"Material para a esposa" parece perfeito, mas é por isso que é uma bandeira vermelha

Hearing a guy call me “wifey material” was the ultimate compliment for the young girl I was back in the day. Hey, he was obviously putting me aside from all those other girls.

Consegues imaginar? The man I’m so crazy about thinks of me as being enough to be his legally wedded spouse. He thinks I’m worthy to become the mother of his children.

This is so much more than just labeling things and calling me his girlfriend. Hey, I’m the only one who can change him, the only one who can make him forget about his old ways, and the only one he’d proudly call his wife.

Quão romântico é isso? Bem, à medida que fui crescendo, apercebi-me que o romance não tem nada a ver com este epíteto.

Instead, as perfect as “wifey material” might sound, it’s actually a major red flag, and here is why.

Ele põe-nos numa caixa.

Quem lhe disser estas palavras está a colocá-lo numa caixa. Guys who display signs of toxic masculinity divide all women in this world into two categories: the ones they’ll have fun with and the ones who will give birth to their children.

Namoram o primeiro grupo durante anos. Dormem com eles e apaixonam-se por eles.

Mas, quando chega a altura de assentar, procuram coisas diferentes. Então, qual é o melhor grupo?

Bem, nenhum deles. O melhor é ficar longe de homens que pensam assim. Corra pela sua vida no momento em que conhecer um homem que tenta colocá-la numa caixa.

Este tipo reduz todas as suas outras qualidades. Ele avalia todo o seu valor através do seu potencial para se tornar uma boa esposa para ele.

Isn’t that sexist and humiliating?

He doesn’t want to marry you – he just wants to get married.

Quando um homem se refere a ti como material de esposa, vês isso como um sinal inegável de que ele quer passar o resto da sua vida contigo. After all those wrong choices, you’ve finally found someone who thinks of you as the one.

He dreams of growing old with you, and he couldn’t picture anyone else besides you to be the mother of his children. If you feel the same way about him, what more could a woman want?

Mas será que as coisas são assim tão brilhantes e reluzentes? Alguma vez te perguntaste: “Does this guy want to marry me or does he just want to get married?”

Pode não se aperceber, mas a diferença entre os dois é enorme. You see, it’s one thing if you’re the one who made him think about settling down.

Este é o cenário perfeito. Ele conheceu-a e soube que era a mulher da vida dele.

Nevertheless, what if it went the other way around? What if this man just decided it’s time to get married regardless of who his spouse will be?

Maybe he’s tired of looking for the one or he thinks it’s time to give up on his bachelor life. Maybe he is scared that he’ll be forever alone unless he finds someone to tie the knot with.

So, you’re the first one who came along. You’re suitable and conveniente. You meet his standards and that’s why he immediately started telling you that you’re “wifey material”.

Ele quer acelerar as coisas por uma razão.

I bet you know the drill: you meet a guy who has everything you’ve been looking for in men.

For as long as you can remember, you’ve been wasting your time on immature boys who never knew what they wanted, who made you feel unloved, and who were a enganar-vos durante anos.

E agora, depois de todos esses fracassos, ele aparece. Ele dá-lhe atenção mais do que suficiente, dá prioridade à vossa relação e não tem dúvidas sobre o seu lugar na vida dele.

But, let’s be honest: in most cases, when a guy is too good to be true – he probably is. I hate to be the one to break your bubble, but is it possible that this man is actually hiding his true colors?

Is it possible that he wants to speed things up for a reason? He wants you to say “I do” before getting to the bottom of his personality or past.

Otherwise, he wouldn’t rush you into anything. I know what you must think now.

He is so sure that you’re his forever person that he doesn’t want to wait a day before making you his forever person.

But, come on, if that were true, then why wouldn’t you wait a bit longer? Time won’t destroy your connection if it is the real deal!

You’re likely to be submissive.

When a man tells you that you’re “wifey material”, you shouldn’t take it as a compliment. I know that you’re flattered at first glance, but trust me, this simple sentence usually hides a lot more.

The truth is that this man doesn’t see you as his equal life partner. He doesn’t see you two conquering the world together and achieving great things.

He doesn’t picture you two holding each other’s hands and pushing one another towards success.

Instead, when he tells you that you’re “wifey material”, this is the picture he has in mind. He comes home from work shouting “Honey, I’m home”.

You welcome him open-handedly, the entire house smells like cupcakes, and you’re overjoyed that you get to spend the afternoon together.

Of course, after lunch, he lays down on a couch and you give him the most sensual massage ever. You know what I’m talking about – you saw the 1950s happy family posters.

Sounds idyllic, right? Well, it probably does – for him.

But, what about you? You’re the esposa submissa nesta história, mas não no bom sentido.

Onde está o amor?

Finalmente, a questão mais importante de todas: onde está o amor em tudo isto? Quer gostemos de o ouvir ou não, a verdade é que a homem que quer casar consigo não é o mesmo que um homem amar-te.

You see, when a guy truly loves you, he won’t treat you like livestock he needs to evaluate. He won’t put all of your positive and negative traits on a scale before popping the question.

Instead, he will marry you for one reason only: because he would rather die alone than spend the rest of his life with another woman. He will marry you despite you being “unwifeable”.