Dating nowadays feels almost like a minefield. You are trying to learn as many tips & tricks that will help you but you encounter different opinions every time!
It can be quite frustrating to figure out how to navigate dating and relationships when everyone seems to have some opinion today. I’ve also been confused too many times.
While one person advises you to behave a certain way, the other is saying that’s a major red flag. So who can I trust, damn it?!
Wanna know the answer? Some of the best advice is actually considered pretty controversial. And who is the better and more reliable person to talk about this if not a therapist?
That’s why I want to share with you the most unpopular (but effective) dating tips according to the therapist Jeff Guenther. He started his video with the most controversial piece of advice!
1. If it’s meant to be, sleeping with them on a first date won’t change anything
If you never heard people saying you shouldn’t sleep with someone on a first date you’ve probably been living under a rock! This became like an unwritten rule but turns out it’s complete nonsense!
Jeff says:
“A relationship is gonna happen whether or not you bang the first time you go out together. Sleep with them or don’t sleep with them, it makes no difference”
I think I agree with him. Sleeping with someone on a first date won’t ruin your chances of developing a serious relationship as many believe. In the same way, not sleeping with them will not guarantee you’ll end up having your happily ever after story.
However, not everyone agrees this is a good advice:
“Sleeping with someone on a first date has made me attach to people too quickly, in my experience.”
On the other hand, a lot of people in the comments admitted their one-night stand turned into a long-term relationship and even marriage in some cases. One woman commented:
“Slept with my partner on the 1st date and we’ve been together now almost 13 years 🥰”
So there you have it! Just know that if someone is genuinely interested in you and wants commitment, then you have nothing to worry about!
2. It’s okay to be direct and open about your needs early on
Some people think you might scare your partner away if you speak up about your needs and expectations too early. But this is actually a great way to see if they’re the right person for you.
Jeff explains:
“Being direct about your expectations allows your date to either show that they can step up or they can’t. Great data to gather right from the start!”
One woman gave this advice a go and it worked out really well:
“True! the moment I told this guy what I want, he delivers. so, I know now this is going somewhere.”
You can’t say this isn’t smart! It’s absurd to expect that someone magically knows everything we want and need, so why not say it loud and clear? If they have a problem with it, then they’re probably not a good match. So, let’s not waste each other’s time and see if we’re on the same page!
3. Let them meet your friends as soon as you want
Many say letting your date meet your friends is a serious big step you shouldn’t make if you’re not 100% sure about them.
Jeff explains why you might want to rethink that:
“Invite them around your friends as soon as you want and ask your friends if they felt like you were acting like your authentic self around them.”
One woman said her date pleasantly surprised her by inviting his friend group on their second date. She commented:
“I’m currently seeing a guy I met on Hinge and the second time we hung out, his entire friend group came! I thought it was sweet actually! It made me immediately cut off all of my other options!”
Isn’t this a really good idea? Others can sometimes see things more clearly than you can, especially if you have butterflies in your stomach. Have your friends observe the vibe and if you’re acting how you normally would to find out if they’re right for you.
4. “If they wanted to, they would” mindset is not the best
While this is a motto some people live by, others agree with the therapist that it’s just an unrealistic expectation. He thinks things are more complicated than that:
“‘If they wanted to, they would’ is too simplistic and black and white, and doesn’t allow for any nuance. Someone may really want you but not be super forward about it for a million reasons.”
It’s important to realize it takes time to build a connection and deserve someone to go above and beyond for you. You need to give people a chance to show you who they are and what they are ready to do for you.
Some people in the comments agreed with this point:
“‘If they wanted to they would’ but you’ve never told them what you want/need is soooo dumb.”
Another woman added:
“Yes! I hate that “if they wanted to they would” I get why it’s a saying. But, not always the case.”
Be honest. This insight from a therapist probably made you rethink a lot of things, right? This is just another proof that you can never go wrong with trusting your instinct and doing what your heart tells you to do!
What do you think about these opinions? Are they valid or not?