Cómo superar a un narcisista (10 pasos para el éxito)

Lo más difícil de superar cuando rompes con un narcisista es volver al lugar en el que una vez estuviste.

It’s almost impossible to quickly shift your mind and your heart from being abused and dwelling in pain to enjoy breathing the fresh air of freedom.

There is nothing wrong going on with you if you don’t know how to make the shift.

You’re not crazy for still hanging on to the person who almost destroyed you. You’re not the first nor the last to go through that much pain.

You’re not stupid because you fell for his tricks, and most importantly, it’s not your fault.

The irresistible urge you have to come back to him every time he treats you like shit or thinking you’re not good enough for anyone else—so it’s better to be with him than alone—is all part of his mind games.

Se suponía que debía sentirse así. Significa que llevó a cabo cada uno de sus pasos como había planeado.

But when you leave, when he goes one step too far—and believe me narcissists will always try and go a bit further to get as much energy from you as possible up to the moment you reach your breaking point…

Así que cuando te vas, acabas confusa y preguntándote cómo ha pasado todo. Pensabas que vuestra relación significaba algo; pensabas que te quería de verdad.

You try to find reasons why he changed all of a sudden. Well, it didn’t happen overnight.

Los narcisistas son personas que padecen un trastorno de la personalidad, lo que significa que son así todo el tiempo.

They don’t change their behavior because something triggers their disorder. They’ve been born like that, and they are like that from the moment you meet them. The fact you don’t see it is because they hide it until they’ve got you in their grip.

Cuando te das cuenta de que tu pareja tiene un problema, surge la empatía y sientes pena por él.

Quieres ayudarle siendo comprensivo y compasivo. Eso sólo funciona durante un breve periodo de tiempo.

Soon enough you’ll see that the abuse is still going on if not even getting worse.

You keep giving him second chances because you believe he can change. You think it’s not his fault. He just needs to learn to think before he speaks or to control himself.

So you finally open your eyes, and you decide it’s time to get away. But that is not as easy as it sounds.

It seems like you’re going around in circles. Whatever you do, you’re not able to break the cycle.

But healing takes a long time. It’s excruciating and devastating. But every good deed you do for yourself, every act of kindness, takes you one step closer to being okay.

Esto es lo que me pasó a mí. Di pequeños pasos. Hice pequeñas cosas insignificantes para mí y, después de algún tiempo, decidí que me gustaba esta nueva sensación.

Decidí que quería ser feliz. Así que, poco a poco, pasé de sentirme desgraciada a volver a ser feliz como antes.

Así es como superé a mi ex narcisista:

Accept he’s a narcissist

He suffers from a Narcissistic Personality Disorder which basically means that your whole life with him was one big fat lie because he is a lie. Everything he has ever said to you or done wasn’t at all honest.

It was all carefully designed to capture you and use you as his narcissistic supply. He isn’t that charming boy you think you know.

That was all just love-bombing—the enormous amount of love he showers you with before he starts abusing you and finally discarding you.

Establecer límites

Sal del entorno que te hace sentir mal.

Get rid of everything that reminds you of him. But, if it’s impossible to get away from him physically, then try something called the “Grey Rock Method”.

The idea of the “Grey Rock Method” is making yourself the least appealing to your narcissist as you can.

You have to be boring as hell—unattractive physically and mentally. If they don’t find you interesting, they won’t feed off of you.

But the most important boundary you must learn to set is how to say ‘no’. you have to reject things you don’t like.

Tienes que aprender a defenderte ahuyentando a las personas y rechazando las cosas que no son buenas para ti.

Ser más sano mentalmente

Después de pasar tanto tiempo con un narcisista, su salud mental se deteriora. Su comportamiento puede destruir a una persona, especialmente si la persona tiene más fuerte rasgos empáticos.

Empaths tend to understand destructive people and put themselves in their shoes just to see how they’re feeling.

