Lamento se o meu excesso de pensamento me torna difícil de amar

I não sou como as outras raparigas. I can’t relax because os meus pensamentos excessivos faz com que seja tão difícil para mim fazer isso. Quando me ligares e disseres que me amas, vou pensar muito no porquê de o teres feito sem razão.

Vou preocupar-me com as coisas pequenas. I will constantly overanalyze everything you say. I won’t trust you because I will always be on alert that you might cheat on me. I will try to find the hidden meaning behind every sentence that you say.

Sei que não é fácil amar-me. I know it is hard for you to love someone like me. I am sorry if my overthinking makes me difficult to love. I am not doing that on purpose. It is the way I am, and I can’t change. And only God knows how much I would love to.

Sou assim porque tenho medo das coisas más que podem acontecer no futuro. I do all of this because I want to be ready for them. I don’t want you to cheat on me and that I missed seeing all the red flags.

Quero ter cuidado quando se trata de amor porque já fui magoada muitas vezes. And I don’t want to go through another breakup while my world is falling apart.

That’s why I will go through every situation that we had or we will have with enormous attention. And I know that I will be more pessimistic even if things are not so bad. I will constantly worry that you will have had enough of me and that you will go with someone else…

Com alguém que não seja assim tão difícil de amar. With someone who is not as fucked up as I am. And because of all these things, I won’t be able to show you how much I actually love you. I will overanalyze every touch, every kiss, and if it is not like I expected it to be, I will be worried that you will leave.

Every single fight with you will hurt me because I pay attention to the things I shouldn’t. Cada piada que fizeres sobre mim vai fazer-me pensar que não sou digna ou suficiente para ti. E esse sentimento vai comer-me vivo.

Estarei sempre alerta, pensando que só me acontecerão coisas más. Like I don’t deserve anything good to happen to me. And since I will be so preoccupied with all the negativity in my life, I will pass on all those beautiful things that life offers me.

Vou usar todo o meu tempo livre para pensar nas coisas que aconteceram há anos entre nós. E vou desejar que Podia ter sido mais forte enquanto eu estava a lutar contigo.

I will make a scenario about the fight we didn’t have just to be prepared for it when it happens.

Don’t think that I am trying to make problems where they don’t exist. In all this mess, I am just trying to protect my heart from being broken again. I just want to prevent getting hurt again.

You see, I want to have control all the time and be prepared for everything because if not, when that happens, I won’t know what to do.

And when something really nice happens to me, I won’t be able to enjoy it because I will preoccupied with thinking that something bad will happen to me.

Vou acreditar que Deus castigar-me-á por ser tão feliz. Pensarei sempre que se algo de bom acontece, algo de mau tem de acontecer para que haja um equilíbrio.

I am sorry if I won’t be able to talk to you all the time. I will sometimes need time to be alone with my thoughts. I know that I won’t come up with anything smart, but it will help me relax.

So, please don’t be harsh on me because there is an inner fight all the time, and it prevents me paying attention to you. I am sorry if my overthinking makes me difficult to love.

Só quero que saibas que há muito amor dentro de mim e que o quero dar a ti. Só preciso que sejas paciente, compreensivo e que me aceites como sou.

 I don’t want to be worried that you will take advantage of me.

But most of all, I don’t want to be worried that you will you make me transform into someone who is incapable to love again.