Have you ever tried talking about your relationship and he would just pull back? Do you remember how awful you felt for being ignored? You kept trying to talk it out, but it just didn’t work. Well, don’t be so hard on yourself – I’ve made the same mistakes.
I would talk and talk and talk but it seemed as if my words were just hitting the wall. He wasn’t getting it, or didn’t want to get it. I was screaming into the void. It took a long time until I realized I should consider letting my actions speak for me. Silence and distance are useful ways to convey a message.
You must’ve been wondering why almost every time, men answer better to your silence and distance, than to your words. Again, you assume, is it only because we are the Venusians and they are the Martians? Most probably, it’s because men respond to acts and women like to talk.
I will give you 7 reasons why silent treatment and no contact rule are very effective tools, but they must be used wisely.
1. Shake up his confidence!
Wait, what? How come she’s suddenly so busy?
Silence is a powerful communication tool. You suddenly stopped texting him, you don’t answer his calls (or maybe just occasionally), you become silent on social media, etc.
He may need some time to notice, but when he does, question marks will pop up above his head. Becoming tight on words, you will leave a huge empty space to be filled with doubts and confusion. Trust me, when he loses confidence in how much you care, he will become desperate to regain your affection.
2. Make him start rewinding the past!
Hmm…What did I say when she told me she would love to see that movie? Did I say anything at all?
Men too analyze and rethink their actions, same as we do. When you become unavailable he starts to wonder. What has he done to make you so distant? How did he act in certain situations?
He’ll try to remember his words and your reactions, attempting to detect what is actually wrong. Recalling all those moments and going through every word you said… He will, without a doubt, realize how much he needs you.
3. Hack the routine!
What is wrong with her cell phone? Maybe I should go see her and check if she might have lost it?
Simply said: Catch me if you can! Men, same as women, always desire those who are hard to get. Or, you chase what runs away from you. This hunting instinct is more rooted in men, though.
So don’t wait, just start running, or at least make him believe you do! That way you will shift emotional dynamics and start winning the argument.
4. Make him miss you
I remember her dancing that night. She looked so hot! God, I miss her.
He took you for granted and now feels you’re slipping through his fingers. You suddenly got yourself a new dress – a magnetic shiny aura. He wants you but can’t have you. It challenges him to work harder and win back your attention.
He will start calling you more often, pay a surprise visit to your work or happen to appear at the bar where you’re having a great time with your friends. Believe me, now he’s all yours!
5. Boggle his mind
Maybe something has happened to her? There must be a reason why she’s suddenly so cold? Maybe I should’ve replied to that nighty-night text.
So many thoughts, doubts and questions – you served him a puzzle to work on. It’s so hard to put everything together.
At the same time you remain the main theme of his thoughts. He bangs his head trying to figure out what is the reason for this tremendous change in your behavior. Don’t rush him. Let him do the thinking.
6. Let him imagine losing you
She is probably seeing someone else. Oh, how stupid I was! Maybe it’s that work buddy, the sparks between them were so obvious.
His imagination becomes your friend. When you’re silent his doubts transform into vivid pictures flooding his mind. He might even imagine a scenario where he loses you.
He wasn’t thinking about this before, was he? Well now it becomes a possibility so he might start pushing really hard to smooth things out between you too.
7. Become the master of his emotions
I don’t care! She can do whatever she wants! Who am I fooling, I would do anything just to get her back!
He becomes emotional, feels powerless, lost, and has no idea what to do next. You behave strangely for unknown reasons and he becomes frustrated.
He just wants things to go back to as they were before. Not being able to understand what has happened and the fact you became so stealthy, starts hurting. Now he understands you’re not to be taken for granted and if you play your cards right, he won’t do it again!
How much is enough and what if it doesn’t work
Even if you just started, or you are in a long-term relationship, bear in mind it’s important to keep the balance in posing distance and closeness. Sometimes it’s hard to decide where the golden middle is. Usually a healthy ratio suggests having as much of your own time, as much you spend with your boyfriend.
What if he doesn’t respond to your silence and distance? Well, my dear, then he probably wasn’t so much into you and it’s a good time to move on.