Como superar um narcisista (10 passos para o sucesso)

A coisa mais difícil de ultrapassar quando se acaba com um narcisista é voltar ao sítio onde se estava antes.

It’s almost impossible to quickly shift your mind and your heart from being abused and dwelling in pain to enjoy breathing the fresh air of freedom.

There is nothing wrong going on with you if you don’t know how to make the shift.

You’re not crazy for still hanging on to the person who almost destroyed you. You’re not the first nor the last to go through that much pain.

You’re not stupid because you fell for his tricks, and most importantly, it’s not your fault.

The irresistible urge you have to come back to him every time he treats you like shit or thinking you’re not good enough for anyone else—so it’s better to be with him than alone—is all part of his mind games.

Era suposto sentires-te assim. Significa que ele cumpriu todos os seus passos como planeado.

But when you leave, when he goes one step too far—and believe me narcissists will always try and go a bit further to get as much energy from you as possible up to the moment you reach your breaking point…

Por isso, quando se vai embora, acaba por ficar confusa e perguntar como é que tudo aconteceu? Pensavas que a tua relação tinha significado; pensavas que ele te amava realmente.

You try to find reasons why he changed all of a sudden. Well, it didn’t happen overnight.

Os narcisistas são pessoas que têm um distúrbio de personalidade, o que significa que são assim a toda a hora.

They don’t change their behavior because something triggers their disorder. They’ve been born like that, and they are like that from the moment you meet them. The fact you don’t see it is because they hide it until they’ve got you in their grip.

Quando nos apercebemos que o nosso parceiro tem um problema, a empatia entra em ação e sentimos pena dele.

Quer ajudá-lo, sendo compreensivo e compassivo. Isso funciona apenas durante um curto período de tempo.

Soon enough you’ll see that the abuse is still going on if not even getting worse.

You keep giving him second chances because you believe he can change. You think it’s not his fault. He just needs to learn to think before he speaks or to control himself.

So you finally open your eyes, and you decide it’s time to get away. But that is not as easy as it sounds.

It seems like you’re going around in circles. Whatever you do, you’re not able to break the cycle.

But healing takes a long time. It’s excruciating and devastating. But every good deed you do for yourself, every act of kindness, takes you one step closer to being okay.

Foi isto que me aconteceu. Dei passos de bebé. Fiz pequenas coisas insignificantes para mim e, passado algum tempo, decidi que gostava desta nova sensação.

Decidi que queria ser feliz. Assim, lentamente, deixei de ser infeliz e regressei ao meu antigo estado de felicidade.

Foi assim que ultrapassei o meu ex narcisista:

Accept he’s a narcissist

He suffers from a Narcissistic Personality Disorder which basically means that your whole life with him was one big fat lie because he is a lie. Everything he has ever said to you or done wasn’t at all honest.

It was all carefully designed to capture you and use you as his narcissistic supply. He isn’t that charming boy you think you know.

That was all just love-bombing—the enormous amount of love he showers you with before he starts abusing you and finally discarding you.

Estabelecer limites

Saia do ambiente que o está a fazer sentir mal.

Get rid of everything that reminds you of him. But, if it’s impossible to get away from him physically, then try something called the “Grey Rock Method”.

The idea of the “Grey Rock Method” is making yourself the least appealing to your narcissist as you can.

You have to be boring as hell—unattractive physically and mentally. If they don’t find you interesting, they won’t feed off of you.

But the most important boundary you must learn to set is how to say ‘no’. you have to reject things you don’t like.

É preciso aprender a defender-se, afastando pessoas e recusando coisas que não são boas para si.

Ficar mentalmente mais saudável

Depois de tanto tempo passado com um narcisista, a sua saúde mental deteriora-se. O seu comportamento pode destruir uma pessoa, especialmente se a pessoa tiver traços de empatia.

Empaths tend to understand destructive people and put themselves in their shoes just to see how they’re feeling.

Isto faz com que um empático tente compreender um narcisista, o que acaba por destruir a pessoa que está apenas a tentar ajudar.

