15 sinais de que você está num relacionamento profundamente infeliz
Quais são os sinais de uma relação infeliz e o que se deve fazer?
When you just start dating or when you’re just at the beginning of a new relationship, everything seems idyllic and almost perfect.
You’re naturally inclined to make an effort, you respect each other’s differences, you enjoy romantic date nights and you pay attention to details.
When you’re having a bad day, you know that your significant other will be there for you because they’re both your best friend and lover in one.
And then, over time, something changes because when you’ve been together for a long time, there are no longer barriers between you and you are who you are in front of each other.
No entanto, quando se torna demasiado casual, arrisca-se a ficar preso num cio.
Quando nos tornamos demasiado casuais e deixamos de fazer um esforço numa relação romântica, entramos na zona da falta de respeito e de apreço.
A sua relação atravessa um período difícil e uma relação inicialmente feliz transforma-se numa relação pouco saudável.
BEstar numa relação infeliz é como afogar-se lentamente num pântano.
You feel like something’s pulling you down and you’re losing your breath but you’re not quite sure why you feel that way and what the real reason behind it is.
De alguma forma, interpreta mal ou não vê todas as bandeiras vermelhasA pessoa que se sente mais segura, pensando que isso vai passar e que tudo voltará ao normal se lhe dermos tempo.
Or you get convinced that it’s normal to feel this way in a relationship because, over time, long-term relationships change and lose their initial passion and attraction.
Since you don’t want to end up ter o seu coração partido, you subconsciously decide to suppress any potential red flag and you decide to pretend that you’re happy in front of your friends and family.
Recusa-se a reconhecer o facto de que a sua coisa outrora bela se transformou numa potencial relação tóxica.
But that’s exactly what you need to do. The first step to dealing with an unhappy relationship is accepting the fact that you’re in one, that things are not like they used to be and that you deserve to be happy.
If you’re not really sure whether your relationship has reached the zone of chronic unhappiness, here is a list of signs screaming that you’re in a deeply unhappy relationship without even being aware of it!
1. Passa mais tempo com os seus amigos e familiares do que com o seu parceiro
O primeiro e maior indicador de uma relação infeliz é a quantidade de tempo que passa com o seu parceiro.
If you’ve noticed that you’re spending more time with your friends and family than with your partner, then you know something’s terribly wrong.
Basta pensar nas fases iniciais da sua relação e compará-las com a sua situação atual.
Do you notice that before, you used to spend a great amount of time together because you really enjoyed every second of each other’s company and now you no longer do that because something changed within you?
You no longer see your partner’s company as something enjoyable but more as torment because you’re not relaxed, because you’re constantly fighting with each other or because they are no longer the same man/woman you used to know.
They are no longer that one person who can make you happy and that’s why you no longer feel drawn to them. Instead, you prefer spending time with the people close to you or on your own.
2. Não existem conflitos na relação
I know what you’re thinking; how in the world can the fact that there are no conflitos numa relação ser interpretado como algo negativo?
Isn’t the whole point of a happy relationship to be conflictless and blissful, without any arguments?
Well, I’m sorry to tell you but it’s not. Every healthy relationship consists of conflicts and arguments to a certain extent.
Embora as discussões constantes não sejam saudáveis, a ausência de discussões também não é saudável numa relação.
So, if you’ve noticed that you no longer fight over things, it’s a huge red flag that you’re unhappy with the relationship you’re in. Why?
Because by having arguments with your partner, you’re telling them that you’re not okay with something and you’re trying to find a solution for it with mutual efforts because you care.
However, by avoiding any types of arguments, you’re subtly telling each other that you don’t give a shit about what’s happening in the relationship and you don’t care about dealing with it.
This happens when you’re no longer attached to each other and you feel like there’s no point in fighting because you don’t really care about the outcome and all you want is peace, even at the cost of creating a passively-aggressive environment.
3. Os encontros noturnos deixaram de existir
Many dating coaches, relationship experts and psychotherapists accentuate the importance of maintaining date nights when you’re in a relationship (regardless of how long you’ve been in one).
E muitas vezes, logo após as coisas se tornarem casuais, os parceiros esquecem-se simplesmente de alimentar as noites de encontro e de fazer um esforço para surpreender o outro.
Or they don’t forget, but they just stop caring about it because they have more important things to do and focus on.
So, if you can’t remember when the last time was that you two had a date night, you can be sure that things are not as they should be.
Os encontros noturnos existem por uma razão.
Ajudam a restabelecer a ligação, aumentam a paixão e a intimidade e fazem-nos sentir especiais (especialmente se um de vocês for o único que leva o outro para uma noite de encontro de surpresa).
Quando tudo isto desaparece numa relação, perde-se a oportunidade de se tornar uno com o parceiro e de impulsionar a relação, desfrutando do tempo que passam juntos. A sua relação fica entorpecida e sem vida.
