Quando ele se afastar, deixe-o ir (e ele voltará para você)

As palavras do meu melhor amigo ainda estão a soar nos meus ouvidos: Quando ele afasta-se deixá-lo ir. Don’t chase him and don’t make it easy for him. All I’ll say is: Raios, ela tinha razão.

Aposto que todas as mulheres do mundo reconhecem este padrão irritante da maioria dos homens: 

• Trata-te como a sua prioridade.
• Dá-lhe carinho e gestos românticos únicos.
• Makes you feel like you’re the only girl in the world.
• PUXA PARA FORA.

Most men are masters at going from being THE (potential) ONE to disappearing into thin air. Truly, it takes great skill to win a woman and then pull away as if you’ve never been with her.

Porque é que os homens fazem isso? Porque é que os homens se afastam antes de decidirem comprometer-se consigo? O que é que se deve fazer quando isto acontece? 

I’ve seen a lot of complicated questions, but these are definitely in the top 10. Don’t worry, my lady. Today, you’ll learn all you need to know about why men pull away and what to do about it, a.k.a., how to get them back (if you want to, of course). 

O que é que significa quando um homem se afasta? 

Uma das principais razões porque é que os homens se afastam no início fases de uma relação is because they feel like their freedom is in jeopardy. In other words, they start pulling away when they feel like they’re suffocating. 

Porque é que os homens se afastam depois de se aproximar? Isto acontece a toda a hora e pode ser considerado como uma epidemia de homens que se afastam nas fases iniciais de uma relação, exatamente quando os sentimentos começam a surgir e as coisas estão prestes a tornar-se mais sérias.

Men pull away when they feel like you’re trying to be in control of them

Allow me to demonstrate. Let’s say that he’s no longer courting you as he used to and his romantic gestures either scream low effort or they are nonexistent. 

Reparamos em tudo isto e começa a incomodar-nos. You wait for him to change, but that doesn’t happen. So, you decide to take things into your own hands and push him to make more effort. 

You start demanding him to spend more time with you and shower you with affection as he used to do before. Once you start doing that, he’ll feel like you’re trying to be in control of him, so he’ll pull away. 

He’ll become scared of being in a relationship with um parceiro de controloe, por causa disso, ele pode começar a fazer-lhe olhinhos.

Os homens afastam-se quando sentem que têm de escolher entre eles próprios e as suas parceiras

Here’s the thing. Men are extremely sensitive about their freedom of choice. If a man starts feeling like he has to choose between himself and his partner, he’ll get scared.

He’ll start thinking the following: OMG, I’m in a relação séria. I obviously no longer get to choose with whom I’ll spend my time because my outra pessoa significativa insiste em que vejamos aquele filme romântico (ou façamos outra coisa à escolha dela).

Let’s say that he desires to watch football with his buddies, but you’re not allowing him to do so because you want him only for yourself. 

If you don’t give a man a choice, he’ll start suffocating and he’ll pull away.

It’s true that being in a committed relationship takes work and dedication, but this doesn’t mean that partners should spend all their free time together. 

Here’s the most valuable conselhos sobre relações: Compromising is the best bet. If you know how to compromise with him, he will have enough time and space for himself and he’ll never think of pulling away again because such a relationship won’t feel like a burden to him.

Men pull away when they feel like you’re nagging them

Um dos maiores razões pelas quais os homens decidem retirar-se é quando os faz sentir constantemente culpados por não fazerem algo ou não corresponderem às suas expectativas. 

Tem o seguinte aspeto: 

Tu: Why haven’t you washed the dishes?? 

Tu: Eu disse-te um milhão de vezes para o fazeres. 

Tu: Porque é que tenho de ser sempre o único pensar em tudo?

Ele: Okay, I’ll do it now.

Ou isto: 

Tu: Tens mesmo de passar todas as sextas-feiras com os teus amigos? 

Tu: Why don’t you want to spend time with me? Am I boring to you or you’re no longer interested in me? 

Ele: I’ve never said that you’re boring or that I’m not interested. The truth is, Friday is the only day of the week I spend time with them. 

By constantly nagging him, you’re sending him a message that he’s not doing anything right. So, pulling away is his way of giving you a disclaimer that you shouldn’t expect too much from him.

