Así es como dejar de ser codependiente de 16 maneras poderosas
I think we all agree that codependency is never good for a relationship. In fact, most codependent people aren’t even aware of their condition and that unawareness is slowly ruining their relationship.
However, if you think that you or your partner might be dealing with this issue and want to know how to stop being codependent, stay with us because we’ll help you deal with it in a few very simple steps.
¿Sabes que los escarabajos pueden destruir nuestras plantas? Se las comen, hacen agujeros y dañan las plantas por completo.
It’s the same with codependent behavior in relationships. It harms our relationship every day more and more, until it completely ruins it.
Codependency is definitely NOT a sign of a healthy relationship and it’s NEVER a way to prove or express your love to your partner.
Esas personas codependientes se pierden totalmente cuando están en una relación y se definen por su pareja.
But the thing is, most of them are actually afraid of maintaining their independence because they think it’ll affect them negatively.
Créeme, nada ni nadie vale más que tú y nunca debes permitir que nadie sea más importante que tú.
A continuación se presentan algunos métodos grandes y eficientes sobre cómo dejar de ser codependiente para todas las personas que están luchando actualmente con problemas de codependencia.
Cómo dejar de ser codependiente en una relación
Codependency will weaken the bond between you and your loved one. It may even make the other side start to think about a breakup. That’s why you should put an end to this comportamiento tóxico LO ANTES POSIBLE.
Respira hondo y acepta tus problemas
Así pues, los primeros pasos para romper el ciclo de la codependencia son reconocer, aceptar y encontrar la causa raíz de tu comportamiento codependiente.
In order to do that, you’ll have to go back to the past. Did someone you loved in the past hurt you badly? Do you think that could be a reason why you became so emotionally dependent on your current partner?
Este tipo de comportamiento también puede ser causado por el abuso de sustancias o algunas otras adicciones o incluso debido a algunos problemas de salud mental.
You’ll probably have a hard time accepting the truth but it must be done if you really want to save your relationship.
Trust me, no matter how much your partner loves you, this kind of behavior simply can’t be tolerated.
And if they don’t honestly love you, they’ll only use it to try to control you and then your relationship will become completely toxic and unhealthy.
La autoconversación es muy importante en estas situaciones. Primero debes admitir que tienes un problema y solo entonces podrás intentar encontrar la forma de afrontarlo.
Hable directa y honestamente con su pareja
Después de admitir que tienes problemas de codependencia, el siguiente paso será hablar con tu pareja.
Tell them that you’re aware of the fact that your relationship has been becoming unhealthy because of your behavior but that you’re also ready to change.
Sometimes these things happen, especially in long-term relationships. One partner becomes so invested in the other one that they just can’t function properly without them.
If you’ve figured out the cause of your codependence, you can share it with your partner and ask them to help you get rid of it as soon as possible and make your relationship healthy again.
Debéis intentar afrontarlo y superarlo juntos, porque en una relación hay que compartirlo todo, incluso los momentos no tan buenos y los problemas.
At the end of the day, the only important thing is that you honestly love each other and that you’re ready to fight for your relationship.
Bring back the word ‘NO’ to your vocabulary
You must learn to say NO when you don’t want to do something or if you aren’t okay with your partner’s opinion.
Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself. It won’t damage your relationship; on the contrary, it’ll only make your partner cherish and appreciate you more.
Being a people pleaser won’t bring you anything good.
Maybe you do it because you’re actually afraid of being rejected, you just want to avoid a fight with someone or you’re just trying to be nice but it’ll only make the people around you use it to control you.
You must prioritize your own needs over anyone else’s. You must work on recognizing your autoestima.
You have to make your own decisions and have your own perspectives on some things and those will probably be different from your partner’s sometimes but it’s perfectly okay.
We’re all individuals with different opinions and views about certain issues.
But believe me, those little differences are exactly what will bring you and your partner closer and it’ll also strengthen the bond between you.