Tente libertar esses sentimentos tóxicos do seu sistema. Tente fazer algo relaxante para não pensar nele e nos maus tratos que sofreu durante todo esse tempo.

A mente é uma coisa milagrosa. Cuide dela, seja gentil com ela, e em breve ela voltará ao estágio em que nenhum desses pensamentos e sentimentos tóxicos existia.

Deixe-se ficar zangado e desiludido durante o tempo que for necessário

You’ll want to destroy his life. You’ll want to make him suffer and get even for every little thing he did to you.

But you’ll also be scared which will thankfully prevent you from taking any action.

If you did, it would backfire on you, and he would attack you with everything he’s got.

But, it’s better that you don’t do anything. Leave the self-destruction up to them. It’s what they do best anyway.

Don’t try to get closure

Não vale a pena tentar fazê-los compreender o que sente.

Eles não são capazes de compreender esse tipo de emoções. Têm a maturidade emocional de uma criança de cinco anos.

So, please don’t even bother. You’ll end up getting even more annoyed, and for some reason, he’ll probably see your need for closure as a cry to get back together.

Perdoar a si próprio

Learn the truth, and accept it. You’ve been lied to. You’ve been manipulated and tricked.

It’s not your fault for any of the things a narcissist did to you. So don’t blame yourself for going to hell and back.

Perdoa-te a ti próprio porque uma coisa destas pode acontecer a qualquer pessoa.

You’ve fallen into a narcissistic trap, and he used every one of your positive traits as a weapon of destruction against you. It’s not your fault.

Não estabelecer contacto

Não é fácil livrar-se dos narcisistas. É possível bloqueá-los nas redes sociais.

You can try to avoid them, but you won’t succeed on the first try because they will keep bombarding you with their abuso narcísico técnicas.

They will haunt you by using your common friends. They’ll try to find out information about you via your friends.

They will spread rumors. Don’t be surprised if you “accidentally” bump into them on the road. All those encounters were planned to happen.

They will make sure you know every happy detail about their life. They need you to know that they moved on the second you left. That’s why it’s important to them to keep in contact with you.

It’s their final try to lure you back in by destroying you a bit more, by trying to prove they are the mature ones and you’re acting like a child.

Nenhum contacto é a única saída. You’ll have to at least try to keep it. No matter what anyone says about you, you know that you’re not the crazy ones.

Esses ainda são restos dos seus jogos mentais, e tu sabes disso.

Don’t answer your phone. Don’t answer your emails, and discard anyone who tries to blame you for narcissistic behavior. At this point, you can only trust yourself.

Don’t let the past get to you

O passado tentará vir atrás de si. Isso não é nada mais do que um sinal de que you’re not over him yet.

It means that you’re halfway there, but not quite there yet. Just keep on doing what you’re doing because you’re doing a good job.

Dê a si próprio um sentido de objetivo na vida e concentre-se em tornar os seus sonhos realidade.

Concentre-se no seu futuro e não no seu passado. Pensar no futuro e estabelecer objectivos para si próprio ajudá-lo-á definitivamente a ultrapassar o passado mais cedo.

Seja paciente com os seus amigos

Dá algum tempo a esses amigos. Eles hão-de mudar de ideias.

Perceberão que também foram vítimas de abuso narcísico. The narcissist’s mask will fall sooner or later, and by that time, everyone will know that you aren’t the person that man presented you to be.

Faça um favor a si próprio e abandone todas as pessoas que estão do lado dele.

It’s an act of kindness to yourself. You really want to clean your life out of toxic people.

Sê feliz!

You’re finally free! You’re finally able to do whatever you want to do, and meanwhile, that narcissist of yours is repeating the same thing he did with you—only this time he is hiding under a new mask.

He is ruining someone’s life, but that person will see right through him and get out of that relationship the same way you did. In the end, that person is also going to be happy.

E ele? Continuará a ser o mesmo pedaço de merda vazio que tem sido durante toda a sua vida.

Maria Parker é também a autora do livro Her Way “On Getting Over A Narcissist”