Men like to feel like they’re capable of making their woman happy. If you’re only focused on nagging instead of finding a peaceful way to solve your problems, he’ll start suffocating and he’ll want to get out of this type of relationship.

Quanto mais insistir, mais ele se afastará. 

I understand this completely. When my ex was pulling away from me, I freaked out, and pushing him was a reasonable thing to do back then. Sadly, I didn’t know that the more I pushed, the more he pulled away. 

A razão pela qual o empurrei é porque tinha medo de o perder. When a man stops making an effort and starts acting all weird, you can’t help yourself, but overthink things.

This overthinking is what forces you to do stupid things like chasing him in hope that you will change him and make him realize that he’s making a mistake.

I’ll tell you this: If you feel the need to push him, then you know you’re not in a relação saudável.

O empurrão acontece quando o desespero e o medo entram. De repente, damos por nós a conceber o plano perfeito que irá fazer com que ele se arrependa de ter pensado em te dar um fora ou a afastar-se de si.

Sadly, you can’t lie to yourself for long. At one moment, you realize that you’re not in control of it at all. So, when he pulls away let him go.

If you send him desperate texts, you’ll push him away ainda mais. Lembra-te: The more you push him to be the man you expect him to be, the more he’ll pull away. 

Como reagir quando um homem se afasta?

When a guy pulls away, you need to stop contacting him and give him some space. By letting him go, you’ll take back your power and you’ll show him that you’re a high-value woman. This will motivate him to pursue you.

Don’t chase him, text him, or telefonar-lhe 24/7 until he finally decides to text you back. If you do any of that, you’ll only scare him away even more.

It’s time to take back your power

Muitas mulheres esquecem-se de que recuperar o seu poder não é uma questão de ser forte ou de obrigar os homens a fazer exatamente o que lhes dizemos. Eu também costumava pensar isso, mas agora sei a verdade.

Taking back your power is about realizing that you’re not in control of his actions but your own. 

Pára de pensar para ti próprio: Ele costumava ser um bom homem, e sei que ainda o é, mas preciso de o ajudar a mostrar-me isso. I need to change him because if I don’t, I’ll lose him for good. 

NO, you cannot change a man if he’s not willing to change himself.

Não o pode obrigar a agir como quer que ele aja.

You cannot lose him if you’ve never had him.

Taking back your power is about realizing that he’s the one responsible for his actions and it’s not your job to help him ‘become the man he ought to be’. 

Não o pode obrigar a enviar-lhe mensagens de boa noite e de bom dia todos os dias. Não pode obrigá-lo a ser mais romântico se essa for apenas uma ideia sua e não dele. 

If a man is not ready to treat you the way you deserve, then criticizing him and forcing him to change won’t help if he himself is not ready or willing to do so. 

Don’t make it easy for him

Assim, a pior coisa que pode fazer neste caso é decidir persegui-lo ou implorar-lhe que volte. Em vez disso, faz com que ele te persiga e lute por ti. 

Maybe, it’s not the first time this has happened to you. If it has happened multiple times so far, this is a huge red flag, and this time, you need to do the right thing (every relationship expert and dating coach would confirm that).

Homens de alta qualidade como o desafio de um de elevado valor mulher. 

Look at it this way. If a man decides to pull away and you immediately start running after him, he won’t see you as a high-value woman but as being desperate and perhaps needy.

He will know how much you want him and need him in your life, even though he’s retreating and giving you nightmares at the moment. 

If you let him know that he can pull back any time he wants and you’ll end up chasing him every single time he does that, he will lose respect for you.

Don’t make it easy for him. Instead of running after him, wait for him to come back to you on his own. Show him that you’re a challenge, and if he wants to be with you, he has to be ready to win you again.

Show him that you’re a de elevado valor woman who doesn’t run after those who decide to pull back because you have your vida própria e coisas interessantes estão a acontecer.  

You don’t have time to focus on those who are not willing to be a part of your life and who are not ready to commit to you to the fullest.

Once he realizes all that, he’ll come back to you in record time (assuming he still has feelings for you). 

Quando ele se afastar, deixe-o ir 

O que fazer quando ele se afasta? Should you enter the begging mode and try hard to catch his attention? Or, should you act like you don’t care?

When he pulls back, here’s exactly what you need to do:

Don’t freak out

First and foremost, don’t allow his instantaneous decision to pull back shock you. I know this doesn’t sound comforting at all, but men do that all the time.  

