I once had a friend I literally couldn’t recognize after one year. If she passed by me on the street, I wouldn’t realize it was her unless someone told me. And we’ve been friends for years!
It’s not only her appearance that suddenly changed, but also her behavior, opinions, and values she considered really important. We would talk to each other and I would think to myself, who is this person?!
And no, she didn’t go through some major change in her life or decide she wanted to be a completely different person. She just had a crazy boyfriend. Yes, you heard that right.
Love makes us do weird things. I just realized I had also lost myself completely in one relationship when I was head over heels in love.
Now when I look back, I regret many things I’ve done for him, but I’m not afraid to admit it. Figured I’d share my mistakes so at least you can learn from them.
So listen to me carefully! You should never, and I mean NEVER:
1. Change your appearance
He thinks you should lose some weight or gain a couple of pounds? If you’re happy with yourself the way you are, then don’t change for him! These are the things you should only do for yourself so you can feel good.
The same goes for everything else, from your head to your toes. He likes long, blonde hair? Then take him to the hairdresser and he can get whatever hairstyle he wants, on himself!
2. Abandon your friends
A real man knows you need to have lives outside of your relationship. Being together 24/7 is not good for anyone! If you leave all your friends, then who’ll listen to your boyfriend drama and give you free therapy sessions?
You probably know your girls longer than him. Friends are an inevitable part of our lives. They always support us and they’ve been there for us through our every relationship and heartbreak. Don’t leave them for a man you’re not even sure is the one.
3. Sacrifice your well-being
When you’re feeling good and healthy, you immediately have more energy to put into other things, like your relationship.
Your well-being should always be your number one priority and come before anything and anyone else. If you lose sanity or even physical health, then nothing else matters.
You shouldn’t feel like you’re walking on eggshells around him. Your man needs to make your life easier, and always aim to make you feel happy, safe, and satisfied.
4. Settle for less than you deserve
I think we’ve all been there – settling for some fast food place when in reality we wanted to dine in some fancy restaurant. Well, don’t do this when it comes to your partners!
Has he ever told you you’re too much to handle? If yes, the only right thing to do is let him find someone on his level. And you honey, you should shoot for the stars.
Sometimes we desperately want to be loved, so much we’re ready to give up on our standards just so we’re not alone on a Friday night. But you and I both know this isn’t the right thing to do.
5. Trade your freedom
If you were a bird, would you ever trade your freedom for a small cage? Of course not! So why would you do it for a man?
Love shouldn’t feel like a federal prison. A real man will never prevent you from living your life, exploring your passion, or doing whatever the hell you want.
The first time he tries to stop you from going out with your friends or wearing that dress you love…girl, just leave and don’t look back.
6. Allow violent and disrespectful behavior
Imagine your friend comes to you crying, saying her boyfriend raised his hand on her or even just his voice. I know you would tell her to pack her bags and leave!
I don’t think we even need to explain this, but you should never justify this behavior no matter what! This is another reason to have friends who you can call in the middle of the night if needed.
If you ever find yourself in this situation, run for your life. This is the only right decision.
7. Forget who you are
I’m definitely guilty of this. I remember myself being full of life with an adventurous spirit and ambitions through the roof before I met him. I loved him madly and he was scared of my potential, so I made myself smaller to fit into his mold.
God, I was so stupid. And the worst thing? It’s absolutely never worth the guy you’re doing this for. Always be authentic and true to yourself!
When you lose the things that make you who you are, it’s so easy to lose everything else without realizing it.
8. Leave your hobbies
Have you always loved to silence the world while you’re painting or get your frustrations out by going to the gym? Well, what changed?
Our hobbies and passions are what keep us going and bring happiness to our lives. We can’t throw everything away just because we are also committing our time to someone else.
The fact you’re in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean you have to become the same person. If he loves lazy Sundays and watching football, but you prefer to go out in nature, you do you, girl!
9. Give up on your goals
Remember your dreams before you met him? You wanted to get your degree, travel the world, and start your own business. Guess what? You can still do all you ever dreamed of!
You don’t have a child you have to dedicate 100% of your time, damn it. Although men sometimes do act like kids. But that’s a story for another time.
A real man will encourage you to pursue your passion and he’ll be happy to support all your goals even if that’s not something he would do. But your life is your life only. Do what makes you happy!
10. Silence your voice
Don’t hold back your opinions just because he might not agree with you. A healthy relationship means you can agree to disagree and still love each other.
Your opinions matter, and your feelings are valid. Never let anyone tell you something else. And if they do, well, you know what to do.
Love can be a beautiful thing when you’re with the right person who loves you exactly as you are.
That thing that bothers him and he wants you to change, someone searches for in every person they meet. There are 8 billion people in the world, trust me, you’ll find someone who will appreciate every part of you.