Nunca necesité que me arreglaras, necesitaba que me sostuvieras mientras lo hacía yo mismo

Hey baby, it’s been some time. I guess I don’t have any right to ask you how you’ve been? But still, I hope you’re doing great. I hope that you’re happy and that you found someone who needs your help more than I did. You always had the need to arreglar a la gentepero nunca necesité que lo hicieras por mí. Sólo necesitaba tu apoyo mientras lo hacía yo misma.

Nunca necesité que me demostraras lo especial que soy, necesitaba verlo por mí misma. I needed to see who I am without your love. I needed to see what I can do without you holding my back. I needed to be alone in order to get to know myself. I hoped that you will be there. I hoped that you will accompany me along the way. But you never did—you could never understand why I had to do this by myself.

Nunca pudiste entender por qué necesitaba ver mi valía por mí misma. Because, you see, I was so manipulated and beaten to death that had I lost so much of myself and I never hoped to get those parts back. I lost my confidence, I lost my strength and I lost my worth. I let other people take them, because I couldn’t see them myself. And that’s why I needed to regain them back all by myself, because it wasn’t you who took them. It’s not you who should bring them back. I had to do it myself, because if I hadn’t, I would lose them all over again the moment you walk out of my life.

Nunca pudiste entender por qué necesitaba encontrar la belleza en mí por mí misma. Sí, me dijiste millones de veces lo increíble que soy, lo hermosa que soy. Pero nunca vi nada de eso. Nunca vi cómo se ilumina mi cara. Nunca vi la belleza en mis arrugas ni en mis cicatrices. Me odiaba a mí misma, a mi cuerpo, a mi alma magullada y a mi historia. ¿Cómo iba a encontrar la belleza en todo eso si lo odiaba?  No words you said could help me see it, because I couldn’t see it myself. I couldn’t see that woman you fell in love with, because I believed she was long gone. I believed that someday you will see me the way I used to see myself and that you will leave.

Nunca pudiste entender por qué necesitaba aprender a quererme a mí misma. Me queríasme amaste más de lo que jamás podría creer que alguien puede amarme. Me amaste con ese estúpido tipo de amor que te hizo caminar conmigo por el centro comercial comprando maquillaje. Me amaste con ese estúpido tipo de amor que te hizo mirar El destello with me, even though you’re diehard Marvel fan. But I needed to learn how to love myself. I needed to fall in love with myself, with my past and who I am. Necesitaba enamorarme de esta mujer rota que aprendió a valerse por sí misma. Necesitaba enamorarme de mí misma para poder enamorarme de ti.

Espero que entiendas que te quería. Espero que entiendas que nunca quise alejarte, Nunca quise que me arreglaras because I had to do that myself. I needed to understand that I may be broken, but I’m not less worthy because of it. I needed to understand that I can still love even though my heart is shattered to pieces. I needed to understand that I can’t lose myself if I know my worth. And I needed for you to understand that I never loved you any less because I learned how to love myself more. But somehow, you couldn’t see that. Somehow, you felt betrayed because I needed distance. You felt hurt because I decided that I don’t need your help.

I really hope that you’re still the man I once loved because some girl will be the luckiest woman to have you. Someone who’s not broken as I was; someone who knows how to love herself and how to love you. And I hope that you understand that I never needed you to fix me. I just needed you to hold me, while I did it myself.

Con todo mi amor, tu pequeño Flash.