Understand that your relationship isn’t the only source of your happiness
Nunca debes permitir que tu relación romántica o tu pareja se conviertan en tu todo o te causen ansiedad en las relaciones. That’s exactly why most people become codependent on their emotional partner.
Mientras tengas tu familia, tus amigos, tu trabajo, tus mascotas u otras cosas que te hagan sentir feliz y querido, tu pareja sentimental nunca debe convertirse en tu todo.
Yo también cometí ese error una vez. Antes de casarme, tuve una relación con un hombre al que amaba con todo mi corazón. Me entregué por completo en esa relación.
Nuestra relación se convirtió en el centro de mi universo. Perdí mi poder y le ayudé a tener el control total sobre mí. Al final, ese hombre se convirtió literalmente en todo para mí.
You know why? I lost all of my friends because of it and most of my family members were angry at me. They realized what was happening and tried to warn me so many times but I just didn’t want to listen.
Era como si hubiera bloqueado a todas las demás personas a mi alrededor y él fuera la única persona en este mundo para mí. Oh, qué equivocada estaba y cuántas cosas malas me trajo.
Now I’m married to a wonderful man who truly loves and respects me but I promised myself I’d never even say to him that he’s my everything because I learned my lesson so long ago.
Reconstruir su autoestima
Just because your partner makes more money than you or is more successful than you, it doesn’t mean they are worth more than you.
We all have different interests, even when we’re in a relationship with someone, and we’re all good at something. Maybe sometimes you get the feeling that you’re unworthy of being loved but that’s not true. We all are.
Your partner might make you think that way but that only means they’re a toxic person who wants to have control over you.
Don’t allow it because you’re way better than that. Codependent partners mostly become that way because they’re dealing with low self-esteem issues.
Debes cuidar más tu bienestar físico y mental. Y, de hecho, la mejor forma de potenciar su autoestima es ser amable con uno mismo.
You must know that you’re worthy of love and if your partner wants to make you believe otherwise, then it’s definitely time to cut them out of your life.
Schedule some ‘me time’ more often
Just because you’re in a romantic relationship with someone doesn’t mean that you have to be with that person 24/7, nor that you must do everything together. Sometimes you must step away from everything and everyone.
Pasar tiempo a solas es vital para una relación sana.
Creo que la mayoría de las parejas que empiezan a pasar demasiado tiempo juntas son las que rompen muy rápido.
We’re all unique individuals with different needs and interests.
When you’re dating someone, you must respect those little differences and you shouldn’t make your partner do something they don’t like just because you don’t want to spend a minute without them.
It’s so wrong and it will definitely ruin your relationship. If you like something that your partner doesn’t, take some alone time and dedicate yourself to that activity.
After some time, you’ll probably even run out of things to talk about. Your relationship will be stuck in a routine and it’ll become boring for both of you, which will lead you to end your relationship.
You’ll see once you start spending some time with yourself that you’ll learn to enjoy your ‘me time’.
Also, it’ll give you time to think about your problems and issues and you might even get some answers on how to cope with them.
Tus propias necesidades también son importantes
Entiendo que cuando amas a alguien, sus necesidades se vuelven tan importantes como las tuyas.
Sin embargo, la cuestión es que nunca deben llegar a ser más importantes porque le daría totalmente a tu pareja el poder de controlarte y te perderías por completo en esa relación.
It’s okay that you want to prove to your significant other how much they mean to you by making your needs equal but you should be very careful with this because you might end up prioritizing theirs after all.
Si de verdad quieres deshacerte de ese comportamiento codependiente, sin duda debes empezar a dar prioridad a tus propias necesidades, por mucho que quieras a la otra persona.
Being in love with someone is an amazing feeling but do you know what’s even more beautiful than that? Being in love with yourself.
There is nothing wrong with loving yourself and putting your needs first. That’s not selfish, that’s essential for a happy and fulfilling life.
Además, pasa más tiempo con otras personas cercanas a ti
The thing you really, really must understand is that your partner isn’t the only important person in your life.
