Il mio ragazzo mi accusa di tutto: cosa devo fare?

Se vi trovate spesso a pensare Il mio ragazzo mi accusa di tutto deve esserci una ragione valida dietro questa ipotesi.

So, don’t worry, you’re not crazy and there’s nothing wrong with you (of course, if you know that you haven’t done anything to trigger his accusations).

Questo accade in molte relazioni e, in un certo senso, è diventato un fenomeno di tendenza. Tutti noi conosciamo bene la procedura e passiamo ore e ore a telefonare alla nostra migliore amica:

My boyfriend is constantly making me feel bad. He even accuses me of cheating even though I know I haven’t done anything of the sort. 

For a start, I’ll tell you only one sentence that will help you understand what exactly is going on here: Spesso accusiamo gli altri di cose di cui ci sentiamo colpevoli. 

Detto questo, in alcuni casi le accuse sono giustificate, quindi tutto dipende dal contesto.

4 possibili motivi per cui il vostro fidanzato vi accusa di avervi tradito e mentito

Ci sono molti tipi di accuse nel mondo e quando si tratta di relazioni, le più comuni sono quelle di infedeltà e di menzogna. 

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking Il mio ragazzo mi accusa sempre di tradire e di mentire Ecco alcune possibili ragioni che lo hanno spinto a farlo.

He doesn’t trust you

Mi è capitato più volte di vedere fidanzate che ponevano alle loro amiche (o a me personalmente) questa famosa domanda: Why does my boyfriend accuse me of things I don’t do?

As always, the number one reason we accuse others of everything is because we don’t trust them for some reason, but it’s important to note that this reason is not necessarily justified.

He might have heard someone spreading lies about your “reckless” behavior or he might have come to the conclusion himself that you’re not to be trusted.

Questa supposizione si basa su un eccesso di pensiero oppure ha un motivo valido per farlo.

He’s the one who cheated and lied to you (or still is)

As already said, another possible reason your boyfriend is accusing you is because he’s the one who has done something bad to you, and he’s projecting it onto you because he’s the one feeling GUILTY about it.

He’s trying to justify his behavior by making you feel guilty for something you haven’t even done.

If you know that you haven’t lied to him or cheated on him, then you have every right to start suspecting that he might be the one doing it to you.

This projection happens on a subconscious level, which means he’s not even aware of what he’s doing to you. 

His mind is forcing him to find a reason that will justify his actions, so he might start imagining that he’s done something behind your back just because “you’ve done the same thing to him.”

It’s important to understand that such partners might over time become abusi fisici anche.

Constantly accusing the other partner and making them feel guilty for things they haven’t done is a serious issue and shouldn ’t be perceived as something that is not a big deal .

He’s been in bad relationships in the past

Questo aspetto è strettamente legato alla mancanza di fiducia. Quindi, una possibile ragione della sua difficoltà a stabilire un rapporto di fiducia con voi potrebbe essere dovuta alle sue passate esperienze di relazioni negative.

Ad esempio, se la sua ex fidanzata lo ha tradito, è probabile che in seguito sviluppi problemi di fiducia.

Your text messages , phone calls , and certain events will all be seen as a threat in his eyes and that’s when he may start accusing you of things.

Le cattive relazioni spesso ci segnano, dopo di che lottiamo duramente per formare una relazione sana con un altro partner. 

Quindi, il tuo ragazzo si sente letteralmente maltrattato mentalmente dalle sue brutte esperienze passate e ora ha bisogno di un po' di tempo per sviluppare la fiducia e smettere di vedere ogni singola cosa come una potenziale bandiera rossa.

I’ve been in a relationship with a guy like this and, trust me, I know what you’re going through (if this is the case with you).

He turned into a control freak and I couldn’t do anything without first consulting with him. Such a relationship can no longer be called a relationship, but a nightmare.

Ha una ragione per la sua sfiducia nei vostri confronti

If you’ve lied to him once (or a few times) or cheated on him, then this is the answer to your Il mio ragazzo mi accusa di tutto reclamo.

