Nunca precisei que me consertasse, precisei que me segurasse enquanto eu mesmo o fazia

Hey baby, it’s been some time. I guess I don’t have any right to ask you how you’ve been? But still, I hope you’re doing great. I hope that you’re happy and that you found someone who needs your help more than I did. You always had the need to corrigir pessoasmas nunca precisei que fizesses isso por mim. Só precisava do teu apoio enquanto o fazia por mim.

Nunca precisei que me mostrasses como sou especial, precisei de ver isso por mim própria. I needed to see who I am without your love. I needed to see what I can do without you holding my back. I needed to be alone in order to get to know myself. I hoped that you will be there. I hoped that you will accompany me along the way. But you never did—you could never understand why I had to do this by myself.

Nunca percebeste porque é que eu precisava de ver o meu valor. Because, you see, I was so manipulated and beaten to death that had I lost so much of myself and I never hoped to get those parts back. I lost my confidence, I lost my strength and I lost my worth. I let other people take them, because I couldn’t see them myself. And that’s why I needed to regain them back all by myself, because it wasn’t you who took them. It’s not you who should bring them back. I had to do it myself, because if I hadn’t, I would lose them all over again the moment you walk out of my life.

Nunca conseguiste perceber porque é que eu precisava de encontrar a beleza em mim sozinha. Sim, disseste-me milhões de vezes como sou incrível, como sou bonita. Mas eu nunca vi nada disso. Nunca vi a forma como a minha cara se ilumina. Nunca vi a beleza das minhas rugas e nunca vi a beleza das minhas cicatrizes. Odiei-me a mim própria, ao meu corpo, à minha alma magoada e à minha história. Como é que eu poderia encontrar a beleza em tudo isso se eu a odiasse?  No words you said could help me see it, because I couldn’t see it myself. I couldn’t see that woman you fell in love with, because I believed she was long gone. I believed that someday you will see me the way I used to see myself and that you will leave.

Nunca conseguiste perceber porque é que eu precisava de aprender a amar-me. Tu amaste-meamaste-me mais do que alguma vez acreditei que alguém me pudesse amar. Amaste-me com aquele tipo de amor estúpido que te fez andar no centro comercial comigo a comprar maquilhagem. Amaste-me com aquele tipo de amor estúpido que te fez ver O Flash with me, even though you’re diehard Marvel fan. But I needed to learn how to love myself. I needed to fall in love with myself, with my past and who I am. Precisava de me apaixonar por esta mulher destroçada que aprendeu a manter-se de pé. Precisava de me apaixonar por mim, para me poder apaixonar por ti.

Espero que compreendas que te amei. Espero que compreendas que nunca te quis afastar, Nunca quis que me consertasse because I had to do that myself. I needed to understand that I may be broken, but I’m not less worthy because of it. I needed to understand that I can still love even though my heart is shattered to pieces. I needed to understand that I can’t lose myself if I know my worth. And I needed for you to understand that I never loved you any less because I learned how to love myself more. But somehow, you couldn’t see that. Somehow, you felt betrayed because I needed distance. You felt hurt because I decided that I don’t need your help.

I really hope that you’re still the man I once loved because some girl will be the luckiest woman to have you. Someone who’s not broken as I was; someone who knows how to love herself and how to love you. And I hope that you understand that I never needed you to fix me. I just needed you to hold me, while I did it myself.

Com todo o meu amor, o vosso pequeno Flash.