When it comes to the dating world, I strongly believe in two things: Where there is a will, there is a way and In the end, they always come back.
And I can tell you that I have more than one reason to believe so.
In the end, they always seem to find their way back into your life, your inbox, or your mind.
Why do they always come back? Let me rephrase that: Why do they always come back when you have moved on?
Does the no contact rule turn them into new species?
So that, instead of finding someone else, they work on finding ways to get back into your life for at least one sneaky peek (because it means the world to them).
In the end, they always come back. It is a phenomenon as old as the world itself. And today, we’ll list all the reasons why this happens!
The “Art” Of Taking You For Granted
The majority of ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends who eventually come back have mastered the “art” of taking you for granted beforehand.
In summary, one of the biggest reasons exes become exes in the first place and why they decide to come back is because they took you for granted.
I purposefully put the word art inside quotation marks to both accentuate its sarcastic side and sheer power.
But, I’m starting to think that maybe I should’ve written pandemic instead because its outbreak is very similar to (or maybe even surpasses) the Coronavirus disease.
The stages of the “art” of taking you for granted are the following:
– They selfishly feed off your love and don’t reciprocate or give anything in return
– They stop working for your love but continue to expect it
– You blindly give more and more thinking something will change
– They leave when they notice that you’re not involved anymore / as before.
The outcomes of the “art” of taking you for granted are the following:
– You ending up with severe heartbreak thinking that you did something wrong
– You thinking about what you could have done different
– You healing and realizing they were never even worthy of being a part of your life
– Them coming back.
The accent is on them. Coming. Back.
After they’ve depleted their source of unconditional love, they suddenly realize that it’s time to leave.
They don’t give a damn about how you feel, let alone about starting to make an effort instead of only expecting things from you.
The only thing they think about is receiving.
And then, they come back.
After leaving you heartbroken and devastated, they decide that it’s time to come back to their source of unconditional love, check that it’s still there, or prove you that they’ve changed and if you only give them a chance, everything will be different?
Their out of blue appearance leaves you with 100 questions and not a single answer.
Or perhaps the answer can be found in the real reason for their return?
15 Reasons Why They Always Come Back (After Breaking Your Heart)
1. They know or (somehow magically) sense that you’ve moved on
I swear to God, if this hadn’t happened to me multiple times, there’s not a chance I would ever believe it.
After a recent breakup, I was left with confusion and disbelief and all I could think was: What have I done wrong?
Back then I didn’t understand that it wasn’t me who was the problem, but my willingness to put up with everything they did to me.
Days, weeks, and months passed before I finally cleaned myself of their toxic presence and decided to start a new chapter.
Instead of crying while watching rom-coms on repeat, I decided to regain my power, hang out with my friends, and start dating again for the hell of it.
It was right then, when I was laughing my ass off with a new guy I’d just met, that I realized I had FINALLY, officially moved on and got over the whole thing!
I no longer thought about my ex (not even in my dreams) and for me everything that had happened before was a thing of the past.
A couple weeks later, when I was getting my daily dose of social media, HE texted me – my EX texted me! The first thing that came to mind was:
How in the world does he know that I’ve moved on (because I certainly don’t remember telling him that the last time I spoke to him)? How come didn’t he show up when I was in the middle of the healing process?
And since my friends haven’t told him anything, the only logical conclusion that’s left is the following:
Both women and men come back when they somehow magically sense that you’ve moved on.
I’m pretty sure all exes have this “moving on” psychic radar built into their system. So, beware of that one!
2. OR they’re testing the waters
Another reason why they always come back is testing the waters. What does this mean, exactly? Let me try and demonstrate.
The moment your ex decided to walk away, they certainly didn’t think about coming back to you ever – or at least any time soon.
While you were in pain, they continued to live their life as if nothing had happened. But, not for long.
Perhaps they had a dream about you, perhaps they secretly saw you somewhere in town (without you even knowing it), or maybe they saw a happy picture of you on social media (if you haven’t unfollowed them, of course).
And that’s when they decided to test the waters. Curiosity is a powerful thing that can force us to do things we’ve never thought about doing before.