Una volta che si verifica una cosa del genere, è davvero difficile win back your partner’s trust e continuare come se nulla fosse.

If you’re genuinely sorry for it and you know you won’t repeat it ever again, then just give him some time to absorb everything that happened and slowly re-establish trust.

The worst thing you could do is to beg him and force him to act like it’s not a big deal .

If he has a reason why he doesn’t trust you and you’re familiar with that reason, consider talking to him about it and give him some time to accept and understand the situation.

Come rafforzare la fiducia nella vostra relazione

Regardless of the reason behind your boyfriend accusing you of everything, it’s important that you focus on strengthening the trust in your relationship.

And You will start by being honest with your boyfriend about every single thing. Make sure to share with him details from your personal life like who your friends are, what’s happening at your work, and similar.

When you share things with each other, you become familiar with how you function on a daily basis, so there won’t be a need to overthink things when you basically already know it all.

Also, make sure to talk about your feelings as well. Don’t become one of those couples who seldom say anything sweet to each other because they’re busy dare per scontato l'altro .

Quando uno dei due partner inizia a non sentirsi amato, può scatenare insicurezza e, a sua volta, accuse. 

Dovete ricordargli che vi importa ancora di lui e che vi piace così com'è, anche se raramente lo dite ad alta voce.

Once he sees that you’re being genuine and honest about how you’re feeling, he won’t find any reasons to start suspecting things, let alone accuse you of something.

And, one more thing: Always keep your promises! Given that we’re living in a hectic world and our schedules are brutal, we often fail to keep our promises, so we end up disappointing our loved ones.

When that happens, our partners start feeling betrayed and isolated. They no longer believe that they are still top priority, so that’s why we need to remind them of such.

Quando fate delle promesse, assicuratevi di mantenerle, a prescindere da tutto.

This will send a message to your boyfriend that he’s still a special person in your life and it will make him less worried about things like potential cheating or lying.

10 Signs He Is A Controlling Boyfriend And That’s Why He Accuses You Of Everything

Un altro motivo per cui il vostro ragazzo vi accusa di tutto può essere che è un legittimo socio di controllo . 

Chiarisco: questo non ha nulla a che fare con le sue relazioni passate in sé, ma piuttosto con la salute mentale, i traumi infantili o i cattivi rapporti con i genitori.

Ecco alcuni segnali che indicano che il vostro ragazzo sta cercando di stabilire una posizione dominante e di controllo su di voi:

Vi isola dai vostri amici e dalla vostra famiglia

Si lamenta mai del fatto che lei passi troppo tempo con i suoi amici e la sua famiglia (anche se lei sa che non è vero)?

Or that you’re spending too much time on your phone texting and talking with them? Is he choosing your friends for you?

If yes to any of these, then he’s trying to isolate you from your best friends and family in order to establish full control over you.

By choosing your friends and limiting your conversations and hangouts with other people, he’s both establishing dominance and isolating you from your close people so you don’t have anyone else to rely on but him.

Vi critica costantemente

If your boyfriend is constantly criticizing you for every big and small thing you say or do, then he’s trying to make you feel less worthy.

Vedetela in questo modo: Quando qualcuno vi ricorda costantemente quanto siete incapaci o stupidi, a un certo punto iniziate a credergli.

That’s exactly what he’s trying to do to you. He wants to devoid you of self-love and self-worth, so that you solely depend on him, which makes him the one in control.

Minaccia di lasciarvi

Ha mai detto qualcosa come If you don’t stop hanging out with that one friend (especially if it is a amico maschio ), I’ll rottura con voi!

Questo è uno degli esempi più comuni di controllo del comportamento . By threatening you that he’ll leave you if you don’t do as he says, he’s putting you in a subordinate position.

In pratica ti costringe a scegliere tra la tua sanità mentale e il suo dominio. 

So, if you decide to continue hanging out with that friend, you’ll lose him and become a villain because you don’ t care about his feelings.

And if you stop hanging out with that friend, then he wins by establishing full control. It’s a very tricky situation, a similar one in which I found myself last year . 

