Porque é que os homens precisam de espaço numa relação e como lidar com isso

When your significant other says he needs some space, or he starts to distance himself to make some, you dread the worst. You fear that “space” means he’s had enough of your relationship and wants out. You fear that all he wants is para acabar consigo.

Mas, por vezes, a única razão pela qual os homens precisam de espaço numa relação e pela qual os homens se afastam em primeiro lugar é porque precisam de uma oportunidade para criar algum espaço para si próprios enquanto continuam a estar com outra pessoa.

That’s perfectly normal. Two people in a relationship need to hold on to their individuality and their own life that they have outside of the relationship, not only the one they’re creating together.

It may sound abstract, but granting space and freedom – aka spending time apart in a relationship – pulls you closer.

A desvantagem de precisar de espaço é que os homens e as mulheres têm uma perceção diferente desse espaço.

Women have a hard time accepting it and that’s why when men say they need space. On the other hand, women assume the worst and go into this state of confusion and sadness, while the men had no intention of making them feel that way.

To make things a bit more clear, let’s look at the possible reasons why men say they need space.

Not only that: here are also the ways to deal with it- successful ways that will increase your chances of saving your relationship and creating an even firmer bond. So, let’s get started!

Porque é que os homens pedem espaço numa relação?

Há mais do que uma razão para os homens precisarem de espaço. Alguns pedem-no porque precisam dele para resolver as coisas, alguns são evitadores que têm medo de se apegar demasiado, enquanto que, em alguns casos, o seu comportamento carente é a razão.

Either way, the most important thing for you to understand is that this is perfectly normal. Just because your partner wants some time and space for himself- it doesn’t mean he wants out of the relationship.

It’s natural that we all want some privacy and that’s all he’s asking for. But let’s check every possible reason why guys need space, to make things a bit clearer for everyone out there wondering.

Apego

Algumas mulheres tornam-se pegajosas without even being aware of it. It’s like a natural reflex.

This kind of behavior is nothing uncommon. It’s natural for you to be as close as possible to your loved ones.

You feel for this guy and now you want to spend every second of your free time with him. You just can’t get enough of him and you’re not realizing that you’re actually suffocating him.

Ou as suas fontes de apego voltam a as suas inseguranças. Isto também é algo que muitas mulheres fazem.

When a relationship starts feeling a bit more serious, they hold onto their partner more tightly because they’re scared of things not working out.

Assim, sufocam involuntariamente a relação, ficando obcecados e analisando excessivamente todas as situações, insistindo em estar em contacto constante (especialmente através de mensagens de texto), passando o máximo de tempo possível com o parceiro e não lhe dando espaço para respirar.

Infelizmente, na maioria dos casos, obtêm o resultado oposto: acabam por perseguir o gajo. If you are guilty of this, let me tell you a little secret: your man will get tired of you if you’re available 24/7.

Besides, the harsh truth could be that he feels trapped and caged. Without even being aware of that, you’re taking away his freedom.

You’re trying to wipe off the life he had before you- like his only role in life is to be your boyfriend.

Eu sei que isto é difícil de engolir, mas se se pergunta porque é que os homens precisam de espaço, o seu apego pode ser a resposta.

O que fazer?

A coisa mais importante a fazer aqui é ser capaz de admitir para si mesmo que és pegajoso e ver o que pode fazer para o ultrapassar. Os seus receios são provavelmente infundados e não há necessidade de colocar esse tipo de pressão no seu parceiro.

Por isso, se for esse o caso e ele disser que precisa de espaço, dê-lhe esse espaço.

Ocupe a sua mente consigo mesma, trabalhe em algo que a apaixone. Concentre-se nas suas próprias necessidades e no seu próprio bem-estar, em vez de ficar obcecada com ele.

Create; discover; don’t let your feelings and fears be what ruins your relationship. Because if space is really the only thing he needs, your relationship will prosper – there’s no doubt about it.

Além disso, isto irá dê-lhe uma oportunidade de sentir a sua falta. You’ll show him that you’re perfectly fine without him and that will make him realize he can lose you any time.

As coisas estão a andar demasiado depressa

A principal razão pela qual um homem teme o compromisso é o facto de acreditar que, se as coisas forem mais sérias, perderá a sua liberdade.

They all have that one friend or a few of them who “stopped being themselves” after being in a committed relationship – they never have time to hang out, they don’t do things they like, and their girlfriend calls every few minutes to check-in.

He doesn’t want to share their fate, so ele afasta-se e procura um espaço.

O que fazer?

The worst thing to do here is to not grant him that space. In that case, you’ll just show him that his fears are reasonable.

Do the opposite. Show him that you won’t do anything to cancel his independence.

Incentive-o a sair com os amigos, apoie-o quando ele tiver um novo objetivo, dar-lhe algum tempo para si próprio when he asks, don’t text him often.

Confie nele. Se lhe der espaço, ele virá ter consigo a seu tempo; só precisa de se sentir livre para fazer as coisas de que gosta.

Compreender os homens é pensar no que eles querem e no que precisam.

