Como superar o seu primeiro amor: 13 passos para o sucesso

Como é que se ultrapassa a primeiro amor? Esta é a pergunta a que todos nós já quisemos responder pelo menos uma vez na vida. 

Pode ser o primeira pessoa namorámos em escola secundária como 16 anos de idade, alguém com quem partilhámos a nossa primeiro beijo com, o primeira pessoa we said “Eu amo-te” to, or that special someone we thought was our alma gémea. Quem quer que seja, perder o seu primeiro namorado ou namorada nunca é fácil. 

If this is something you’re dealing with right now, we have a solution to your problem. Here are 13 steps to follow if you’re trying to figure out how to get over your primeiro amor da forma mais saudável possível. 

1. Accept that it’s the end

O primeiro passo para ultrapassar a sua primeiro desgosto é convencer-se a si próprio it’s really over. You can’t expect to esquecê-los and to kick them out of your heart if you keep hoping that they’ll come back to you and that things will be the way they used to be. 

That is exactly what many people do when they first break up: they’re in denial and refuse to face the harsh reality. 

I know it’s easier to keep on pretending that nothing has changed than look at the truth and the pain in your eyes, but you simply have to do it sooner or later, if you want any progress, and it’s definitely better to do it right away than to give yourself more false hope. 

Destiny won’t magically bring you and your ex together (and even if it does, it would never be the same), this is not a phase or a test every relationship goes through. This is it-this is the end and the final goodbye. 

Assim, em vez de colocar o seu vida inteira em espera enquanto espera pacientemente por este uma pessoa para voltar, invista toda a sua energia em superá-los. 

2. Deixar de ver a separação como o fim do mundo

Esta é outra coisa que acontece com a maioria das pessoas depois de primeiro desgosto: they think it’s the end of the world and that they won’t recover in um milhão anos. Este é o seu primeira experiência when it comes to this type of emotional pain, it hits you right in the guts and it is perfectly natural that you don’t know how to handle it. 

At first, you think you’ll die. Your life is over and everything besides this person is pointless. 

However, this is far from the truth. The Earth will keep on spinning even though you’ve lost someone you love and you will continue living, even though it doesn’t seem that way now. 

Por favor, deixem de ser tão pessimistas. As primeiras relações terminam, people grow apart and it’s up to you to accept this as a part of life-nothing more and nothing less.

Besides, I won’t lie to you-these things will continue happening. You’ll make mistakes in love and you will be heartbroken again but the difference is, the next time it happens, you’ll know you’ll sobreviver. 

3. Pára de romantizar o teu primeiro amor

If you want the answer to the question: “Como é que posso esquecer o meu primeiro amor??” it is actually pretty simple: you just have to stop romanticizing it. 

O que faz com que primeiros amores tão difícil de ultrapassar é o facto de as pessoas tenderem a romantizá-la, pois é a sua primeira experiência quando se trata de romance. 

Quantas vezes já ouviu alguém dizer que nunca se esquece o primeira pessoa you ever loved? That you’ll forever remember your primeiro beijo e primeira experiência com o sexo oposto?

Quantos filmes já viu sobre pessoas que reacendem a sua escola secundária romances quando envelhecerem?

You might not be aware of this but we’re surrounded by the cult of primeiro amor. Toda a gente o vê como a forma mais pura, mais limpa e mais intensa de ligação romântica. 

However, it’s about time for you to break that myth. 

Deixem-me dizer-vos uma coisa: os sentimentos que têm pelo vosso primeiro amor only seem to be the strongest simply because you’ve never experienced anything similar. You give yourself entirely to the other person just because you still haven’t learned to be careful about the way you open your heart to others. 

O primeira vez you break up with someone seems to be the most painful because you still haven’t had the chance to learn how to process it. 

Therefore, there is nothing special about first romance. It’s actually just like any other relationship you’ll have during your lifetime. 

De facto, a última é o único que conta!

4. Não estabelecer contacto

After you’ve sorted out the basics in your head, it’s time for some radical moves. The first step towards your complete healing is going completely no contact with your ex.

I’m sure you’ve heard about the no contact rule: you block your ex’s number, unfriend and unfollow them on all redes sociais,  e interromper qualquer tipo de comunicação com ele. Normalmente, as pessoas seguem esta regra para fazer com que o seu ex sinta a sua ausência e para o ter de volta.

However, even though you’ll stick to the regra de não contacto, you won’t do it for these purposes. Instead, you’ll do it because it’s the only way to kick your ex both out of your life and heart. 

Sim, manter a amizade depois de uma relação duradoura e empenhada é uma coisa simpática e civilizada a fazer. No entanto, isso só é possível nos casos em que ambos são completamente indiferentes um ao outro e não têm quaisquer sentimentos românticos. 

Por outro lado, assim que começar a tentar descobrir como ultrapassar a sua primeiro amor, it becomes more than apparent that you haven’t gotten over your ex. Therefore, the last thing you should be doing is tormenting yourself and pretending you can be melhores amigos just to “do the right thing”. 

