare a dare priorità ai vostri bisogni, indipendentemente da quanto amate l'altra persona.
Being in love with someone is an amazing feeling but do you know what’s even more beautiful than that? Being in love with yourself.
There is nothing wrong with loving yourself and putting your needs first. That’s not selfish, that’s essential for a happy and fulfilling life.
Inoltre, trascorrete più tempo con le persone che vi sono vicine.
The thing you really, really must understand is that your partner isn’t the only important person in your life.
Ci sono tante altre persone che sono nella vostra vita perché vi hanno dimostrato di amarvi e di volere solo il meglio per voi.
You can’t behave like you and your partner are the only human beings on this planet. There are so many people you have neglected and who truly miss you.
You have become codependent on your loved one and probably forgot your friends and neglected your family. Now, it’s high time to change that.
First of all, you must call your friends and those family members you neglected and tell them you realized that you’ve been unfair and offer them an apology.
Of course, they’ll forgive you and you’ll forget about it immediately. Then you should invite them to your place or ask them to hang out.
The more you hang out with them, the more you’ll stop being codependent on your significant other. They’ll remind you that there is a life for you outside of your relationship.
Smettere di chiedere il permesso
Why do you have that strange need to ask your partner for permission about everything you do? They aren’t your parent and you’re definitely not a little girl.
You’ve grown up and become an independent person who doesn’t need anyone’s permission to do something she wants.
You must learn to be strong-willed because it’s a quality that every strong woman should have. If you firmly decide to do something, no one should affect your decision or make you change your thinking or intention.
If your partner made you think that you mustn’t do anything without asking them first, it’s time to do one thing without their permission; it’s time to leave that controlling, toxic monster in the past.
Smettete di cercare conferme dal vostro partner
Il tuo costante bisogno di cercare l'approvazione del tuo partner è sicuramente un segno di codipendenza. L'unica persona da cui dovreste cercare conferma siete VOI.
In order to do that, you’ll have to work on the relationship you have with yourself. You must work on your self-confidence because you wouldn’t be seeing validation from others if your confidence was already high.
None of us is perfect and that means you aren’t either. It’s a fact but that is perfectly okay. You should accept this as soon as possible because that will also greatly improve your self-worth.
If you feel that you need to ask for your partner’s validation all the time, that means you trust them more than you trust yourself and that’s not good.
Remember, you’re the only person you can be sure will never betray you. Again, I’m talking from my own experience. I was completely sure that my ex would never betray me and I trusted him completely.
Tuttavia, ho imparato la lezione. Una volta che ho iniziato a alla ricerca di una convalida solo da me stessa, la mia vita è migliorata moltissimo e mi sono sentita davvero molto meglio grazie a questo.
Spostare l'attenzione su di sé
It’s time to spostare l'attenzione su di sé. You need to understand that you must be at the top of your priority list and that place shouldn’t be taken by anyone else except you.
Do you have any passions or interests? Do you have any dreams or goals for the future? Well then, it’s time to start pursuing those.
Forse c'è qualcosa che avete sempre voluto fare o imparare? Forse c'è un luogo che avete sempre voluto visitare? Ebbene, fatelo.
Ma la cosa importante è che lo facciate da soli, per dimostrare a voi stessi e agli altri che potete fare le cose senza il vostro partner.
Mettere gli altri davanti a se stessi deve finire subito. Il tentativo di compiacere gli altri deve cessare immediatamente. La persona più importante della vostra vita dovete essere voi e solo voi.
Costruire e mantenere confini sani
This is something that needed to be done at the beginning of your relationship, so you wouldn’t now have these kinds of issues. Setting boundaries is essential if you want to make your relationship good and healthy again.
Tuttavia, per fortuna, anche i confini possono essere ricostruiti.
Once you and your partner make some clear boundaries and draw the line about certain things, you both must respect each other’s boundaries and you must never cross those lines.
Stabilire dei limiti vi aiuterà anche a migliorare la vostra autostima, a ridurre lo stress e a risolvere problemi di ansia o depressione.
Even when we’re in an emotional relationship, we must maintain our personal space. It’s definitely something that will make you feel more happy and pleased in a relationship.
