O meu namorado acusa-me de tudo - o que devo fazer?

Se dá por si a pensar frequentemente O meu namorado acusa-me de tudo Se o que se pretende é que a pessoa se sinta bem, deve haver uma razão válida por detrás dessa suposição.

So, don’t worry, you’re not crazy and there’s nothing wrong with you (of course, if you know that you haven’t done anything to trigger his accusations).

Isto acontece em muitas relações e, de certa forma, tornou-se uma tendência. Todos nós conhecemos muito bem o procedimento e passamos horas em telefonemas a dizer à nossa melhor amiga:

My boyfriend is constantly making me feel bad. He even accuses me of cheating even though I know I haven’t done anything of the sort. 

For a start, I’ll tell you only one sentence that will help you understand what exactly is going on here: É frequente acusarmos os outros de coisas de que nos sentimos culpados. 

Dito isto, em alguns casos, as acusações são justificadas, pelo que tudo depende do contexto.

4 razões possíveis para o seu namorado a acusar de traição e mentira

Há muitos tipos de acusações no mundo e, quando se trata de relações, as mais comuns são as de infidelidade e de mentira. 

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking O meu namorado acusa-me sempre de traição e de mentir A seguir, apresentamos algumas razões possíveis para o fazer.

He doesn’t trust you

Já vi várias vezes namoradas a fazerem esta famosa pergunta às suas amigas (ou a mim pessoalmente): Why does my boyfriend accuse me of things I don’t do?

As always, the number one reason we accuse others of everything is because we don’t trust them for some reason, but it’s important to note that this reason is not necessarily justified.

He might have heard someone spreading lies about your “reckless” behavior or he might have come to the conclusion himself that you’re not to be trusted.

Esta suposição ou se baseia no seu pensamento excessivo ou tem uma razão válida para o fazer.

He’s the one who cheated and lied to you (or still is)

As already said, another possible reason your boyfriend is accusing you is because he’s the one who has done something bad to you, and he’s projecting it onto you because he’s the one feeling GUILTY about it.

He’s trying to justify his behavior by making you feel guilty for something you haven’t even done.

If you know that you haven’t lied to him or cheated on him, then you have every right to start suspecting that he might be the one doing it to you.

This projection happens on a subconscious level, which means he’s not even aware of what he’s doing to you. 

His mind is forcing him to find a reason that will justify his actions, so he might start imagining that he’s done something behind your back just because “you’ve done the same thing to him.”

It’s important to understand that such partners might over time become fisicamente abusivo também.

Constantly accusing the other partner and making them feel guilty for things they haven’t done is a serious issue and shouldn ’t be perceived as something that is not a big deal .

He’s been in bad relationships in the past

Esta está intimamente ligada à falta de confiança. Assim, uma possível razão para a dificuldade dele em estabelecer confiança consigo pode dever-se às más experiências de relacionamento que teve no passado.

Por exemplo, se a ex-namorada o traiu, é provável que ele desenvolva problemas de confiança depois disso.

Your text messages , phone calls , and certain events will all be seen as a threat in his eyes and that’s when he may start accusing you of things.

As más relações deixam-nos muitas vezes marcados, após o que lutamos arduamente para formar uma relação saudável com outro parceiro. 

Portanto, o seu namorado sente-se literalmente maltratado mentalmente pelas más experiências que teve no passado e agora precisa de algum tempo para desenvolver a confiança e deixar de ver tudo como uma potencial bandeira vermelha.

I’ve been in a relationship with a guy like this and, trust me, I know what you’re going through (if this is the case with you).

He turned into a control freak and I couldn’t do anything without first consulting with him. Such a relationship can no longer be called a relationship, but a nightmare.

Ele tem uma razão para desconfiar de si

If you’ve lied to him once (or a few times) or cheated on him, then this is the answer to your O meu namorado acusa-me de tudo reclamação.

Quando isso acontece, é muito difícil win back your partner’s trust e continuar como se nada tivesse acontecido.