5. Cut all ties with “their people”

Many people don’t know this but there is a difference between going fully no contact and cutting all ties with your relação passada. However, let’s be real here: is there any point in you finishing all communication with your ex if you’ll continue doing some other things to be around them?

Sim, isto pode ser eficaz se o seu objetivo for fazer com que eles medo de te perder and if you just want for them to think that you’ve moved on. 

However, if you really want to get over this person, you won’t care what they think-what will be important is how you feel and if you’re making any actual progress. 

That’s why your life has to stop revolving around this person. First of all, cut ties with their friends and family. I know that this is quite difficult, especially if we’re talking about some mutual friends you also love and who are important to you. 

On the other hand, when it comes to your ex’s family, you are probably too shy to start avoiding them or to block them everywhere because you don’t want to appear rude. After all, none of these people has ever done you any harm and it’s not fair for them to pay the consequences for your ex’s action. 

However, this is not about them-it’s about you. You have to find a way to make yourself feel better and this an amazing starting point.

Besides, this doesn’t mean that you have to erase these people from your life permanently. You can just explain the situation, ask them to understand and to give you some time, and I’m sure most of them will. 

6. Limitar o tempo que passa a pensar nelas

So, you’ve physically removed your ex and everyone who reminded you of them. You’ve narrowed down the people you can talk to about them, but despite that, this person is still constantly present in the back of your mind. 

The worst part is that you’ve started thinking that there is nothing more you can do about it. 

You’ve stopped going to places where you know you could meet them, you’ve cut ties with everyone they know, you’re not reaching out to them, you’re not stalking their profiles, you’re not asking around about them…

But despite all of this, it looks like you’re not going anywhere. This person is still o único pensamos nisso desde o amanhecer até ao anoitecer e, naturalmente, sentimo-nos impotentes. 

Well, the trick is in limiting the time you’re allowed to think about your ex. Of course, it would be ideal if you could just snap your fingers and deixar de pensar neles. 

However, since that is impossible, it would be great if you could begin with some baby steps. For starters, give yourself let’s say half an hour a day when this person is allowed to exist in your brain.

Sempre que pensar nelas fora deste período de tempo, lembre-se da sua decisão e deixe os seus pensamentos para mais tarde. É claro que deve reduzir este tempo a cada dia ou semana que passa. 

7. Ter esperança 

Whenever you’re going through a tough time in your life, including the breakup of your primeira relação, the crucial thing is to not lose hope. Instead, try to be optimistic and to have faith in a better tomorrow, no matter the problems you’re facing. 

Isto é muito importante quando se trata de ultrapassar a sua primeira amor verdadeiro também. Independentemente da forma como se sente agora, tem de estar consciente de que voltará a amar e que o pessoa certa virá.

Whether you believe it or not, someone will come along who you’ll love more than you loved your ex. 

Alguém que vos vai curar coração partido and help you raise you from the ashes; someone who will make you forget all of this pain you’re facing now and who will help you leave all of it in the past, where it belongs. 

I know that hearing this now makes you think that I’m just trying to comfort you and make you feel better but it really is the truth and you have to put all of your strength into believing it. 

O seu nova vida awaits you and sooner or later, this will be nothing but a distant memory. In fact, you’ll remember your first amor verdadeiro com um sorriso no rosto e nada mais. 

8. Concentrar-se nos cuidados pessoais

Este é o momento em que precisa de se concentrar em autocuidado primeiro. Para um alguns anosSe amas essa pessoa com todo o teu coração e lhe dás primeiro lugar na sua vida e agora tem de aprender a quebrar esse ciclo. 

Talvez tenha mudado para se adaptar melhor a eles. Talvez tenha perdido a pessoa que costumava ser, mas agora é a altura de recuperar a sua autoestima e para nos encontrarmos de novo.

Instead of wasting entire days on thinking about your ex, focus on self-improvement. Work on your appearance, intellect, emotions, career…whatever helps.

The bottom line is that you should invest your energy into becoming the person you’re destined to be. Work on personal progress, do all the things you’ve always wanted to do and please all of your heart’s deepest desires. 

Mime-se, aumente a sua autoestima, prática cuidado pessoal, e faz tudo o que puderes para te fazeres feliz, porque ninguém o fará por ti. 

9. Pedir ajuda

Listen carefully: there is no shame in admitting that you can’t handle some life situations on your own and that you could use a hand while going through them. 

No, this doesn’t apply just to things like the death of a ente querido, a divorce, or job loss-you’re allowed to grieve someone who is still alive and over the desgosto seu primeira relação esquerda.

You have the right to feel the way you do and nobody can tell you that your suffering makes you weak, immature, or that it’s irrelevant. 

