Quando si allontana lasciatelo andare (e tornerà da voi)

Le parole del mio migliore amico risuonano ancora nelle mie orecchie: Quando si allontana lasciarlo andare. Don’t chase him and don’t make it easy for him. All I’ll say is: Accidenti, aveva ragione.

Scommetto che ogni donna al mondo riconosce questo fastidioso schema della maggior parte degli uomini: 

• Ti tratta come una priorità.
• Vi ricopre di affetto e di gesti romantici unici.
• Makes you feel like you’re the only girl in the world.
• SI ALLONTANA.

Most men are masters at going from being THE (potential) ONE to disappearing into thin air. Truly, it takes great skill to win a woman and then pull away as if you’ve never been with her.

Perché gli uomini lo fanno? Perché gli uomini si allontanano prima di decidere di impegnarsi con voi? Cosa si deve fare quando questo accade? 

I’ve seen a lot of complicated questions, but these are definitely in the top 10. Don’t worry, my lady. Today, you’ll learn all you need to know about why men pull away and what to do about it, a.k.a., how to get them back (if you want to, of course). 

Cosa significa quando un ragazzo si allontana 

Uno dei motivi principali perché gli uomini si allontanano nei primi fasi di una relazione is because they feel like their freedom is in jeopardy. In other words, they start pulling away when they feel like they’re suffocating. 

Perché gli uomini si allontanano dopo essersi avvicinati? Questo accade sempre e può essere considerato come un'epidemia di uomini che si allontanano nelle prime fasi di una relazione, proprio quando i sentimenti iniziano a farsi sentire e le cose stanno per diventare più serie.

Men pull away when they feel like you’re trying to be in control of them

Allow me to demonstrate. Let’s say that he’s no longer courting you as he used to and his romantic gestures either scream low effort or they are nonexistent. 

Si nota tutto questo e inizia a dare fastidio. You wait for him to change, but that doesn’t happen. So, you decide to take things into your own hands and push him to make more effort. 

You start demanding him to spend more time with you and shower you with affection as he used to do before. Once you start doing that, he’ll feel like you’re trying to be in control of him, so he’ll pull away. 

He’ll become scared of being in a relationship with un partner di controlloe per questo motivo potrebbe iniziare a ignorarvi.

Gli uomini si allontanano quando sentono di dover scegliere tra se stessi e la propria partner

Here’s the thing. Men are extremely sensitive about their freedom of choice. If a man starts feeling like he has to choose between himself and his partner, he’ll get scared.

He’ll start thinking the following: OMG, I’m in a relazione seria. I obviously no longer get to choose with whom I’ll spend my time because my altro significativo insiste perché guardiamo quel film romantico (o facciamo qualcos'altro a sua scelta).

Let’s say that he desires to watch football with his buddies, but you’re not allowing him to do so because you want him only for yourself. 

If you don’t give a man a choice, he’ll start suffocating and he’ll pull away.

It’s true that being in a committed relationship takes work and dedication, but this doesn’t mean that partners should spend all their free time together. 

Here’s the most valuable consigli sulle relazioni: Compromising is the best bet. If you know how to compromise with him, he will have enough time and space for himself and he’ll never think of pulling away again because such a relationship won’t feel like a burden to him.

Men pull away when they feel like you’re nagging them

Uno dei più grandi motivi per cui i ragazzi decidono di ritirarsi è quando li fate sentire costantemente in colpa per non aver fatto qualcosa o per non aver soddisfatto le vostre aspettative. 

Si presenta così: 

Tu: Why haven’t you washed the dishes?? 

Tu: Ti ho detto un milione di volte di farlo. 

Tu: Perché devo sempre essere l'uno pensare a tutto?

Lui: Okay, I’ll do it now.

Oppure questo: 

Tu: Dovete davvero passare tutti i venerdì con i vostri amici? 

Tu: Why don’t you want to spend time with me? Am I boring to you or you’re no longer interested in me? 

Lui: I’ve never said that you’re boring or that I’m not interested. The truth is, Friday is the only day of the week I spend time with them. 

By constantly nagging him, you’re sending him a message that he’s not doing anything right. So, pulling away is his way of giving you a disclaimer that you shouldn’t expect too much from him.

Men like to feel like they’re capable of making their woman happy. If you’re only focused on nagging instead of finding a peaceful way to solve your problems, he’ll start suffocating and he’ll want to get out of this type of relationship.

