If you often find yourself thinking My boyfriend accuses me of everything , there must be a valid reason behind that assumption.
So, don’t worry, you’re not crazy and there’s nothing wrong with you (of course, if you know that you haven’t done anything to trigger his accusations).
This happens in many relationships and has, in a way, become a trending thing. We all know the drill very well and spend hours on phone calls saying to our bestie:
My boyfriend is constantly making me feel bad. He even accuses me of cheating even though I know I haven’t done anything of the sort.
For a start, I’ll tell you only one sentence that will help you understand what exactly is going on here: We often accuse others of things we feel guilty about ourselves.
That said, in some cases, accusations are justified, so it all depends on the context.
4 Possible Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Accuses You Of Cheating And Lying
There are many types of accusations in the world and when it comes to relationships, the most common ones are that of infidelity and lying.
If you’ve ever found yourself thinking My boyfriend always accuses me of cheating and lying , here are some possible reasons for him doing so.
He doesn’t trust you
Multiple times have I witnessed girlfriends asking their friends (or me personally) this one famous question: Why does my boyfriend accuse me of things I don’t do?
As always, the number one reason we accuse others of everything is because we don’t trust them for some reason, but it’s important to note that this reason is not necessarily justified.
He might have heard someone spreading lies about your “reckless” behavior or he might have come to the conclusion himself that you’re not to be trusted.
This assumption is either based on his overthinking or he has a valid reason for it.
He’s the one who cheated and lied to you (or still is)
As already said, another possible reason your boyfriend is accusing you is because he’s the one who has done something bad to you, and he’s projecting it onto you because he’s the one feeling GUILTY about it.
He’s trying to justify his behavior by making you feel guilty for something you haven’t even done.
If you know that you haven’t lied to him or cheated on him, then you have every right to start suspecting that he might be the one doing it to you.
This projection happens on a subconscious level, which means he’s not even aware of what he’s doing to you.
His mind is forcing him to find a reason that will justify his actions, so he might start imagining that he’s done something behind your back just because “you’ve done the same thing to him.”
It’s important to understand that such partners might over time become physically abusive as well.
Constantly accusing the other partner and making them feel guilty for things they haven’t done is a serious issue and shouldn ’t be perceived as something that is not a big deal .
He’s been in bad relationships in the past
This one is closely connected with lack of trust. So, one possible reason for his difficulty establishing trust with you might be because of his past bad relationship experiences.
For example, if his ex-girlfriend cheated on him, chances are that he will develop trust issues after that.
Your text messages , phone calls , and certain events will all be seen as a threat in his eyes and that’s when he may start accusing you of things.
Bad relationships often scar us, after which we fight hard to form a healthy relationship with another partner.
So, your boyfriend literally feels mentally abused by his bad experiences in the past and now he needs some time to develop trust and stop seeing every single thing as a potential red flag .
I’ve been in a relationship with a guy like this and, trust me, I know what you’re going through (if this is the case with you).
He turned into a control freak and I couldn’t do anything without first consulting with him. Such a relationship can no longer be called a relationship, but a nightmare.
He has a reason for his distrust in you
If you’ve lied to him once (or a few times) or cheated on him, then this is the answer to your My boyfriend accuses me of everything complaint.
Once such a thing happens, it is really hard to win back your partner’s trust and continue as if nothing happened.
If you’re genuinely sorry for it and you know you won’t repeat it ever again, then just give him some time to absorb everything that happened and slowly re-establish trust.
The worst thing you could do is to beg him and force him to act like it’s not a big deal .
If he has a reason why he doesn’t trust you and you’re familiar with that reason, consider talking to him about it and give him some time to accept and understand the situation.
How To Strengthen Trust In Your Relationship
Regardless of the reason behind your boyfriend accusing you of everything, it’s important that you focus on strengthening the trust in your relationship.
And You will start by being honest with your boyfriend about every single thing. Make sure to share with him details from your personal life like who your friends are, what’s happening at your work, and similar.
When you share things with each other, you become familiar with how you function on a daily basis, so there won’t be a need to overthink things when you basically already know it all.
Also, make sure to talk about your feelings as well. Don’t become one of those couples who seldom say anything sweet to each other because they’re busy taking each other for granted .
When one partner starts feeling unloved, this might trigger insecurity and, in turn, accusations.
You need to remind him of the fact that you still care about him and like him the way he is, even though you seldom say it out loud.
Once he sees that you’re being genuine and honest about how you’re feeling, he won’t find any reasons to start suspecting things, let alone accuse you of something.
