Lo siento si mis pensamientos excesivos hacen que sea difícil quererme

I no soy como el resto de las chicas. I can’t relax because mis pensamientos exagerados me lo pone muy difícil. Cuando me llames y me digas que me quieres, pensaré demasiado por qué lo has hecho sin motivo.

Voy a sudar la gota gorda. I will constantly overanalyze everything you say. I won’t trust you because I will always be on alert that you might cheat on me. I will try to find the hidden meaning behind every sentence that you say.

Sé que no soy fácil de amar. I know it is hard for you to love someone like me. I am sorry if my overthinking makes me difficult to love. I am not doing that on purpose. It is the way I am, and I can’t change. And only God knows how much I would love to.

Soy así porque me aterrorizan las cosas malas que puedan ocurrir en el futuro. I do all of this because I want to be ready for them. I don’t want you to cheat on me and that I missed seeing all the red flags.

Quiero tener cuidado cuando se trata de amor porque he sido herido tantas veces antes de. And I don’t want to go through another breakup while my world is falling apart.

That’s why I will go through every situation that we had or we will have with enormous attention. And I know that I will be more pessimistic even if things are not so bad. I will constantly worry that you will have had enough of me and that you will go with someone else…

Con alguien que no sea tan difícil de amar. With someone who is not as fucked up as I am. And because of all these things, I won’t be able to show you how much I actually love you. I will overanalyze every touch, every kiss, and if it is not like I expected it to be, I will be worried that you will leave.

Every single fight with you will hurt me because I pay attention to the things I shouldn’t. Cada broma que hagas sobre mí me hará pensar que no soy digna o suficiente para ti. Y ese sentimiento me comerá viva.

Siempre estaré alerta, pensando que sólo me pasarán cosas malas. Like I don’t deserve anything good to happen to me. And since I will be so preoccupied with all the negativity in my life, I will pass on all those beautiful things that life offers me.

Usaré todo mi tiempo libre para pensar en las cosas que pasaron hace años entre tú y yo. Y desearé que Podría haber sido más fuerte mientras luchaba contigo.

I will make a scenario about the fight we didn’t have just to be prepared for it when it happens.

Don’t think that I am trying to make problems where they don’t exist. In all this mess, I am just trying to protect my heart from being broken again. I just want to prevent getting hurt again.

You see, I want to have control all the time and be prepared for everything because if not, when that happens, I won’t know what to do.

And when something really nice happens to me, I won’t be able to enjoy it because I will preoccupied with thinking that something bad will happen to me.

Creeré que Dios me castigará por ser tan feliz. Siempre pensaré que si pasa algo bueno tiene que pasar algo malo para que haya un equilibrio.

I am sorry if I won’t be able to talk to you all the time. I will sometimes need time to be alone with my thoughts. I know that I won’t come up with anything smart, but it will help me relax.

So, please don’t be harsh on me because there is an inner fight all the time, and it prevents me paying attention to you. I am sorry if my overthinking makes me difficult to love.

Sólo quiero que sepas que hay mucho amor dentro de mí y que quiero dártelo. Solo necesito que seas paciente, comprensivo y que me aceptes tal y como soy.

 I don’t want to be worried that you will take advantage of me.

But most of all, I don’t want to be worried that you will you make me transform into someone who is incapable to love again.