Più si insiste, più lui si allontana. 

I understand this completely. When my ex was pulling away from me, I freaked out, and pushing him was a reasonable thing to do back then. Sadly, I didn’t know that the more I pushed, the more he pulled away. 

Il motivo per cui l'ho spinto è che avevo paura di perderlo. When a man stops making an effort and starts acting all weird, you can’t help yourself, but overthink things.

This overthinking is what forces you to do stupid things like chasing him in hope that you will change him and make him realize that he’s making a mistake.

I’ll tell you this: If you feel the need to push him, then you know you’re not in a relazione sana.

La spinta avviene quando entrano in gioco la disperazione e la paura. Improvvisamente, ci si ritrova a concepire il piano perfetto che fargli rimpiangere anche solo il pensiero di averti abbandonato o di allontanarsi da voi.

Sadly, you can’t lie to yourself for long. At one moment, you realize that you’re not in control of it at all. So, when he pulls away let him go.

If you send him desperate texts, you’ll push him away ancora di più. Ricordate: The more you push him to be the man you expect him to be, the more he’ll pull away. 

Come si reagisce quando un ragazzo si allontana?

When a guy pulls away, you need to stop contacting him and give him some space. By letting him go, you’ll take back your power and you’ll show him that you’re a high-value woman. This will motivate him to pursue you.

Don’t chase him, text him, or chiamarlo 24/7 until he finally decides to text you back. If you do any of that, you’ll only scare him away even more.

It’s time to take back your power

Molte donne dimenticano che riprendersi il proprio potere non vuol dire essere energiche o costringere gli uomini a fare esattamente ciò che si dice loro. Anch'io lo pensavo, ma ora conosco la vera verità.

Taking back your power is about realizing that you’re not in control of his actions but your own. 

Smettete di pensare a voi stessi: Era un buon uomo, e so che lo è ancora, ma devo aiutarlo a dimostrarmelo. I need to change him because if I don’t, I’ll lose him for good. 

NO, you cannot change a man if he’s not willing to change himself.

Non potete costringerlo a comportarsi come volete voi.

You cannot lose him if you’ve never had him.

Taking back your power is about realizing that he’s the one responsible for his actions and it’s not your job to help him ‘become the man he ought to be’. 

Non potete obbligarlo a mandarvi ogni giorno gli sms della buonanotte e del buongiorno. Non potete costringerlo a essere più romantico se questa è solo una vostra idea e non la sua. 

If a man is not ready to treat you the way you deserve, then criticizing him and forcing him to change won’t help if he himself is not ready or willing to do so. 

Don’t make it easy for him

Quindi, la cosa peggiore che potreste fare in questo caso è decidere di inseguirlo o pregarlo di tornare. Invece, far sì che vi insegua e combatta per voi. 

Maybe, it’s not the first time this has happened to you. If it has happened multiple times so far, this is a huge red flag, and this time, you need to do the right thing (every relationship expert and dating coach would confirm that).

Uomini di qualità come la sfida di un di alto valore donna. 

Look at it this way. If a man decides to pull away and you immediately start running after him, he won’t see you as a high-value woman but as being desperate and perhaps needy.

He will know how much you want him and need him in your life, even though he’s retreating and giving you nightmares at the moment. 

If you let him know that he can pull back any time he wants and you’ll end up chasing him every single time he does that, he will lose respect for you.

Don’t make it easy for him. Instead of running after him, wait for him to come back to you on his own. Show him that you’re a challenge, and if he wants to be with you, he has to be ready to win you again.

Show him that you’re a di alto valore woman who doesn’t run after those who decide to pull back because you have your la propria vita e cose eccitanti in corso.  

You don’t have time to focus on those who are not willing to be a part of your life and who are not ready to commit to you to the fullest.

Once he realizes all that, he’ll come back to you in record time (assuming he still has feelings for you). 

Quando si allontana, lasciatelo andare 

Cosa fare quando lui si allontana? Should you enter the begging mode and try hard to catch his attention? Or, should you act like you don’t care?

When he pulls back, here’s exactly what you need to do:

Don’t freak out

First and foremost, don’t allow his instantaneous decision to pull back shock you. I know this doesn’t sound comforting at all, but men do that all the time.  

