Come superare un narcisista (10 passi per il successo)

La cosa più difficile da superare quando si rompe con un narcisista è tornare al punto di partenza.

It’s almost impossible to quickly shift your mind and your heart from being abused and dwelling in pain to enjoy breathing the fresh air of freedom.

There is nothing wrong going on with you if you don’t know how to make the shift.

You’re not crazy for still hanging on to the person who almost destroyed you. You’re not the first nor the last to go through that much pain.

You’re not stupid because you fell for his tricks, and most importantly, it’s not your fault.

The irresistible urge you have to come back to him every time he treats you like shit or thinking you’re not good enough for anyone else—so it’s better to be with him than alone—is all part of his mind games.

Dovevi sentirti così. Significa che ha compiuto ogni passo come aveva programmato.

But when you leave, when he goes one step too far—and believe me narcissists will always try and go a bit further to get as much energy from you as possible up to the moment you reach your breaking point…

Così, quando ve ne andate, vi ritrovate confusi e vi chiedete come sia potuto accadere tutto questo? Pensavate che la vostra relazione avesse un significato, che lui vi amasse davvero.

You try to find reasons why he changed all of a sudden. Well, it didn’t happen overnight.

I narcisisti sono persone che hanno un disturbo della personalità, il che significa che sono sempre così.

They don’t change their behavior because something triggers their disorder. They’ve been born like that, and they are like that from the moment you meet them. The fact you don’t see it is because they hide it until they’ve got you in their grip.

Quando ci si rende conto che il partner ha un problema, scatta l'empatia e ci si sente dispiaciuti per lui.

Volete aiutarlo essendo comprensivi e compassionevoli. Questo funziona solo per un breve periodo di tempo.

Soon enough you’ll see that the abuse is still going on if not even getting worse.

You keep giving him second chances because you believe he can change. You think it’s not his fault. He just needs to learn to think before he speaks or to control himself.

So you finally open your eyes, and you decide it’s time to get away. But that is not as easy as it sounds.

It seems like you’re going around in circles. Whatever you do, you’re not able to break the cycle.

But healing takes a long time. It’s excruciating and devastating. But every good deed you do for yourself, every act of kindness, takes you one step closer to being okay.

Ecco cosa è successo a me. Ho fatto piccoli passi. Ho fatto piccole cose insignificanti per me stessa e, dopo qualche tempo, ho deciso che questa nuova sensazione mi piaceva.

Ho deciso che voglio essere felice. Così, lentamente, sono passata dall'essere infelice al ritornare alla mia vecchia felicità.

Ecco come ho superato il mio ex narcisista:

Accept he’s a narcissist

He suffers from a Narcissistic Personality Disorder which basically means that your whole life with him was one big fat lie because he is a lie. Everything he has ever said to you or done wasn’t at all honest.

It was all carefully designed to capture you and use you as his narcissistic supply. He isn’t that charming boy you think you know.

That was all just love-bombing—the enormous amount of love he showers you with before he starts abusing you and finally discarding you.

Stabilire i confini

Uscite dall'ambiente che vi fa stare male.

Get rid of everything that reminds you of him. But, if it’s impossible to get away from him physically, then try something called the “Grey Rock Method”.

The idea of the “Grey Rock Method” is making yourself the least appealing to your narcissist as you can.

You have to be boring as hell—unattractive physically and mentally. If they don’t find you interesting, they won’t feed off of you.

But the most important boundary you must learn to set is how to say ‘no’. you have to reject things you don’t like.

Dovete imparare a farvi valere, scacciando le persone e rifiutando le cose che non vanno bene per voi.

Diventare mentalmente più sani

Dopo tanto tempo trascorso con un narcisista, la salute mentale si deteriora. Il loro comportamento può distruggere una persona, soprattutto se questa ha un carattere più forte. tratti empatici.

Empaths tend to understand destructive people and put themselves in their shoes just to see how they’re feeling.

Questo fa sì che un empatico cerchi di capire un narcisista, finendo per distruggere la persona che sta solo cercando di aiutare.