And, one more thing: Always keep your promises! Given that we’re living in a hectic world and our schedules are brutal, we often fail to keep our promises, so we end up disappointing our loved ones.
When that happens, our partners start feeling betrayed and isolated. They no longer believe that they are still top priority, so that’s why we need to remind them of such.
When you make promises, make sure to keep them, no matter what.
This will send a message to your boyfriend that he’s still a special person in your life and it will make him less worried about things like potential cheating or lying.
10 Signs He Is A Controlling Boyfriend And That’s Why He Accuses You Of Everything
Another reason your boyfriend accuses you of everything may be that he is a legit controlling partner .
Let me clarify: This has nothing to do with his past relationships per se, but rather with mental health , childhood traumas, or bad relationships with parents.
Here are some signs that your boyfriend is trying to establish dominance and control over you:
He isolates you from your friends and family
Does he ever complain about you spending too much time with your friends and family (even though you know this is not true)?
Or that you’re spending too much time on your phone texting and talking with them? Is he choosing your friends for you?
If yes to any of these, then he’s trying to isolate you from your best friends and family in order to establish full control over you.
By choosing your friends and limiting your conversations and hangouts with other people, he’s both establishing dominance and isolating you from your close people so you don’t have anyone else to rely on but him.
He constantly criticizes you
If your boyfriend is constantly criticizing you for every big and small thing you say or do, then he’s trying to make you feel less worthy.
Think of it this way: When someone constantly reminds you of how incapable or stupid you are, you at some point eventually start believing them.
That’s exactly what he’s trying to do to you. He wants to devoid you of self-love and self-worth, so that you solely depend on him, which makes him the one in control.
He threatens to leave you
Has he ever said something like If you don’t stop hanging out with that one friend (especially if it is a male friend ), I’ll break up with you!
This is one of the most common examples of controlling behavior . By threatening you that he’ll leave you if you don’t do as he says, he’s putting you in a subordinate position.
He basically forces you to choose between your sanity and his dominance.
So, if you decide to continue hanging out with that friend, you’ll lose him and become a villain because you don’ t care about his feelings.
And if you stop hanging out with that friend, then he wins by establishing full control. It’s a very tricky situation, a similar one in which I found myself last year .
A guy threatened that he’d leave me if I didn’t stop hanging out with my male friend who was also my coworker.
I couldn’t believe his audacity, so I told him that I wouldn’t tolerate such behavior and if he didn’t change, then I’d be the one to leave.
Since he didn’t change, I kept my promise and left him (and it was one of the best decisions of my life.)
He uses guilt as a tool to control you
The reason he accuses you of every single thing is because of his insatiable need to control you. He does so because he knows that when you feel guilty, you’ll do everything in your power to prove him wrong.
You’ll constantly apologize for your behavior and things you haven’t even done only to convince him that he shouldn ’t accuse you of anything. And that’s exactly what helps him establish dominance in a relationship.
He spies on you because he wants to know everything that’s going on in your life. He wants to know who you’re texting , who your friends and colleagues are, where you go to the gym – you name it.
On top of that, he will also demand that you share every single detail of your life with him. And once he collects all that information, he uses it as a tool against you.
He controls your every move and if he notices some discrepancies in your plans, he makes sure to let you know.
Also, if he senses that you might be hiding something from him (even if it’s something totally irrelevant), he might start accusing you of things you’re not guilty of.
See also: 8 Ways To Know Whether Your Man Is Really Caring Or Just Controlling
He’s totally uninterested in your point of view
When you express a desire to visit a certain place or do something fun, he instantly rejects it with some lame excuse (or pretends he didn’t even hear you).
When you’re having an argument, your significant other is always only focused on what he has to say to defend himself and ignores your every attempt to express yourself.
He does all this because he doesn’t see you as an independent human being , but as someone who is here to serve him. Not respecting your wishes and ideas is a huge red flag because it screams CONTROL.
He teases or makes fun of you in front of others
When you’re among other people, he starts teasing you to the point where you start feeling uncomfortable.
Healthy teasing is one thing, but constant put-downs are a tool that controlling partners use for the sake of establishing dominance.
He wants you to feel awkward and less worthy in front of others, so that you become brainwashed into thinking that you’re incompetent (or whatever else he wants you to believe).
He also makes fun of your quirks and habits to make you feel like you’re doing something wrong.
He doesn’t accept you for who you are, that’s why he publicly displays all your “flaws” in the hopes that this will also alienate you from your friends and family.