Sometimes, they themselves don’t know why they’re doing it, but they’re still doing it. So, don’t freak out. Don’t start overthinking: Si sta allontanando o sta iniziando una rottura?? Come farò a sopravvivere ad un altro crepacuore? 

I understand that being on the receiving end of someone who is pulling back leaves you feeling scared and insecure, but you’re stronger than that.

If he pulls away, let him go. Don’t freak out immediately, and don’t see it as a big deal. Why? Because you can still be in control of it, at least indirectly.

No, non potete controllare ciò che accade nella sua mente, ma potete inviargli alcuni messaggi, come ad esempio: If you pull back, I won’t chase you because I don’t have time for that.

By not doing anything, you can do A LOT. We often forget the power of indirect messages. The truth is, you don’t need to lift a finger in order to let him know how you’re feeling about this whole situation.

All you need to do is NOTHING and you’ll achieve the desired effect. Sounds too good (and easy) to be true? Well, I dare you to try and see for yourself.

Take some time to understand what’s really going on with him

Invece di corrergli subito dietro, decidete di prendervi un po' di tempo per capire cosa sta succedendo esattamente nella sua testa. 

Observe this situation from his point of view and you’ll learn so many things about you, him, and your relationship (or whatever-ship you were/are in).

Ci sono diversi motivi per cui un ragazzo si allontana improvvisamente e, se volete sapere cosa è successo esattamente, dovete riflettere sul vostro comportamento e su quello di lui, oltre che sulla vostra relazione in generale. 

Ha avuto problemi ad aprirsi con voi? Siete stati troppo insistenti? È il tipo di persona che non riesce a trucco la sua mente? Ha un atteggiamento ansioso stile di attacco?

There are so many questions you can ask yourself that will help you make an analysis of his behavior. If you were in a long-term relationship, it’s important to learn what can be improved, so that you can make it work in the future.

Come ottenere un valore elevato quando lui si allontana?

If you want to get him back, you need to remain a high-value woman and you’ll do that by letting him go, focusing primarily on yourself, and realizing that you don’t need a man to make you feel complete.

When a guy pulls away, it’s normal for you to desperately try to figure out why all this is happening and what you have done wrong. But, if you want him back, you shouldn’t do that.

DON’T chase him

Quando si allontana, lasciatelo andare. Inseguirlo in questa situazione è l'ultima cosa da fare. Molte persone hanno commesso questo errore e si sono rese conto che inseguendolo hanno peggiorato la situazione. 

Invece di inseguirlo, Fatti inseguire da lui.

Yes, girl! I’ll share something really valuable with you, so I want you to read it carefully. When men decide to pull back, they always SECRETLY hope that you will run after them. Why?

Perché vogliono sentirsi desiderati. Vogliono anche avere il controllo della situazione e lui, tirandosi indietro, si trova in una posizione dominante, mentre voi lo inseguite e vi trovate in una posizione subordinata.

By not chasing him, you will let him know that he’s not in control. He will desire to know why you aren’t trying to stop him and make him change his mind.

In un certo senso, si sentirà infastidito dal fatto che LUI non ha idea di cosa stia succedendo nella vostra testa.

Inizierà a pensare: Why isn’t she trying to stop me from retreating? Has she ever cared about me at all? Has she met someone else and she’s no longer interested in me? 

If you let him go, he will ask himself these and plenty of other questions. If you don’t let him go (read: if you start chasing him), he will not ask himself any questions, but he will think only this: She still wants me, even though I’m probably not worthy of being with her at all.

Quindi, come si comporta un uomo quando sa che una donna è ancora interessata a lui A prescindere da ciò che fa?  

Fa quello che vuole perché pensa che non smetterete mai di inseguirlo, indipendentemente da quello che dice o fa. 

Vi dà per scontati. Perde la stima e il rispetto per voi. Inizia a vedervi come una donna che non ha standard.  

Quindi, come si comporta un uomo quando pensa che una donna non abbia standard?

He feels free to break all the rules and still come back to you when it’s convenient for him without worrying about you not accepting him back. 

Do yourself a favor and don’t chase him. ​​​​  

Fai quello che vuoi, ragazza, perché once you stop chasing him, he’ll come after you. Once you show him that you’re a confident, strong woman, he’ll be more than willing to do everything in his power to be a part of your life again.

Concentratevi su di voi

A lot of times, you’ll feel the urge to initiate contact, text him, or ask his friends about him. Don’t do that. 