4. You’re constantly criticizing each other
When you just start dating, your tolerance for your partner’s habits and behavior is at a high level but over time, this changes.
When you’ve been together for some time, you become more and more aware of the things that annoy you, and if you can’t help but constantly criticize each other for it, then you know you’re in an unhappy relationship.
It’s one thing to tell your partner that something is bothering you about them from time to time, but constantly being on the lookout for every single inconvenience and bad habit is a sign that the root of the problem is much more important than you thought.
It’s a sign that you’re no longer happy with your partner and that’s why you get so easily irritated by everything they do.
You no longer see them as you used to and you’re subconsciously looking for ways to express your dissatisfaction with the current situation.
By constantly criticizing your partner, you’re basically telling them you don’t approve of them and that no matter what they do, how they behave or what they say to you, you’ll never see them as good enough for you.
You’ll never see them as good enough for you because you lost attraction, appreciation and respect for each other.
5. Falta de intimidade
Falta de intimidade é definitivamente um dos sinais número um de qualquer relação infeliz.
Ser íntimo significa conectarmo-nos uns com os outros, criar confiança e fortalecer a vossa relação, por isso, se de repente notarem uma falta de intimidade, há uma razão válida por detrás disso.
If you’re constantly making excuses, like the one where you have a constant headache (if you’re a female) and other excuses if you’re male, to justify why you don’t want to get intimate with your partner, you know that you have a serious problem in the relationship.
Se nem sequer menciona a intimidade ou mostra qualquer sinal de a desejar, então sabe que a sua relação se fechou e mudou o seu título para uma relação infeliz.
As razões pelas quais isto acontece são a falta de atração ou de respeito mútuo, o comportamento passivo-agressivo, o comportamento controlador, etc.
Basically, whatever is happening in your relationship on a daily basis reflects on the situation between the sheets and that’s how you know whether you’ve reached a dead-end street or if there’s still hope for you agree to make mutual efforts to make things right again.
Ver também: 10 coisas que os casais devem tentar pelo menos uma vez para aumentar a sua intimidade
6. Falta de gratidão
Gratitude is one of the most powerful forces in the universe because when you’re being grateful, you attract more positive things into your life.
If you’re showing you’re grateful for everything your partner does for you and vice versa, you’re motivating each other to continue doing so.
However, if there’s a lack of gratitude in the relationship, there is also a lack of happiness.
Quando deixamos de apreciar as coisas grandes ou as pequenas coisas que fazemos um pelo outro, deixamos de nos apreciar como seres humanos ou como alguém por quem nos apaixonámos.
Onde não há gratidão, não há esforço, porque o esforço resulta da vontade de apreciar, de reparar e de abraçar.
And where there is no effort, there is no harmony in the relationship because a relationship can’t survive without effort.
Tudo isto cria um enorme fosso entre duas pessoas e pode mesmo destruir uma relação para sempre.
7. You’re sentir-se só na relação
A relationship should be a community of two people being in love with each other, and if you’re feeling lonely in the relationship, it means that you’re in an unhappy relationship.
It’s completely normal to feel lonely when there’s a lack of important elements like reciprocity, respect and mutual effort, which create a happy relationship.
That’s the main reason why you all of a sudden feel isolated. You feel lonely because you have no one to listen to you, you don’t feel secure and you feel like your partner doesn’t understand you at all.
E quando isso acontece, retrai-se e entra num labirinto de pensamentos excessivos e devaneios sobre um lugar mais agradável, como com outra pessoa que será exatamente o oposto do seu parceiro.
Por isso, muitas vezes damos por nós a estabelecer rapidamente relações com estranhos só porque nos ouvem, nos elogiam, nos fazem sentir seguros e estão lá para nós.
When you start comparing your relationship with strangers who are just being polite to you, you know that you’ve been unhappy for a long time now.
8. You’re giving each other the silent treatment
The silent treatment is the silent killer of every relationship and it’s one of the biggest indicators of every unhappy relationship.
Giving the silent treatment means ignoring another person’s wishes, desires and thoughts.
A diferença entre um casal que vive uma relação feliz e um casal que vive uma relação infeliz é visível na forma como lidam com as suas discussões.
Um casal numa relação feliz nunca se trata com silêncio, mas esforça-se por fazer com que as coisas funcionem e por encontrar uma solução mútua para um problema.
A couple in an unhappy relationship don’t really care about finding mutual solutions and choose to give each other the silent treatment instead.
Ignoring them means indirectly killing your relationship or what’s left of it. Ignoring them means building a wall between you and your partner and being unwilling to build it again or to reconstruct it.
E quando se constrói um muro, constrói-se a infelicidade com todas as palavras não ditas que andam a zumbir na nossa cabeça.
9. You’re living separate lives
Embora passar demasiado tempo juntos e fazer tudo juntos não seja realmente saudável, viver vidas separadas também não é saudável numa relação.
