Você desperdiçou todas as suas chances de estar comigo

I have had enough. Enough of this ‘one step forward, two steps back’ we have had going on for years. Every time I feel we are going somewhere, you finally flake out again. One moment you are close, you are all in, you reassure me that we’ll make it, that this time it’ll be different and as soon as I start to believe it, you disappear.

How can you use me like that? How can you play with my heart like it’s made of cardboard? Do you have a conscience at all? Why can’t you stay away once you leave? Can’t you see that this back and forth is killing me?

I guess you can’t see it because you only see yourself. I have to stop deluding myself that you love me, that you care for me, that I mean something to you because if I really did you wouldn’t treat me like this.

Sei que esta situação em que nos encontramos agora é parcialmente culpa minha. Continuo a dar a este amor infinitas hipóteses de ganhar vida. Continuo a dar-te oportunidades de seres o homem que eu acredito que és no fundo, de seres o homem para mim, mas tu estragaste todas essas oportunidades.

For you, it’s all a game. You are indecisive. You don’t know what you want from life. You don’t know what you want from me so you keep a enganar-me. Continuas a confiar no facto de que eu estarei aqui, independentemente do que fizeres. Eu não fiz nada para que pensasses o contrário. Não importa quantas vezes partiste, não importa quantas vezes me decepcionaste e arrastaste o meu coração pela lama, eu sempre te aceitaria de volta e te amaria como se nada tivesse acontecido.

It’s hard to let go of someone who made you feel like nobody else ever did. Tu arrebataste-me quando começámos. Fizeste-me sentir como se eu fosse a tua primeira e única. Fizeste tudo o que podias para me apaixonar por ti. E assim que viste que eu estava louca por ti, decidiste que era altura de te ires embora.

E, passado algum tempo, quiseste voltar. Querias voltar só para te poderes ir embora outra vez. It was like this enchanted circle I couldn’t get out of. Leaving and coming back wasn’t all you did to me, though—it was just a part of the equation.

Enquanto estavas fora, ias voltar para o seu ex. Inventavas desculpas esfarrapadas para teres de fazer aquilo, como se ela tivesse algum poder sobre ti, mas tu amavas-me. Tu claramente inventavas histórias. Eu queria tanto acreditar em ti que me ceguei deliberadamente para isso e fui contra o meu bom senso.

Sempre que te aceitava de volta, acabava por me arrepender. Fazias-me sentir como se fosse maior do que a vida e, passado pouco tempo, fazias-me sentir tão pequena, insignificante e sem sentido. Eu era sempre a culpada de tudo. Eu era demasiado pegajosa. Tinha demasiados ciúmes. Esperava demasiado. E apesar de tudo o que me fizeste, nunca foste o culpado. Eras sempre justo e tinhas sempre todas as respostas.

Looking back at all of it now, I can’t explain my actions. I can’t grasp the fact that I took you back after you had been with her. I can’t believe that I let you in again. I can’t believe you always found some reason to go. I can’t believe that my self-esteem was so low that at times I didn’t know that I deserved better. I was ready to be in something so destructive rather than face being alone. Rather than facing the fact that you are incapable of loving anybody but yourself.

And that’s the only truth. You have done everything for yourself. You have taken away from me as much as you could without bothering to give anything back. You took my love and used it as a weapon to defeat me. You used my feelings to manipulate me because you saw I was so helplessly attached to you.

But this time I really can’t take it anymore. I can’t waste my life on you. There will be no more chances—you blew them all. There is no more going back. I know I kept on repeating the same mistakes time and time again, expecting different outcomes. Clearly, it’s time to do everything differently.

Não haverá mais espera por milagres que nunca se tornarão realidade. There is no depth to you. You are just a pitiful excuse for a human being. And me, I am just a fool who believed in your lies. That’s why I am not giving you a chance to tell me lies anymore.

There will be no contact whatsoever, as I blocked your calls and texts. I banned you from my social media accounts and I am learning how to erase you from my heart because you don’t deserve to be there. Estou farto de te amar. It’s time I start loving myself.