• Don’t stalk him on social media.
• Don’t stalk him in real life.
• Don’t try to catch his attention.
• Don’t blame yourself.

Vivete invece la vostra la propria vita. Quando si allontana lasciarlo andare e concentrarsi su se stessi.

• Aumentare l'autostima.
• Mettete la vostra felicità al primo posto.
• Scoprire la propria autostima.
• Trovare nuovi hobby.
• Distrarsi. 
• Concentrarsi sul raggiungimento degli obiettivi.

Realize that you don’t need a man to make you happy  

I used to think that the only thing that can make you truly happy in life is being with someone who genuinely cares for you and loves you. I’ve spent so much time (read: wasted) on waiting for the One who will be the missing piece of the puzzle called happiness.

Ora posso dirlo con orgoglio e a voce alta: No, you don’t need a man to make you happy. You don’t need a man to complete you.

Siete perfettamente in grado di farlo da soli. Sì, potete rendervi felici. Potete viziarvi e trattarvi come meritate. Potete persino uscire con voi stessi!

In effetti, dovreste uscire con voi stessi prima di uscire con qualcun altro. Dovreste innamorarvi di voi stessi prima di amare qualcun altro.

When you realize that you don’t need a man to introduce you to the concept of happiness, you will stop chasing him.

It’s okay if you miss him and if you want him to come back to you and be the old him. Still, this doesn’t mean that you should do everything in your power to get his attention and “bring him back home”. 

Here’s the secret to happy dating and relationships: Non bisogna mai avere bisogno di un uomo, ma desiderarlo. 

Think like this: I want to be with you not because I need you, but because I want to. Having a man in your life shouldn’t be something that your entire life revolves around. 

Potete essere perfettamente felici da sole. Quando se ne renderà conto, tornerà da voi. 

Un uomo tornerà dopo essersi allontanato?

When a man pulls away, chances are high that he’ll come back to you once he starts to miss you. He will come back to you ONLY if you don’t chase him because it will make him see that you’re a strong, confident, and high-value woman.

When you’re in love with someone, moving toward them seems like the only logical thing to do. You crave their presence more than the air that you’re breathing, and there’s nothing weird about that.

Inviare un solo messaggio o sentire la loro voce anche solo per un secondo significherebbe tutto per voi. Ma, indovinate un po'? Se lo fate, non riuscirete a ripristinare il suo interesse per voi.  

Quando si allontana, lasciatelo andare e lasciategli un po' di spazio. That is how you’ll get him back on track (motivate him to pursue you).

Permettete alla vostra relazione di crescere e guarire

One of the biggest mistakes many couples make is thinking that constantly spending time together is good for their relationship. It actually isn’t (especially when you have some underlying issues that need to be addressed).

Relationships are like a body. Imagine that you’re running a marathon for some time now and you’re feeling exhausted, but you’re still running. Will you be able to run forever? Of course not.

Alla fine, dovrete fermarvi per riposare e guarire dalla corsa estenuante, in modo da poter partecipare di nuovo. La stessa cosa può essere applicata alle dinamiche relazionali. 

Everything in life, including relationships, requires refreshment and proper rest. Of course, you cannot be physically tired from your partner (even though it’s not completely excluded), but from time to time, couples need ‘an emotional rest’ from each other.

This will help you commit in a healthy way again and strengthen your bond. Allowing your relationship to foster and heal is one of the most important things because you can’t continue giving yourself until you recharge.

Questo vi aiuterà a stabilire un flusso naturale nella vostra relazione.  

This natural flow is supposed to feel like breathing. If your man pulls away and he feels like he’s suffocating, know that this is your relationship trying to tell you that you need to take a break and allow it to regain its natural flow. 

Dategli l'opportunità di sentire la vostra mancanza

I often say that the biggest curse of humanity is the fact that we don’t know what we have until it’s gone. It’s in our nature to take things for granted. If we don’t remind ourselves to be grateful for what we have, we’ll easily forget how valuable that is to us.

This happens every day, every second. Literally, right now, someone is taking their partner for granted because they’ve spent too much time together and there’s no initial excitement since the beginning of their relationship.

Se volete che senta la vostra mancanza e torni da voi, dovrete lasciargli lo spazio per farlo.