Non essere in grado di fissare i confini means that you aren’t confident enough to make such a strong decision.
Fear of rejection and fear of losing someone’s love can also be the reason for an absence of healthy boundaries in your relationship.
Smettere di compiacere le persone
Fidatevi di me, nessun uomo ama quando una donna è una persone che piacciono.
Ciò significa che deve trascurare se stessa e anteporre i bisogni degli altri ai propri e lo fa perché ha uno strano bisogno di piacere a tutti.
It’s a fact that people pleasers are problem daters. They’ll do whatever you want from them but in return, they’ll always want to be in the center of attention.
If you do it because you don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings, it’s not healthy either. There
is always a way to do it in some other way and without hurting anyone’s feelings.
It’s time to start making your own decisions
When you’re in a relazione sanaEntrambi i partner devono essere coinvolti nei processi decisionali.
However, there are some decisions that don’t concern your partner, nor your relationship and those kinds of decisions, you’ll have to make on your own.
Of course, it’s nice to talk to your partner and consult them before you make a decision. That’s how you’ll show them that their opinion matters to you. BUT you should never allow them to make a decision in your name.
That kind of behavior is controlling and that kind of relationship would be toxic. You don’t need it. You’re a smart woman who’s capable of making decisions about her own life.
Remember, there’s a life outside of your relationship!
I think that the best answer to the question ‘how to stop being codependent’ is that you should remind yourself more often that you have a life outside of your relationship and that there are other people in your life who love you too.
Dovreste mettere il vostro partner al secondo posto nella vostra lista di priorità, subito dopo voi stessi, perché renderlo l'unica priorità della vostra vita non farà altro che creare una relazione malsana.
You must be each other’s biggest fan and motivation in life and respect each other’s individuality.
Considerare la terapia di coppia
Dovreste anche parlare di terapia di coppia. Un professionista vi aiuterà sicuramente a superare questi momenti difficili della vostra relazione.
Have you heard about a program called Co-Dependents Anonymous? It’s some kind of recovery program for people who have codependent tendencies toward another person.
It’s a 12-step program for all couples who want to save their relationship. There, you’ll be able to talk to other people, listen to their issues about codependency in the relationship and share your own.
Quali sono le cause di una relazione di codipendenza?
A dire il vero, sono molti i fattori che possono causare un comportamento di codipendenza. Tuttavia, la maggior parte di queste cause deriva dal passato, come un trauma infantile o l'essere cresciuti in un ambiente tossico.
Sometimes love makes us blind and we aren’t able to think clearly. We put our partner at the center of our universe and that person becomes everything to us.
We are afraid they might leave us someday and that’s why we became codependent on them, thinking how that’s the way we are going to keep them in our life.
Le cause più frequenti del comportamento codipendente sono:
Relazione tossica genitore-figlio
Genitori iperprotettivi
Essere cresciuti da un tossicodipendente
Trascuratezza emotiva nell'infanzia
Partner emotivo controllante
Essere in una relazione violenta
Bassa autostima
Definire aspettative non realistiche in una relazione
Comportamento manipolativo
10 segni autentici di codipendenza
As I already said, unfortunately, many people aren’t even aware of their codependent behavior or they deny it and won’t accept it because they know that it’s toxic and unhealthy.
But instead of staying in that process of denial, they should be trying to overcome it and save their relationship before it’s too late.
Sometimes it’s very difficult to distinguish a codependent person from a person who is just too needy or clingy. However, the signs below can tell when a person has codependent tendencies.
Vedi anche: 6 segni evidenti di una relazione di dipendenza e come superarla
Una persona cronica che piace alle persone
Una persona con tendenze codipendenti sente il bisogno di essere il custode della relazione. Pensa che il modo migliore per dimostrare l'amore al partner sia mettere le sue esigenze davanti alle proprie.
Questa persona non è in grado di dire NO al proprio partner. Tuttavia, l'altra parte potrebbe approfittarne e prendere tutto il vostro potere per avere il completo controllo sulla vostra vita.
Dovete rispettare voi stessi tanto quanto il vostro partner. Don’t neglect your own needs just so you can fulfill all of theirs.
Non essere in grado di prendere una decisione da soli
As I already mentioned, it’s important for both sides to participate in decision-making processes but some decisions you have to make on your own.
