Como se distanciar de alguém da maneira mais fácil
Ending a romantic relationship is sometimes easier than ending a friendship. Unless you choose to cheat, most of the time, you’re with one person, and you know you can’t really find a healthy relationship until you leave.
Most people break up with their partners when they want to end a romantic relationship, yet it doesn’t even come to mind that pode sair de outros tipos de relações da mesma forma. When you’re unhappy in a friendship, you can get other friends without moving on, so you stay in a relationship that doesn’t work.
Besides, you might be trying to leave a relationship different from a friendship where there’s nothing left.
It might be a co-worker who annoys you and ruins your day at work or an entitled family member who doesn’t understand that you don’t have to obey them. It might be someone you worry about too much or simply someone you just don’t like being around.
Let’s see how to distance yourself from someone toxic and what to do when you don’t want to hurt the other person, you don’t want drama, or you don’t want to burn bridges.
Como se distanciar de alguém na sua vida
How do you get out of a friendship with someone? Usually, you let it fade away on its own – this is indeed the easiest way, and you’ll see how to do it – but por vezes, é preciso acabar explicitamente com as coisas.
It might be someone you still care for, but you don’t want them in your life anymore for some reason, or someone you have to see on a daily basis, so you can‘t really avoid them.
Por exemplo, quando quer pôr fim a uma amizade que já foi importante e quer honrar o que costumava ter, ou quando precisa de se distanciar de um familiar que lhe pede demasiado, deixar que se desvaneça por si só pode não servir.
O que quer que penses que precisas de fazer, a sua saúde mental deve ser uma prioridade – if someone isn’t good for you, letting them go is the only way to move forward.
1. Certifica-te de que queres mesmo fazer isto
First of all, don’t do anything unless and until you’re sure. Don’t call up a friend and break up with them on a whim. Deciding to end a friendship isn’t easy, and the reasons aren’t always simple. Se se apressar a fazê-lo só porque o irritaram, pode arrepender-se.
Think about your life without this person in it: is it better without them? Carefully consider your options and only take action when you’re sure.
2. Preparar
Once you’ve decided that it’s over, you must mentally prepare to move on. Em primeiro lugar, crie distância da sua parte e torne as coisas mais fáceis para si. Comece por reduzir as interacções com eles e torne-se indisponível com mais frequência.
Strengthen your other relationships so you’re not tempted to go back when you’re lonely or bored. Get rid of memories and mementos that might make you falter because of nostalgia. Stay strong by reminding yourself why you’re doing this.
3. Criar distância física
Devolva todas as suas coisas e restrinja o acesso tanto quanto possível. Deixar de fazer planos com eles e de os contactar primeiro – no phone calls and no casual texting. Take a long time to reply to their text messages when they reach out.
Estabeleça limites e tente afastar-se do contacto. Approach this the same way you would enforce the ‘no contact rule’ ao terminar com um parceiro.
Stay away from them as much as possible. By keeping a physical space, you’ll be able to distance yourself slowly, which is the easiest way to do it.
4. Criar distância emocional
It’s not unusual to feel guilty about leaving someone you can’t be friends with. You might feel like this, especially if they haven’t done anything specific you could pinpoint as a cause for wanting to distance yourself.
Remind yourself why you’re doing it, and make a clean break. Lower your expectations of the relationship and reduce your interactions to a minimum. Don’t talk to them about personal stuff – only speak to them on a surface level when you have to.
Por vezes, a negligência e o facto de se tornar cada vez menos disponível podem ser suficientes para se distanciar de alguém.
Steps 1–4 from this list are enough if you want to let it happen naturally, but if you don’t want to distance yourself quietly, there are other things you can do.
5. Ser gentil, honesto e educado
Sente-se com a pessoa com quem quer terminar as coisas e fale com ela. Encare esta situação como uma separação, mas pense nela como uma separação amigável. Openly tell them what’s going on and be respectful. Make sure to tell them it’s over directly, but don’t pick a fight.
Quando falar com eles, concentre-se no que precisa neste momento e não nos defeitos deles. Let them know that you’re doing this for yourself. Try to leave the door open for the future even if you don’t intend to reconcile with them.
6. If they try to change your mind or argue, don’t engage
A outra pessoa pode não estar disposta a aceitá-lo, especialmente se tiver uma personalidade tóxica. In this case, standing your ground isn’t easy, but don’t let them convince you to change your mind.
If you make this decision after considering it carefully, they won’t be able to change your mind with anything they say. Discutir consigo sobre isso é desrespeitoso e um sinal de que gostam de si.
7. Rodeie-se de apoio
Precisa de apoio depois de terminar com um amigo da mesma forma que precisaria quando termina com um parceiro romântico. Rodeie-se dos seus amigos mais próximos e da sua família para o ajudar a ultrapassar a situação.
Ter um sistema de apoio é útil para se manter fiel à sua decisão e seguir em frente muito mais fácil e rapidamente.
8. Manter-se ocupado
Focus on your hobbies and passions to keep yourself distracted instead of dwelling on and questioning your decision. If the person you’re distancing yourself from used to be a close friend, this situation might be as difficult as breaking up with a significant other. It’s okay to need time and distractions to get over it.