If you’re genuinely sorry for it and you know you won’t repeat it ever again, then just give him some time to absorb everything that happened and slowly re-establish trust.

The worst thing you could do is to beg him and force him to act like it’s not a big deal .

If he has a reason why he doesn’t trust you and you’re familiar with that reason, consider talking to him about it and give him some time to accept and understand the situation.

Como reforçar a confiança na sua relação

Regardless of the reason behind your boyfriend accusing you of everything, it’s important that you focus on strengthening the trust in your relationship.

And You will start by being honest with your boyfriend about every single thing. Make sure to share with him details from your personal life like who your friends are, what’s happening at your work, and similar.

When you share things with each other, you become familiar with how you function on a daily basis, so there won’t be a need to overthink things when you basically already know it all.

Also, make sure to talk about your feelings as well. Don’t become one of those couples who seldom say anything sweet to each other because they’re busy tomar o outro como garantido .

Quando um dos parceiros começa a sentir-se mal amado, isso pode desencadear insegurança e, por sua vez, acusações. 

Precisa de lhe lembrar que ainda se preocupa com ele e que gosta dele como ele é, mesmo que raramente o diga em voz alta.

Once he sees that you’re being genuine and honest about how you’re feeling, he won’t find any reasons to start suspecting things, let alone accuse you of something.

And, one more thing: Always keep your promises! Given that we’re living in a hectic world and our schedules are brutal, we often fail to keep our promises, so we end up disappointing our loved ones.

When that happens, our partners start feeling betrayed and isolated. They no longer believe that they are still top priority, so that’s why we need to remind them of such.

Quando fizer promessas, certifique-se de que as cumpre, aconteça o que acontecer.

This will send a message to your boyfriend that he’s still a special person in your life and it will make him less worried about things like potential cheating or lying.

10 Signs He Is A Controlling Boyfriend And That’s Why He Accuses You Of Everything

Outra razão para o seu namorado a acusar de tudo pode ser o facto de ele é um legítimo parceiro de controlo . 

Deixe-me esclarecer: isto não tem nada a ver com as suas relações passadas em si, mas sim com a saúde mental, traumas de infância ou más relações com os pais.

Aqui estão alguns sinais de que o seu namorado está a tentar estabelecer domínio e controlo sobre si:

Ele isola-o dos seus amigos e familiares

Costuma queixar-se de que passa demasiado tempo com os seus amigos e familiares (apesar de saber que isso não é verdade)?

Or that you’re spending too much time on your phone texting and talking with them? Is he choosing your friends for you?

If yes to any of these, then he’s trying to isolate you from your best friends and family in order to establish full control over you.

By choosing your friends and limiting your conversations and hangouts with other people, he’s both establishing dominance and isolating you from your close people so you don’t have anyone else to rely on but him.

Ele critica-o constantemente

If your boyfriend is constantly criticizing you for every big and small thing you say or do, then he’s trying to make you feel less worthy.

Pense da seguinte forma: Quando alguém nos lembra constantemente de como somos incapazes ou estúpidos, acabamos por começar a acreditar nessa pessoa.

That’s exactly what he’s trying to do to you. He wants to devoid you of self-love and self-worth, so that you solely depend on him, which makes him the one in control.

Ele ameaça deixar-te

Alguma vez ele disse algo como If you don’t stop hanging out with that one friend (especially if it is a amigo do sexo masculino ), I’ll romper convosco!

Este é um dos exemplos mais comuns de controlo do comportamento . By threatening you that he’ll leave you if you don’t do as he says, he’s putting you in a subordinate position.

Basicamente, obriga-te a escolher entre a tua sanidade mental e o seu domínio. 

So, if you decide to continue hanging out with that friend, you’ll lose him and become a villain because you don’ t care about his feelings.

And if you stop hanging out with that friend, then he wins by establishing full control. It’s a very tricky situation, a similar one in which I found myself last year . 