Hay muchas otras personas que están en tu vida porque te han demostrado que te quieren y que sólo desean lo mejor para ti.
You can’t behave like you and your partner are the only human beings on this planet. There are so many people you have neglected and who truly miss you.
You have become codependent on your loved one and probably forgot your friends and neglected your family. Now, it’s high time to change that.
First of all, you must call your friends and those family members you neglected and tell them you realized that you’ve been unfair and offer them an apology.
Of course, they’ll forgive you and you’ll forget about it immediately. Then you should invite them to your place or ask them to hang out.
The more you hang out with them, the more you’ll stop being codependent on your significant other. They’ll remind you that there is a life for you outside of your relationship.
Dejar de pedir permiso
Why do you have that strange need to ask your partner for permission about everything you do? They aren’t your parent and you’re definitely not a little girl.
You’ve grown up and become an independent person who doesn’t need anyone’s permission to do something she wants.
You must learn to be strong-willed because it’s a quality that every strong woman should have. If you firmly decide to do something, no one should affect your decision or make you change your thinking or intention.
If your partner made you think that you mustn’t do anything without asking them first, it’s time to do one thing without their permission; it’s time to leave that controlling, toxic monster in the past.
Deje de buscar la validación de su pareja
Tu constante necesidad de buscar la aprobación de tu pareja es definitivamente un signo de codependencia. La única persona de la que deberías buscar validación eres TÚ.
In order to do that, you’ll have to work on the relationship you have with yourself. You must work on your self-confidence because you wouldn’t be seeing validation from others if your confidence was already high.
None of us is perfect and that means you aren’t either. It’s a fact but that is perfectly okay. You should accept this as soon as possible because that will also greatly improve your self-worth.
If you feel that you need to ask for your partner’s validation all the time, that means you trust them more than you trust yourself and that’s not good.
Remember, you’re the only person you can be sure will never betray you. Again, I’m talking from my own experience. I was completely sure that my ex would never betray me and I trusted him completely.
Sin embargo, aprendí la lección. Una vez que empecé en busca de validación sólo de mí misma, mi vida mejoró mucho y me sentí mucho mejor gracias a ello.
Desplaza la atención hacia ti mismo
It’s time to vuelve a centrarte en ti mismo. You need to understand that you must be at the top of your priority list and that place shouldn’t be taken by anyone else except you.
Do you have any passions or interests? Do you have any dreams or goals for the future? Well then, it’s time to start pursuing those.
¿Quizá hay algo que siempre quiso hacer o aprender? ¿Quizá hay un lugar que siempre quiso visitar? Pues adelante.
Pero lo importante es que lo hagas sola para que puedas demostrarte a ti misma y a los demás que puedes hacer cosas sin tu pareja.
Hay que dejar de anteponer a los demás a uno mismo. Tratar de complacer a los demás debe parar inmediatamente. La persona más importante en tu vida debes ser tú y sólo tú.
Construir y mantener límites sanos
This is something that needed to be done at the beginning of your relationship, so you wouldn’t now have these kinds of issues. Setting boundaries is essential if you want to make your relationship good and healthy again.
Sin embargo, afortunadamente, los límites también pueden reconstruirse.
Once you and your partner make some clear boundaries and draw the line about certain things, you both must respect each other’s boundaries and you must never cross those lines.
Establecer límites también te ayudará con tu autoestima y también puede reducir el estrés y ayudarte con problemas de ansiedad o depresión.
Even when we’re in an emotional relationship, we must maintain our personal space. It’s definitely something that will make you feel more happy and pleased in a relationship.
No poder establecer límites means that you aren’t confident enough to make such a strong decision.
Fear of rejection and fear of losing someone’s love can also be the reason for an absence of healthy boundaries in your relationship.
Deja de complacer a la gente
Créeme, a ningún hombre le encanta que una mujer sea una complacer a la gente.
Eso significa que debe descuidarse a sí misma y anteponer las necesidades de los demás a las suyas, y todo lo hace porque tiene una extraña necesidad de caer bien a todo el mundo.