9. Aceitar que pode perder outras pessoas
If you and the person you’re distancing yourself from are family or have mutual friends, some of them might not see your point of view and decide to choose sides. Some might try to persuade you to change your mind, especially if you’re related.
Let them know that you don’t appreciate meddling and that you have your reasons for wanting to distance yourself.
10. Lembra-te que you don’t have to justify yourself to anyone
The person you want to distance yourself from or other people in your life might want you to explain what’s going on. It’s fine if you want to tell them, but keep in mind that you chose this for your well-being, and you don’t owe it to anyone to tell them why.
If you feel discouraged because you’re getting questions and demands from all sides, tell yourself, “This is my life, and I’ll live it the way I want to.” This isn’t selfish – it’s healthy.
Os limites devem ser respeitados em relações saudáveis, e aqueles que o fazem questionar a sua escolha de se tornar uma prioridade estão a violá-los.
11. Assumir a sua quota-parte de responsabilidade
Relationships are about what’s between people, so how they turn out depends on everyone involved. The relationship you’ve decided to end was influenced by you as much as the other person.
Don’t blame everything on them – even if they are toxic, assumir responsabilidades por se deixar envolver.
Also, consider that if a lot of your relationships don’t work, it might be something that you’re doing. If you find everyone irritating, or if you feel like you’re often treated unfairly, consider examining your feelings and behavior.
Por vezes, há questões subjacentes que dificultam as relações e, enquanto não as resolver, as suas relações, tanto românticas como platónicas, vão sofrer.
12. Perdoar a outra pessoa
Uma forma saudável de seguir em frente é escolher perdoar a outra pessoa por tudo o que ela fez de errado. Aceite que isso aconteceu e que o afectou, mas opte por deixar de pensar nisso e perdoe-o.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to let the other person back into your life. All it means is that you’re getting rid of negative feelings that hold you back. If you keep thinking about how they hurt you, you’re still letting them hurt you.
Perdoa-lhes para teu próprio bem.
13. Deixar de comunicar com eles
Poderá não ser necessário bloqueá-los, a menos que decidam rejeitar a sua decisão ou se achar que pode ser tentado a contactá-los apesar de si próprio.
Tentar tornar a comunicação difícil ou impossível. Peça a amigos ou familiares em comum para não falarem consigo sobre eles e deixe de seguir as suas contas nas redes sociais.
Getting a notification from them on an app might make you fall into a habit of liking their posts or replying to their attempts to contact you, so it’s best to make sure you can’t.
14. Evitar os locais que frequentam durante algum tempo
Só porque deixar de ser amigo de alguém doesn’t mean you don’t want to see them ever again, but no início, talvez seja melhor manter-se afastado. If you know they’re going to be somewhere, decide to keep your distance for your own sake.
Vê-los pode fazer com que volte a ter o hábito de falar com eles, o que vai contra o objetivo da sua decisão. by avoiding them, you’re helping yourself stay strong.
If you’re unable to stay away because you go to school or work together and you have to see them, check out the section below that talks about this.
15. Concentração na cura
Terminar as coisas com alguém que costumava ser o seu melhor amigo é, por vezes, tão difícil como terminar as coisas com um parceiro. Faça algo que o ajude a curar-se e a manter-se positivo.
Be kind to yourself at this point and let yourself grieve the relationship that doesn’t exist anymore. Think about it this way: your relationship had its place and time, and now it’s time for you to move on.
16. Dar tempo ao tempo
O distanciamento é difícil no início, especialmente se estava muito envolvido com a outra pessoa. As coisas tornam-se mais fáceis com o tempo, e é tanto mais fácil esquecer quanto mais consistente for o seu afastamento.
You might be missing your friend today, but you still know that what you’ve done is for a good reason. If you persevere, in a while, you’ll be fine.
17. Sair e conhecer novas pessoas
Making new friends might be the last thing on your mind at the moment. Don’t think of it as finding a ‘rebound friendship’ but having the oportunidade de alargar o seu círculo social now that you’re not worried and anxious because of your former friend.
18. Procurar ajuda profissional se precisar
Wanting a healthy relationship isn’t only limited to your love life. Taking steps to make sure you’re surrounded with positivity might prove to be a challenge.
Se sentir que precisa de ajuda para lidar com a situação, o aconselhamento é inestimável. Someone with an outside perspective is able to shed light on things you can’t see because of how emotionally involved you are.
19. Definir novos limites
Learn from this relationship, and recall what it is that this person did wrong. This will help you figure out what’s important to you and what you can’t accept.
Quando definir os seus limitesComunique-os e informe as pessoas que os ultrapassarem.
No entanto, nada é definitivo. Os limites podem mudar e deslocar-se. Things that didn’t bother you yesterday might be a problem today, so don’t be afraid to let people know.
For example, if you used to be fine with people visiting unannounced, but you don’t want it anymore, some people might ignore you when you tell them to call ahead. When you let people know that something isn’t okay, refuse to accept their disrespect just because it was okay in the past.