Sometimes, they themselves don’t know why they’re doing it, but they’re still doing it. So, don’t freak out. Don’t start overthinking: Estará ele a afastar-se ou a iniciar uma separação?? Como é que vou sobreviver a outro desgosto? 

I understand that being on the receiving end of someone who is pulling back leaves you feeling scared and insecure, but you’re stronger than that.

If he pulls away, let him go. Don’t freak out immediately, and don’t see it as a big deal. Why? Because you can still be in control of it, at least indirectly.

Não, não pode controlar o que se passa na mente dele, mas pode enviar-lhe certas mensagens, como por exemplo: If you pull back, I won’t chase you because I don’t have time for that.

By not doing anything, you can do A LOT. We often forget the power of indirect messages. The truth is, you don’t need to lift a finger in order to let him know how you’re feeling about this whole situation.

All you need to do is NOTHING and you’ll achieve the desired effect. Sounds too good (and easy) to be true? Well, I dare you to try and see for yourself.

Take some time to understand what’s really going on with him

Em vez de correr imediatamente atrás dele, decida dedicar algum tempo a perceber o que se passa exatamente na sua cabeça. 

Observe this situation from his point of view and you’ll learn so many things about you, him, and your relationship (or whatever-ship you were/are in).

Há várias razões para um homem se afastar subitamente e, se quiser saber o que aconteceu exatamente, tem de refletir sobre o seu comportamento e o dele, bem como sobre a vossa relação em geral. 

Ele teve problemas em abrir-se consigo? Era demasiado insistente? Ele é o tipo de homem que não consegue maquilhagem a sua mente? Ele está ansioso? estilo de fixação?

There are so many questions you can ask yourself that will help you make an analysis of his behavior. If you were in a long-term relationship, it’s important to learn what can be improved, so that you can make it work in the future.

Como é que se obtém um valor elevado quando ele se afasta?

If you want to get him back, you need to remain a high-value woman and you’ll do that by letting him go, focusing primarily on yourself, and realizing that you don’t need a man to make you feel complete.

When a guy pulls away, it’s normal for you to desperately try to figure out why all this is happening and what you have done wrong. But, if you want him back, you shouldn’t do that.

DON’T chase him

Quando ele se afastar, deixe-o ir. Persegui-lo nesta situação é a última coisa que deve fazer. Muitas pessoas cometeram este erro e aperceberam-se de que, ao persegui-lo, tornaram as coisas ainda piores. 

Em vez de o perseguir, faz com que ele te persiga.

Yes, girl! I’ll share something really valuable with you, so I want you to read it carefully. When men decide to pull back, they always SECRETLY hope that you will run after them. Why?

Porque eles querem sentir-se desejados. Também querem ter o controlo da situação, e o facto de ele recuar coloca-o numa posição dominante, enquanto que o facto de o perseguir coloca-o numa posição subordinada.

By not chasing him, you will let him know that he’s not in control. He will desire to know why you aren’t trying to stop him and make him change his mind.

De certa forma, ele vai sentir-se incomodado pelo facto de não fazer ideia do que se passa na sua cabeça.

Ele vai começar a pensar: Why isn’t she trying to stop me from retreating? Has she ever cared about me at all? Has she met someone else and she’s no longer interested in me? 

If you let him go, he will ask himself these and plenty of other questions. If you don’t let him go (read: if you start chasing him), he will not ask himself any questions, but he will think only this: She still wants me, even though I’m probably not worthy of being with her at all.

Então, como é que um homem se comporta quando sabe que uma mulher continua interessada nele, independentemente do que ele faça?  

Ele faz tudo o que quer porque pensa que nunca deixarás de o perseguir, independentemente do que ele diga ou faça. 

Ele toma-o por garantido. Perde o apreço e o respeito por si. Começa a ver-te como uma mulher que não tem padrões.  

Então, como é que um homem se comporta quando pensa que uma mulher não tem padrões?

He feels free to break all the rules and still come back to you when it’s convenient for him without worrying about you not accepting him back. 

Do yourself a favor and don’t chase him. ​​​​  

Faz o que tens a fazer, rapariga, porque once you stop chasing him, he’ll come after you. Once you show him that you’re a confident, strong woman, he’ll be more than willing to do everything in his power to be a part of your life again.