E o que eles querem e precisam é de um espaço emocional que os ajude a lidar com os seus sentimentos e com os problemas que possam estar a enfrentar no final do dia.

And if you don’t make sure to give your man that, he’ll pull back. And when a man pulls back, it means hiding in his “man cave” and ignorar todas as suas mensagens de texto e outras coisas do género.

Now, I know it’s hard to stay indifferent to your feelings and I know it might sound counterintuitive to you, but it’s of crucial importance that you stop holding him back and rather start encouraging him to be himself. Remember that he needs space!

He has to feel that a relationship doesn’t equate to putting chains on somebody.

By giving him enough room, you will make him miss you when you aren’t around. (Trust me, it’s one of the best bits of relationship advice I’ve ever received!)

Ver também: 5 coisas a fazer quando ele se afasta

Ele precisa de tempo para lidar com os seus próprios problemas

Quando os homens estão stressados, sobrecarregados de trabalho, tristes ou, de um modo geral, se sentem mal, procuram a solidão.

They’ll create some distance. That “rule” applies to all men on earth and all types of relationships – high school romances, serious relationships, almost relationships, you name it.

And no, it won’t be because they lost all their feelings for you or have any intention of hurting you. The only reason why men need space and why they pull back is because they are programmed that way.

The main culprit for misunderstanding here is gender differences. While a woman would immediately talk to somebody and pour her heart out in a bad situation, a man does the opposite: he withdraws and excludes everyone around him. He doesn’t want to talk about it or even deal with it.

O que fazer?

Try to understand where he’s coming from. Don’t try and force things out of him.

Observe-o, pois talvez já saiba porque é que ele está a agir de forma estranha e distante de repente.

The main reason he doesn’t come to talk to you openly about his problems is that he doesn’t want to appear weak in your eyes. Give him as much space and time as he needs to come around and talk to you because, trust me, that’s exactly what your guy needs!

Keep in mind that it probably has nothing to do with you or anything concerning your love life, he’s just dealing with his own issues in his own way.

And once you give him some space, he’ll feel the need to talk to you the next day, the day after that, or in a few days for sure.

Mal-entendidos ou problemas na relação

The same behavioral pattern as to when he has his own issues to deal with will arise when a relationship goes through some problems or obstacles. Instead of talking about it, he’ll stay silent and mudar o seu comportamento.

He won’t say that he feels like you don’t understand him or that something is not working right, because these aren’t “manly” things to say.

O que fazer?

The only solution he’ll see is to take a step back and figure out where everything is heading.

This is the time when you have to speak up. If you are under the impression that things aren’t right between you, you have to find a way to deal with it.

Ask him what the problem might be. Ask him why he no longer tells you “I love you” or why he no longer texts first, or whatever the case may be. And whatever he tells you, don’t overreact or go into defense mode.

Conseguirá muito mais se ouvir e tentar ver as coisas da perspetiva dele.

If you can understand him, then you can find a solution and work on the problem, and avoid making even bigger ones by ignoring them and sweeping them under the rug. They are bound to come out – it’s just a matter of time.

Whatever his reason for needing space might be, you have to remember that 95% of the time it doesn’t have anything to do with you and everything to do with him.

Os homens e as mulheres têm uma estrutura diferente e têm formas diferentes de lidar com determinadas situações.

That’s why they hit rough patches and at times fail to communicate that easily.

Ver também: Será que ele precisa de espaço ou já acabou? (7 maneiras de saber)

Questionamento a relação

I’ll be honest with you here: even though, in most cases, asking for some room is not a red flag, sometimes it really can be alarming.

Todos os especialistas em relações lhe dirão o mesmo: é possível que o seu namorado queira passar algum tempo sozinho porque está realmente à procura de uma oportunidade para refletir sobre a vossa relação.

I’m not talking about the issues you two might have here only. Instead, I’m telling you he wants to take a break from you so he can figure out whether you’re the one or not.

Este cenário é mais provável de acontecer quando a sua relação chega a uma certa encruzilhada.

It can happen after a few months of your new relationship. You guys are done with casual dating, you have been together for a couple of months and it’s time to see where things are going.

Tornar-se-á exclusivo? É uma relação séria? Or you’re not cut for each other and it’s best to split ways.

You might be sure that you want the guy next to you as your boyfriend but hey, that doesn’t make him so certain.

Sei que esta constatação irá provavelmente arruinar a sua autoestima, mas algumas pessoas precisam de mais tempo para se decidirem.

O mesmo se passa com as relações duradouras. Depois de tantos anos juntos, ele pergunta-se se ele quer mesmo passar o resto da sua vida contigo.

I’m not saying that you’re necessarily pressionando-o a casar-se. It’s just that he wants to think things through. Are you his happily ever after or not?

O que fazer?

As much as these sorts of things can kill your self-esteem and make you question your own worth, please don’t look at everything so negatively. Let’s be realistic. Turn off your heart for just a moment and realize that you’re actually dealing with a mature man here.

He probably didn’t choose the best way to deal with his dilemmas but hey, don’t we all have them? This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you.