It’s a fact that people pleasers are problem daters. They’ll do whatever you want from them but in return, they’ll always want to be in the center of attention.
If you do it because you don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings, it’s not healthy either. There
is always a way to do it in some other way and without hurting anyone’s feelings.
It’s time to start making your own decisions
When you’re in a relación sanaAmbos socios deben participar en el proceso de toma de decisiones.
However, there are some decisions that don’t concern your partner, nor your relationship and those kinds of decisions, you’ll have to make on your own.
Of course, it’s nice to talk to your partner and consult them before you make a decision. That’s how you’ll show them that their opinion matters to you. BUT you should never allow them to make a decision in your name.
That kind of behavior is controlling and that kind of relationship would be toxic. You don’t need it. You’re a smart woman who’s capable of making decisions about her own life.
Remember, there’s a life outside of your relationship!
I think that the best answer to the question ‘how to stop being codependent’ is that you should remind yourself more often that you have a life outside of your relationship and that there are other people in your life who love you too.
Debes poner a tu pareja en segundo lugar en tu lista de prioridades, justo después de ti mismo, ya que convertirla en la única prioridad de tu vida sólo creará una relación insana.
You must be each other’s biggest fan and motivation in life and respect each other’s individuality.
Considerar la terapia de pareja
También deberías hablar de terapia de pareja. Un profesional os ayudará sin duda a superar estos momentos difíciles de vuestra relación.
Have you heard about a program called Co-Dependents Anonymous? It’s some kind of recovery program for people who have codependent tendencies toward another person.
It’s a 12-step program for all couples who want to save their relationship. There, you’ll be able to talk to other people, listen to their issues about codependency in the relationship and share your own.
¿Cuáles son las causas de una relación codependiente?
A decir verdad, hay muchos factores que pueden causar un comportamiento codependiente. Sin embargo, la mayoría de esas causas provienen del pasado, como un trauma infantil o haber crecido en un entorno tóxico.
Sometimes love makes us blind and we aren’t able to think clearly. We put our partner at the center of our universe and that person becomes everything to us.
We are afraid they might leave us someday and that’s why we became codependent on them, thinking how that’s the way we are going to keep them in our life.
Las causas más frecuentes del comportamiento codependiente son:
Relaciones tóxicas entre padres e hijos
Padres sobreprotectores
Ser criado por un adicto
Negligencia emocional infantil
Compañero emocional controlador
Estar en una relación abusiva
Baja autoestima
Establecer expectativas poco realistas en una relación
Comportamiento manipulador
10 auténticos signos de codependencia
As I already said, unfortunately, many people aren’t even aware of their codependent behavior or they deny it and won’t accept it because they know that it’s toxic and unhealthy.
But instead of staying in that process of denial, they should be trying to overcome it and save their relationship before it’s too late.
Sometimes it’s very difficult to distinguish a codependent person from a person who is just too needy or clingy. However, the signs below can tell when a person has codependent tendencies.
Véase también: 6 señales evidentes de que estás en una relación codependiente y cómo superarlo
Un complaciente crónico
Una persona con tendencias codependientes siente la necesidad de ser el cuidador en la relación. Piensan que la mejor forma de demostrar amor a su pareja es anteponiendo sus necesidades a las suyas propias.
Esa persona no es capaz de decir NO a su pareja. Sin embargo, la otra parte podría utilizar eso y tomar todo su poder para tener un control total sobre su vida.
Debes respetarte a ti mismo tanto como respetas a tu pareja. Don’t neglect your own needs just so you can fulfill all of theirs.
No ser capaz de tomar una decisión por sí mismo
As I already mentioned, it’s important for both sides to participate in decision-making processes but some decisions you have to make on your own.
If you don’t trust yourself or aren’t sure what you should decide, it’s always a good idea to consult the person you trust the most, assuming it’s your partner.