A guy threatened that he’d leave me if I didn’t stop hanging out with my male friend who was also my coworker. 

I couldn’t believe his audacity, so I told him that I wouldn’t tolerate such behavior and if he didn’t change, then I’d be the one to leave.

Since he didn’t change, I kept my promise and left him (and it was one of the best decisions of my life.)

Ele usa a culpa como uma ferramenta para o controlar

The reason he accuses you of every single thing is because of his insatiable need to control you. He does so because he knows that when you feel guilty, you’ll do everything in your power to prove him wrong.

You’ll constantly apologize for your behavior and things you haven’t even done only to convince him that he shouldn ’t accuse you of anything. And that’s exactly what helps him establish dominance in a relationship.

Ele espia-te e exige que partilhes tudo com ele

He spies on you because he wants to know everything that’s going on in your life. He wants to know who you’re texting , who your friends and colleagues are, where you go to the gym – you name it.

Para além disso, exigirá que partilhe todos os pormenores da sua vida com ele. E quando recolhe toda essa informação, usa-a como uma ferramenta contra si.

Ele controla todos os seus movimentos e, se notar alguma discrepância nos seus planos, faz questão de o avisar.

Also, if he senses that you might be hiding something from him (even if it’s something totally irrelevant), he might start accusing you of things you’re not guilty of.

Ver também: 8 maneiras de saber se o seu homem é realmente carinhoso ou apenas controlador

He’s totally uninterested in your point of view

When you express a desire to visit a certain place or do something fun, he instantly rejects it with some lame excuse (or pretends he didn’t even hear you).

When you’re having an argument, your significant other is always only focused on what he has to say to defend himself and ignores your every attempt to express yourself.

He does all this because he doesn’t see you as an independent human being , but as someone who is here to serve him. Not respecting your wishes and ideas is a huge red flag because it screams CONTROL.

Ele goza ou faz troça de si à frente dos outros

When you’re among other people, he starts teasing you to the point where you start feeling uncomfortable.

A provocação saudável é uma coisa, mas os insultos constantes são uma ferramenta que os parceiros controladores utilizam para estabelecer o domínio.

He wants you to feel awkward and less worthy in front of others, so that you become brainwashed into thinking that you’re incompetent (or whatever else he wants you to believe).

He also makes fun of your quirks and habits to make you feel like you’re doing something wrong.

He doesn’t accept you for who you are, that’s why he publicly displays all your “flaws” in the hopes that this will also alienate you from your friends and family. 

Ele faz-nos duvidar de nós próprios

When you express a desire to better yourself (for example, attend a cooking class), he immediately makes fun of you and tells you that it’s not for you. 

Or, let’s say that you want to start dance lessons, and he somehow convinces you that you won’t be good at it, so you immediately give up on your intentions.

Ele faz-nos duvidar constantemente de nós próprios e das nossas capacidades porque quer privar-nos da nossa autoestima. É que, desde que confie em si própria, ele não tem qualquer hipótese de a controlar ou manipular. 

Esta é uma forma de violência doméstica. To be more exact, we’re speaking of abuso emocionalque é frequentemente dez vezes mais prejudicial do que qualquer tipo de abuso físico.

By being a controlling partner, he’s putting both you and himself in a toxic relationship . 

Por exemplo, ontem à noite, quando estava quase a adormecer, ouvi os noivos que vivem por cima de mim a discutirem sobre qualquer coisa. 

I realized they were talking about how she wanted to go out to sing a bit of karaoke, and he told his fiance that there was no point since she was tone-deaf and she shouldn ‘t embarrass herself.

I thought she was about to give up the argument, until all of a sudden she stood up for herself and told him to shut up and that she’d go – with or without him.

I was really proud of her because I would’ve done the exact same thing.

Ele faz-te sentir indigna dele

This is one of the main goals of every controlling partner. They want you to feel grateful that they are with you even though you are “far from an ideal partner.”