Cerchi di sfogare questi sentimenti tossici. Provate a fare qualcosa di rilassante per non pensare a lui e agli abusi che avete subito per tutto quel tempo.

La mente è una cosa miracolosa. Coltivatela, siate gentili con lei e presto tornerà allo stadio in cui non esistevano questi pensieri e sentimenti tossici.

Lasciarsi andare alla rabbia e alla delusione per tutto il tempo necessario.

You’ll want to destroy his life. You’ll want to make him suffer and get even for every little thing he did to you.

But you’ll also be scared which will thankfully prevent you from taking any action.

If you did, it would backfire on you, and he would attack you with everything he’s got.

But, it’s better that you don’t do anything. Leave the self-destruction up to them. It’s what they do best anyway.

Don’t try to get closure

È inutile cercare di far capire loro come vi sentite.

Non sono in grado di comprendere questo tipo di emozioni. Hanno la maturità emotiva di un bambino di cinque anni.

So, please don’t even bother. You’ll end up getting even more annoyed, and for some reason, he’ll probably see your need for closure as a cry to get back together.

Perdonare se stessi

Learn the truth, and accept it. You’ve been lied to. You’ve been manipulated and tricked.

It’s not your fault for any of the things a narcissist did to you. So don’t blame yourself for going to hell and back.

Perdonatevi perché una cosa del genere potrebbe accadere a chiunque.

You’ve fallen into a narcissistic trap, and he used every one of your positive traits as a weapon of destruction against you. It’s not your fault.

Non contattate nessuno

Non è facile liberarsi dei narcisisti. È possibile bloccarli sui social network.

You can try to avoid them, but you won’t succeed on the first try because they will keep bombarding you with their abuso narcisistico tecniche.

They will haunt you by using your common friends. They’ll try to find out information about you via your friends.

They will spread rumors. Don’t be surprised if you “accidentally” bump into them on the road. All those encounters were planned to happen.

They will make sure you know every happy detail about their life. They need you to know that they moved on the second you left. That’s why it’s important to them to keep in contact with you.

It’s their final try to lure you back in by destroying you a bit more, by trying to prove they are the mature ones and you’re acting like a child.

Nessun contatto è l'unica via d'uscita. You’ll have to at least try to keep it. No matter what anyone says about you, you know that you’re not the crazy ones.

Sono ancora avanzi dei suoi giochi mentali, e tu lo sai.

Don’t answer your phone. Don’t answer your emails, and discard anyone who tries to blame you for narcissistic behavior. At this point, you can only trust yourself.

Don’t let the past get to you

Il passato cercherà di inseguirvi. Questo non è altro che un segno che you’re not over him yet.

It means that you’re halfway there, but not quite there yet. Just keep on doing what you’re doing because you’re doing a good job.

Datevi un senso di scopo nella vita e concentratevi sulla realizzazione dei vostri sogni.

Concentratevi sul vostro futuro piuttosto che sul passato. Pensare al futuro e porsi degli obiettivi vi aiuterà sicuramente a superare prima il passato.

Siate pazienti con i vostri amici

Date a questi amici un po' di tempo. Si ricrederanno.

Si renderanno conto di essere stati a loro volta vittime di abuso narcisistico. The narcissist’s mask will fall sooner or later, and by that time, everyone will know that you aren’t the person that man presented you to be.

Fatevi un favore e abbandonate ogni persona che si schiera con lui.

It’s an act of kindness to yourself. You really want to clean your life out of toxic people.

Siate felici!

You’re finally free! You’re finally able to do whatever you want to do, and meanwhile, that narcissist of yours is repeating the same thing he did with you—only this time he is hiding under a new mask.

He is ruining someone’s life, but that person will see right through him and get out of that relationship the same way you did. In the end, that person is also going to be happy.

E lui? Rimarrà lo stesso vuoto pezzo di merda che è stato per tutta la vita.

Maria Parker è anche l'autrice del libro Her Way “On Getting Over A Narcissist”