However, if you ask them to help you with each and every decision you have to make, it will only mean you’re giving them the power to decide for you.
You must learn how to trust yourself more. You’ll make mistakes for sure, just as we all do, but the best thing is that you’ll be able to learn from your mistakes too.
Miedo a ser rechazado
Creo que ésta es la razón más común por la que alguien se vuelve dependiente de otra persona.
A fear of being abandoned or rejected also comes from low self-esteem. You’re ready to do whatever it takes to keep your partner in your life because you feel like you wouldn’t know how to live without them.
It’s very simple actually. Even if they leave you, you’ll be able to live without them just like you lived before you even met them. Remember that you’re the only constant in your life, all other people may come and go.
Cuestiones de confianza
Una persona codependiente suele tener problemas de confianza del pasado.
Once they find a person they feel they can trust completely, they become totally codependent on them, thinking about how they’ll never be able to find anyone else they can trust.
Empiezan a idealizar a su pareja y a ponerla en un pedestal. Sin embargo, eso puede acarrear problemas aún más graves que arruinarán la relación por completo.
Evitar el tiempo a solas
A person who has this kind of behavior doesn’t like to be alone. They want to spend 24/7 with their significant other.
Eso ejerce mucha presión sobre su pareja porque la otra parte probablemente tendrá la necesidad de un poco de espacio personal.
As much as you hate being alone, you must take some time for yourself sometimes and more importantly, you must respect your partner’s tiempo a solas.
En busca de tranquilidad
Esto está relacionado con el miedo a ser abandonado y con problemas de autoestima. Sientes la necesidad constante de comprobar con tu pareja que todo va bien y si es feliz en la relación.
Even if you doubt your partner’s feelings, you shouldn’t constantly ask them to say how much they love you because that can become very exhausting for both of you.
Buscar consuelo de vez en cuando es algo bueno y bastante normal, porque a todos nos gusta que nos recuerden lo mucho que nos quiere nuestra pareja.
However, if you constantly seek it, it only proves that you are insecure about your partner’s feelings and your relationship.
Problemas para establecer límites
A person with codependent behavior doesn’t know how to set healthy boundaries in their relationship.
They’re actually afraid to even try to do so because they think that the other side won’t like it or that it may damage their relationship, which is a huge mistake.
Miedo a la intimidad
Most codependent people struggle with intimacy issues and they can’t bond with someone easily because of them.
Una vez que encuentran a una persona en la que pueden confiar y con la que pueden establecer un vínculo, se vuelven codependientes de ella y pierden inmediatamente su autonomía en la relación.
Ansiedad o depresión
Las personas con algunos problemas de salud mental como ansiedad o depresión son propensos a tener tendencias codependientes.
They find the comfort they need in their partner and they become absolutely everything to them. They like to isolate themselves from others and that’s why that relationship becomes their safe place.
Denegación
People who are in codependent relationships constantly deny that they have a problem. They don’t want to admit it because they are afraid of how it may affect their relationship.
They don’t know how to communicate in a healthy way, which is mostly the main cause of why their relationship has become that way.
You must know that the sooner you admit you have a problem, the sooner you’ll be able to overcome it and save your relationship.
Conclusión
Always have in mind that you’re the only person who can help you with your codependency issues. Your partner, their love and your relationship can all be your motives but only you can cure your codependency.
Hay una delgada línea entre la codependencia y el amor verdadero. Don’t think that giving too much of yourself into your relationship will make your partner love you more.
No, no. It’ll only make them think that you’re needy and clingy and those aren’t exactly the qualities that men are looking for in women.
Self-care isn’t and must never be selfish. Don’t think that dedicating some time to yourself every day makes you selfish or that it may ruin your relationship. It most definitely won’t.
It’s actually a very efficient way for all of you who really want to know how to stop being codependent in a relationship.
There is still some time left to save your relationship because your codependent behavior will ruin it if you don’t do something and put an end to all of it right now.
Sigue estos sencillos pasos y vuelve a disfrutar de una relación sana.