Esto hace que un empático intente comprender a un narcisista, lo que acaba destruyendo a la persona que sólo intenta ayudar.

Intenta desahogarte de esos sentimientos tóxicos. Intenta algo relajante para olvidarte de él y del abuso que sufriste todo ese tiempo.

La mente es algo milagroso. Cuídala, sé amable con ella y pronto volverá a la etapa en la que no existían esos pensamientos y sentimientos tóxicos.

Permítete estar enfadado y decepcionado el tiempo que necesites

You’ll want to destroy his life. You’ll want to make him suffer and get even for every little thing he did to you.

But you’ll also be scared which will thankfully prevent you from taking any action.

If you did, it would backfire on you, and he would attack you with everything he’s got.

But, it’s better that you don’t do anything. Leave the self-destruction up to them. It’s what they do best anyway.

Don’t try to get closure

Es inútil que intentes hacerles entender cómo te sientes.

No son capaces de comprender ese tipo de emociones. Tienen la madurez emocional de un niño de cinco años.

So, please don’t even bother. You’ll end up getting even more annoyed, and for some reason, he’ll probably see your need for closure as a cry to get back together.

Perdónate a ti mismo

Learn the truth, and accept it. You’ve been lied to. You’ve been manipulated and tricked.

It’s not your fault for any of the things a narcissist did to you. So don’t blame yourself for going to hell and back.

Perdónate porque algo así le puede pasar a cualquiera.

You’ve fallen into a narcissistic trap, and he used every one of your positive traits as a weapon of destruction against you. It’s not your fault.

No tener contacto

No es fácil deshacerse de los narcisistas. Puedes bloquearlos en las redes sociales.

You can try to avoid them, but you won’t succeed on the first try because they will keep bombarding you with their abuso narcisista técnicas.

They will haunt you by using your common friends. They’ll try to find out information about you via your friends.

They will spread rumors. Don’t be surprised if you “accidentally” bump into them on the road. All those encounters were planned to happen.

They will make sure you know every happy detail about their life. They need you to know that they moved on the second you left. That’s why it’s important to them to keep in contact with you.

It’s their final try to lure you back in by destroying you a bit more, by trying to prove they are the mature ones and you’re acting like a child.

Sin contacto es la única salida. You’ll have to at least try to keep it. No matter what anyone says about you, you know that you’re not the crazy ones.

Esos siguen siendo restos de sus juegos mentales, y lo sabes.

Don’t answer your phone. Don’t answer your emails, and discard anyone who tries to blame you for narcissistic behavior. At this point, you can only trust yourself.

Don’t let the past get to you

El pasado intentará perseguirte. Eso no es más que una señal de que you’re not over him yet.

It means that you’re halfway there, but not quite there yet. Just keep on doing what you’re doing because you’re doing a good job.

Dése un sentido a su vida y concéntrese en hacer realidad sus sueños.

Concéntrate en el futuro y no en el pasado. Pensar en el futuro y fijarte metas te ayudará sin duda a superar antes el pasado.

Ten paciencia con tus amigos

Dale tiempo a esos amigos. Volverán en sí.

Se darán cuenta de que también han sido víctimas de abuso narcisista. The narcissist’s mask will fall sooner or later, and by that time, everyone will know that you aren’t the person that man presented you to be.

Hazte un favor y deshazte de todas y cada una de las personas que se ponen de su lado.

It’s an act of kindness to yourself. You really want to clean your life out of toxic people.

Sé feliz.

You’re finally free! You’re finally able to do whatever you want to do, and meanwhile, that narcissist of yours is repeating the same thing he did with you—only this time he is hiding under a new mask.

He is ruining someone’s life, but that person will see right through him and get out of that relationship the same way you did. In the end, that person is also going to be happy.

¿Y él? Seguirá siendo el mismo pedazo de mierda vacía que ha sido toda su vida.

Maria Parker es también autora del libro Her Way “On Getting Over A Narcissist”