Mi novio me acusa de todo - ¿Qué debo hacer?

Si piensa a menudo Mi novio me acusa de todo debe haber una razón válida detrás de esa suposición.

So, don’t worry, you’re not crazy and there’s nothing wrong with you (of course, if you know that you haven’t done anything to trigger his accusations).

Esto ocurre en muchas relaciones y, en cierto modo, se ha convertido en tendencia. Todos lo sabemos muy bien y nos pasamos horas hablando por teléfono con nuestra mejor amiga:

My boyfriend is constantly making me feel bad. He even accuses me of cheating even though I know I haven’t done anything of the sort. 

For a start, I’ll tell you only one sentence that will help you understand what exactly is going on here: A menudo acusamos a los demás de cosas de las que nosotros mismos nos sentimos culpables. 

Dicho esto, en algunos casos las acusaciones están justificadas, así que todo depende del contexto.

4 posibles razones por las que tu novio te acusa de engañar y mentir

Hay muchos tipos de acusaciones en el mundo y, cuando se trata de relaciones, las más comunes son las de infidelidad y mentira. 

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking Mi novio siempre me acusa de engañar y mentir ...he aquí algunas posibles razones para que lo haga.

He doesn’t trust you

Muchas veces he visto a amigas hacer a sus amigas (o a mí personalmente) esta famosa pregunta: Why does my boyfriend accuse me of things I don’t do?

As always, the number one reason we accuse others of everything is because we don’t trust them for some reason, but it’s important to note that this reason is not necessarily justified.

He might have heard someone spreading lies about your “reckless” behavior or he might have come to the conclusion himself that you’re not to be trusted.

Esta suposición, o bien se basa en un pensamiento exagerado, o bien tiene una razón válida para ello.

He’s the one who cheated and lied to you (or still is)

As already said, another possible reason your boyfriend is accusing you is because he’s the one who has done something bad to you, and he’s projecting it onto you because he’s the one feeling GUILTY about it.

He’s trying to justify his behavior by making you feel guilty for something you haven’t even done.

If you know that you haven’t lied to him or cheated on him, then you have every right to start suspecting that he might be the one doing it to you.

This projection happens on a subconscious level, which means he’s not even aware of what he’s doing to you. 

His mind is forcing him to find a reason that will justify his actions, so he might start imagining that he’s done something behind your back just because “you’ve done the same thing to him.”

It’s important to understand that such partners might over time become físicamente abusivo también.

Constantly accusing the other partner and making them feel guilty for things they haven’t done is a serious issue and shouldn ’t be perceived as something that is not a big deal .

He’s been in bad relationships in the past

Ésta está estrechamente relacionada con la falta de confianza. Por lo tanto, una posible razón de su dificultad para establecer la confianza con usted podría ser debido a su pasado malas experiencias de relación.

Por ejemplo, si su ex novia le engañó, lo más probable es que desarrolle problemas de confianza después de eso.

Your text messages , phone calls , and certain events will all be seen as a threat in his eyes and that’s when he may start accusing you of things.

Las malas relaciones a menudo nos dejan cicatrices, después de lo cual luchamos duro para formar una relación sana con otro socio. 

Así que tu novio se siente literalmente maltratado mentalmente por sus malas experiencias en el pasado y ahora necesita algo de tiempo para desarrollar la confianza y dejar de ver cada cosa como una potencial bandera roja .

I’ve been in a relationship with a guy like this and, trust me, I know what you’re going through (if this is the case with you).

He turned into a control freak and I couldn’t do anything without first consulting with him. Such a relationship can no longer be called a relationship, but a nightmare.

Tiene una razón para desconfiar de ti.

If you’ve lied to him once (or a few times) or cheated on him, then this is the answer to your Mi novio me acusa de todo queja.

Una vez que ocurre algo así, es realmente difícil win back your partner’s trust y continuar como si nada hubiera pasado.

If you’re genuinely sorry for it and you know you won’t repeat it ever again, then just give him some time to absorb everything that happened and slowly re-establish trust.

The worst thing you could do is to beg him and force him to act like it’s not a big deal .

If he has a reason why he doesn’t trust you and you’re familiar with that reason, consider talking to him about it and give him some time to accept and understand the situation.

Cómo reforzar la confianza en su relación

Regardless of the reason behind your boyfriend accusing you of everything, it’s important that you focus on strengthening the trust in your relationship.

And You will start by being honest with your boyfriend about every single thing. Make sure to share with him details from your personal life like who your friends are, what’s happening at your work, and similar.

When you share things with each other, you become familiar with how you function on a daily basis, so there won’t be a need to overthink things when you basically already know it all.

Also, make sure to talk about your feelings as well. Don’t become one of those couples who seldom say anything sweet to each other because they’re busy darnos por sentados .

Cuando uno de los miembros de la pareja empieza a sentirse poco querido, esto puede desencadenar inseguridad y, a su vez, acusaciones. 

Tienes que recordarle que te sigue importando y que te gusta tal y como es, aunque rara vez lo digas en voz alta.

Once he sees that you’re being genuine and honest about how you’re feeling, he won’t find any reasons to start suspecting things, let alone accuse you of something.

