Have you ever woken up next to your partner but felt like you were miles away? You’ve been together for quite some time but something’s missing.
This is a scenario everyone dreads, but unfortunately, a lot of people recognize it and understand it a bit too well.
Relationships that were once filled with desire and strong love can sometimes turn into something completely different. I have also once felt like I was living with a stranger under the same roof and not a man I spent years with and shared everything.
A psychotherapist and relationship expert, Deborah Krevalin (@debkrevalincounseling) shed light on this topic in her TikTok and described how these relationships usually look like. If this sounds familiar, it might be time to have a serious conversation about the future with your partner.
“A day in the life of an unhappy couple”
When you’re truly in love and satisfied with your partner, each day looks like the first time you felt butterflies in your stomach. You can’t wait to open your eyes in the morning and see them, or to hear about their day when they get back from work.
You genuinely enjoy their company and never get tired of them. Every day is a new exciting adventure.
However, when people are unhappy together, things look a bit different. They lose a spark they once had and almost completely stop caring about each other. Deborah described what a day for those couples usually looks like:
“They wake up and maybe they say ‘good morning’, at best. They do their own things, they get ready for the day, and possibly the partner who leaves first says, ‘See you later, I’m leaving’, maybe ‘have a good day.’”
Some people wouldn’t assume this is problematic but issues often hide in those small things like simply not greeting or acknowledging each other.
My ex used to always show me affection in the morning, kiss me, and cuddle with me every day before he went to work. After some time had passed, he started acting exactly as she described.
Shifting from lovers to strangers
It doesn’t just end with forgetting you’re not living alone, but also a lack of communication and quality time together.
The psychotherapist also added:
“There’s no contact during the day, there’s no ‘What are we doing for dinner?’, nothing like that. You don’t know when the partner is coming home, you guys just sort of arrive when you arrive.”
When relationships come to this stage it’s clear something’s not right. Couples tend to get more distant each day and if they don’t put an end to it, they either break things off or become complete strangers, just coexisting in the same space.
Leaving isn’t always the best option, although it might be the easiest for some. If you’re ready to fight for your love, there’s nothing an honest conversation and a bit of work on your relationship can’t solve.
Deborah also mentioned that another hallmark of unhappy couples is that they don’t even spend time together even if they live under the same roof. She said:
“Then usually during the night you’re reading or watching TV, probably not in the same room, and then you go to bed and rinse and repeat. “
This is unfortunately a sad reality for a lot of couples today. While some recognize this toxic pattern and want to fix it, others simply accept their destiny and stay with their partners because they already become comfortable and don’t want to cause drama.
Of course, that can’t lead to anything good and it’s just a matter of time when things will escalate since you can only live in that environment for some time before losing your sanity. One woman said this was her reality once and it didn’t end well:
“Been there, he didn’t wanna go for a walk, a hike, out to eat, play pool, go watch a sunset. ANYTHING. I was bored, sad, and miserable.”
What’s interesting is that not all people agree this is a miserable life. Some say they live like that and don’t find anything wrong with it, while others would much rather be alone than in that kind of relationship.
I don’t think this is a healthy way to live with someone, but I guess everyone has their preferences. Maybe some people aren’t keen on affection or need more time alone because they’re introverted, so this lifestyle suits them. Who knows!
Either way, openly discussing your relationship and how would you like things to go is always a good idea. In this way, we can avoid having uncomfortable moments and making the other side feel like they’re neglected.
Every problem can be solved so don’t give up right away! Your relationship can flourish like before if you’re willing to make it work!