Antes de mais, tente procurar ajuda junto do seu melhores amigos e família. É provável que a maioria das pessoas que o rodeiam já tenha passado pela mesma situação no passado, pelo que a sua valiosa experiência pode, sem dúvida, servir-lhe de conselho. 

I’m not saying that you should blindly follow their patterns of behavior, since we all heal in a different manner and at a different pace, but what you can do is look up to them. Besides, other people’s stories will make you see that everyone gets over every possible pain, sooner or later. 

If this doesn’t help, don’t be embarrassed to look for professional help. Go talk to an expert who will give you the push you need to start rationalizing things and to begin your healing process in a healthy way. 

10. Aprender com a sua relação

Em vez de ver esta separação como a pior coisa que lhe poderia ter acontecido, tente observar tudo o que se passou de uma perspetiva diferente. 

Antes de mais, o seu relação amorosa wasn’t all coisas más-it had its beautiful moments. Please don’t allow those moments to be wiped from your memory and for all the coisas más que aconteceu ultimamente para os apagar. 

Independentemente do seu fim, ainda tinha o seu valor e isso uma pessoa que namoraste durante tanto tempo merece ficar na tua memória. Sim, acabou, mas foi bom enquanto durou. 

Secondly, if you’re wise, you’ll use your failed romance as a tough but valuable lesson. It will help you learn about love, about the opposite sex, about life and relationships, and most importantly-about yourself. 

Veja isto como uma oportunidade para observar o seu padrões de namoro tóxicos. Quais foram os vossos erros durante esta relação? 

What are the things you’re looking for and os you won’t tolerate again? What is your preferable type of partner and what are your deal breakers? 

Como é que isto o pode ajudar a encontrar o pessoa certa? 

Out of all the lessons your break up can teach you, this one is crucial: you don’t need anyone to survive-you just have to convencer-se a si próprio of that. After all, for all this time, you were convinced that you couldn’t make it without your partner and that you would die if they left your side. 

However, there you are, safe and sound. Yes, you’re going through your primeiro desgosto but what matters is that you’re still whole and complete. 

So, I guess you’re way stronger than you assumed. 

11. Don’t rush yourself into a new relationship

Asking for advice from your loved ones doesn’t mean that you should go against your heart’s desires. This especially applies to the situation when everyone tells you to fight fire with fire and that the best way to forget your ex is to get yourself involved into a new, relação amorosa ASAP – like that’s a piece of cake. 

Even though there is nothing wrong with falling in love again, please don’t force yourself into doing anything you’re not ready for. Don’t rush yourself into a nova relação porque isso só fará com que se sinta pior do que antes. 

Para além de dar a sua bagagem emocional do seu relação passada uma hipótese de arruinar a sua novo começoSe a sua relação for iniciada pelas razões erradas, é impossível que seja bem sucedida. Afinal de contas, ninguém merece ser o seu ponto - seria injusto arrastar uma terceira pessoa para a sua montanha russa emocional. 

It doesn’t matter that you have broken off for good with your ex-you still have some unresolved issues with yourself and that is not fruitful soil for a new healthy romance. 

12. Mas está aberto a um novo amor

No entanto, há uma diferença entre levantar a guarda e condenar-se a uma vida sem amor e não saltar de uma relação para outra. Não vale a pena fugir de um potencial amor e este tipo de abordagem pode causar-lhe muito mais danos do que pensa.

Therefore, if love knocks on your door, don’t push it away. Be careful but embrace it openly. 

Don’t get me wrong-I’m not here to promise you that you’ll never get your heart broken again. The truth is that there is no way to protect yourself from that possibility. 

Sim, o amor é sempre um risco. No entanto, é um risco que vale a pena correr. 

Outra coisa a que deve prestar atenção é não comparar as outras pessoas da sua vida com o seu ex. 

To be honest: I don’t know which is worse: thinking that they were the best and rejecting potential partners because they’re not your primeiro namorado ou namorada, ou estar convencido de que toda a gente o vai magoar da mesma forma que o seu ex o fez. 

Either way, by doing any of these things, you’re only giving them power over you. You’ll sabotage your nova vida and future relationships right from the start if you’re looking for your ex’s replacement. 

13. Dar a si próprio tempo para sarar

Sim, tudo isto tem a ver com a superação da sua relação passada and moving on. However, in order to know the answer to the question: “Como é que posso esquecer o meu primeiro amor??”, you have to fix your coração partido. 

Healing is a process which takes time, devotion, and energy. So, please don’t expect it to be done overnight. 

No, I’m not saying that you should dedicate your vida inteira to this person and that you should allow yourself to grieve over them for the rest of eternity. However, you can’t repress your emotions and pretend that everything is in perfect order either. 

A good idea would be to set yourself a deadline. Mark a certain date on your calendar and allow yourself to suffer up to then. Then, when that date comes, you’re no longer allowed to think or talk about that person. No, you won’t be completely healed then either, but you will have made significant progress and you’ll have the answer to the question: “How do you get over your primeiro amor“?