You know that this is the case with you if he’s constantly comparing you with other people or his exes.

He wants you to feel like you’re lucky he chose to be with you because you’re nothing special or no better than his ex-girlfriends.

Once he succeeds in making you feel this way, you subconsciously start dancing to his tunes because he’s got you convinced that you’ll never find anyone better than him. 

He’s chronically argumentative

Já reparou que o seu namorado gosta muito de todas as discussões e brigas, enquanto você só quer que elas acabem? 

If yes, then you know that he’s chronically argumentative, which is another indication of a controlling partner. By winning arguments, they’re making you weaker, which is their ultimate goal. 

Por exemplo, se alguém gostou de algumas das suas fotografias nas redes sociais , ele fica louco e começa uma discussão por causa disso. Pode até chamar-lhe batoteira , ou pode até entrar em modo de gaslighting e ignorá-la durante um certo tempo. 

E, como resultado, muitas vezes acabamos por pedir desculpa, sem sequer saber exatamente porquê. Esta é uma das maiores bandeiras vermelhas de uma relação abusiva . 

Comportamento narcisista

Existem muitos outros sinais de aviso que indicam que o seu namorado é um legítimo controlador e um deles é o comportamento narcisista. 

Narcisistas têm esta tendência para culpar os outros por tudo, incluindo os seus próprios problemas. 

Como passam muito tempo a fantasiar com o poder e o sucesso, estão dispostos a fazer tudo para o conseguir.

Se houvesse apenas três palavras para descrever um narcisista, seriam egoísmo, arrogância e defensividade. Este tipo de indivíduos está pronto a pôr as culpas em si e em qualquer outra pessoa sempre que tem oportunidade. 

When dealing with a narcissist , it’s important to protect yourself in the following ways:

• Lembre-se sempre que a transferência de culpas é a sua forma de evitar assumir responsabilidades.
• Nunca partilhe demasiadas informações pessoais com eles (porque o objetivo deles é utilizá-las contra si).
• Don’t take their words and actions personally.

Ver também: O que acontece quando o narcisista sabe que o descobrimos?

What Should You Do If Your Boyfriend Continues To Accuse You For Things You Didn’t Do?

Andar em cima de cascas de ovos com medo de que uma única palavra ou ação o possa irritar ou desencadear um comportamento controlador e narcisista não é uma opção.

I mean, you can do it (you’ve obviously already tolerated such behavior for some time), but this is neither doable nor healthy in the long run.

Em vez disso:

• Tenha uma conversa aberta e honesta com o seu namorado.
• Ask your friends to help you (especially if they’ve experienced the same thing in the past).
• Leia alguns livros ou frequente cursos sobre este tema.
• Falar com um conselheiro profissional (ou especificamente um conselheiro de relações). 

Se tentar tudo isto e mesmo assim nada mudar, lembre-se do seguinte:

“A relationship without trust is like a cell phone with no service, all you can do is play games.” – Unknown

Por outras palavras, manter uma relação sem confiança não é uma opção. Em primeiro lugar, influencia diretamente o seu bem-estar .

If it’s not the first time that you’ve thought to yourself, O meu b ​​​​ o meu namorado acusa-me de tudo Então, sabe que provavelmente não será a última vez.

You’ll feel the same way the next day and the day after that. Nothing will change until you talk to him openly about it and work on finding solutions.

The only time you should stay is if he shows that he’s willing to work on his behavior.

Estar numa relação séria não é como um romance de liceu. Requer esforço, compreensão e paciência. E se ambos os parceiros não estiverem dispostos a cooperar, então sabe que a relação está condenada.

So, if your boyfriend is constantly accusing you of things you haven’t even done and he’s not willing to acknowledge and start addressing his controlling and/or narcissistic behavior, then you know that letting go is not an option but a necessity. 

Sometimes you need to let go not because you want to, but because it’s the only right thing to do. Good luck !

Ver também: 8 sinais seguros de que está a sofrer da síndrome da vítima narcisista