9 coisas a fazer quando magoamos alguém

Being heartbroken by someone you love is hard. However, if you’re not a bad person or a narcissist, you can also go through a tough time when tu magoar outra pessoa. 

That is exactly what’s going on with you right now. The guilt is killing you because you’re aware of your harmful actions.

It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about your significant other, a coworker, a friend, or a family member, the bottom line is pretty much the same: You broke your loved one’s heart and you’re looking for ways to fix things.

Well, you’ve come to the right place where you’ll get all the professional advice you need. Here is exactly how you should behave and what you should do when you hurt someone. 

Remember that you’re a human being

First and foremost, you should always keep one thing in mind: You’re just a human being made out of flesh and blood. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you’re entitled to do whatever the hell you want.

However, one mistake doesn’t automatically make you a pessoa má ou. 

The fact is that you’re not a robot or a preprogrammed machine that is not allowed to cometer erros. You might have tried running away from this fact but the truth is that you’re far from perfect. 

You have your set of flaws and whether you like it or not, now is the time to accept them. Knowing this, will make it easier for you to come to terms with the fact that you’re simply sinful, just like the rest of us. 

On the other hand, precisely because you’re a ser humanosignifica também que tem uma consciência.

Tem uma mente e, por conseguinte, a capacidade de se arrepender desses erros e, eventualmente, de os corrigir. 

Uma posição complicada, eu sei. Exceto que esta combinação de qualidades foi o que o trouxe aqui em primeiro lugar. 

It’s what made you hurt the person you love and it’s what made you feel guilty for your actions. 

Don’t defend your wrong action

What you did wasn’t right. When you hurt someone who cared for you, you didn’t only cause their heartbreak, you also stabbed them in the back. You violated their trust and you killed their faith in people.

Therefore, the consequences of your actions are numerous and the pain you’ve caused won’t go away overnight.

Em vez disso, a sua vítima terá de passar por um processo de cura. Let’s be real: It’s all your fault.

De acordo com a maioria dos coaches de relações, o pior coisa you can do at this point is to try and pretend that you haven’t done anything that wrong.

De facto, defender as suas acções pode ser ainda mais doloroso para a vítima do que aquilo que fez.

When you do something wrong, you’re the only one responsible for it. There is no point in looking for excuses or justifications.

Your mistakes are not canceled by the fact that you were “provoked” to behave like this, that your victim “made you” hurt them, and so on.

É preciso ser suficientemente responsável para apoiar as suas acções, como um verdadeiro adulto. 

Por favor, evitem a todo o custo o jogo da culpa.

I’m not saying that the other party is perfect or that they never did anything to hurt you, but this is beside the point; you’re looking for redemption for your harmful behavior. 

A única forma de o fazer é aceitar toda a responsabilidade, sem tentar fugir-lhe. 

Acknowledge the other person’s emotions

What you have to be aware of is that we all have big differences in character. Therefore, someone is not weaker than you just for having a harder time accepting the things you’ve done to them.

Maybe you wouldn’t be this hurt if you were in their shoes and that’s your right. However, the other person is clearly heartbroken and they’re entitled to feel that way.

So, please, acknowledge the other person’s emotions, even if you don’t fully understand them. Give them the right to feel sadness and pain.

They feel betrayed or disappointed by something you did. It’s just how things are and you don’t have a say in that. 

The worst thing you can do in this case is to try and diminish the other party’s hurt feelings. Don’t even think of accusing them of being too sensitive or overly emotional.

If you do this, you’ll show that you actually have no remorse whatsoever. You’ll show that you’re only apologizing because it’s the right thing to do, not because you lamentamos muito. 

Furthermore, this will be proof that you’re completely unaware of your mistakes. You’re not aware of the magnitude of your actions nor of the effects they had on someone else. 

Abordar a vítima o mais gentilmente possível

What you need to know is that your victim’s heart is fragile right now. They have hurt feelings and the last thing they need is someone aggravating their wounds.

Therefore, you have to approach them as gently as possible. While you’re trying to repair your broken relationship, pay attention to their mental and emotional state. 

Não há brigas, nem gritos, nem jogos de culpas, nem expectativas demasiado grandes. 

This doesn’t mean that you should walk on eggshells around them or that you should treat them like a little child.

No entanto, é preciso ter cuidado para não fazer nada que os magoe de novo. 

Yes, you might think that they’re too sensitive now. Nevertheless, don’t forget that you’re the cause of their sensitivity and if you want them to forgive you, you’ll just have to deal with it. 

Don’t rush the process

When you hurt someone you love and want their forgiveness, you’ll probably push them as hard as possible to get it.

You want them to see how eager you are to come back into their life and you don’t miss any opportunity to reach out.

Temos vontade de lhes telefonar, enviar mensagens de texto, aparecer nos locais onde esperamos que estejam ou até mesmo ir bater à sua porta. No entanto, isso só pode ser contraproducente. 

By doing this, you’re putting an unbearable amount of pressure on your victim. You show them that their forgiveness is more important than the way they feel.

Basically, you’re apologizing because you want to clear your conscience, not because you want them to feel better. 

Consequently, when you pressure your victim, you make them feel guilty. They don’t feel ready to perdoar-vos just yet but can’t seem to get rid of your presence in their life.