All of a sudden, they want to know what’s happening in your life, whether you are still single, whether you’re happy or miserable.
They want to know whether they have a chance of getting you back.
In the majority of cases, they don’t test the waters because they want to make sure that you’re doing just fine without them, but because they want to make sure you still NEED and WANT them.
And once they have found out, they continue living their best life.
Pretty lame, right?
3. They question whether they made the right decision
I think this reason is the most annoying of all. (If you agree with me, just nod.)
There’s nothing more annoying in the whole world than deciding to do something only to end up questioning the validity of your decision.
This would be totally okay if it was about buying socks.
So, you buy a pair of socks in a store and once you get home, you realize that maybe you shouldn’t have bought them because you don’t really like them, because you think the other sock’s looked better.
This isn’t about socks, though. It’s about someone’s heart FFS!
Here’s my question to all those wondering whether they made the right decision after they chose to leave someone: Why didn’t you think of that before???
You can’t have your cake and eat it, right?
So, re-evaluating your decisions when someone has clearly started living their own life again is lame, miserable, and totally unfair.
In addition, questioning one’s decisions is closely connected to regret.
It’s when an individual begins to consider all the pros and cons of their decision due to a guilty conscience and the fact that they have probably made a mistake.
But, let’s get something clear: Leaving someone is a choice, not a mistake!
4. Their conscience is eating away at them
If I’ve learned one thing during my life and from the experience of others, it’s the following:
Conscience doesn’t know age. You could be an 80 year-old legit grandpa or grandma and still feel guilty about something you did in your twenties. Yup.
They always come back because at some point they’ll start feeling guilty about something they said, dis, or thought about doing.
They’ll start thinking about every bad thing they did or said to you when you were together.
They’ll enter a phase called “labyrinth”. One moment they’ll think about how they suck(ed) because they took you for granted and didn’t deserve you.
The next moment they’ll fool themselves that it’s nothing serious and not something they should worry about.
But, deep down in their heart they themselves will know that their guilty conscience is interfering with their everyday life.
Once they acknowledge this, they’ll realize that they should do something about it.
They’ll decide that they should reach out to you, ask you how you feel, and apologize for everything they did to you in the hope that they will finally be at peace with themselves.
They always come back because you can’t continue living your life knowing that you ruined someone else’s. It’s the natural law of every human being.
It’s something that prevents an individual from finding their own happiness because they know they ruined someone else’s.
5. They’re single and desperate
This is when they wake up in the morning and realize they haven’t received a good morning text message from the one who used to love them.
It’s when they come home drunk and realize they’ve got no one to laugh with and share life’s funny circumstances with.
It’s when they realize they’re single and desperate for love, affection, or just sex.
The worst thing about breakups is the sudden realization that you’re all alone for the first time in a while.
Some people deal with it well, while some cannot stop thinking about their ex (even if they were the one who initiated the breakup in the first place).
Still, this is not a valid excuse to start violating an ex’s privacy. Being desperate because you’re single is definitely not a valid excuse for anything, let alone booty calls or drunk calls.
It takes a real man or woman to say what they really mean when they’re in a sober state.
It takes a real person to reach someone from their past when their blood is not saturated with alcohol.
6. OR they genuinely miss you
Or perhaps they are not lonely or desperate, but they genuinely miss you.
They can’t stop thinking about all the good memories of you two together, the way you talk, walk, think…
Every single thing reminds them of you. When they see something you used to make fun of, they immediately imagine your funny facial expressions.
There’s a chance they’ve kept all the gifts and things you gave them and now every time they look at them, they instantly evoke memories of you.
Sometimes they come back because they truly, genuinely miss you. They can’t help thinking about you 24/7 even though they’re trying to distract themselves.
So, they decide to wait for a few days to see whether this “miss you” phase will end.
But, that usually doesn’t happen, so the urge to text you or call you starts to grow stronger.
When they finally gather the courage to contact you, they usually start the conversation with something like: Hey, I’ve been thinking about you a lot…
And the first thing that would probably come to your mind is: Bullshit! To them, their message is perfectly normal, but to you it’s one of the most confusing things you’ve ever heard.
