Eles voltam sempre (e aqui estão todas as razões para isso)

Quando se trata do mundo dos encontros, acredito firmemente em duas coisas: Onde há vontade, há um caminho e No final, acabam sempre por voltar.

E posso dizer-vos que tenho mais do que uma razão para acreditar nisso.

No final, parece que acabam sempre por voltar à sua vida, à sua caixa de correio ou à sua mente.

Porque é que eles voltam sempre? Deixem-me reformular a frase: Porque é que eles voltam sempre quando já seguimos em frente?

Tem a regra de não contacto transformá-los em novas espécies?

Para que, em vez de procurar outra pessoa, se esforcem por encontrar formas de voltar a entrar na sua vida, pelo menos para dar uma espreitadela (porque isso significa muito para eles).

In the end, they always come back. It is a phenomenon as old as the world itself. And today, we’ll list all the reasons why this happens!

The “Art” Of Taking You For Granted

The majority of ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends who eventually come back have mastered the “art” of taking you for granted beforehand.

Em resumo, uma das principais razões pelas quais os ex se tornam ex e porque decidem voltar é porque o tomaram como garantido.

Coloquei propositadamente a palavra arte entre aspas para acentuar o seu lado sarcástico e o seu poder.

But, I’m starting to think that maybe I should’ve written pandemic instead because its outbreak is very similar to (or maybe even surpasses) the Coronavirus disease.

The stages of the “art” of taking you for granted are the following:

   – They selfishly feed off your love and don’t reciprocate or give anything in return

   – They stop working for your love but continue to expect it

   – You blindly give more and more thinking something will change

   – They leave when they notice that you’re not involved anymore / as before.

The outcomes of the “art” of tomar-te por garantido são os seguintes:

   – You ending up with severe heartbreak thinking that you did something wrong

   – You thinking about what you could have done different

   – You healing and realizing they were never even worthy of being a part of your life

   – Them coming back. 

A tónica é colocada em eles. A chegar. Voltar.

After they’ve depleted their source of unconditional love, they suddenly realize that it’s time to leave.

They don’t give a damn about how you feel, let alone about starting to make an effort instead of only expecting things from you.

A única coisa em que pensam é em receber.

E depois, voltam.

After leaving you heartbroken and devastated, they decide that it’s time to come back to their source of unconditional love, check that it’s still there, or prove you that they’ve changed and if you only give them a chance, everything will be different?

O seu aparecimento inesperado deixa-o com 100 perguntas sem uma única resposta.

Ou talvez a resposta possa ser encontrada na verdadeira razão do seu regresso?

15 razões pelas quais eles sempre voltam (depois de partir seu coração)

1. They know or (somehow magically) sense that you’ve moved on

I swear to God, if this hadn’t happened to me multiple times, there’s not a chance I would ever believe it.

Depois de uma separação recente, fiquei confusa e incrédula e só conseguia pensar: O que é que eu fiz de errado?

Back then I didn’t understand that it wasn’t me who was the problem, but my willingness to put up with everything they did to me.

Passaram-se dias, semanas e meses até que finalmente me libertei da sua presença tóxica e decidi começar um novo capítulo.

Em vez de chorar enquanto via romances repetidos, decidi recuperar a minha força, sair com os meus amigos e começar a namorar de novo por prazer.

It was right then, when I was laughing my ass off with a new guy I’d just met, that I realized I had FINALLY, oficialmente mudou-se e superou tudo isso!

Já não pensava no meu ex (nem sequer nos meus sonhos) e, para mim, tudo o que tinha acontecido antes era uma coisa do passado.

Algumas semanas mais tarde, quando estava a receber a minha dose diária de redes sociais, HE texted me – my EX texted me! A primeira coisa que me veio à cabeça foi:

How in the world does he know that I’ve moved on (because I certainly don’t remember telling him that the last time Eu falei com ele)? How come didn’t he show up when I was in the middle of the healing process?

And since my friends haven’t told him anything, the only logical conclusion that’s left is the following:

Both women and men come back when they somehow magically sense that you’ve moved on.

I’m pretty sure all exes have this “moving on” psychic radar built into their system. So, beware of that one!

2. OR they’re testing the waters

Outra razão pela qual regressam sempre é o facto de estarem a testar as águas. O que é que isto significa, exatamente? Vou tentar demonstrar.

The moment your ex decided to walk away, they certainly didn’t think about coming back to you ever – or at least any time soon.

Enquanto sofria, eles continuaram a viver a sua vida como se nada tivesse acontecido. Mas não por muito tempo.

Perhaps they had a dream about you, perhaps they secretly saw you somewhere in town (without you even knowing it), or maybe they saw a happy picture of you on social media (if you haven’t unfollowed them, of course).