And, one more thing: Always keep your promises! Given that we’re living in a hectic world and our schedules are brutal, we often fail to keep our promises, so we end up disappointing our loved ones.

When that happens, our partners start feeling betrayed and isolated. They no longer believe that they are still top priority, so that’s why we need to remind them of such.

Cuando hagas promesas, asegúrate de cumplirlas, pase lo que pase.

This will send a message to your boyfriend that he’s still a special person in your life and it will make him less worried about things like potential cheating or lying.

10 Signs He Is A Controlling Boyfriend And That’s Why He Accuses You Of Everything

Otra razón por la que tu novio te acusa de todo puede ser que es un legítimo socio controlador . 

Permítanme aclarar: Esto no tiene nada que ver con sus relaciones pasadas en sí, sino más bien con la salud mental , traumas infantiles, o malas relaciones con los padres.

Éstas son algunas señales de que tu novio está intentando establecer dominio y control sobre ti:

Te aísla de tus amigos y familia

¿Se queja alguna vez de que pasas demasiado tiempo con tus amigos y tu familia (aunque sabes que no es cierto)?

Or that you’re spending too much time on your phone texting and talking with them? Is he choosing your friends for you?

If yes to any of these, then he’s trying to isolate you from your best friends and family in order to establish full control over you.

By choosing your friends and limiting your conversations and hangouts with other people, he’s both establishing dominance and isolating you from your close people so you don’t have anyone else to rely on but him.

Te critica constantemente

If your boyfriend is constantly criticizing you for every big and small thing you say or do, then he’s trying to make you feel less worthy.

Piénsalo de este modo: Cuando alguien te recuerda constantemente lo incapaz o estúpido que eres, en algún momento empiezas a creerle.

That’s exactly what he’s trying to do to you. He wants to devoid you of self-love and self-worth, so that you solely depend on him, which makes him the one in control.

Amenaza con dejarte

¿Ha dicho alguna vez algo como If you don’t stop hanging out with that one friend (especially if it is a amigo ), I’ll romper ¡contigo!

Este es uno de los ejemplos más comunes de comportamiento controlador . By threatening you that he’ll leave you if you don’t do as he says, he’s putting you in a subordinate position.

Básicamente te obliga a elegir entre tu cordura y su dominio. 

So, if you decide to continue hanging out with that friend, you’ll lose him and become a villain because you don’ t care about his feelings.

And if you stop hanging out with that friend, then he wins by establishing full control. It’s a very tricky situation, a similar one in which I found myself last year . 

A guy threatened that he’d leave me if I didn’t stop hanging out with my male friend who was also my coworker. 

I couldn’t believe his audacity, so I told him that I wouldn’t tolerate such behavior and if he didn’t change, then I’d be the one to leave.

Since he didn’t change, I kept my promise and left him (and it was one of the best decisions of my life.)

Usa la culpa como herramienta para controlarte

The reason he accuses you of every single thing is because of his insatiable need to control you. He does so because he knows that when you feel guilty, you’ll do everything in your power to prove him wrong.

You’ll constantly apologize for your behavior and things you haven’t even done only to convince him that he shouldn ’t accuse you of anything. And that’s exactly what helps him establish dominance in a relationship.

Te espía y exige que compartas todo con él

He spies on you because he wants to know everything that’s going on in your life. He wants to know who you’re texting , who your friends and colleagues are, where you go to the gym – you name it.

Por si fuera poco, también te exigirá que compartas con él todos y cada uno de los detalles de tu vida. Y una vez que recopila toda esa información, la utiliza como herramienta contra ti.

Controla todos tus movimientos y si nota alguna discrepancia en tus planes, se asegura de hacértelo saber.

Also, if he senses that you might be hiding something from him (even if it’s something totally irrelevant), he might start accusing you of things you’re not guilty of.

Véase también: 8 maneras de saber si tu hombre es realmente cariñoso o sólo controlador

He’s totally uninterested in your point of view

When you express a desire to visit a certain place or do something fun, he instantly rejects it with some lame excuse (or pretends he didn’t even hear you).

When you’re having an argument, your significant other is always only focused on what he has to say to defend himself and ignores your every attempt to express yourself.

He does all this because he doesn’t see you as an independent human being , but as someone who is here to serve him. Not respecting your wishes and ideas is a huge red flag because it screams CONTROL.

Se burla de ti delante de los demás

When you’re among other people, he starts teasing you to the point where you start feeling uncomfortable.

Las burlas sanas son una cosa, pero los menosprecios constantes son una herramienta que las parejas controladoras utilizan para establecer su dominio.

He wants you to feel awkward and less worthy in front of others, so that you become brainwashed into thinking that you’re incompetent (or whatever else he wants you to believe).

He also makes fun of your quirks and habits to make you feel like you’re doing something wrong.

He doesn’t accept you for who you are, that’s why he publicly displays all your “flaws” in the hopes that this will also alienate you from your friends and family. 

Te hace dudar de ti mismo

When you express a desire to better yourself (for example, attend a cooking class), he immediately makes fun of you and tells you that it’s not for you. 