It’s hard to believe that a person who walked away from you will all of a sudden change their game.
It’s hard to believe that they would ever tell you that they missed you, but sometimes it’s the truth!
7. OR they want to see if you miss them as much as they miss you
Or perhaps they just want to see if you miss them the way they miss you. These types of people are insecure about the whole “missing you” thing and that’s why they first need the green light from you.
They first want to make sure you miss them the way they miss you and until they know, they won’t react.
I guess you’re now wondering why would someone do that?
Well, there are a few reasons:
-They genuinely miss you and they want you to miss them too.
-They want to see whether they still have a chance.
-They have no intention of doing anything about it, but they’re just curious.
Sometimes it’s really hard to differentiate between these three, but there are some things that might help you. Pay attention to the way they text you or talk to you.
Do they ask you lots of personal questions (especially about your love life)?
Do they mention something about your past relationship and remind you of the great moments you had together?
If yes, then you know they’re trying to figure out whether you still care about them (because they definitely care about you).
They’re probably waiting for the green light from you because they’re too afraid to express their feelings for you.
8. They realize that the grass isn’t greener on the other side
Multiple times I’ve witnessed partners leaving because they’re convinced there’s something better out there.
This is known as the ‘Grass is Greener’ syndrome.
It’s when you think that there is something better out there to what you already have.
It’s when you fear that you’re missing something. This syndrome is omnipresent in almost every section of our lives and it’s really toxic.
So, when they decided to leave their partner, they were thrilled and excited about entering the world of “better”.
They were optimistic about finding someone perfect or better than their previous partner.
And then, they realized that the grass isn’t greener on the other side after all. They realized that every single person they met had their own flaws and that no one is perfect.
So, the pursuit of perfection (the greener grass) results in disappointment and that’s when they decide to come back.
All of a sudden, they become aware of what they already had and they start whining like little babies.
In the end, they always come back. They come back when they realize that all this time they were taking their partner for granted.
When they realize that the grass is the same everywhere, and all they have to do is open their eyes and see it.
9. They’re testing your boundaries
Sometimes they come back just to test your boundaries. They’re curious about how you’ll react to their presence out of blue.
They want to know whether you’ll still dance to their tune or whether you’ll be interested in welcoming them back.
Whatever the reason, testing someone’s boundaries is always a tricky thing (not to say dangerous).
It’s about being an intruder on someone who probably got over them a long time ago. It’s about shamelessly teasing the other person only to see how far they will go.
Why would someone do that?
Because they’re bored, because they can’t accept the fact that the other person moved on, because they want to reunite?
Or they’re doing it just because they can. They’re testing your boundaries because they enjoy observing your reactions to their initiations.
They’re testing you to see whether you’re the same person who would do anything for them no matter what.
Well, are you? Hmm…
10. They’re jealous
In today’s modern world, it has never been easier to become jealous of someone you want to forget or you still have feelings for.
All you have to do is look at Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat. They always come back when they see that you might be happy with someone else.
That the person you’re laughing within a picture might be someone new in your life (someone better than them?).
This social media jealousy syndrome happened to my friend recently.
She posted a picture with her new friend (and boy, he’s good looking) and the next day her ex texted her. Yup!
He was curious about her love life and he was trying to figure out whether she was still single.
It was an out of blue check-in she definitely didn’t expect any time soon.
They always come back when they’re jealous. When they realize that you’re no longer waiting for them to return but building your own ship and cruising.
When they realize that someone might be treating you the way you deserve!
11. They want the chase (specifically reserved for men)
Another thing I strongly believe in is the following: Men LOVE the chase! They live for the chase, they praise the chase, they die for the chase.
The moment they’re born, this chase button activates and it becomes a part of every aspect of their life.
To help you understand this phenomenon better here’s my humble explanation: So, let’s say you meet a guy in a bar.
He’s attractive, handsome, a good looking guy, right? Also, his personality is addictive and you can’t help yourself but fall for him immediately.