And that’s when they decided to test the waters. Curiosity is a powerful thing that can force us to do things we’ve never thought about doing before.

All of a sudden, they want to know what’s happening in your life, whether you are still single, whether you’re happy or miserable.

Querem saber se têm hipóteses de o recuperar.

In the majority of cases, they don’t test the waters because they want to make sure that you’re doing just fine without them, but because they want to make sure you still NEED and WANT them.

E depois de o descobrirem, continuam a viver a sua melhor vida.

Muito foleiro, não é?

3. Questionam se tomaram a decisão correcta

Penso que esta razão é a mais irritante de todas. (Se concordas comigo, acena com a cabeça).

There’s nothing more annoying in the whole world than deciding to do something only to end up questioning the validity of your decision.

Isto seria perfeitamente aceitável se se tratasse de comprar meias.

So, you buy a pair of socks in a store and once you get home, you realize that maybe you shouldn’t have bought them because you don’t really like them, because you think the other sock’s looked better.

This isn’t about socks, though. It’s about someone’s heart FFS!

Here’s my question to all those wondering whether they made the right decision after they chose to leave someone: Why didn’t you think of that before???

You can’t have your cake and eat it, right?

Por isso, reavaliar as suas decisões quando alguém já começou claramente a viver a sua própria vida de novo é foleiro, miserável e totalmente injusto.

In addition, questioning one’s decisions is closely connected to regret.

It’s when an individual begins to consider all the pros and cons of their decision due to a guilty conscience and the fact that they have probably made a mistake.

But, let’s get something clear: Leaving someone is a choice, not a mistake!

4. A sua consciência está a corroer-se

If I’ve learned one thing during my life and from the experience of others, it’s the following:

Conscience doesn’t know age. You could be an 80 year-old legit grandpa or grandma and still feel guilty about something you did in your twenties. Yup.

They always come back because at some point they’ll start feeling guilty about something they said, dis, or thought about doing.

They’ll start thinking about every bad thing they did or said to you when you were together.

They’ll enter a phase called “labyrinth”. One moment they’ll think about how they suck(ed) because they took you for granted and didn’t deserve you.

The next moment they’ll fool themselves that it’s nothing serious and not something they should worry about.

Mas, no fundo do seu coração, eles próprios saberão que a sua consciência pesada está a interferir com a sua vida quotidiana.

Once they acknowledge this, they’ll realize that they should do something about it.

They’ll decide that they should reach out to you, ask you how you feel, and apologize for everything they did to you in the hope that they will finally be at peace with themselves.

They always come back because you can’t continue living your life knowing that you ruined someone else’s. It’s the natural law of every human being.

It’s something that prevents an individual from finding their own happiness because they know they ruined someone else’s.

5. They’re single and desperate

This is when they wake up in the morning and realize they haven’t received a good morning text message from the one who used to love them.

It’s when they come home drunk and realize they’ve got no one to laugh with and share life’s funny circumstances with.

It’s when they realize they’re single and desperate for love, affection, or just sex.

The worst thing about breakups is the sudden realization that you’re all alone for the first time in a while.

Algumas pessoas lidam bem com isso, enquanto outras não conseguem deixar de pensar no ex (mesmo que tenham sido elas a iniciar a separação).

Still, this is not a valid excuse to start violating an ex’s privacy. Being desperate because you’re single is definitely not a valid excuse for anything, let alone booty calls or drunk calls.

It takes a real man or woman to say what they really mean when they’re in a sober state.

É preciso uma pessoa verdadeira para chegar a alguém do seu passado quando o seu sangue não está saturado de álcool.

Ver também: 8 razões pelas quais os homens desaparecem e depois tentam voltar

6. OU sentem genuinamente a sua falta

Ou talvez não se sintam sozinhas ou desesperadas, mas sintam genuinamente a sua falta.

They can’t stop thinking about all the good memories of you two together, the way you talk, walk, think…

Todas as coisas lhes fazem lembrar de si. Quando vêem algo com que costumava gozar, imaginam imediatamente as suas expressões faciais engraçadas.

There’s a chance they’ve kept all the gifts and things you gave them and now every time they look at them, they instantly evoke memories of you.

Sometimes they come back because they truly, genuinely miss you. They can’t help thinking about you 24/7 even though they’re trying to distract themselves.

So, they decide to wait for a few days to see whether this “miss you” phase will end.

But, that usually doesn’t happen, so the urge to text you or call you starts to grow stronger.

Quando finalmente ganham coragem para o contactar, normalmente iniciam a conversa com algo do género: Olá, I’ve been thinking about you a lot…

E a primeira coisa que provavelmente lhe vem à cabeça é: Tretas! To them, their message is perfectly normal, but to you it’s one of the most confusing things you’ve ever heard.

