Para a mulher que leu a mensagem que enviei ao seu marido

I’m sorry that you had to see that. I’m sorry that you had to find out undeniably the kind of man that you are married to. I’m sorry that you are now questioning your entire relationship and what, if any, role I played in it. I wish I could be more helpful to you. I wish there was a way for me to tell you the things you want to hear, but I don’t think I can. I can tell you for certain that I did not have an affair with your husband.

Era uma vez, numa terra longínqua, sim, eu estava apaixonada por ele. Conheci-o quando estava no segundo ano do liceu e ele era como um sonho ambulante. He was handsome, charming and the captain of both the football AND the basketball teams—everyone was in love with him. When you came along, it broke my poor little teenage heart. But I actually liked you, at first, and I totally got what he saw in you. You were strong, fearless and you didn’t take any shit from anyone… least of all him. Plus, you managed to get something from him that I couldn’t, so more power to you. I found my own someone and we all settled into our lives.

A relação que eu tinha com o seu marido durante esse tempo tornou-se muito complicada porque tentámos manter a nossa amizade. Ultimately, as the years went by—yada, yada, yada—he was really fucking shitty to me and I moved on. Muito bem. Ele casou contigo e eu cheguei a um ponto em que ele não era mais do que a memória distante de um tipo que me fez mal há muito tempo.

De facto, já tinha avançado tanto que, quando ele me contactou do nada, quase uma década mais tarde, para pedir desculpa pela forma terrível como me tratava, eu estava aberta e pronta a aceitar. Estava preparada para saber como tinha sido a vossa vida, como eram os vossos filhos e como estavam todos dez anos depois.

Estava pronta para ficar feliz por ambos, por as coisas terem corrido bem, e depois voltar a viver a minha vida sem ele. But that’s not what I heard. Instead, he told me some bullshit story that had me going through post-traumatic stress and bringing up all kinds of feelings that had been buried for a long time. It took three full days of ugly crying and two sick days spent in my bed reliving the nightmare that was the last time that I saw him até que finalmente me consegui recompor o suficiente para chegar a uma conclusão racional, a mesma conclusão a que cheguei na altura.

I don’t want to be with a person who is capable of doing to me what he’s done to you. And furthermore, I don’t want to be with a person who is capable of doing to me what he has done to me. Sure, I can forgive—it was, after all, a long time ago, another lifetime almost. But I don’t even want to be friends with a man capable of the kinds of things he is capable of. No amount of ‘I’m sorry’s’ can change that.

Your husband hurt me in ways that I’m sure, at this point, you can begin to imagine. I know you have questions, all kinds of questions. I’m sure I would, too, in your position, but I can’t help you. I can’t drag myself back to that place and let someone I’ve already moved on from hurt me again. So, you will have to ask him your questions. As I’m sure you could tell from the tone and the content of the message you saw, I’m done with that part of my life. What happens within your marriage is for you two to figure out and I wish you all the best in doing so. Please don’t contact me again.

Com os melhores cumprimentos,
A mulher que não teve um caso com o seu marido

by Tia Grace