O que é que eu quero dizer?

When I look at things from today’s point of view, I see that everything from the beginning was pointing to the disaster waiting to happen. You were a manipulative, idiota egoísta e todos os sinais do seu comportamento tóxico estavam mesmo à minha frente.

Mas recusei-me a vê-los durante anos. Recusei-me a ouvir as pessoas que me amavam e que queriam o melhor para mim. E, acima de tudo, fui cego ao teu comportamento em relação a mim.

Desde o primeiro dia, agiste como se fosses algo que nunca foste. Apresentaste-te como o melhor homem, como alguém que tornaria todos os meus sonhos realidade. Dizias-me tudo o que eu queria ouvir e, com o tempo, caí nas tuas mentiras. Pensei que eras tudo o que eu procurava, pensei que eras a parte do puzzle que faltava. Embora nunca tenha acreditado no conceito de almas gémeas, convenceste-me de que as nossas almas andavam sempre à procura uma da outra e que o nosso encontro era uma questão de fé.

With time, I saw that you were becoming obsessed with me. But, I was foolish to believe that your jealousy was a sign of your love for me. I thought you were so in love with me that you were naturally terrified you’d lose me. And although deep down I knew I wasn’t doing anything wrong, you’ve managed to convince me that I was too flirty or too noisy and that I had too many friends. I knew how much I loved you, but you’ve always asking for proof of my love. And for you, the only proof enough was when things were your way.

After a while, you’ve become so controlling that I became scared to have a different opinion. I thought your way was the only right way. All of my friends and family were good for nothing and you were the only one who wanted the best for me.

What I didn’t realize was that you were not just manipulating me, you were also abusing me mentally and emotionally. And even when I had rare moments of clarity, I still loved you. Nothing else besides your love mattered to me. And I knew that you would walk away from me the moment I stood up to you.

So, I’ve started living my life by your rules. You convinced me that you made me a better person and that no other man would ever love me the way you loved me. And although I tried to fight it, I started believing it with time. I thought you would never do anything that would hurt me, without knowing that you were hurting me all along.

Tudo isto durou até à abuso físico started. That is when I finally had enough. I thought you could never do anything that would make me stop loving you, but when you started physically abusing me, all of a sudden, everything was clear. For the first time ever, I saw you for who you really were—a toxic and a manipulative abuser.

E eu já estava farta.
Quando me bateste, senti como se alguém me tivesse acordado de um coma. Senti que tinha estado a dormir todos estes anos e que um milagre me tinha despertado.

Apercebi-me que tinha estado a viver um pesadelo todos estes anos. Percebi que tinha estado a viver um filme de terror e que tu eras o meu monstro.

E Fui-me embora from you that instant. All of a sudden, I wasn’t afraid anymore. I wasn’t afraid of you doing something to me. I wasn’t afraid of your emotional blackmail. I wasn’t scared if you’d do something to yourself. And most of all, I wasn’t afraid of living my life without you.
Porque eu estava liberto. Estava finalmente livre da tua opressão. Estava finalmente livre da jaula em que permiti que me pusesses.

What I couldn’t understand is how I allowed you to do everything you did to me. How come I didn’t see your true colours sooner? How could I love someone who was destroying me for years? From this point of view, I can’t recognize myself from the time I was with you. I was simply enchanted with you and you took complete control over my personality.

And no, I don’t miss you. I stopped loving you long ago. Sometimes, I wish you had never come into my life.

Mas, em todas as outras vezes, estou grata. Estou grata porque me ensinaste de que tipo de homem me devo afastar. Mas, acima de tudo, mostraste-me o quão forte eu sou e o quão fraco tu és.