Or, let’s say that you want to start dance lessons, and he somehow convinces you that you won’t be good at it, so you immediately give up on your intentions.

Te hace dudar constantemente de ti misma y de tus capacidades porque quiere privarte de autoestima . Verás, mientras confíes en ti misma, él no tendrá ninguna posibilidad de controlarte o manipularte. 

Se trata de una forma de violencia doméstica. To be more exact, we’re speaking of abuso emocionalque suele ser diez veces más perjudicial que cualquier tipo de maltrato físico.

By being a controlling partner, he’s putting both you and himself in a toxic relationship . 

Por ejemplo, anoche, cuando estaba a punto de dormirme, oí a unos novios que viven encima de mí discutiendo por algo. 

I realized they were talking about how she wanted to go out to sing a bit of karaoke, and he told his fiance that there was no point since she was tone-deaf and she shouldn ‘t embarrass herself.

I thought she was about to give up the argument, until all of a sudden she stood up for herself and told him to shut up and that she’d go – with or without him.

I was really proud of her because I would’ve done the exact same thing.

Te hace sentir indigna de él

This is one of the main goals of every controlling partner. They want you to feel grateful that they are with you even though you are “far from an ideal partner.”

You know that this is the case with you if he’s constantly comparing you with other people or his exes.

He wants you to feel like you’re lucky he chose to be with you because you’re nothing special or no better than his ex-girlfriends.

Once he succeeds in making you feel this way, you subconsciously start dancing to his tunes because he’s got you convinced that you’ll never find anyone better than him. 

He’s chronically argumentative

¿Te has dado cuenta de que tu novio disfruta con las discusiones y las peleas mientras tú sólo quieres que se acaben? 

If yes, then you know that he’s chronically argumentative, which is another indication of a controlling partner. By winning arguments, they’re making you weaker, which is their ultimate goal. 

Por ejemplo, si a alguien le han gustado un par de fotos tuyas en las redes sociales, se vuelve loco y empieza a discutir por ello. Puede que incluso te llame infiel o que entre en modo gaslighting y te ignore durante un tiempo. 

Y como resultado, a menudo acabas disculpándote, sin saber exactamente por qué. Esta es una de las mayores señales de alarma de una relación abusiva . 

Comportamiento narcisista

Hay muchas otras señales de advertencia que indican que tu novio es un auténtico controlador y una de ellas es el comportamiento narcisista. 

Narcisistas tienen esa tendencia a culpar a los demás de todo, incluso de sus propios problemas. 

Como pasan mucho tiempo fantaseando con el poder y el éxito, están dispuestos a hacer cualquier cosa para conseguirlo.

Si sólo hubiera tres palabras para describir a un narcisista, serían egoísmo, arrogancia y actitud defensiva. Este tipo de individuos están dispuestos a echarte la culpa a ti y a cualquier otra persona siempre que tienen ocasión. 

When dealing with a narcissist , it’s important to protect yourself in the following ways:

• Recuerda siempre que echar la culpa a otros es su forma de evitar asumir responsabilidades.
• Nunca compartas demasiada información personal con ellos (porque su objetivo es utilizarla en tu contra).
• Don’t take their words and actions personally.

Véase también: ¿Qué ocurre cuando el narcisista sabe que lo has descubierto?

What Should You Do If Your Boyfriend Continues To Accuse You For Things You Didn’t Do?

Andar con pies de plomo por miedo a que una sola palabra o acción pueda cabrearle o desencadenar un comportamiento controlador y narcisista no es una opción.

I mean, you can do it (you’ve obviously already tolerated such behavior for some time), but this is neither doable nor healthy in the long run.

En su lugar:

• Mantén una conversación abierta y sincera con tu novio.
• Ask your friends to help you (especially if they’ve experienced the same thing in the past).
• Lea algunos libros o asista a cursos que giren en torno a este tema.
• Habla con un consejero profesional (o específicamente con un consejero de relaciones). 

Si pruebas todo esto y sigue sin cambiar nada, recuerda lo siguiente:

“A relationship without trust is like a cell phone with no service, all you can do is play games.” – Unknown

En otras palabras, permanecer en una relación sin confianza no es una opción. En primer lugar, influye directamente en tu bienestar .

If it’s not the first time that you’ve thought to yourself, Mi b ​​​​ oyfriend me acusa de todo entonces sabes que probablemente no será la última vez.

You’ll feel the same way the next day and the day after that. Nothing will change until you talk to him openly about it and work on finding solutions.

The only time you should stay is if he shows that he’s willing to work on his behavior.

Una relación seria no es como un romance de instituto. Requiere esfuerzo, comprensión y paciencia. Y si ambos miembros de la pareja no están dispuestos a cooperar, la relación está condenada al fracaso.

So, if your boyfriend is constantly accusing you of things you haven’t even done and he’s not willing to acknowledge and start addressing his controlling and/or narcissistic behavior, then you know that letting go is not an option but a necessity. 

Sometimes you need to let go not because you want to, but because it’s the only right thing to do. Good luck !

Véase también: 8 señales inequívocas de que padece el síndrome de la víctima narcisista