I came home after a horrible day at work. A huge conflict with my manager kept me tense for hours and I could feel the steam coming out of my ears. I was hoping to throw up and release all the rage that was inside of me.
Then I saw him peacefully watching TV on the couch and became even more irritated. I spitted out some poisonous comments about him not ever loading the dishwasher or helping me in any way around the house.
He didn’t say a word, just took his jacket and went out. Later he confessed he had a one-night stand with some random woman he met at the bar.
I must say our marriage was not at its best for some time. We became estranged and had quarrels very often.
Now it was time for one serious talk as I didn’t want to lose him. One Saturday morning we talked for hours and then I became aware how we accidentally push men away without even realizing it.
To help you avoid making the same mistakes I’ll share what I was doing unconsciously that made my man disconnected and distant. So make sure to take notes if you want to keep your marriage strong and healthy.
1. I forgot about the importance of self-care
I was not aware of how my stress and negative vibes got passed onto him and our marriage.
If you’re under stress you get easily irritated and that can produce more conflicts in your marriage. When you’re okay everything around you becomes okay. Take time for yourself and work on your inner peace and happiness.
Don’t ever underestimate the power of self-care! It can have an unbelievable impact and change your relationship dynamics.
Make sure to prioritize your well-being and then you’ll be able to love and give love in a healthy way.
2. I compared him to others
I would often remind him that his coworker earns more than him because he’s more competent than my husband.
If you keep comparing him to other men, for instance, your sister’s husband or your best friend’s fiance he will get the feeling of inadequacy. That is a BIG NO.
Accept him for who he is, make him feel valued for his unique qualities and that will make your marriage a comfortable place to be in.
3. I was a control freak
I insisted on always knowing where he was, and with whom and couldn’t stand him not returning my call right away.
No one likes control freaks and micromanagers. If you behave like this it will create tension in your marriage. Give him space and let him decide for himself.
If you want to maintain a happy marriage you need to respect his autonomy.
4. I was constantly criticizing him
I would criticize him for everything he did, and I was never satisfied with him.
Giving constructive feedback is one thing, constantly criticizing is a completely different thing. If you focus only on his bad sides and habits and keep talking about them he will wonder if you like him at all.
Unknowingly, by doing this you’ll push him to another woman who’ll be able to notice and value his strengths and virtues.
If you focus on what’s good about his personality and lifestyle, you’ll create a more loving and supportive environment.
5. I assumed instead of talking to him
I assumed he was being quiet only because he was tired. Never thought he might be upset with me.
You know the saying “Assumption is the mother of all mistakes”. Well instead of assuming what he thinks or how he feels TALK to him. You’ll be surprised how effective it can be.
Ask him about everything, be interested in life outside of your marriage, and ask him “How was your day at work?”.
Also, make sure you communicate your feelings and tell him if he does something that bothers you. All conflicts should be resolved by talking about what caused them. That way you will be able to better understand each other.
6. I ignored his feelings
I was too self-centered to notice he’s been depressed for weeks. I overheard his discreet calls for help.
You’re not a good listener and you don’t pay attention to how he feels. He feels neglected and then there is this other woman who’s more attentive and caring.
Man needs you to be there for him. Stop whatever you’re doing and listen to what he has to say. Try to understand. Offer comfort. When you’re emotionally close it strengthens your connection.
7. Our marriage lacked intimacy
I guess I was too busy climbing up the corporate ladder that I couldn’t spare some time to ignite the fire in our bedroom.
Physical intimacy is the core of your marriage. You need to keep the flame burning and stay connected emotionally and physically.
If you neglect the physical aspect of your marriage it will make your man start feeling disconnected and look for connection elsewhere.
Make sure to initiate fireworks in your bedroom and give him a lustful glance from time to time.
8. I didn’t let him bloom
I couldn’t accept his wish to go to the gym twice a week. I accused him of using the gym as an excuse to flirt with other women. He said he only wanted to lose his belly fat and that I was being paranoid.
We all evolve over time, that’s natural. So make sure you leave enough space for yourself and him to grow as a person. Sometimes we push our man away because we refuse to accept change. We expect him to stay the same as he was at the beginning.
Let him pursue his aspirations and allow him to grow as a person. Don’t forget you need to grow too. All this will allow your marriage to bloom.
9. I didn’t support him
When I‘m low or in a huge dilemma I seek support. And my husband is the first person to expect support from. But somehow I forgot he also needs my support. It’s all about reciprocity, right?
That’s why your man is so disappointed when you fail to support his decisions or forget to be his rock when he finds himself at a career crossroads.
Believe in him and always celebrate every success he makes. Give him comfort when it seems some parts of his life are crashing down.
Now you understand I’m sure. Would you be with someone if he treated you like this? Of course not! Now sit down and think about your behavior. If you find yourself in any of the listed behaviors, it’s time to recalculate and navigate differently.
10. I took him for granted
I was so caught up in my daily routine that I forgot to appreciate the little things he did for me. I never said “thank you” when he made me coffee in the morning or when he fixed things around the house.
When you stop acknowledging your partner’s efforts, they start feeling invisible. Men, just like women, need to feel valued and appreciated.
A simple “thank you” or “I appreciate you” can go a long way. Never let your partner feel like he’s just an accessory in your life. Show him that you see his efforts and that they matter to you.
11. I always wanted to be right
No matter what we argued about, I just had to have the last word. I needed to prove my point, even if it meant escalating a minor disagreement into a full-blown fight.
Being in a marriage is not about winning arguments; it’s about understanding each other. If you always insist on being right, you make your partner feel unheard and disrespected.
Instead of focusing on “winning,” try to focus on finding a middle ground. It’s okay to admit when you’re wrong and let go of the need to be right all the time.
12. I stopped making an effort
At the beginning of our relationship, I used to dress up, put on makeup, and plan exciting date nights. But as time passed, I became too comfortable—I stopped making an effort to impress him.
It’s natural to relax in a marriage, but neglecting yourself completely can make your partner feel like they no longer matter.
Keep the spark alive by continuing to put in the effort. Surprise him, plan something fun, and remind him why he fell for you in the first place.
13. I made him feel like an outsider
Whenever we visited my family or hung out with my friends, I unconsciously left him out. I would engage in conversations without including him and make inside jokes that he wasn’t a part of.
No one wants to feel like an outsider in their own marriage. If your man starts feeling excluded, he will eventually stop trying to fit in.
Make sure he feels welcome and included in your social circles. Show him that he belongs and that he’s just as important to you in private as he is in public.
14. I didn’t respect his personal time
I used to feel hurt when he wanted to spend time alone or do things without me. I took it personally, as if he didn’t enjoy my company.
The truth is, everyone needs personal space—even in the healthiest relationships. Constantly demanding attention and time together can make a person feel suffocated.
Let him have his hobbies, solo time, or nights out with friends without guilt-tripping him. A little space can actually strengthen your marriage.
15. I forgot how to have fun with him
At some point, our marriage became more about responsibilities, deadlines, and stress than about enjoying each other’s company. We stopped laughing, playing, and being silly together.
Marriage should not feel like a job. If everything is serious all the time, your man will start feeling emotionally drained.
Make sure to bring back the fun. Go on spontaneous adventures, tease each other, dance in the kitchen—do whatever makes you both smile. That’s what keeps the connection alive.