It’s just that he’s aware that sometimes love isn’t enough. He wants to think about your future together and about whether you’re compatible or not.

Also, he wants to see if he can live without you. Well, if your man wants space- that’ exactly what he’ll get.

Trust me, before you know it, he’ll start missing you like hell. Don’t chase after him, no matter what.

Tens de satisfazer os seus desejos. Deixa-o ver como a vida dele seria terrível sem ti.

Medo de compromisso

E se o seu homem estiver realmente apaixonado por si, mas tiver dificuldade em demonstrá-lo? E se ele estiver com medo do quanto ele gosta de ti?

Não, não se trata apenas de uma treta que os rapazes dizem às raparigas para terem o que querem - às vezes é mesmo verdade.

Como vêem, este o homem tem fobia de compromissos. But he isn’t actually scared of letting a girl in- he’s scared of heartbreak.

Ao mesmo tempo, ele sabe que a única forma segura de evitar ser magoado é não se apegar demasiado emocionalmente.

Nevertheless, he didn’t count on loving you this much. Now that he’s become aware of his emotions, he wants to distance himself.

On the other hand, he is too much in love with you to leave you just like that. So he finds a compromise: he still wants you in his life but doesn’t want to become emotionally dependent on you.

I know what you must be thinking: you love this guy and he loves you back. So why can’t you just have a healthy relationship without all of this drama?

Well, wouldn’t life be easier that way? Sadly, sometimes you run into obstacles, and here is one of them.

O que fazer?

You’re dealing with a man who was emocionalmente indisponível até te conhecer. Parabéns por teres derrubado as paredes dele, sem sequer o tentares fazer.

What he has to understand is that you won’t break his heart. Don’t pressure him into anything he doesn’t feel ready for.

But at the same time, make sure he knows he’s safe around you. Find a way to show him that you’re trustworthy and that you won’t use his vulnerabilities against him.

Once your guy sees a best friend in you and once he realizes he can get emotionally naked in front of you- he’s all yours.

Um caminho para a rutura

This one is the toughest. It’s something you’ve feared the most: your BF is à procura de uma forma de acabar com a relação convosco.

He doesn’t have the courage to really do it. Instead, he tells you he wants to fazer uma pausa.

Of course, he doesn’t give you a valid reason for his change of heart. He just tells you that he wants to focus on his own needs and his own well-being for a while and that your relationship is taking too much of his energy and time.

Before you know it, your best friend sees him with another girl. Of course, he doesn’t post anything about his new relationship on social media because he is hiding the real truth from you.

Why? Well, besides being a coward, this man is also keeping you as his backup plan. He doesn’t want to technically dump you so he can come back if nothing else works out.

In the meantime, he’ll be living a life of a bachelor. How convenient, isn’t it?

O que fazer?

O primeiro passo é ter a certeza das intenções dele. Lembre-se que esta nem sempre é a resposta à questão de saber porque é que os homens precisam de espaço.

Once you confirm your doubts and realize that this is just an excuse for a breakup, don’t give him space only- largar este gajo O MAIS DEPRESSA POSSÍVEL!

Beat him in his own game and show him that he can’t play with you the way he wants.

Tell him that you’re the one who’s been craving space for some time now but you didn’t want to break his heart. You’re so happy he needs space because that’s exactly what you want too.

I know this might be difficult to pull off but trust me- it’s the way to give him a taste of his own medicine. This man will eat himself alive once he sees how everything backfired on him.

Dar espaço a um homem funciona?

Giving him space is not always easy but sometimes, it’s the best thing you can do for your relationship. In fact, taking a break from your relationship can broaden both of your perspectives.

First of all, it will give you a chance to see whether you want to live without each other. It will make you realize which one is true: “Distance makes the heart fonder” or “Out of sight, out of mind”.

Of course, you don’t have to stop seeing each other completely for this arrangement to work. You can just reduce the number of your dates, phone calls, or texts.

Or you can pretend that you’re in a long-distance relationship for a while- until you both figure things out.

Os homens voltam depois de precisarem de espaço?

Your man is the one who asked for space but ironically, he’ll start to miss you once you grant his wishes. Deixa-o ir and see what happens- it’s likely that he’ll come back sooner than you expect him to.

But even if he doesn’t, it’s just proof that he never deserved you in the first place. You know what they say: Se gosta de algo, deixar andar. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.

Considerações finais

The most common reason why men need space is because they are just wired that way and it’s in their nature.

He will need some actual space for himself, but that doesn’t have to be something awful.

He’ll still be around and attentive, but maybe the intensity will be reduced, which is quite normal when relationships get a bit more serious.

Poderá perder a quantidade de tempo que passam juntos, mas a qualidade será muito maior.

Algum espaço para respirar dá-vos a oportunidade de sentirem a falta um do outro, e novos interesses e actividades que façam no vosso tempo a sós tornarão os vossos tópicos de conversa mais amplos e interessantes.

Por isso, se pensarmos bem, dar espaço um ao outro pode ser exatamente aquilo de que sempre precisámos.

Ver também: Será que o assustei? (6 maneiras de saber com certeza)