20. Ser coerente
A consistência é essencial para o sucesso em qualquer coisa, mesmo para manter a distância de alguém.
If you flip between talking to them and not talking to them, you’re setting yourself up for failure. You’ll never get used to not having them in your life if you keep hurting yourself by associating with them.
Stay strong and consistent, and soon enough, you’ll be able to move forward without sparing a second thought for this person.
Como se distanciar de alguém tóxico
Optar por se afastar de uma relação tóxica é um ato de amor-próprio, mas it might be hard if you still have some feelings for the other person or if you can’t really avoid them.
Sometimes you need to get over a friendship the same way you’d get over a romantic breakup. Deciding how to distance yourself from someone who’s making your life miserable comes down to two choices:
1. If you’re done and don’t want anything to do with this person, you can simply cut them off. Choose to tell them what’s going on or ghost them, but remember that you don’t owe them an explanation unless you want to give them one.
Se essa pessoa for abusiva, saia da forma que puder, certificando-se de que se mantém em segurança.
2. Pode seguir as dicas acima and approach it as you would a relationship with someone you don’t want to hurt if you want to be kind. It’s best not to get involved too much, however, because As pessoas tóxicas tendem a procurar formas de prolongar o drama.
How do you know someone’s behavior is toxic?
• They hurt you mentally, emotionally, or physically.
• They make you feel unsafe, afraid, or uneasy.
• They make you feel invisible, bad about yourself, or manipulated.
• They get you into trouble or complicate your life.
• They don’t respect your boundaries, not even when you try to enforce them.
• They never acknowledge their mistakes and never apologize.
• They isolate you from your loved ones or damage your other relationships.
• They hold you back from achieving what you want and becoming who you want to be.
• They have a negative effect on your life.
RELACIONADO: 81 citações mais encorajadoras sobre relacionamentos tóxicos
Porquê distanciar-se de alguém na sua vida?
Deciding to distance yourself from someone isn’t done lightly. Even if you haven’t given it much thought consciously, alguma coisa na pessoa está a incomodá-lo o suficiente para querer acabar com as coisas.
It’s important for your self-esteem to put your needs first. You don’t have to stay stuck in a toxic friendship any more than you’d have to stay in a toxic romantic relationship.
For example, if a friend hurt you and you forgave them, but you don’t want them in your life anymore, you might feel conflicted. Remember that your feelings are valid and that it’s okay to choose who you keep around.
If you can’t figure out why someone is making you uncomfortable, take a look at the list below. Tudo isto pode ser considerado motivo suficiente para se distanciar, se o deixar desconfortável. But also, keep this in mind: you don’t need to look for a reason at all.
1. Provocam dramas e prosperam com eles.
2. Parece que querem sempre alguma coisa de nós e nunca nos dão nada em troca.
3. They’re negative, and interacting with them drains your energy.
4. They’re too needy and expect you to always be there for them.
5. When you really need someone to lean on, they’re suddenly busy.
6. Similar circumstances are the only reason you’re friends. For example, your kids are friends, or you work together.
7. Não estão de acordo em questões importantes e têm valores diferentes.
8. Não têm nada em comum.
9. You’ve grown apart even though you used to be close.
10. Your friendship has run its course, and there’s nothing left.
11. Your relationship feels like an obligation, and you only socialize out of habit or because that’s how it’s done.
12. You feel like you have to be someone you’re not around them and can’t be yourself.
13. You can’t rely on them for support or help, and it seems like they don’t care about you at all.
14. You’re not putting equal effort into the relationship.
15. You’re the only one maintaining the relationship – you’re always the one to get in touch, call, organize, etc.
How To Distance Yourself From Someone You Can’t Avoid
When you’ve had it with a schoolmate or a co-worker you see every day, keeping your distance might be difficult. How do you stay on track when you keep seeing them around and can’t cut off all contact?
Todas as dicas acima são úteis, mas os pontos seguintes são especialmente úteis:
• Limit your contact. Fale com eles apenas quando for necessário e seja educado e conciso.
• Stick to the point. There’s no need to catch up or exchange pleasantries. For example, if you work together and you need a file from them, ignore everything they say to you and only focus on getting the file.
• Set boundaries. Let them know you’re not interested in interacting with them more than necessary, and reinforce these boundaries if they try to break them.
• Don’t explain yourself. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for making your mental health a priority.
Em resumo
Não há qualquer obrigação de manter o contacto com um amigo tóxico ou um familiar exigente. Pode tentar deixar que a relação se desvaneça por si própria, mas, por vezes, isso pode ser impossível e terá de a terminar de imediato.
Deciding how to distance yourself from someone depends on why you’re doing it and what you want the end result to be. If it’s someone toxic, cutting them out is sometimes your best course of action. If it’s someone you still want to stay on good terms with, a conversation might be necessary.
In some cases, the most difficult part is stopping yourself from contacting that person because you’re so used to doing it. Reminding yourself why you’re doing it is the most effective way to stick to your decision: you’ve done the right thing and chosen your well-being over staying in a relationship that doesn’t work for you.