It’s hard to believe that a person who walked away from you will all of a sudden change their game.

It’s hard to believe that they would ever tell you that they missed you, but sometimes it’s the truth!

7. OU querem ver se tens saudades deles tanto quanto eles têm de ti

Or perhaps they just want to see if you miss them the way they miss you. These types of people are insecure about the whole “missing you” thing and that’s why they first need the green light from you.

They first want to make sure you miss them the way they miss you and until they know, they won’t react.

I guess you’re now wondering why would someone do that?

Bem, há algumas razões:

   -Eles sentem mesmo a tua falta e querem que tu sintas a falta deles também.

   -Querem ver se ainda têm hipóteses.

   -They have no intention of doing anything about it, but they’re just curious.

Sometimes it’s really hard to differentiate between these three, but there are some things that might help you. Pay attention to the way they text you or talk to you.

Fazem-lhe muitas perguntas pessoais (especialmente sobre a sua vida amorosa)?

Mencionam algo sobre a vossa relação passada e recordam-vos os grandes momentos que passaram juntos?

If yes, then you know they’re trying to figure out whether you still care about them (because they definitely care about you).

They’re probably waiting for the green light from you because they’re too afraid to express their feelings for you.

Ver também: Como fazer com que o seu ex sinta a sua falta: 10 maneiras fáceis de o fazer

8. They realize that the grass isn’t greener on the other side

Multiple times I’ve witnessed partners leaving because they’re convinced there’s something better out there.

Este é o chamado ‘Grass is Greener’ syndrome.

It’s when you think that there is something better out there to what you already have.

It’s when you fear that you’re missing something. This syndrome is omnipresent in almost every section of our lives and it’s really toxic.

So, when they decided to leave their partner, they were thrilled and excited about entering the world of “better”.

Estavam optimistas quanto à possibilidade de encontrar alguém perfeito ou melhor do que o seu anterior parceiro.

And then, they realized that the grass isn’t greener on the other side after all. They realized that every single person they met had their own flaws and that no one is perfect.

So, the pursuit of perfection (the greener grass) results in disappointment and that’s when they decide to come back.

De repente, tomam consciência do que já tinham e começam a choramingar como bebés.

No final, acabam sempre por voltar. Regressam quando se apercebem que, durante todo este tempo, estavam a tomar o seu parceiro como garantido.

Quando se aperceberem que a relva é igual em todo o lado e que só têm de abrir os olhos e vê-la.

9. They’re testing your boundaries

Sometimes they come back just to test your boundaries. They’re curious about how you’ll react to their presence out of blue.

They want to know whether you’ll still dance to their tune or whether you’ll be interested in welcoming them back.

Whatever the reason, testing someone’s boundaries is always a tricky thing (not to say dangerous).

It’s about being an intruder on someone who probably got over them a long time ago. It’s about shamelessly teasing the other person only to see how far they will go.

Porque é que alguém faria isso?

Because they’re bored, because they can’t accept the fact that the other person moved on, because they want to reunite?

Or they’re doing it just because they can. They’re testing your boundaries because they enjoy observing your reactions to their initiations.

They’re testing you to see whether you’re the same person who would do anything for them no matter what.

Well, are you? Hmm…

10. They’re jealous

In today’s modern world, it has never been easier to become jealous of someone you want to forget or you still have feelings for.

Basta olhar para o Facebook, o Instagram ou o Snapchat. Eles voltam sempre quando vêem que podes ser feliz com outra pessoa.

That the person you’re laughing within a picture might be someone new in your life (someone better than them?).

Esta síndrome de inveja das redes sociais aconteceu recentemente a um amigo meu.

She posted a picture with her new friend (and boy, he’s good looking) and the next day her ex texted her. Yup!

Ele estava curioso sobre a sua vida amorosa e estava a tentar perceber se ela ainda era solteira.

It was an out of blue check-in she definitely didn’t expect any time soon.

They always come back when they’re jealous. When they realize that you’re no longer waiting for them to return but building your own ship and cruising.

Quando percebem que alguém pode estar a tratar-vos como merecem!

Ver também: Como deixar o seu ex com ciúmes: 13 maneiras infalíveis de ter sucesso

11. Elas querem a perseguição (especificamente reservada aos homens)

Outra coisa em que acredito firmemente é o seguinte: Os homens adoram a perseguição! Vivem para a perseguição, elogiam a perseguição, morrem para a perseguição.

The moment they’re born, this chase button activates and it becomes a part of every aspect of their life.

To help you understand this phenomenon better here’s my humble explanation: So, let’s say you meet a guy in a bar.

