Sei stato un incubo da cui mi sono finalmente svegliato

When I look at things from today’s point of view, I see that everything from the beginning was pointing to the disaster waiting to happen. You were a manipulative, stronzo egoista e tutti i segni del tuo comportamento tossico erano proprio davanti a me.

Ma per anni mi sono rifiutata di vederli. Ho rifiutato di ascoltare le persone che mi amavano e che volevano il meglio per me. E soprattutto sono stata cieca di fronte al tuo comportamento nei miei confronti.

Fin dal primo giorno, ti sei comportato come se fossi qualcosa che non sei mai stato. Ti sei presentato come l'uomo migliore, come colui che avrebbe realizzato tutti i miei sogni. Mi dicevi tutto quello che volevo sentire e con il tempo mi sono innamorata delle tue bugie. Pensavo che tu fossi tutto ciò che cercavo, che fossi la parte del puzzle che mancava da sempre. Anche se non ho mai creduto al concetto di anima gemella, mi hai convinto che le nostre anime si stavano cercando da sempre e che il nostro incontro era una questione di fede.

With time, I saw that you were becoming obsessed with me. But, I was foolish to believe that your jealousy was a sign of your love for me. I thought you were so in love with me that you were naturally terrified you’d lose me. And although deep down I knew I wasn’t doing anything wrong, you’ve managed to convince me that I was too flirty or too noisy and that I had too many friends. I knew how much I loved you, but you’ve always asking for proof of my love. And for you, the only proof enough was when things were your way.

After a while, you’ve become so controlling that I became scared to have a different opinion. I thought your way was the only right way. All of my friends and family were good for nothing and you were the only one who wanted the best for me.

What I didn’t realize was that you were not just manipulating me, you were also abusing me mentally and emotionally. And even when I had rare moments of clarity, I still loved you. Nothing else besides your love mattered to me. And I knew that you would walk away from me the moment I stood up to you.

So, I’ve started living my life by your rules. You convinced me that you made me a better person and that no other man would ever love me the way you loved me. And although I tried to fight it, I started believing it with time. I thought you would never do anything that would hurt me, without knowing that you were hurting me all along.

Tutto questo è durato fino al abuso fisico started. That is when I finally had enough. I thought you could never do anything that would make me stop loving you, but when you started physically abusing me, all of a sudden, everything was clear. For the first time ever, I saw you for who you really were—a toxic and a manipulative abuser.

E io ne avevo abbastanza.
Quando mi hai colpito, mi sono sentita come se qualcuno mi avesse svegliato dal coma. Mi sono sentita come se avessi dormito per tutti quegli anni e che un miracolo mi avesse risvegliato.

Ho capito che per tutti questi anni ho vissuto un incubo. Ho capito che avevo vissuto un film dell'orrore e che tu eri il mio mostro.

E Mi sono allontanato from you that instant. All of a sudden, I wasn’t afraid anymore. I wasn’t afraid of you doing something to me. I wasn’t afraid of your emotional blackmail. I wasn’t scared if you’d do something to yourself. And most of all, I wasn’t afraid of living my life without you.
Perché ero liberato. Ero finalmente libero dalla tua oppressione. Ero finalmente libero dalla gabbia in cui ti avevo permesso di mettermi.

What I couldn’t understand is how I allowed you to do everything you did to me. How come I didn’t see your true colours sooner? How could I love someone who was destroying me for years? From this point of view, I can’t recognize myself from the time I was with you. I was simply enchanted with you and you took complete control over my personality.

And no, I don’t miss you. I stopped loving you long ago. Sometimes, I wish you had never come into my life.

Ma tutte le altre volte ti sono grata. Ti sono grata perché mi hai insegnato da quale tipo di uomo dovrei stare lontana. Ma, soprattutto, mi hai mostrato quanto sono forte io e quanto sei debole tu.