Mulher disse ao marido que ele está demasiado falido para ser misógino depois de ele ter dito que queria uma mulher tradicional
Algumas pessoas ainda querem papéis de género tradicionais nas suas casas, e isso é perfeitamente normal. O momento em que se torna um problema é quando essa narrativa é empurrada para cima de alguém que não quer viver assim.
Algumas mulheres preferem ir trabalhar e outras gostam de ser donas de casa. This is largely affected by the way we were raised and how our family dynamic looks, but still everyone’s different.
That’s why it’s important to discuss this with our partner and make sure our ideas of family roles completely align. Because it wouldn’t be quite fair to expect a woman to be a homemaker when you’re not a breadwinner, right?
Mas o que acontece quando um homem criado numa família tradicional se casa com uma mulher que abraça os papéis modernos de género?
Encontraram uma base comum que funciona para ambos
Uma mulher publicou a sua história no Reddit e explicou como casou-se com um homem que vem de um meio tradicional apesar de a sua família ser completamente diferente. Ela escreveu:
“My husband worked hard to unlearn the values he saw replicated at home. He (often more than) pulled his weight at home, was an engaged and present father and a genuine partner.”
She explains how they had a nanny when the kids were small and a housekeeper who would take care of their home. When the housekeeper isn’t available cada um trata da sua própria confusão e ninguém tem problemas com isso.
However, since her husband lost his job and savings they weren’t able to afford the help they usually had so dividiram igualmente a carga de trabalho. Todos os dias, ela tomava o pequeno-almoço e ele preparava o jantar. Isto funcionava na perfeição até a família dele vir de visita.
Uma visita dos sogros mudou tudo
Her in-laws never liked the fact their son doesn’t have a traditional family and they made sure to make that clear multiple times. However, they crossed the boundary when they recently visited and started a discussion.
The woman came home from work tired and wanted to set up everything for dinner just to find out her husband didn’t prepare anything. When she asked him about it sentou-se calmamente enquanto a mãe lhe dizia que cozinhar era algo que ela devia fazer.
Oh, isso irritar-me-ia, mas ela lidou com isso melhor do que eu, simplesmente afastando-se e pedindo comida para todos. Quando se sentaram para comer, a sogra começou a sua conversa:
“My MIL was still going on about what was wrong with me and why I was a failure. I asked my husband if he had anything to say. He said his mother had a point and it wouldn’t hurt if I acted ‘more like a proper woman’ and ‘took better care of my home and children’. He said tradition was tradition for a reason and it was kind of insulting that I thought I was too good for how he was raised.”
Imagine you hear that and your husband doesn’t do anything about it! Enquanto era suposto defender a sua mulher, apenas acrescentou óleo ao fogo. Parece que a mãe dele lhe fez uma lavagem cerebral completa!
Isto aborreceu a sua mulher por uma boa razão, pelo que ela se afastou completamente:
“This is where I might be the a**hole. I told him tradition won’t allow a man on 35k to support a family of 5 and he was too broke to be so sexist. He looked hurt and I saw tears welling in his eyes. He excused himself from the table. I regret saying this in front of our children, but him saying that to me after I’m busting my a** to clean up his mess on top of having to deal with his parents was too much for me.”
Quero dizer, ela tem razão. O marido dela nunca pareceu ter problemas em viver da forma como viviam, mas Assim que a mãe chegou, ele mudou de opinião. Hmm, I wonder why…
Does it really make sense to expect a woman to be a housewife when you can’t afford to live off a single income?
Traditional families can’t have a wife as the main breadwinner
Reddit users were clearly on the woman’s side supporting what she said to her husband even though it might have sounded harsh. Someone wrote.
“Frankly, he needed to hear it! How can he think you should be MORE OR BETTER with all that you’re already doing? Does he think it’s really a valid option for you to just drop your work and career to be a homemaker, and how does he think that’s gonna go for your family?”
Defender-se a si próprio é muito importante. Ninguém quer magoar o seu parceiro, mas quando ultrapassa os limites, deve saber o seu lugar.
Too many times we choose to stay silent to please others but that doesn’t solve the problem. If anything, we only create opportunities for more disrespect by letting everything slide.
Ela arrepende-se de o ter dito à frente dos filhos, mas penso que as suas palavras eram muito piores. Saying that his income alone can’t support their family isn’t an insult, it’s a reality!
Also, isn’t teaching children that a woman should only be a housewife creating narrow-minded opinions they’ll think are completely fine? As one user wrote:
“So it was fine for him to humiliate you in front of your children? Do you have a daughter that just saw how he allowed his mother to put you down and devalue your contribution? Tonight might have undone all of the hard work that you guys have put into teaching your kids that each partner has equal value.”
Viver nesse tipo de ambiente pode ser difícil para todas as partes, incluindo as crianças. Having different opinions and values doesn’t have to be a problem if there’s mutual respect and understanding.
In-laws are sometimes too nosy and want to be a part of discussions that don’t have anything to do with them. So, set your boundaries straight, and don’t let anyone put their fingers in your marriage!
