After a long day at work, I pick up the kids from daycare and drive back home. We are at our doorstep, the kids rush inside. My husband stands by the door, grabs my buttocks, and wants to kiss me. By the sound of his breath, I can tell he really wants me.
Then I hear our older daughter yelling she wants milk. I hurry up to the kitchen leaving him with a disappointed face behind and thinking how I’m always putting him second.
It’s not that I want to, it just happens. I’m tired from work, the kids are always in need of something, and there are so many things to do around the house. At the end of the day, I just collapse into bed. How am I supposed to be in the mood for romance when I’m so exhausted?
I felt like we were roommates!
I used to think being a good mother is enough, he will appreciate my efforts and have understanding.
I failed to notice how our relationship changed while I was too focused on the kids. He felt neglected and withdrew from helping me with the kids. Then I was outraged, understandably, because I was doing all the parenting tasks on my own.
We fought every day and became even more distant. We stopped kissing each other or showing affection in any way. As if we were just roommates, after dinner and putting the kids to sleep, we would go to bed, turning our backs to each other.
One night I couldn’t sleep thinking how we came to this. Now that we are parents, I can feel our relationship is drifting apart.
I remember the first two years when it was only the two of us. We used to go out for dinner twice a week, to see the movies, or meet our friends for a drink. We kept holding hands, he would rub my back or comb my hair with his fingers.
We were so in love and every moment of our time spent together was so special. Now we don’t even hold hands. How did we lose the sense of each other?
It’s my best friend who opened my eyes. She told me “The kids wouldn’t be there without the hubby! He must be your priority!” Something as obvious as that was unapparent to me until that moment. Then I realized I needed to make it work and this is what I’ve done. So, I’m telling you…
You must light the candles and open a bottle of wine
Woman, the main tip for maintaining a healthy and happy family dynamic, is that you must find time for the romantic moments with your hubby! Sharing affection should be the priority!
Kids are the most precious treasure but marriage should come first. I know it may sound weird but don’t forget that you and your hubby are the foundation of the family. He was there before the kids.
Keep in mind that a good marriage is beneficial for your whole family. When the two of you are loving and respectful towards each other, you’ll create an atmosphere of warmth and security for your children and set an example for their future marriages.
Self-care might not be the first thing that comes to your mind when thinking about your relationship but it’s one of the essential steps. When you engage in activities that recharge you, you’ll be a better mom, a better wife, and even a better employee.
Also, maintain an open and honest communication. Share your feelings, and tell him your concerns and needs. Show him how things are looking in your eyes and try to understand his perspective too. When you get along well, it’s a good base for building the balance.
Share all the household duties and parenting responsibilities. If you two are the dream team then you’ll be able to spare time for your special moments. Enjoy meaningful conversations, plan activities you both enjoy, and focus on the quality of your time together.
Dedicate time at least once a week when there are only two of you. Hire a babysitter or ask your sister to watch the kids while you two go out to the movies.
Always be flexible and be ready to adjust to all the unexpected situations life throws at you. Being adaptable can be very helpful in navigating changes in priorities and schedules.
If you’re struggling with finding balance, ask for support from friends, family, or even a psychologist. An outside perspective can give you valuable insights and support.
Make sure you never become distant from your spouse and start using these tips right away. Believe me, it’s better to fix it while it’s still not fully broken.
Don’t allow your marriage to become just co-living!