Imagine that if you continue texting him, calling him, or doing anything else related to chasing him, what do you think would happen? I know what would happen. He wouldn’t be able to miss you AT ALL because you’re still there.

Ricordo quando uno dei miei amici mi chiese: Quando un uomo inizia a sentire la mancanza di una donna? I didn’t think much about this question, so I told her straight away: Quando gli si dà qualcosa da perdere. 

La verità è che gli uomini si innamorano in vostra assenza e non in vostra presenza. Potreste fare di tutto per accontentarlo 24 ore su 24, 7 giorni su 7, ma questo non lo farà tornare da voi né lo motiverà a seguirvi.

Every man needs some time to process his feelings, so that he knows what exactly is going on with him. When he’s finally alone, he’ll be able to reflect on his feelings for you and your relationship. 

When a man pulls away, let him go. Right then, he will realize how much you mean to him, and he will not want to lose you. That’s exactly what you need to do! 

By giving him the opportunity to miss you, you’ll make him realize what he could lose if he doesn’t pursue you.

Also, he might think that you have already met a new guy, and that’s why you have no time to chase him. He will be motivated to prove to you that he’s better than any other man and that he’s capable of making you happy.

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

This probably sounds like a cliché, but it’s totally true. If you ask me, absence is a more important aspect than presence in relationships. Why?

Perché l'assenza aiuta ad aumentare l'attrazione che l'altra persona prova per voi. Quindi, tornerà da te se lo lasci andare? Diavolo, sì.

Tornerà perché vedrà quanto siete forti e sicure di voi, e queste qualità attraenti aumenteranno la sua attrazione per voi. 

Sarà colpito dalla vostra mossa audace e inizierà a sentire la mancanza del vostro tocco, della vostra voce, delle vostre strane abitudini e così via. Il fatto è che quando i ragazzi decidono di allontanarsi, pensano e si aspettano sempre che voi li inseguiate.

If you don’t do that, they will be confused. This confusion is what will motivate them to start questioning things, along with your affection for them.

Si sentirà esattamente così:  

What happened to this woman? I thought she likes/loves me. Why isn’t she running after me? Wait, she isn’t desperate. She’s a strong and confident woman who doesn’t waste her time on those who are not willing to stay. Damn, I have to win this woman again.

When a man feels determined to court a woman and wins her heart again, there’s nothing in the world that could stop him from doing so. But, when a man feels suffocated, there’s nothing in the world that could stop him from running.

Yup, that’s how a male’s brain works. Once he starts suffocating, it’s your female holy duty to let him go and make him realize what he had.

Prendetevi il vostro tempo

Once you let him go, don’t check your phone all the time, and don’t expect him to get back to you the same day, tomorrow, or after a few days. Truth be told, some men come back after a day or two, but such men are in the minority.

A volte possono volerci settimane, mesi e, oserei dire, anche anni prima che un uomo si renda conto di ciò che aveva e decida di seguirvi. 

No, non sarà facile lasciarlo andare. Avrete molti episodi di sovrappensiero e a volte vi verrà voglia di arrendervi e di raggiungerlo. 

Promise me one thing. No matter how difficult it is for you to endure this “let him go” stage, DON’T do anything. Take your time, distract yourself, and wait (but don’t wait forever).

Alcuni uomini hanno bisogno di più tempo per rinsavire e capire cosa vogliono. Altri uomini hanno bisogno di meno tempo per capire se vogliono seguirvi.

By taking your time, you might motivate him to react faster, so there’s no need to rush. By taking your time, you will also get an answer to the following question: How do you know if he’s the one for you? 

By giving him space, you’ll know if he’s the right man for you. If he comes back, he’s the right one for you. If he doesn’t, he isn’t. (Trust your gut feeling ).

Ricordate: non avete nulla da perdere

Quando si allontana, lasciatelo andare e ricordate che non avete nulla da perdere. Se quest'uomo vi stava lasciando per sempre, sarete felici di non aver reagito intensamente alla sua decisione di allontanarsi da voi. Risparmierete un sacco di tempo e di nervi.

Se quest'uomo aveva solo bisogno di un po' di tempo per riflettere su tutto e risolvere i suoi sentimenti, gli invierete un grande messaggio: Se lo fa di nuovo, saprà che non lo inseguirete. 

You’ll show him how mature and confident you are. Also, you will allow your relationship to heal and establish its natural flow, which is a basis for every healthy relationship.