Concentre-se em si

A lot of times, you’ll feel the urge to initiate contact, text him, or ask his friends about him. Don’t do that. 

• Don’t stalk him on social media.
• Don’t stalk him in real life.
• Don’t try to catch his attention.
• Don’t blame yourself.

Em vez disso, vive o teu vida própria. Quando ele afasta-se deixá-lo ir e concentrar-se em si próprio.

• Reforçar a autoestima.
• Ponha a sua felicidade em primeiro lugar.
• Descobrir o seu valor próprio.
• Encontrar novos passatempos.
• Distrair-se. 
• Concentre-se em atingir os seus objectivos.

Realize that you don’t need a man to make you happy  

I used to think that the only thing that can make you truly happy in life is being with someone who genuinely cares for you and loves you. I’ve spent so much time (read: wasted) on waiting for the One who will be the missing piece of the puzzle called happiness.

Agora, posso dizer com orgulho e em voz alta: No, you don’t need a man to make you happy. You don’t need a man to complete you.

É perfeitamente capaz de o fazer sozinho. Sim, pode fazer-se feliz. Podes mimar-te e tratar-te como mereces. Até pode namorar consigo próprio!

De facto, deve namorar consigo próprio antes de namorar com outra pessoa. Deve apaixonar-se primeiro por si próprio antes de amar outra pessoa.

When you realize that you don’t need a man to introduce you to the concept of happiness, you will stop chasing him.

It’s okay if you miss him and if you want him to come back to you and be the old him. Still, this doesn’t mean that you should do everything in your power to get his attention and “bring him back home”. 

Here’s the secret to happy dating and relationships: Nunca se deve PRECISAR de um homem, mas sim QUERÊ-LO. 

Think like this: I want to be with you not because I need you, but because I want to. Having a man in your life shouldn’t be something that your entire life revolves around. 

Podes ser perfeitamente feliz sozinha. Quando ele se aperceber disso, voltará para si. 

Será que um homem volta depois de se ter afastado?

When a man pulls away, chances are high that he’ll come back to you once he starts to miss you. He will come back to you ONLY if you don’t chase him because it will make him see that you’re a strong, confident, and high-value woman.

When you’re in love with someone, moving toward them seems like the only logical thing to do. You crave their presence more than the air that you’re breathing, and there’s nothing weird about that.

Enviar apenas uma mensagem de texto ou ouvir a sua voz, nem que seja por um segundo, significaria muito para si. Mas, adivinha? Se o fizeres, não conseguirás restaurar a sua paixão por ti.  

Quando ele se afastar, deixe-o ir e dar-lhe algum espaço. That is how you’ll get him back on track (motivate him to pursue you).

Permitir que a vossa relação se desenvolva e se cure

One of the biggest mistakes many couples make is thinking that constantly spending time together is good for their relationship. It actually isn’t (especially when you have some underlying issues that need to be addressed).

Relationships are like a body. Imagine that you’re running a marathon for some time now and you’re feeling exhausted, but you’re still running. Will you be able to run forever? Of course not.

Eventualmente, terá de parar para descansar e recuperar da corrida exaustiva, para poder voltar a participar. A mesma coisa pode ser aplicada à dinâmica das relações. 

Everything in life, including relationships, requires refreshment and proper rest. Of course, you cannot be physically tired from your partner (even though it’s not completely excluded), but from time to time, couples need ‘an emotional rest’ from each other.

This will help you commit in a healthy way again and strengthen your bond. Allowing your relationship to foster and heal is one of the most important things because you can’t continue giving yourself until you recharge.

Isto ajudar-vos-á a estabelecer um fluxo natural na vossa relação.  

This natural flow is supposed to feel like breathing. If your man pulls away and he feels like he’s suffocating, know that this is your relationship trying to tell you that you need to take a break and allow it to regain its natural flow. 

Dê-lhe a oportunidade de sentir a sua falta

I often say that the biggest curse of humanity is the fact that we don’t know what we have until it’s gone. It’s in our nature to take things for granted. If we don’t remind ourselves to be grateful for what we have, we’ll easily forget how valuable that is to us.

This happens every day, every second. Literally, right now, someone is taking their partner for granted because they’ve spent too much time together and there’s no initial excitement since the beginning of their relationship.

Se quer que ele sinta a sua falta e volte para si, terá de lhe dar espaço para o fazer.