You know that you’re living separate lives if you have no idea what’s really going on in your partner’s life (their job, family, friends or hobbies) and if you also don’t bother sharing what’s happening in your life either.
Viver vidas separadas significa estar numa relação como estranhos, sem que haja um ponto comum onde as vossas vidas se cruzem.
It’s when you don’t bother hanging out with your mutual friends, when you don’t bother telling your partner about that important event at your job and when you no longer seek comfort or understanding from each other.
The less you know about each other’s lives, the less you’re connected. And the less you’re connected, the less happy you are in the relationship.
10. There’s no conversa significativa
You know that you’re in an unhappy relationship if you can’t remember the last time you had a meaningful conversation with your partner.
Falar sobre os seus sentimentos, sobre o sentido da vida ou sobre outros temas não convencionais é outra forma de criar uma ligação mais forte com o seu parceiro.
On the contrary, constantly pushing only small talk is a real destroyer of every relationship because by doing that, you’re not making an effort to say something more meaningful, something that will bring back the spark to your eyes and make you feel enriched.
E, como já foi dito, não fazer um esforço equivale a estar numa relação infeliz.
11. Instead of apologizing, you’re playing the blame game
There’s no perfect relationship. Making mistakes and arguing from time to time in a relationship is totally normal and the difference is in the way you deal with it.
If you and your partner always make sure to apologize after you’ve done something wrong or when you think that you’re the one who is not right, it means you’re taking responsibility for your thoughts, words and actions.
But if instead of apologizing, you play the blame game, where you have the need to accuse each other and blame the other for everything bad that happens in your relationship, you know that you’re in a toxic relationship.
Encontrar constantemente um culpado para tudo o que acontece de mau, em vez de lidar com a situação, é prejudicial para qualquer relação.
Most of the time, this has nothing to do with blaming someone for something but with expressing your dissatisfaction with the relationship because you’re no longer happy and content.
12. You’re fighting over trivial things
When something serious happens, it’s normal for you or your partner to react in an argumentative manner but if you’re constantly fighting over trivial things, it means that you’re annoyed by each other to the extent of constantly being on the lookout for the other person’s next mistake.
Discutir por coisas triviais significa discutir sem qualquer razão real, exceto a necessidade de expressar o seu descontentamento com a situação geral da relação e com o seu parceiro.
If you notice that you’re all of a sudden appalled by everything your partner does or vice versa, then you know you’re in an unhappy relationship and you should definitely do something about it.
Ver também: 7 argumentos que você tem que sinalizam o começo do fim
13. Falta de respeito
Como provavelmente já sabe, o respeito é a base de qualquer relação feliz. Respeitar o seu parceiro significa respeitar as suas escolhas, personalidade e pensamentos e todas as diferenças entre vocês.
Respeito também significa compromisso e estar disposto a compreender as situações.
Quando uma relação carece de respeito, falta-lhe a base necessária para estabelecer uma relação saudável.
A falta de respeito significa desvalorizar o outro, criticar o outro, não se importar com o que o outro sente, etc.
It’s when you no longer try to make each other feel special and instead, you only focus on yourself and your own needs and wishes.
14. Deixou de demonstrar afeto
O afeto numa relação é como a água para todas as flores.
Para que uma relação floresça, ambos os parceiros têm de continuar a fazer um esforço para se surpreenderem um ao outro, para se sentirem especiais, para os elogiarem e para demonstrarem afeto de muitas outras formas.
A simple hug every day means a lot for both your partner’s well-being and your relationship.
If you can’t remember the last time you and your partner expressed affection toward each other (be it verbally or physically) then you know you’re stuck in an unhappy relationship.
15. You’re daydreaming about being single again
And last but not least, when you’ve been stuck in an unhappy relationship for some time, you start daydreaming about being single again but for some reason, you can’t find the courage to do something about it.
And that’s why you enter the world of daydreaming about being single again.
When you’re contemplating and imagining that you’re solo again, that you’re dating someone else or finding someone through online dating, you feel liberated and you feel happy even for a moment because you know that you’re no longer happy in the current relationship and you’re subconsciously looking for a way out of it.
Ver também: Here’s To Being Single And The Magic Of New Beginnings
If you just realized that you’re in an unhappy relationship…
If all of the above signs or the majority of them are indicating that you’re in an unhappy relationship, there are two things you can do about it: You can move on or fight for it if you believe that there’s still hope.
Mas lembrem-se que a luta e o esforço devem ser mútuos.
If you still love your partner and you feel like you belong together, it’s a valid reason to fight for what you have or, better said, for what’s left of your relationship.
But if you want to fight for your relationship just because you’re afraid of being alone, you need to know that this isn’t a good reason to stay, not for you or your partner.
O mais sensato é refletir sobre toda a situação antes de tomar decisões irracionais, falar com o seu parceiro sobre o assunto e ter paciência, independentemente do que decidir fazer. Boa sorte!
Ver também: 14 coisas a fazer quando se está infeliz na relação