He’s attractive, handsome, a good looking guy, right? Also, his personality is addictive and you can’t help yourself but fall for him immediately.

But, of course, you won’t let him know this the second you meet him. Instead, you will let him chase you because that’s exactly what he wants, right?

Aos homens: A perseguição é o amor, a perseguição é a vida!

E quando finalmente mostrar alguns sinais de que também gosta dele, ele sentir-se-á completo e realizado.

Why? Because he’s succeeded in winning you which is the ultimate goal of the chase.

Now, let’s say you’re in a relationship with this guy for some time. You slowly, but surely start forming your relationship routine and things are no longer as exciting as before.

And that’s when he decides to leave. And then, after some time, when you’re no longer his, he COMES BACK!

Why? Because now he’s got another opportunity to chase you!

Quando o vemos explicado desta forma, parece hilariante, certo?

But, it’s the truth. Believe it or not, many men come back just because their chase button is telling them to do so.

E esta é a minha mensagem para eles: Chase her even when she’s already yours!

12. They’re pressured by their friends and family

I always say that when you meet someone’s friends and family, you somehow end up in a relationship with them too.

After all, friends and family are an important part of everyone’s life and they can be very influential when it comes to making decisions.

They can be influential to the extent of pressuring them to reunite with their ex – you. I will repeat again: Why?

Because they probably like you a lot and they think you’re the only person that is truly good for him/her.

Perhaps they’ve realized their mistake and now they’re trying to convince them to go back to you. The pressure doesn’t stop.

They always come back. And, sometimes it’s because their friends and family are telling them to do so.

O seu pessoal ajuda-os a perceber que cometeram um erro e que devem pedir desculpa e procurar o perdão.

And, sometimes that’s exactly what they need. A little push from the people closest to them to realize the mistake of letting you go.

13. They’re sexualmente frustrado and you’re the only one who can put them out of their misery

With you, they enjoyed steamy activities more than anything. When they left, they were hoping to find the same passion and the same fulfillment with others. But, they didn’t.

Whomever they slept with, they couldn’t reach the same level of compatibility and fulfillment as they did with you and now they’ve become sexually frustrated.

Now they’ve realized that you’re the only one who can put them out of their misery. Yup.

Querem sentir a mesma alegria que sentiam quando estavam consigo.

And that’s why they decide to text you, to call you, or to knock on your door hoping you’ll be happy to see them.

In other words, hoping that you’ll be eager to sleep with them like old times.

If you’re feeling the same way about them, then there’s nothing to lose. But, if you’re still emotionally attached to them, then you should be cautious about getting physical with them.

14. Arrependem-se de ter acabado contigo

Ah, regrets… I like to compare the feeling of regret with buying shoes.

It’s when you go to the store and you see a perfect pair of shoes but for some reason, you don’t buy them. They’re either too expensive or you think you’ll eventually find better elsewhere.

Then you go home and contemplate the shoes you didn’t buy. So, you return to the store with the intention of finally buying them only to realize that they’re gone.

Alguém já os comprou enquanto você estava a pensar em comprá-los.

Um cenário semelhante passa-se na cabeça deles quando se arrependem de ter acabado consigo.

They become aware of the fact that they won’t find someone better elsewhere. And that they might be too late if you’re already happy with someone else.

Arrependem-se de não o terem tratado como merecia, de não o terem amado como você os amou.

They finally realize that they were selfish, ignorant, and egocentric, blah blah…They realize that they were only focused on their own happiness.

And now they want to make things right and make up for everything they’ve done wrong.

15. They know you’ll take them back (OR will you?)

And sometimes they come back just because they know you’ll take them back. They never truly left you.

No momento em que decidiram deixar-te, sabiam que um dia iriam querer voltar.

They took you for granted because they were convinced that they could come back into your life whenever it’s convenient.

One of my favorite sentences I’ve ever written is this one: Don’t let them wait just because you know they will!

In other words, don’t treat someone like shit just because you know they will tolerate it. There will come a day when they WON’T and it will be too late. But, as always:

It’s up to you to decide whether you should take them back or let them go!

Eles voltam sempre, mas será que os devemos aceitar sempre?

They say that it’s much easier to deal with heartbreak the second time it happens. But, this is still not a valid reason to welcome them back into your life, right?

A decisão de aceitar ou não o seu ex de volta é exclusivamente sua. Só tu sabes como te sentes em relação a ele ou sem ele.

Mas lembre-se de uma coisa: se o seu ex vai voltar, tem de ser por vontade própria!

Nunca se deve forçá-los a fazê-lo, muito menos implorar. Eles têm de o fazer porque querem e não porque

TEM de o fazer e tem de ser pelas razões certas.

Ver também: 20 sinais claros de que o teu ex vai acabar por voltar