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Don’t say ‘I DO’ Before You’ve Done These Things Together

Don’t say ‘I DO’ Before You’ve Done These Things Together

I never thought I would get married before I met John. It’s like none of the guys were good enough or ticked all my boxes. The same questions would always repeat in my head like a broken record that never stops playing.

Is he really the one I want to raise kids with? Get wrinkles and grey hair? Do all the cheesy things you only do when you are madly in love?

“How did you know he was the one?” – I asked all of my friends when they got married in the hope I would get some guidelines to make a correct decision.

They all had different answers but it all came down to one thing – make sure you go through these things together before marriage

I gave my relationship enough time to go through all the important stages and quickly after that, I walked down the aisle! I am still happily married and now I finally know what it takes to be sure if you wanna get married to this person or not.

1. Survive the dark times

It’s all fun and games when things are perfect and go smoothly. What happens when a sudden thunderstorm appears and everything falls apart? This is a true test of your relationship, not only with your partner but friends as well!

Your partner should be like a light at the end of the tunnel, helping you find the way out. I remember the hard times I went through, the bad news I got, and hot flashes all over my body like it was yesterday. 

However, with John, everything was easier, even the worst problems didn’t seem so scary. I always wish to have him by my side when things go south.

2. Don’t run away from conflicts

Everyone shows their true colors during an argument. This is a perfect moment to realize how someone feels about you. Pay attention to how they act, the words they say, and how they make you feel.

Are they avoiding the argument or ignoring you? Do they make you feel heard and actually want to understand your point of view? Are they defensive and manipulative, making you think it’s all your fault?

You can find out a lot about the person just by seeing how they act during an argument. You better be able to resolve your conflicts, otherwise, a small fight in your marriage can lead straight to a divorce lawyer.

3. Share the same roof

Even if you can’t live together for some reason, you should at least spend a longer period together under the same roof. It’s like a cheat code to have a peek at what is most likely waiting for you for the rest of your life. 

This will help you figure out their habits and discuss them on time. It’s also a great opportunity to set the record straight when it comes to household responsibilities. If you don’t want to do everything by yourself, be like Cardi B and tell them straight: “I don’t cook, I don’t clean!”

My friend made a “three-month trial” deal with her fiancé to see how things would go once they were living together. After three months, they realized they were indeed a perfect match and got married! To be honest, I think she was onto something with this trick…

4. Explore new places together

One summer I took a big trip to Asia with my partner. It was a real pain in the neck to plan a pretty long trip to the other side of the world.

I am very organized but also start to panic when things don’t go as planned. John on the other hand is laid back and pretty spontaneous. We missed our flight on the way back and while I was anxiously trying to stay calm, he already handled everything and made sure I didn’t stress. 

Traveling before marriage can help you figure out how they handle stress and navigate challenging situations. If everything goes smoothly, congratulations, you won the lottery!

5. Make sure you are on the same page

A lot of marriages fail because people forget they need to do the most basic thing – talk. Rushing into marriage without discussing important topics never ends well.

Imagine this. You always dreamed of being a housewife with 5 kids and moving to the countryside in Europe. He on the other hand wants to stay in America in his big hometown and start a business with you without kids in sight. Do you really think this would work?

Don’t even bother thinking you can change his mind and have it your way. Would you give up on your dreams to make his dreams come true? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

6. Talk money!

My friend and her husband grew up in totally different environments. They never discussed finances before marriage. Guess what was their first big fight about?

Soon after being at the altar, she was surprised by his crazy spending habits and he realized he couldn’t be with someone who looked where every penny goes.

We all make mistakes but in this case, you don’t have to, so discuss how you plan to manage your finances and bank accounts. Make sure to also talk about expectations when it comes to your lifestyle and plans for the future.

7. Have uncomfortable conversations

The advice I always give to everyone is to know the person you are marrying inside and out, the good and the bad.

Make some time to honestly talk about your past, childhood, family issues, or any trauma you might have. These are tricky topics but after these conversations, you will be able to understand your partner much better

Talk about your boundaries and triggers, your values and dreams. Don’t limit yourself, the topics are countless and will help you immensely in building a strong bond.

Saying ‘yes’ to your forever partner can sound intimidating especially when you’re not sure if you are making the right decision. However, going through these life experiences together will help you know if they are the one.

As long as you hide in your comfort zone and aren’t open about everything, you probably aren’t ready for the next big step. So take your time, buckle up, and enjoy the trip!