Alla donna che ha letto il messaggio che ho inviato a suo marito

I’m sorry that you had to see that. I’m sorry that you had to find out undeniably the kind of man that you are married to. I’m sorry that you are now questioning your entire relationship and what, if any, role I played in it. I wish I could be more helpful to you. I wish there was a way for me to tell you the things you want to hear, but I don’t think I can. I can tell you for certain that I did not have an affair with your husband.

Una volta, in una terra lontana, sì, ero innamorata di lui. L'ho conosciuto quando frequentavo il secondo anno di liceo ed era un sogno che camminava. He was handsome, charming and the captain of both the football AND the basketball teams—everyone was in love with him. When you came along, it broke my poor little teenage heart. But I actually liked you, at first, and I totally got what he saw in you. You were strong, fearless and you didn’t take any shit from anyone… least of all him. Plus, you managed to get something from him that I couldn’t, so more power to you. I found my own someone and we all settled into our lives.

La relazione che ho avuto con suo marito in quel periodo si è molto complicata, in quanto abbiamo cercato di mantenere la nostra amicizia. Ultimately, as the years went by—yada, yada, yada—he was really fucking shitty to me and I moved on. Bene. Ti ha sposato e io sono arrivata a un punto in cui lui non era altro che il lontano ricordo di un ragazzo che mi aveva fatto un torto molto tempo fa.

Sono andata avanti così tanto che quando, quasi dieci anni dopo, mi contattò all'improvviso per scusarsi del modo terribile in cui mi aveva trattato, ero aperta e pronta ad accettarlo. Ero pronta a sentire come erano andate le vostre vite, come erano i vostri figli e come stavate tutti insieme dieci anni dopo.

Ero pronta a essere felice per entrambi che le cose fossero andate bene, e poi tornare a vivere la mia vita senza di lui. But that’s not what I heard. Instead, he told me some bullshit story that had me going through post-traumatic stress and bringing up all kinds of feelings that had been buried for a long time. It took three full days of ugly crying and two sick days spent in my bed reliving the nightmare that was the last time that I saw him finché non sono riuscito a ricompormi abbastanza per giungere a una conclusione razionale, la stessa a cui sono giunto allora.

I don’t want to be with a person who is capable of doing to me what he’s done to you. And furthermore, I don’t want to be with a person who is capable of doing to me what he has done to me. Sure, I can forgive—it was, after all, a long time ago, another lifetime almost. But I don’t even want to be friends with a man capable of the kinds of things he is capable of. No amount of ‘I’m sorry’s’ can change that.

Your husband hurt me in ways that I’m sure, at this point, you can begin to imagine. I know you have questions, all kinds of questions. I’m sure I would, too, in your position, but I can’t help you. I can’t drag myself back to that place and let someone I’ve already moved on from hurt me again. So, you will have to ask him your questions. As I’m sure you could tell from the tone and the content of the message you saw, I’m done with that part of my life. What happens within your marriage is for you two to figure out and I wish you all the best in doing so. Please don’t contact me again.

Cordiali saluti,
La donna che non ha avuto una relazione con suo marito

by Tia Grace