He makes you doubt yourself
When you express a desire to better yourself (for example, attend a cooking class), he immediately makes fun of you and tells you that it’s not for you.
Or, let’s say that you want to start dance lessons, and he somehow convinces you that you won’t be good at it, so you immediately give up on your intentions.
He constantly makes you doubt yourself and your abilities because he wants to deprive you of self-esteem . You see, as long as you trust yourself, he has no chance of controlling you or manipulating you.
This is a form of domestic violence. To be more exact, we’re speaking of emotional abuse, which is often ten times more harmful than any type of physical abuse.
By being a controlling partner, he’s putting both you and himself in a toxic relationship .
For example, last night when I was about to fall asleep, I heard fiances who live above me arguing about something.
I realized they were talking about how she wanted to go out to sing a bit of karaoke, and he told his fiance that there was no point since she was tone-deaf and she shouldn ‘t embarrass herself.
I thought she was about to give up the argument, until all of a sudden she stood up for herself and told him to shut up and that she’d go – with or without him.
I was really proud of her because I would’ve done the exact same thing.
He makes you feel unworthy of him
This is one of the main goals of every controlling partner. They want you to feel grateful that they are with you even though you are “far from an ideal partner.”
You know that this is the case with you if he’s constantly comparing you with other people or his exes.
He wants you to feel like you’re lucky he chose to be with you because you’re nothing special or no better than his ex-girlfriends.
Once he succeeds in making you feel this way, you subconsciously start dancing to his tunes because he’s got you convinced that you’ll never find anyone better than him.
He’s chronically argumentative
Have you noticed that your boyfriend really enjoys all the bickering and fighting while you just want it to stop?
If yes, then you know that he’s chronically argumentative, which is another indication of a controlling partner. By winning arguments, they’re making you weaker, which is their ultimate goal.
For example, if someone liked a couple of your pictures on social media , he goes crazy and starts an argument over it. He might even call you a cheater , or he might even enter gaslighting mode and ignore you for a certain time.
And as a result, you often end up apologizing, not even knowing why exactly. This is one of the biggest red flags of an abusive relationship .
There are tons of other warning signs indicating that your boyfriend is a legit controlling blamer and one of them is narcissistic behavior.
Narcissists have this tendency to blame others for everything, including their own problems.
Since they spend a great amount of time fantasizing about power and success, they are ready to do anything in order to achieve it.
If there were only three words to describe a narcissist , it would be selfishness, arrogance, and defensiveness. These types of individuals are ready to put the blame on you and anyone else whenever they get the chance.
When dealing with a narcissist , it’s important to protect yourself in the following ways:
- Always remember that blame-shifting is their way of avoiding taking responsibility.
- Never share too much personal info with them (because their goal is to use it against you).
- Don’t take their words and actions personally.
See also: What Happens When The Narcissist Knows You Have Figured Him Out?
What Should You Do If Your Boyfriend Continues To Accuse You For Things You Didn’t Do?
Walking on eggshells in fear that one single word or action might piss him off or trigger controlling and narcissistic behavior is not an option.
I mean, you can do it (you’ve obviously already tolerated such behavior for some time), but this is neither doable nor healthy in the long run.
- Have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend.
- Ask your friends to help you (especially if they’ve experienced the same thing in the past).
- Read some books or attend courses that revolve around this issue.
- Talk to a professional counselor (or specifically a relationship counselor).
If you try all these and still nothing changes, remember the following:
“A relationship without trust is like a cell phone with no service, all you can do is play games.” – Unknown
In other words, staying in a relationship without trust is not an option. Firstly, it directly influences your well-being .
If it’s not the first time that you’ve thought to yourself, My b oyfriend accuses me of everything , then you know it will probably not be the last time.
You’ll feel the same way the next day and the day after that. Nothing will change until you talk to him openly about it and work on finding solutions.
The only time you should stay is if he shows that he’s willing to work on his behavior.
Being in a serious relationship is not like a high school romance. It requires effort, understanding, and patience. And if both partners are not willing to cooperate, then you know the relationship is doomed.
So, if your boyfriend is constantly accusing you of things you haven’t even done and he’s not willing to acknowledge and start addressing his controlling and/or narcissistic behavior, then you know that letting go is not an option but a necessity.
Sometimes you need to let go not because you want to, but because it’s the only right thing to do. Good luck !
See also: 8 Sure Signs You Are Suffering From Narcissistic Victim Syndrome