But, of course, you won’t let him know this the second you meet him. Instead, you will let him chase you because that’s exactly what he wants, right?
To men: The chase is love, the chase is life!
And when you finally show some signs that you like him too, he will feel complete and fulfilled.
Why? Because he’s succeeded in winning you which is the ultimate goal of the chase.
Now, let’s say you’re in a relationship with this guy for some time. You slowly, but surely start forming your relationship routine and things are no longer as exciting as before.
And that’s when he decides to leave. And then, after some time, when you’re no longer his, he COMES BACK!
Why? Because now he’s got another opportunity to chase you!
When you see it explained like this, it sounds hilarious, right?
But, it’s the truth. Believe it or not, many men come back just because their chase button is telling them to do so.
And this is my message to them: Chase her even when she’s already yours!
12. They’re pressured by their friends and family
I always say that when you meet someone’s friends and family, you somehow end up in a relationship with them too.
After all, friends and family are an important part of everyone’s life and they can be very influential when it comes to making decisions.
They can be influential to the extent of pressuring them to reunite with their ex – you. I will repeat again: Why?
Because they probably like you a lot and they think you’re the only person that is truly good for him/her.
Perhaps they’ve realized their mistake and now they’re trying to convince them to go back to you. The pressure doesn’t stop.
They always come back. And, sometimes it’s because their friends and family are telling them to do so.
Their people help them realize that they made a mistake and they should apologize and seek forgiveness.
And, sometimes that’s exactly what they need. A little push from the people closest to them to realize the mistake of letting you go.
13. They’re sexually frustrated and you’re the only one who can put them out of their misery
With you, they enjoyed steamy activities more than anything. When they left, they were hoping to find the same passion and the same fulfillment with others. But, they didn’t.
Whomever they slept with, they couldn’t reach the same level of compatibility and fulfillment as they did with you and now they’ve become sexually frustrated.
Now they’ve realized that you’re the only one who can put them out of their misery. Yup.
They want to experience the same joy as when they were with you.
And that’s why they decide to text you, to call you, or to knock on your door hoping you’ll be happy to see them.
In other words, hoping that you’ll be eager to sleep with them like old times.
If you’re feeling the same way about them, then there’s nothing to lose. But, if you’re still emotionally attached to them, then you should be cautious about getting physical with them.
14. They regret breaking up with you
Ah, regrets… I like to compare the feeling of regret with buying shoes.
It’s when you go to the store and you see a perfect pair of shoes but for some reason, you don’t buy them. They’re either too expensive or you think you’ll eventually find better elsewhere.
Then you go home and contemplate the shoes you didn’t buy. So, you return to the store with the intention of finally buying them only to realize that they’re gone.
Somebody else already bought them while you were contemplating buying them.
A similar scenario is going on in their head when they regret breaking up with you.
They become aware of the fact that they won’t find someone better elsewhere. And that they might be too late if you’re already happy with someone else.
They regret not treating you the way you deserved, not loving you the same way you loved them.
They finally realize that they were selfish, ignorant, and egocentric, blah blah…They realize that they were only focused on their own happiness.
And now they want to make things right and make up for everything they’ve done wrong.
15. They know you’ll take them back (OR will you?)
And sometimes they come back just because they know you’ll take them back. They never truly left you.
The moment they decided to leave you, they knew that one day they would want to come back.
They took you for granted because they were convinced that they could come back into your life whenever it’s convenient.
One of my favorite sentences I’ve ever written is this one: Don’t let them wait just because you know they will!
In other words, don’t treat someone like shit just because you know they will tolerate it. There will come a day when they WON’T and it will be too late. But, as always:
It’s up to you to decide whether you should take them back or let them go!
They always come back, but should you always take them back?
They say that it’s much easier to deal with heartbreak the second time it happens. But, this is still not a valid reason to welcome them back into your life, right?
The decision regarding taking your ex back or not is solely yours to make. Only you know how you feel about them or without them.
But, remember one thing: If your ex is going to come back, it needs to be of their own accord!
You should never force them to do so, let alone beg. They need to do it because they WANT to and not because they
HAVE to and it has to be for the right reasons.