Odeio-te por não me amares o suficiente

Amei-te durante muito tempo.

To be honest, I don’t even remember who I was before you entered my life. You changed the essence of my being and you became the center of my world. And you know very well how intense my love for you was.

You know there didn’t exist a thing I wouldn’t do for you. I was ready to move mountains and I was ready to fight the world, if needed, just for the sake of your love. And I was convinced that I would love you until the end of time.

Eu tinha a certeza de que não havia nada que pudesses fazer para que eu deixasse de te amar.

And that is why I am sure you won’t believe this when you read it. Damn, I don’t even believe it myself.

But I am here to tell you that you’ve killed all the love I felt for you. You’ve ripped out my heart and you’ve torn it into pieces. There was nothing left of me to love you. So I am telling you that I don’t love you anymore.

Não é só isso—Odeio-te do fundo do meu ser.

I hate you for never thinking I was enough. As my boyfriend, you should’ve helped me with my self-esteem. If you couldn’t do that, the last thing you should’ve done was undermine me all the time. But the weaker I was mentally, the easier it was for you to manipulate me.

Esforçou-se muito para me tornar ainda mais insegura. Enquanto estive contigo, passei anos wondering why I wasn’t enough. What was I doing wrong? Why couldn’t you love me the way I loved you?

Fizeste-me pensar que tudo era sempre culpa minha e que, por mais que tentasse, nunca era suficiente para ti.

Odeio-te por nunca me teres escolhido. Odeio-te por todas as outras raparigas com quem sempre senti que tinha de competir. Odeio-te por me tratares sempre como uma opção no fundo da tua lista de prioridades.

Odeio-te por me fazeres implorar por migalhas do teu afeto. Odeio-te por nunca me escolheres em vez de ninguém, apesar de todos os sacrifícios que fiz por ti.

Odeio-te porque sempre me fizeste perseguir-te.

I don’t know whether your ego was so fragile or you were a psychopath who enjoyed my suffering but you always did everything you could to make me come to you. You did everything you could to make me chase you and literally beg you to be with me. And you never did anything similar.

Mesmo que tudo fosse culpa tua, recusavas-te sempre a assumir a responsabilidade e manipulavas-me para que eu pensasse que te tinha obrigado a fazer ou a dizer algo que me causava dor. Deixaste bem claro que nunca me perseguirias, mostrando-me que a minha existência na tua vida era de pouca importância para ti.

Odeio-te por conduzindo-me all these years. You know that you were never completely honest with me. You never told me that things weren’t for real and you never told me that you could never give me everything I needed.

Em vez disso, mantiveste-me por perto apenas porque gostavas de ter alguém sempre ao teu lado, apesar de tudo o que fazias. Certificaste-te de me dar apenas o suficiente do teu amor e atenção para que eu ficasse contigo. E eu, tonta, confundi isso com amor verdadeiro. Odeio-te por fazeres jogos mentais comigo.

With you, I never knew where I stood. One day, you were the most perfect boyfriend on the planet, promising me the world and giving me hope that everything would be OK between us. And the very next day, you would go back to your old ways, acting like I didn’t mean a thing to you.

You were constantly keeping me in this never-ending circle and it was driving me crazy. But I guess that was what you wanted all along, wasn’t it?

Acima de tudo, odeio-te por nunca me amares o suficiente. Desde o início de tudo entre nós, no fundo, eu sabia you weren’t capable of love. E pensei que isso iria mudar com o tempo.

I thought you would see how much I loved you and that you would learn to appreciate everything I was doing for you. But no, you could never get yourself to love me. Or you didn’t want to do it.

Seja como for, a questão é que nunca senti toda a capacidade do teu amor. E não tenho a certeza se tenho o direito de te odiar por isso, mas continuo a odiar e não há nada que possa ser feito em relação a isso.