A guy threatened that he’d leave me if I didn’t stop hanging out with my male friend who was also my coworker. 

I couldn’t believe his audacity, so I told him that I wouldn’t tolerate such behavior and if he didn’t change, then I’d be the one to leave.

Since he didn’t change, I kept my promise and left him (and it was one of the best decisions of my life.)

Usa il senso di colpa come strumento per controllarvi.

The reason he accuses you of every single thing is because of his insatiable need to control you. He does so because he knows that when you feel guilty, you’ll do everything in your power to prove him wrong.

You’ll constantly apologize for your behavior and things you haven’t even done only to convince him that he shouldn ’t accuse you of anything. And that’s exactly what helps him establish dominance in a relationship.

Vi spia e pretende che condividiate tutto con lui.

He spies on you because he wants to know everything that’s going on in your life. He wants to know who you’re texting , who your friends and colleagues are, where you go to the gym – you name it.

Inoltre, vi chiederà di condividere con lui ogni singolo dettaglio della vostra vita. E una volta raccolte tutte queste informazioni, le usa come strumento contro di voi.

Controlla ogni vostra mossa e se nota qualche discrepanza nei vostri piani, si assicura di farvelo sapere.

Also, if he senses that you might be hiding something from him (even if it’s something totally irrelevant), he might start accusing you of things you’re not guilty of.

Vedi anche: 8 modi per capire se il vostro uomo è davvero premuroso o solo controllante

He’s totally uninterested in your point of view

When you express a desire to visit a certain place or do something fun, he instantly rejects it with some lame excuse (or pretends he didn’t even hear you).

When you’re having an argument, your significant other is always only focused on what he has to say to defend himself and ignores your every attempt to express yourself.

He does all this because he doesn’t see you as an independent human being , but as someone who is here to serve him. Not respecting your wishes and ideas is a huge red flag because it screams CONTROL.

Vi prende in giro o si prende gioco di voi davanti agli altri.

When you’re among other people, he starts teasing you to the point where you start feeling uncomfortable.

Le prese in giro sane sono una cosa, ma le costanti umiliazioni sono uno strumento che il partner controllante usa per stabilire il proprio dominio.

He wants you to feel awkward and less worthy in front of others, so that you become brainwashed into thinking that you’re incompetent (or whatever else he wants you to believe).

He also makes fun of your quirks and habits to make you feel like you’re doing something wrong.

He doesn’t accept you for who you are, that’s why he publicly displays all your “flaws” in the hopes that this will also alienate you from your friends and family. 

Ti fa dubitare di te stesso

When you express a desire to better yourself (for example, attend a cooking class), he immediately makes fun of you and tells you that it’s not for you. 

Or, let’s say that you want to start dance lessons, and he somehow convinces you that you won’t be good at it, so you immediately give up on your intentions.

Vi fa costantemente dubitare di voi stessi e delle vostre capacità perché vuole privarvi dell'autostima. Finché vi fidate di voi stesse, lui non ha alcuna possibilità di controllarvi o manipolarvi. 

Si tratta di una forma di violenza domestica. To be more exact, we’re speaking of abuso emotivoche spesso è dieci volte più dannoso di qualsiasi tipo di abuso fisico.

By being a controlling partner, he’s putting both you and himself in a toxic relationship . 

Per esempio, ieri sera, mentre stavo per addormentarmi, ho sentito i fidanzati che vivono sopra di me discutere di qualcosa. 

I realized they were talking about how she wanted to go out to sing a bit of karaoke, and he told his fiance that there was no point since she was tone-deaf and she shouldn ‘t embarrass herself.

I thought she was about to give up the argument, until all of a sudden she stood up for herself and told him to shut up and that she’d go – with or without him.

I was really proud of her because I would’ve done the exact same thing.

Ti fa sentire indegna di lui

This is one of the main goals of every controlling partner. They want you to feel grateful that they are with you even though you are “far from an ideal partner.”

You know that this is the case with you if he’s constantly comparing you with other people or his exes.

