“I can’t promise to fix all of your problems, but I can promise you won’t face them alone.”
Sometimes, love alone is not enough to make a relationship succeed. Sometimes, there are open wounds from the past that need healing. Sometimes, there are wrong people from the wrong times trying to destroy the right ones. And sometimes, there are scars that are still aching and need someone’s help to mend them completely. You never truly know how damaged a person is until you try to love them.
While we are so used to reading about broken women, men can be broken, too. But unlike women, men tend to ignore it and hide it until it completely destroys them so that they don’t know how to express the love they are feeling or they just don’t want to admit it’s even there.
Opening up to someone after you’ve been through hell is hard, but sometimes, the broken man we fell in love is worth the fight. And here is how you can help him:
1. Give him time
This is probably one of the hardest things you have to do, giving him time when all you want to do is be with him. But if you want him to wholeheartedly be with you, you need to give him some time to heal. You need to show him that you are there for him and that you are not his ex who broke him; that you are with him because of him, not because of the things he can do for you. Sometimes the best medicine for a broken heart is time, but time in combination with love is a true winning combo!
2. Listen to him
Listen to him—not just so you can answer something, but to truly hear what he is saying. To him, opening up is like reliving those memories again. It’s like going through that hell over and over again and he is doing it so you could understand what he been through. He is doing it so you know that he can be better, that he is worth the fight after all. He just needs more time and your love. If he is opening up to you, he is already halfway there to getting better.
3. Understand that you won’t understand and give him some space
No one has lived through the same things and sometimes the hardest part of a relationship is trying to walk in someone else’s shoes. Trying to understand what is bothering our partner and then trying to fix it is what keeps the relationship going, but in this case, understand that you won’t always understand. Talking about it to him is hard and sometimes not even he can understand it, which is why you need to give both him and yourself some space to heal and move on.
Giving him and yourself some space might be crucial in helping him because there’s a high possibility that you might be overwhelmed with all the failed attempts of helping him and your relationship. Taking some time and space could be the thing that will save your man and your relationship in the end.
4. Show empathy
Sometimes, all you can do is to emphasize with him. If it’s hard for him to talk about it, don’t push him to do it—the same like you wouldn’t like him to push you into doing things you don’t want or simply can’t do. Just, be there for him and share silence with him when he needs you to.
5. Don’t try to change or fix him – he needs to do it on his own
The decision about making changes should be completely up to him. If you are doing it for him or even trying to fix him, it will only break you. If he doesn’t make that decision on his own, there is a high possibility of him resenting you or even pushing you away, simply because he is still afraid and hurting because of his ex. Relationships to him are still the scariest things in this world.
On the other hand, if he is not interested in changing himself, maybe it’s time you stopped putting effort in him. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to let go because not all people can be saved. And not everyone WANTS to be saved. No matter how much you love him, sometimes you need to love yourself more.