If you don’t trust yourself or aren’t sure what you should decide, it’s always a good idea to consult the person you trust the most, assuming it’s your partner.
However, if you ask them to help you with each and every decision you have to make, it will only mean you’re giving them the power to decide for you.
You must learn how to trust yourself more. You’ll make mistakes for sure, just as we all do, but the best thing is that you’ll be able to learn from your mistakes too.
Paura di essere rifiutati
Credo che questo sia il motivo più comune per cui qualcuno diventa dipendente da un'altra persona.
A fear of being abandoned or rejected also comes from low self-esteem. You’re ready to do whatever it takes to keep your partner in your life because you feel like you wouldn’t know how to live without them.
It’s very simple actually. Even if they leave you, you’ll be able to live without them just like you lived before you even met them. Remember that you’re the only constant in your life, all other people may come and go.
Problemi di fiducia
Una persona codipendente di solito ha problemi di fiducia dal passato.
Once they find a person they feel they can trust completely, they become totally codependent on them, thinking about how they’ll never be able to find anyone else they can trust.
Cominciano a idealizzare il loro partner romantico e a metterlo su un piedistallo. Tuttavia, questo può portare a problemi ancora più gravi che rovinano completamente la relazione.
Evitare il tempo da soli
A person who has this kind of behavior doesn’t like to be alone. They want to spend 24/7 with their significant other.
Questo mette sotto pressione il partner, perché l'altra parte avrà probabilmente bisogno di un po' di spazio personale.
As much as you hate being alone, you must take some time for yourself sometimes and more importantly, you must respect your partner’s tempo da soli.
Cercare rassicurazioni
Questo è legato alla paura di essere abbandonati e a problemi di autostima. Si sente il bisogno costante di controllare con il partner che tutto vada bene e che sia felice nella relazione.
Even if you doubt your partner’s feelings, you shouldn’t constantly ask them to say how much they love you because that can become very exhausting for both of you.
Cercare rassicurazioni di tanto in tanto è in realtà una cosa buona e anche abbastanza normale, perché a tutti noi piace ricordare quanto il nostro partner ci ami.
However, if you constantly seek it, it only proves that you are insecure about your partner’s feelings and your relationship.
Problemi di definizione dei limiti
A person with codependent behavior doesn’t know how to set healthy boundaries in their relationship.
They’re actually afraid to even try to do so because they think that the other side won’t like it or that it may damage their relationship, which is a huge mistake.
Paura dell'intimità
Most codependent people struggle with intimacy issues and they can’t bond with someone easily because of them.
Una volta trovata una persona di cui fidarsi e con cui legarsi, diventano codipendenti da essa e perdono immediatamente la loro autonomia nella relazione.
Ansia o depressione
Le persone con alcuni problemi di salute mentale come ansia o depressione sono inclini ad avere tendenze di codipendenza.
They find the comfort they need in their partner and they become absolutely everything to them. They like to isolate themselves from others and that’s why that relationship becomes their safe place.
Rifiuto
People who are in codependent relationships constantly deny that they have a problem. They don’t want to admit it because they are afraid of how it may affect their relationship.
They don’t know how to communicate in a healthy way, which is mostly the main cause of why their relationship has become that way.
You must know that the sooner you admit you have a problem, the sooner you’ll be able to overcome it and save your relationship.
Conclusione
Always have in mind that you’re the only person who can help you with your codependency issues. Your partner, their love and your relationship can all be your motives but only you can cure your codependency.
C'è una linea sottile tra la codipendenza e il vero amore! Don’t think that giving too much of yourself into your relationship will make your partner love you more.
No, no. It’ll only make them think that you’re needy and clingy and those aren’t exactly the qualities that men are looking for in women.
Self-care isn’t and must never be selfish. Don’t think that dedicating some time to yourself every day makes you selfish or that it may ruin your relationship. It most definitely won’t.
It’s actually a very efficient way for all of you who really want to know how to stop being codependent in a relationship.
There is still some time left to save your relationship because your codependent behavior will ruin it if you don’t do something and put an end to all of it right now.
Seguite i semplici passi sopra descritti e godetevi di nuovo una relazione sana.