He wants you to feel like you’re lucky he chose to be with you because you’re nothing special or no better than his ex-girlfriends.

Once he succeeds in making you feel this way, you subconsciously start dancing to his tunes because he’s got you convinced that you’ll never find anyone better than him. 

He’s chronically argumentative

Avete notato che al vostro fidanzato piacciono molto i battibecchi e le liti, mentre voi vorreste solo che finissero? 

If yes, then you know that he’s chronically argumentative, which is another indication of a controlling partner. By winning arguments, they’re making you weaker, which is their ultimate goal. 

Per esempio, se a qualcuno sono piaciute un paio di vostre foto sui social media, lui impazzisce e inizia a litigare per questo. Potrebbe persino darvi dell'imbroglione, oppure entrare in modalità gaslighting e ignorarvi per un certo periodo di tempo. 

E di conseguenza, spesso si finisce per chiedere scusa, senza sapere esattamente perché. Questo è uno dei maggiori segnali di allarme di una relazione abusiva. 

Comportamento narcisistico

Ci sono tonnellate di altri segnali d'allarme che indicano che il tuo ragazzo è un legittimo controllore e uno di questi è il comportamento narcisistico. 

Narcisisti hanno la tendenza a dare la colpa agli altri per tutto, compresi i propri problemi. 

Poiché passano molto tempo a fantasticare sul potere e sul successo, sono pronti a fare qualsiasi cosa per ottenerlo.

Se ci fossero solo tre parole per descrivere un narcisista, sarebbero egoismo, arroganza e difensivismo. Questi tipi di individui sono pronti a dare la colpa a voi e a chiunque altro ogni volta che ne hanno l'occasione. 

When dealing with a narcissist , it’s important to protect yourself in the following ways:

• Ricordate sempre che lo scaricabarile è il loro modo di evitare di assumersi la responsabilità.
• Non condividete mai troppe informazioni personali con loro (perché il loro obiettivo è usarle contro di voi).
• Don’t take their words and actions personally.

Vedi anche: Cosa succede quando il narcisista sa che l'avete capito?

What Should You Do If Your Boyfriend Continues To Accuse You For Things You Didn’t Do?

Camminare su gusci d'uovo nel timore che una singola parola o azione possa farlo arrabbiare o scatenare un comportamento controllante e narcisistico non è un'opzione.

I mean, you can do it (you’ve obviously already tolerated such behavior for some time), but this is neither doable nor healthy in the long run.

Invece:

• Discutete apertamente e onestamente con il vostro ragazzo.
• Ask your friends to help you (especially if they’ve experienced the same thing in the past).
• Leggete alcuni libri o frequentate corsi che ruotano intorno a questo tema.
• Parlate con un consulente professionale (o in particolare con un consulente relazionale). 

Se provate tutti questi metodi e non cambia nulla, ricordate quanto segue:

“A relationship without trust is like a cell phone with no service, all you can do is play games.” – Unknown

In altre parole, rimanere in una relazione senza fiducia non è un'opzione. In primo luogo, influisce direttamente sul vostro benessere.

If it’s not the first time that you’ve thought to yourself, Il mio b ​​​​ Il mio ragazzo mi accusa di tutto , allora sapete che probabilmente non sarà l'ultima volta.

You’ll feel the same way the next day and the day after that. Nothing will change until you talk to him openly about it and work on finding solutions.

The only time you should stay is if he shows that he’s willing to work on his behavior.

Una relazione seria non è come una storia d'amore al liceo. Richiede impegno, comprensione e pazienza. E se entrambi i partner non sono disposti a collaborare, la relazione è destinata a fallire.

So, if your boyfriend is constantly accusing you of things you haven’t even done and he’s not willing to acknowledge and start addressing his controlling and/or narcissistic behavior, then you know that letting go is not an option but a necessity. 

Sometimes you need to let go not because you want to, but because it’s the only right thing to do. Good luck !

Vedi anche: 8 segni sicuri che state soffrendo della sindrome della vittima narcisistica