On the other hand, your victim can get angrier at you. You’re not giving them space or time to clear their head and to reach a conclusion.

Instead, you’re constantly on their back, without any understanding of the way they feel and for the problems they’re facing. 

Por conseguinte, the best thing to do is let time work its magic. Show the other person that you’re there and that you don’t mind patiently waiting for them to be ready for you. 

Perdoar a si próprio e cuidar de si próprio

While there are people who act as if they didn’t do anything wrong, there are also the ones who beat themselves up too hard.

Estar aqui e procurar coisas para fazer quando se magoa alguém, faz claramente parte do segundo grupo. 

Embora não seja aceitável não assumir a responsabilidade pelos seus actos, julgar-se com demasiada severidade também não é saudável.

De facto, seria melhor se conseguisse encontrar o meio-termo e o equilíbrio entre os dois. 

Accept that your behavior was not okay and that it caused someone’s emotional pain, but don’t see it as the end of the world and as something you can’t correct. 

Veja: A outra pessoa pode perdoar-lhe tudo o que lhe fez. After all, that’s what will happen sooner or later.

No entanto, deixar ir de auto-julgamento é ainda mais importante.

É preciso limpar a consciência e livrar-se da culpa se quiser preservar a sua saúde mental e dedicar-se a algumas actividades. autocuidado.

Beating yourself up and calling yourself a narcissist won’t get you anywhere. 

Every time these negative feelings overwhelm you, remind yourself that they’re completely pointless and will achieve nothing.

You can’t turn back time as much as you might want to, can you? Therefore, you won’t erase your victim’s pain by overthinking your actions. 

Pedir outra perspetiva

If you feel lost and as though you don’t know what’s the smart thing to do, the best thing is to look for another opinion and perspective. 

After all, you’re emotionally involved in this entire situation and you can’t be objective about it, despite all of your efforts.

Maybe you’re being too hard on yourself. At the same time, there is also a possibility that you’re justifying your actions and looking for excuses for thems.

De qualquer forma, you’re not being neutral here and neither is your victim. They’re the ones hurt in this case and it’s possible that they’re blowing things out of proportion and looking for attention as well.

É por isso que deve dirigir-se a alguém em quem confie e contar-lhe toda esta situação. Escolhe um amigo honesto, um colega de trabalho, or a family member, even if you’re afraid that they’ll be too harsh.

Afinal de contas, é exatamente disso que precisa: Uma verdade dura de um ente querido. Precisas de alguém que te tire os óculos cor-de-rosa e te faça encarar a realidade. 

This doesn’t mean that they should tell you what to do with your own life or that you should listen to them blindly. Instead, they’re just there to offer you a fresh point of view. 

Just be careful about the ones you tell your secrets to. If you’re not sure whether you have loyal people around you, ask for professional advice. 

Não há vergonha nenhuma em falar com um terapeuta sobre coisas que o incomodam. 

Another great piece of advice is to try walking in your victim’s shoes. Put yourself in their position and look at things from their perspective.

What do you do when someone hurts you? What’s your first instinct when someone causes you heartbreak? What can they do to fix things? 

Do “the friend test”

Another great thing you can do is “the friend test”. This will help you detach from the situation and make it possible for you to move in the right direction.

Imagine that your friend has the same problem you currently have. They come to you and tell you that they’ve hurt someone they care for deeply. 

They want their forgiveness but don’t know how to get it. They’re also beating themselves up for their mistake. 

Pedem o seu conselho porque confiam em si e consideram-no uma pessoa sábia e inteligente. O que é que lhes diria?

Aposto que arranjaria imediatamente uma solução. Aconselhava-os sobre como abordar a vítima e dava-lhes os passos exactos que estão listados aqui. 

Não só isso, mas também estarias cheio de compreensão pelo teu melhor amigo. Independentemente do que fizessem, chamar-lhes-ia a atenção para as suas acções e mostraria também compaixão.

A última coisa a fazer é piorar ainda mais as coisas, julgando-as e atacando-as. Em vez disso, dir-lhes-ia para não serem tão duros com eles próprios e para não deixarem que a culpa os coma vivos.

Então, o que é que o impede exatamente de se tratar da mesma forma? Afinal de contas, devias amar-te mais a ti próprio do que a qualquer amigo neste mundo. 

Por conseguinte, por favor, sigam os conselhos que dariam aos vossos filhos melhor amigo e aplicá-lo a si próprio. 

Aprender com o seu mau comportamento

Finally, even though you can’t change what you’ve done, you certainly can learn from it. Instead of lamenting your past, walk away from it with a lição dura mas valiosa.

O que fizeste foi tóxico. You broke someone’s heart and your actions hurt their feelings. 

However, that doesn’t mean that you should turn this into patterns of mau comportamento. Em vez de permitir que isso se torne um hábito, aprenda com os seus erros.

Promise yourself that that was the last time you displayed that selfish behavior and that from now on, you’ll think about the possible consequences of your actions. 

Tell yourself that that was the last time you didn’t show compassion and that from now on, you’ll always take other people’s feelings into account. 

Para ser sincero, quando se magoa alguém, é provável que se leve muito tempo a recuperar a confiança dessa pessoa e a colar de novo a relação quebrada. 

That’s why you have to start this moment. Show them that you care and that you’re ready to do whatever it takes to come back into their life. Good luck!