Imagine that if you continue texting him, calling him, or doing anything else related to chasing him, what do you think would happen? I know what would happen. He wouldn’t be able to miss you AT ALL because you’re still there.

Lembro-me de quando um dos meus amigos me perguntou: Quando é que um homem começa a sentir falta de uma mulher? I didn’t think much about this question, so I told her straight away: Quando lhe dás algo para perder. 

A verdade é que os homens se apaixonam na sua ausência e não na sua presença. Pode esforçar-se por agradar-lhe 24 horas por dia, 7 dias por semana, mas isso não fará com que ele volte para si nem o motivará a persegui-la.

Every man needs some time to process his feelings, so that he knows what exactly is going on with him. When he’s finally alone, he’ll be able to reflect on his feelings for you and your relationship. 

When a man pulls away, let him go. Right then, he will realize how much you mean to him, and he will not want to lose you. That’s exactly what you need to do! 

By giving him the opportunity to miss you, you’ll make him realize what he could lose if he doesn’t pursue you.

Also, he might think that you have already met a new guy, and that’s why you have no time to chase him. He will be motivated to prove to you that he’s better than any other man and that he’s capable of making you happy.

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

This probably sounds like a cliché, but it’s totally true. If you ask me, absence is a more important aspect than presence in relationships. Why?

Porque a ausência ajuda-o a aumentar a atração que a outra pessoa sente por si. Portanto, ele voltará para ti se o deixares ir?? Claro que sim.

Ele voltará porque verá como você é forte e confiante, e essas qualidades atraentes aumentarão a atração dele por si. 

Ele ficará impressionado com a sua atitude ousada e começará a sentir falta do seu toque, da sua voz, dos seus hábitos estranhos, etc. O problema é que, quando os rapazes decidem afastar-se, pensam e esperam sempre que os persiga.

If you don’t do that, they will be confused. This confusion is what will motivate them to start questioning things, along with your affection for them.

Ele vai sentir-se exatamente assim:  

What happened to this woman? I thought she likes/loves me. Why isn’t she running after me? Wait, she isn’t desperate. She’s a strong and confident woman who doesn’t waste her time on those who are not willing to stay. Damn, I have to win this woman again.

When a man feels determined to court a woman and wins her heart again, there’s nothing in the world that could stop him from doing so. But, when a man feels suffocated, there’s nothing in the world that could stop him from running.

Yup, that’s how a male’s brain works. Once he starts suffocating, it’s your female holy duty to let him go and make him realize what he had.

Não tenha pressa

Once you let him go, don’t check your phone all the time, and don’t expect him to get back to you the same day, tomorrow, or after a few days. Truth be told, some men come back after a day or two, but such men are in the minority.

Por vezes, pode levar semanas, meses e, atrevo-me a dizer, até anos, até que um homem se aperceba do que tem e decida persegui-la. 

Não, não vai ser fácil quando o deixares ir. Passará por muitos episódios de reflexão excessiva e, por vezes, terá vontade de desistir e de o procurar. 

Promise me one thing. No matter how difficult it is for you to endure this “let him go” stage, DON’T do anything. Take your time, distract yourself, and wait (but don’t wait forever).

Alguns homens precisam de mais tempo para recuperar a razão e perceber o que é que querem. Outros homens precisam de menos tempo para perceber se querem ir atrás de si.

By taking your time, you might motivate him to react faster, so there’s no need to rush. By taking your time, you will also get an answer to the following question: How do you know if he’s the one for you? 

By giving him space, you’ll know if he’s the right man for you. If he comes back, he’s the right one for you. If he doesn’t, he isn’t. (Trust your gut feeling ).

Lembre-se: não tem nada a perder

Quando ele se afastar, deixe-o ir e lembre-se de que não tem nada a perder. Se esse homem a estava a afastar para sempre, ficará feliz por não reagir intensamente à decisão dele de se afastar de si. Poupará muito tempo e nervos.

Se este homem só precisa de algum tempo para pensar em tudo e resolver os seus sentimentos, vai enviar-lhe uma grande mensagem, e essa é: Se ele voltar a fazer isto, saberá que não o vai perseguir. 

You’ll show him how mature and confident you are. Also, you will allow your relationship to heal and establish its natural flow, which is a basis for every healthy relationship.